One of the most powerful things a parent or carer can do is this:
When your child comes to talk, stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention.
Whether they’re four, fourteen, or nearly an adult, these unscheduled moments matter more than we realise. They may not come often, and they rarely come at a “convenient” time. When a child or teenager chooses to talk, they’re reaching out for connection and that’s something to notice, honour and respond to very carefully and attentively.
Children and teens open up when they feel ready, not necessarily when adults are prepared. You might be replying to an email, cooking dinner, or getting ready for bed when your child suddenly begins to talk.
What they say may seem trivial like a passing comment about school, a casual joke, or a vague complaint. But beneath those words is often something deeper such as a bid for connection and trust.
If their approach is repeatedly met with “not now” or “in a minute,” that can teach children not to bother trying at all and they’ll keep whatever it is they wanted to say, to themselves.
Being emotionally available doesn’t require grand gestures. The impact lies in your presence. Here’s how to make space when your child or teenager initiates conversation:
Pause what you’re doing, even briefly, and make eye contact. Put away your phone or close the laptop. Soften your tone: “I’m listening to you”
If you really can’t stop, say something like – “This seems important. Can I give you my full attention in five minutes? I’ll come find you.” And then you must follow through. This builds safety, trust and the understanding that what they say matters.
Adolescents, in particular, tend to open up in indirect or low-pressure moments:
When you’re driving or you are making tea or eating. They might approach you just before you go to bed and you’re tired. Your child will often appear and come to you when you’re least expecting it
They may avoid eye contact or seem casual and that’s often by design. If they begin to talk, don’t miss the window. Stay silent, don’t rush in to pre-empt or ask questions, give them time to think.
In family life and in clinical settings, we often talk about “quality time.” But real emotional connection, especially with teens, doesn’t happen on a schedule. It happens in spontaneous, ordinary moments — and only when children feel safe to speak.
Being emotionally available in these everyday interactions is one of the most effective ways to:
Build your child’s resilience
Strengthen parent-child relationships
Support your child’s emotional regulation and wellbeing
If your child or teenager comes to you, stop what you’re doing and be present. Put down everything! Not because the topic is urgent but because they chose you. That choice is powerful. That choice is a gift.
For an article on why teens pull away, read here.
If you’d like to learn more about supporting communication in families, or if you’re interested in talks, workshops, or staff talks or workships on adolescent development and mental health, please contact me Caroline Crotty.
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited - 636306 - Suite 7, Block A, South Terrace Medical Centre, Infirmary Road, Cork T12 WF40
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