Adolescents pulling away from their parents is normal but that doesn’t make it easy. If your teenager rolls their eyes, withdraws behind headphones, or dismisses you with a “whatevverrrrrr” it’s so tempting to retreat or to react! But now is not the time to give up.
Teenagers can push adults away but they still need you. In fact, this stage of development depends on adults staying calm, present and trying to stay connected even when that connection isn’t reciprocated in obvious ways.
Adolescence is a time of identity formation, emotional exploration, and neurological development. According to psychological and neuroscientific research, teenagers are:
They may stop engaging in conversation, reject affection, or challenge rules. These behaviours are developmentally appropriate. They do not mean the relationship is broken, they mean your child is growing.
Here’s how to stay connected even when it feels like your child wants nothing more to do with you:
Teenagers are still learning how to manage emotions. Sarcasm, withdrawal, or rudeness often come from discomfort (not dislike).
You are the adult! You’re the steady anchor.
They might say “You’re so weird” but keep your tone grounded and respectful. You’re modelling what emotional regulation looks like.
Instead of pushing for answers or forcing conversation, make yourself available without pressure. Offer short reflections, not rapid-fire questions. Stop being the Spanish Inquisition!
Try this: “I’m around if you want to talk.” Or, “I know you might not feel like chatting but I’d still love to hear how your day was.”
Connection doesn’t always come through words. Cook together. Walk the dog. Let music or shared shows become moments of relational closeness without high emotional demand.
Let your teen feel some control but don’t abdicate your role. Hold your boundaries with calm consistency. Adolescents feel safer when the adults in their life stay firm and fair.
As a parent, it’s not your job to be liked all the time.
It’s your job to be there.
Even when they roll their eyes, even when they seem uninterested and disengaged, your ongoing presence tells them:
“You are loved, even when you’re distant. I won’t disappear just because you’re pulling away.”
Adolescence is temporary. Your relationship can strengthen over time but only if you stay in it.
See other how important it is to stop whatever you’e doing when your child comes to you read this
If you’d like to learn more about supporting communication in families, or if you’re interested in talks, workshops, or staff training on adolescent development and mental health, please contact me Caroline Crotty Cork Psychotherapy here.
One of the most powerful things a parent or carer can do is this:
When your child comes to talk, stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention.
Whether they’re four, fourteen, or nearly an adult, these unscheduled moments matter more than we realise. They may not come often, and they rarely come at a “convenient” time. When a child or teenager chooses to talk, they’re reaching out for connection and that’s something to notice, honour and respond to very carefully and attentively.
Children and teens open up when they feel ready, not necessarily when adults are prepared. You might be replying to an email, cooking dinner, or getting ready for bed when your child suddenly begins to talk.
What they say may seem trivial like a passing comment about school, a casual joke, or a vague complaint. But beneath those words is often something deeper such as a bid for connection and trust.
If their approach is repeatedly met with “not now” or “in a minute,” that can teach children not to bother trying at all and they’ll keep whatever it is they wanted to say, to themselves.
Being emotionally available doesn’t require grand gestures. The impact lies in your presence. Here’s how to make space when your child or teenager initiates conversation:
Pause what you’re doing, even briefly, and make eye contact. Put away your phone or close the laptop. Soften your tone: “I’m listening to you”
If you really can’t stop, say something like – “This seems important. Can I give you my full attention in five minutes? I’ll come find you.” And then you must follow through. This builds safety, trust and the understanding that what they say matters.
Adolescents, in particular, tend to open up in indirect or low-pressure moments:
When you’re driving or you are making tea or eating. They might approach you just before you go to bed and you’re tired. Your child will often appear and come to you when you’re least expecting it
They may avoid eye contact or seem casual and that’s often by design. If they begin to talk, don’t miss the window. Stay silent, don’t rush in to pre-empt or ask questions, give them time to think.
In family life and in clinical settings, we often talk about “quality time.” But real emotional connection, especially with teens, doesn’t happen on a schedule. It happens in spontaneous, ordinary moments — and only when children feel safe to speak.
Being emotionally available in these everyday interactions is one of the most effective ways to:
Build your child’s resilience
Strengthen parent-child relationships
Support your child’s emotional regulation and wellbeing
If your child or teenager comes to you, stop what you’re doing and be present. Put down everything! Not because the topic is urgent but because they chose you. That choice is powerful. That choice is a gift.
For an article on why teens pull away, read here.
If you’d like to learn more about supporting communication in families, or if you’re interested in talks, workshops, or staff talks or workships on adolescent development and mental health, please contact me Caroline Crotty.
One of the most challenging experiences as the parent of adolescents is feeling that they’re pushing you away, especially when you’re trying to connect, support or spend time together. Whether it’s silence, sarcasm, eye-rolls or a blunt “Leave me alone”, these moments can often feel like rejection for a parent.
It’s normal to feel hurt, but it’s vital not to take this personally and not to retreat or react.
Pushing away is often a developmental need, not a rejection of your love. Adolescents are navigating a critical stage of brain and identity development. Their role is to separate from you, at least partly, to discover who they are as emerging adults.
Adolescents push for autonomy, which may be seen as:
Dismissing your questions
Preferring friends or screens over family
Mocking your expressions of care (“No one else’s mum says that!”)
Avoiding eye contact or affection
But beneath it all, they still need and want you (but on their terms).
Don’t stop showing up just because your efforts aren’t met with enthusiasm. Continue to:
They may not react or acknowledge, but they’ll register your consistency.
Avoid phrases like “Why won’t you talk to me?” or “You used to tell me everything”, and instead, simply allow your teenager to have space. Teens often talk sideways, like in the car, late at night or through a passing comment. Be ready, remain available, but without pushing. Do not react. Just listen, take it in, mentally press pause and stay calm.
Reacting emotionally to their distance can escalate the disconnection. Keep your responses grounded: “I understand that you want space, and that’s okay. I’m still here for whenever you need me.” This models emotional regulation and sets the tone for safe re-connection.
Connection with teens isn’t about daily deep chats. It’s about building trust over time. Think of your relationship as a long-term investment. Each small, respectful gesture adds value, even if you don’t see the return immediately.
By not giving up, even when they pull away, your message to your child is “You’re allowed to grow and change. You don’t have to pretend to be okay, and I’ll always be here no matter what.”
As a parent, feeling like you’re being pushed away is painful. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that love is lost. Often, it means your child is doing the hard work of becoming themselves. Your child is not you. They are themselves. Your job is to remain steady, open and available even when the door seems closed to them right now.
Because they’re still listening. Still watching and still need you more than they know.
Your presence matters.
If you’d like help navigating parenting challenges or would like to know more about family therapy or teen emotional development, please get in touch. I’d be delighted to support you.
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