Back To School Anxiety

Back to School Anxiety

Primary, secondary and third level institutions are all-systems-go at this time of year and it can be an emotional time for parents, children and for educators who also experience back-to-school anxiety.

You might feel lonely that your youngest is starting school or it may seem like only yesterday when it was your child’s first day at school and now he/she’s leaving home to start a third level course.

For some parents, a child starting school is super exciting, while it can be heart-breaking for other parents. Feeling anxious about the start of school term is to be expected because it is a big change. Whatever is happening in your household right now, stay focused and remain relaxed!

It is normal for your child (regardless of age) to have worries and concerns about school. Fears can vary from “which teacher?”; “where will I sit?”; “what if the bus doesn’t stop?”; “what if my friends aren’t my friends anymore?”; “maybe I won’t fit in”; “what if I don’t know what to say”……the list goes on.

Helpful tips

Ensure you have some one-to-one time with each of your children every day and at least every week go for a walk or play some music together or take a spin in the car or chat while doing a chore together etc.

Chat with your child(ren). Your message is always “I’m here to listen” and “I am your ally” so your child(ren) can approach you with worries and will be assured that together you will devise a plan of action to tackle their fears head-on.

Listen to the small things so your child knows you will be there for the big things as they age and worries change.

Encourage your child to share their feelings with you or their other parent / responsible adult. Explain that changes associated with returning/starting school can be difficult, that worries are okay and that it is beneficial to talk about them.

When your child is anxious, it may be easy to become stressed. The more grounded you are the better. It is comforting for your child to see that you are relaxed about a situation particularly when your child is anxious about it. Your child is looking to you for comfort and reassurance, if you react it may send the wrong message to your child and they may panic even more.

When your child comes to you and says they are worried about something, please be careful not to dismiss their worries or undermine their fears. Do not say “don’t worry” or “everyone feels like that”. Instead, chat about what course of action your child can take to help alleviate the worry. Encourage your child to work through the anxiety and to problem-solve. Try to empathise by saying “I see that you’re worried about this”.

Don’t dismiss fears as silly or say “that’s nothing“. When your child comes to you stop whatever you’re doing and listen carefully – show that you are interested in finding a solution. Listening to your child means that you allow them time to speak and time to think about what they want to tell you – don’t jump in too fast or finish sentences! Take time, listen and reflect back what you hear so your child knows you are paying close attention and that what they tell you is important to you.

Don’t break your child’s confidence by discussing their worries behind their back and making fun of them – they won’t confide in you again if they discover that you’re not trustworthy!

Encourage your child to be solutions-focused “what helps you feel relaxed?” or “what can you do that might help you feel better?”

Encourage your child to think about the nice things that happened during the day to gear their attention away from anxious thoughts particularly at night time. A nice way to finish the day is to ask your child, when saying good night, “what’s the best thing that happened today?” or “what was your favourite part of today?”

Praise. Praise. Praise. Every time your child handles a tricky situation and manages their anxiety give plenty praise. Be encouraging. As a parent you can’t always fix everything or be around to offer constant reassurance, but you can give your child the confidence to believe in their own abilities to overcome worries and concerns.

Think about how you behave when you are tired and hungry – we as adults are easily irritated. Your child may be irritable because of hunger or tiredness. It is important to have a good back-to-school routine for sleep and for meals. Watch portion sizes. Don’t reward your child(ren) with food items, instead reward with a trip to the playground or a comic or art materials. Stick to your screen time schedule (i.e. set limits to the amount of time, no screens in the bedroom or at the meal table). So very many children head to bed but not to sleep and school work and concentration suffer as a result of being on line into the small hours.

To recap, chat with your child, stay grounded, be and encourage your child to be solutions-focused, encourage and praise and stick to the back-to-school routine for sleep, food and screen-time!