Worry

How To Tackle Worry

September brings change and change can bring worry.  Worrying is part of our lives but for many, worry can dominate thoughts and interfere with daily life. I have heard people say, “I’d worry if I didn’t have something to worry about!”

Worrying does not prepare us for every eventuality. Life is unpredictable. Even though we worry about the future, it does not prepare us for the worst-case scenario should it happen. Worrying neither prevents problems nor offers solutions.

Worry robs us of joy and can drive anxieties. We rarely think, “what if it all works out well”. Worrying can become a habit. The good news is that most habits can be broken. If we spent years worrying, it is unlikely we will stop overnight but we can positively improve our worrying by undertaking the following steps:

Limit the time you allow yourself to worry. Set aside a specific 30-minute appointment (with yourself) and designate it as your “worry time”. Perhaps 30 mins per day to start while working towards 30 minutes once per week. The objective is not to ignore, avoid or suppress worries but to learn how to contain the worrying so it does not take over every facet of the day or of life.

Postpone. Rather than trying to stop a worry, acknowledge it but delay dwelling on it for another time.

Journal or keep notes in your phone and record your worries. This may appear time-consuming particularly initially but there may be repeated worries or the same worry in different guises! While noting a worry, remind and reassure yourself that you do not have to sort it out immediately, all worries will be dealt with in the allocated “worry time”.

Worrying and problem-solving are vastly different. While we are worrying, we may feel less anxious. While we are worrying we may feel proactive. Worrying gives us the illusion that we are accomplishing something. Constant or persistent worrying can prevent us from feeling while we stay caught up in our minds, we don’t pay attention to what’s going on in our bodies. When it comes to the ‘worry time’ take out your list of worries and go through them. Ask yourself whether the worry is outside or within your control? If within, start problem-solving. List every possible solution regardless of how simplistic. Focus on the most appropriate solution. Put a plan of action into place. If the worry is outside your control or not solvable, learn to accept uncertainty.

This suggestion is tough. Rather than thinking “what if” scenarios, imagine the worst-case scenario. Picture the thing you fear as vividly as you can. Sit with the uncomfortable feelings it raises for a few minutes. Repeat this say every day until the discomfort lessens. Allowing yourself time to feel discomfort over time lessens the fear as you learn to face what was previously unimaginable.  Doing this step with someone you trust such as a therapist is ideal.

When we worry, we have worried thoughts. Pay attention to your worried thoughts. Are they facts or opinion, belief or definite? Do you have evidence to support the thought or to dispel it? What is the likelihood of the worry becoming a reality? How would you cope if it did happen? How would you help a friend with similar worried thoughts? Reassure yourself that we do not have to worry all the time and if we find that we are, what purpose is it serving?

Pay attention to what you feel in your body. What are your emotions. What sensations do you experience? Learn how to relax your body and your mind. Give yourself a break. Self-care is not self-indulgent, it is vital.

We live with uncertainty. We always have. Perhaps now is a good time to treat yourself as you would a dear friend and be self-kind.

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