Worrying

“Worrying is time well spent ” said no one. Ever!

Recall an event that you wasted time worrying about.  Perhaps you worried so much, that you were snappy and irritable with your friends or family. Maybe you spent nights unable to fall asleep or once asleep, couldn’t stay asleep and kept waking. You may even have run through every possible negative scenario, (i.e. catastrophising) about the event and examined all the ways in which disaster could strike!

Back to reality now!  Did any of that worry change anything about the event?  Even though you worried, you had zero control over what took place. Worrying did not determine or govern the outcome.

For one minute, imagine that you know exactly what lies ahead in life, that you know what is going to happen and when. Ask yourself whether it is possible to be certain about everything in life.  Being 100% certain about life would mean that you know what results we will get in exams, or whether we will succeed in a new job or in a relationship. We would know whether Tipp or KK will win the All-Ireland Hurling Final 2019.  We would also know when we and our loved ones are going to die.

So, instead of worrying, perhaps it might be time to take a different approach and use your time more wisely by learning to accept uncertainty.

When we worry, we often over-exaggerate the likelihood of something going wrong.  However, challenging our irrational thoughts about uncertainty can help. In my experience, it’s the uncertainty that we don’t like, it doesn’t sit well with us. We want to know what’s going to happen, sometimes because we think we can be prepared.

The next time you are worrying, ask yourself:

What exactly am I bothered about?

Is it probable, likely or guaranteed?

Is this a feeling or is this a fact?

Is this my imagination?

If I can start a sentence with “what if…” the likelihood is that this is my amazing imagination!

People tell me that being prepared for every eventuality can seem useful and give a sense of security and I question whether this is true. 

If you think like this, it might be an idea to take out a pen and sheet of paper and challenge your belief that we need to or have to worry and answer the following questions:

· Can I be certain about my future?

· Are there advantages to being certain about everything? 

· Are there disadvantages to wanting certainty of outcome?

· Why do I need to have certainty about the future?

· Do I predict that bad things will happen because they are uncertain?

· What is the likelihood that my predictions will come true?  

· Can I live with uncertainty? (Nothing in life is certain except death).

So rather than worry about the uncertainty of the future, perhaps you might instead try to focus on your breath and breathing as outlined here. Get up and move to a different location in your house or at work – this can help to reset your mind.  Pay close attention and listen to the sounds around you. What can you hear? What are the sensations in your body? Can you feel your feet in your shoes?  Can you wriggle your toes?  Grounding yourself in the here and now can be helpful when you are prone to succumbing to worrying about (potential) future events. Check out the 54321 grounding technique here .

We all worry but for some of us it can be problematic at various times throughout our lives.  Talking therapies and cognitive behavioural therapy – CBT – can help you challenge unhelpful or negative thoughts. Don’t be afraid to ask for help to tackle your worry. 

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