Why go for therapy?

Why go for therapy?

Because we want to face the future with a more positive outlook or try to get a handle on what is bothering us or perhaps our flaws and failings have been pointed out to us by family members and we want to make progress or changes in our lives.

Counselling and psychotherapy are of benefit for anyone who wants support at a time of crisis, or if someone is feeling unhappy and hopes for change or for reasons of personal development or to gain insight.

Discussing a worry or an issue with a friend or family member is remarkably beneficial and I always encourage people to talk and keep talking! If we keep a worry locked within our minds, that worry can grow and continue to grow and may eventually become overwhelming. We all have worries, anxieties, fears and doubts.

Life is not fair and some people experience more than their fair share of upset and trauma. Talking is beneficial but there are several reasons why we may not want to discuss our fears or difficulties with someone we know.

Why We Do Not Talk About Our Problems

We might feel embarrassed or that our worry is silly. We may never share any personal information or talk about ourselves so disclosure may be alien to us. We might feel that we are overburdening others or talking about the same thing time after time. Perhaps we are the ‘go-to person’ the one who provides support to everyone else when they are in need of a listening ear and we do not want to appear compromised. We might not have someone with whom we can speak openly because not everyone has friends or family and indeed not everyone talks openly. There are several reasons why we keep our problems and worries to ourselves.

Confidentiality can be a deterrent to speaking openly. How many times have we all heard “I’m sworn to secrecy and I shouldn’t tell anyone but….” Or “Guess what I’ve just heard….” Or “I don’t like talking about people but…” We know that when we confide in someone we are never guaranteed they will keep the content of that conversation to themselves.

Talking Therapies Help

If you have something on your mind, talking to a professionally trained and competent counsellor/psychotherapist can help especially when you know that what you say in therapy is private and you will not be judged. If you had something physically bothering you, you would talk to the relevant expert e.g. optician, chiropodist, physiotherapist etc. I understand that making the decision to go for counselling/psychotherapy can be difficult.  In fact, deciding to go for therapy often means that you have taken the first step on the road to resolving your current difficulty. Talking therapy provides you with an opportunity to speak with a trained professional, who can provide support, a fresh outlook and new perspective.

We can become slaves to our thoughts and fears. What might start as a little niggling self-doubt may grow until we are no longer comfortable in social situations and we question what others think of what we say or of how we look. We may think we are under/over-weight but in reality we look perfect the way we are. By the way, I am not a nutritionist but I do know that it is better to be overweight and fit rather than thin and unfit.

Sometimes in life we take up mind-reading as a hobby and in my experience, mind-reading is not positive because rarely do we think other people view us as attractive and intelligent and interesting etc.!

The decision to attend therapy can be tough and it may take some time to make. Bear in mind that counsellors and psychotherapists are professionally trained to listen with empathy. We help you deal with negative thoughts or feelings, to resolve difficulties or recover following trauma. You might be trying to come to terms with some news, a bereavement, a health diagnosis or you might be feeling a bit ‘stuck’ and uncertain of what is next for you in life. Perhaps you want to learn more about what makes you tick or become more confident and self-assured. Whatever the reason, it is important to know that in therapy you will not be judged.

People often say to me that their problem “is silly” or “it’s only a little thing” but if something is bothering you it is certainly not silly. In therapy, you are helped to find your own solutions and ways to come to terms with an issue.

What Issues Do People Bring To Therapy?

In short EVERYTHING. Difficulties that come up in therapy include anxiety, parenting, anger, relationships, sexuality, employment, bullying, abortion, abuse, communication, adolescent experiences, self-esteem, depression, loneliness, addiction, worry, bereavement, fertility, phobias etc. however, even this list is not exhaustive. We are each unique and our lives differ – what bothers me may not worry the next person and that’s true for each of us.

What Should I Expect If I Go For Therapy?

Therapy provides a private and confidential environment for you to talk about and examine your feelings and thoughts. Therapy moves at your pace. I do not try to make people cry or ask you to lie down on a couch – these are common misconceptions about psychotherapy. People do cry in therapy because they feel comfortable enough to cry or because they are recounting emotional events. I do not force anyone to discuss anything they do not want to discuss.

In therapy, you sit on a chair in a room with me and we talk. I ask some questions and you ask questions too. Therapy is a great place to test how to say something or practice being assertive for example. A therapy hour is usually 50 minutes but I always say to allow one hour.

I provide support, respect opinions and help you understanding what is going on for you – I help you get perspective and insight and together we try to identify ways for you to reach goals and solutions. Over a number of sessions, or perhaps after only one or two, you recognise what you want to achieve.

Will A Counsellor or Psychotherapist Give Me Advice?

No. I do not offer advice such as “I’d leave that relationship if I were you” because the purpose of therapy is to help you to make your own decisions and come to your own conclusions. Therapists may offer pointers such as “have you thought of X or Y?” Such suggestions are drawn from training and from experience of what has helped others.

Does Therapy Work For Everybody?

Therapy will not work for everyone but it offers some help to the majority, therefore it is at least worth a try. Therapy provides a fresh perspective and new coping skills. You may not ‘click’ with the very first therapist you meet but when you find a therapist that you are comfortable with it is a wonderful support to have. An ally, someone that you can bounce your ideas off and where you can say what you want and be heard without judgement.

As Mark Twain wrote, “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain”.

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