The Comparison Trap: Why Comparisons Never Work and How to Break Free
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Whether scrolling through social media or watching people around us, comparisons can easily and quickly pop into our minds and leave us feeling inadequate and unhappy.
Comparing ourselves to anyone doesn’t work. It’s unfair and inaccurate because others don’t live our lives and have our experiences, thoughts, gifts or challenges. Others aren’t us – I am not you.
STOP comparing yourself to anyone. The ‘Comparison Trap’ undermines self-esteem, fuels anxiety, and distracts us from our lives and goals. When we compare ourselves to others, we highlight our perceived shortcomings and focus only on what we think we lack, diminishing our self-worth and preventing us from appreciating our unique strengths and talents.
The pressure to measure up to others’ achievements or lifestyles creates dissatisfaction and stress. That anxiety can become overwhelming, especially when comparing yourself to unrealistic standards like people in airbrushed photos on social media with perfectly shiny lives!
Comparisons can push us to pursue goals that don’t align with our true desires or values. Instead of following our life path, we might strive to meet external expectations, leading to deep dissatisfaction. Fortunately, there are ways to break free from the habit of comparison.
What Helps?
Recognise Your Triggers: Pay attention to when and why you compare yourself to others. Is it certain situations, environments, or people that trigger comparisons? Understanding what drives you can help you manage these triggers.
Curate Social Media: Social media often presents an idealised version of life. Consider curating your feed to follow accounts that inspire positivity and set boundaries to protect your mental health.
Focus on Achievements: Regularly remind yourself of your accomplishments and unique qualities. Keeping a gratitude journal or celebrating small wins can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.
Set Personal Goals: Set goals that align with your values and track your progress, focusing on your ambitions rather than others’ milestones.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone’s life is different, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Life is messy. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend, and challenge negative thoughts whenever they arise.
Find Inspiration in Others: Instead of comparing yourself to others, view them as sources of inspiration. Celebrate your life and the lessons you’ve learned.
Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. Limit exposure to negative influences that trigger comparisons, and engage with people who appreciate you for who you are.
Engage in Enjoyable Activities: Spend time doing things you love. This can boost your self-esteem and reduce the urge to compare.
Seek Professional Help: Consider speaking with a therapist to develop healthier thought patterns and learn how to be more gentle, compassionate and kinder to yourself.
Comparing yourself to others is a natural tendency, but by practising self-awareness, setting personal goals, and embracing your uniqueness, you can break free from the Comparison Trap and focus on what really matters – you.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
We all have a limit. In my experience, we can be pushed to that limit emotionally when life’s challenges start to pile up (rather like bricks in Jenga) when issues or challenges pile up, one on top of the other.
Life is messy, cruel and unfair. Terrible things happen to lovely people, but when we don’t tackle our problems as they arrive and if we keep them secret, it can lead to feeling worse in the long run. Try talking about whatever is on your mind with someone you trust in confidence. When we prioritise our mental health all the time, then we potentially avert challenges in the long run.
Ensuring that we safeguard our mental health is as important as looking after our physical health. Whether we are dealing with stress, anxiety, depression or feeling tired and flat emotionally, there are strategies we can use to improve how we feel.
Some evidence-based approaches to help cope with difficult times are:
In conclusion, there are many evidence-based strategies that can help improve mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness, exercise regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, connecting with others, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-care are effective ways to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression and to improve your mood generally. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it is important to seek professional help from a qualified mental health professional.
Help is at hand – here are some mental health supports (27.02.2024)
www.carolinecrotty.ie
How to reduce stress and anxiety
Stress and anxiety are human experiences. They cannot be avoided, however, they can significantly impact our well-being. Fortunately, there are evidence-backed techniques to effectively cope with stress and anxiety, empowering you to take control of your emotional and mental health.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a powerful technique that involves focusing our attention on the present moment, maintaining an awareness of thoughts, feelings and environment through a compassionate and accepting lens. Originating in Buddhist meditation, secular mindfulness practice is now mainstream. Numerous studies demonstrate its effectiveness in reducing stress and anxiety. By cultivating mindfulness, we can develop an increased awareness of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond to stressors more clearly and calmly. We might begin by paying attention to whatever’s around us by looking at the sky, or the colours of leaves, feeling our feet on the ground while we feel our breath – that’s being present and mindful, and we can do it where ever/whenever.
Physical Exercise
This is a game-changer. Do not stop because you are ageing – do even more for as long as your body allows! Engaging in regular physical exercise is not only beneficial for our physical health but has positive effects on our mental well-being. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosting chemicals in the brain. It also reduces stress hormones and improves sleep, all of which contribute to a decrease in stress and anxiety levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most weekdays.
A Healthy Lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle plays a crucial role in managing stress and anxiety. Ensure to get enough sleep. Prioritise eating a balanced diet with nutrient-rich foods. Limit the intake of caffeine and alcohol, which can contribute to anxiety symptoms. Hydrate with water. Additionally, practising good time management and setting realistic goals can reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress.
Supportive Network
Social support is essential in coping with stress and anxiety. Cultivate strong relationships with friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy, and encouragement. Research suggests that having a reliable support network can buffer the adverse effects of stress and enhance our overall well-being. Join a group if you feel isolated Phone the Samaritans any time, day or night on 116123 (no charge from mobile or landline).
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a well-established, evidence-based approach to managing stress and anxiety. CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Reframing our perceptions and beliefs can reduce anxiety and improve our ability to cope with stressors.
Courses can be found at: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself
Self-Care
Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for stress management. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Setting aside regular periods for self-care helps replenish our energy, promotes emotional well-being, and reduces the impact of stressors. There are some self-care tips here.
Finally, reducing stress and anxiety is possible through evidence-based strategies. We can take proactive steps towards improving our mental well-being by incorporating mindfulness, exercise, healthy lifestyle choices, social support, cognitive-behavioural techniques, and self-care activities into our daily routines. It is vital to tailor these to your individual/specific needs (cut your cloth according to your measure) and consult a mental health professional if you require additional support.
September marks the beginning of autumn. It brings with it new beginnings. Perhaps your child is starting nursery or primary school. Maybe your adolescent is moving away to attend university or starting a new job having finished school. There may be a heavy financial burden with childminding, uniforms, books or education fees. September is a time of significant change. With change, comes stress.
Here are some reminders of what you already know that you can put into place to help you (and to help your worried child).
Adults and children worry. Children pick up on how their parents are feeling, so try to remain calm and speak calmly with your children. Don’t put your worries on to your children.
If you have a worried child, please let them know that you understand something is going on for them. Encourage them to chat with you about whatever is on their mind. Be sensitive to their needs. Give them your undivided attention if they are speaking with you. Ask how they are feeling about whatever is going on. (Do not ask ‘are you stressed about returning to school?’ as it’s too leading). Listen to their response. It might not be what you expect. Resist the temptation to swoop in and make everything okay and fix the issue. Instead, allow your child to voice their concerns without interruption. Talking through fears is beneficial (depending on age). Be reassuring. Validate worries and feelings. Explain that you understand. Thank them for telling you. Ask them what you can do to help. Ask them what they can do to help themselves which gives children a sense of control and fosters solutions-focused thinking.
Well-intentioned parents might allow their child to avoid school if they don’t want to go. However, avoiding school will not help your child. School refusal will not be improved by avoiding the source of stress (i.e. school). Get your child into school, even if it just for the classes until first break. Be firm but encouraging despite your own feelings. Consistently attending school will eventually settle your child’s upset.
Give praise for confiding in you and doing their best. Ask if they want to hear your suggestions. Return to school nerves are usually temporary. Be consistent in your message that there is a solution for every problem or that we can work towards acceptance following trauma.
How you help your child is how you can help yourself. Model positive coping skills and a positive outlook. There are several facets to minding our health and staying healthy such as eating well, exercising, getting sufficient sleep, and taking time out. There are five steps to improving emotional health and wellbeing that are true for adults and children: Connecting, Learning, Giving, Activity, and Focusing!
You are your child’s role model. Model the behaviour you want to see in your child.
Connecting can help us feel more satisfied with life as it provides a sense of belonging – visiting a neighbour, walking with someone, joining a volunteering group etc. Being with others affords us an opportunity to express ourselves and we connect by listening, so it’s win/win. When our social circle is tiny (or non-existent) September might be the best time to become involved in something locally!
Giving to others helps us feel more positive and provides a sense of purpose. Giving promotes connecting. Bake a cake, offer to teach someone how to do something or give thanks by sending a text/card/email.
Learning new things can boost our self-esteem and optimism. Learning does not have to be academic – learn how to draw, paint, sing or play ukulele.
Activity benefits physical and emotional wellbeing. Physical activity changes the chemicals in our brains and can improve our self-esteem.
Focusing attention on thoughts, feelings and physical sensations can improve our mood. Having something to look forward to and focusing on deep breathing are beneficial!
Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.
Anyone who regularly reads anything I write knows that I recommend learning how to control our breath and breathing! I even go so far as to suggest that when you learn that skill, it is life-changing.
Our typical, everyday breathing takes place without us ever having to pay attention to it, it happens automatically rather like our heart beating or our pupil size changing. Breathing might be something we do not pay attention to or think about. However, it is possible to bring our conscious attention or focus to our breath and to slow it down. This in turn, positively impacts our heart rate.
Diaphragmatic breathing is something we hear about but might not fully understand. A diaphragm (pronounced dye-ah-fram) is the dome-shaped muscle involved in breathing and other bodily processes (from posture to vomiting)! Several nerves pass through the diaphragm so what happens with our diaphragm can be experienced elsewhere including in our brains.
We know our breathing is affected by our thoughts, emotions, behaviours and by stress. When we are stressed or get a fright, our breathing changes and our pupils dilate. Our bodies react to the stressor, our neurons are activated and our bodies react. That fight / flight response is left-over from our predecessors when predators were a reality. Predators are not a concern for us now! Whether it is getting an injection or giving a presentation or there’s an approaching tiger – our neurons fire in the same way as they did for our hunter-gatherer ancestors sending a plethora of chemicals and hormones into our system.
Nowadays, to cope when stressed, we might be tempted to eat high carbohydrate foods or consume food in general but this is not the most appropriate solution – having something that we could do in the moment is a more helpful stress-reducing tool!
BREATHING! Breathing is the way forward – it’s a stress-busting technique that we can do any time, anywhere and no one needs to know we are doing it!
Andrew Huberman, Neurobiologist at Stanford University is working to try to figure out breathing patterns and stress. He and his team of researchers examined the benefits of what they refer to as physiological sighs.
Remember when you were young and cried so hard that you did a double-intake of breath in the aftermath of the crying (or maybe even while crying)? That’s a stress relieving technique and we didn’t even know! Dogs often do it when sleeping – take a double-intake of breath. Huberman found that breathing in a double-inhale through the nose, followed by an extended exhale through the mouth has an active part to play in our stress response. This is something we can do – at any time.
The science behind this physiological sigh is the double inhale through the nose allowing oxygen in, causes alveoli within our lungs to open, in turn allowing us to offload extra carbon dioxide in our long exhaled sigh out.
Any time you get to inhale and exhale slowly with focus you are doing yourself a favour! When you are feeling stressed, do this (double inhale and slow exhale) once or twice and it will help you feel calm despite whatever is going on.
Remember – you are wonderful!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
There is something which positively influences obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, some cancers, bone and joint diseases and is within our reach. REGULAR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
I am not a medic, but I know that exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. The benefits are far-reaching as physical activity has consistently been shown to be associated with improved physical health, life satisfaction, cognitive function and psychological wellbeing.
People who regularly exercise, when compared to those who don’t, show slower rates of age-related memory and cognitive decline. In my experience, we all want to stay mentally sharp and focused for as long as possible. Exercise helps strengthen our heart and improves its functioning. Not only do our lungs benefit from exercise, our bones do too. Physical activity can help reduce stress levels whilst improving self-esteem.
From what I know, to improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours every week, of moderate-intensity physical activity. If we can invest more time than 150 mins in a week, that’s fantastic! Moderate-intensity activity increases our heart-rate, gets our bodies sweaty and makes us breathe more quickly – which is also a great anxiety-buster.
To make healthy changes, we must rethink our busy schedules. It is not enough to say “I don’t have time”! Finding time might be difficult, however, ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable.
Every minute you move is valuable. Small active changes include taking the stairs, walking around the house inside or outside, jumping on the spot, dancing, parking the car in a space farthest from the shop front-door or leaving the office to walk during coffee breaks.
If you never enjoyed walking, perhaps you might start by quickly walking away from your house for three minutes, turn around and quickly walk the three minutes home – any minute spent walking is better than no minute. Try to select an activity that is suitable for your fitness level right now, until it improves and who knows you might be running marathons this time next year!
Nature is therapeutic so whenever you can, spend time outdoors and take notice of your surroundings.
Regular weight-bearing exercise can:
Help prevent several chronic diseases and reduce the risk of premature death.
Improve mood and confidence.
Reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
Build muscle and strengthen bones and help prevent osteoporosis.
Increase energy levels and keep us feeling energised throughout the day.
Improve brain function, protect memory and thinking skills.
Help with study.
Improve sleep.
Help with pain management.
Although it may feel counterintuitive, people with chronic fatigue syndrome benefit hugely from exercise.
There are many varied benefits of moving our bodies, and exercise is only one part of safeguarding our long-term health – diet, alcohol, stress, sleep, cigarettes can each take their toll on our bodies. This new year, GET MOVING!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.
Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.
Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.
Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.
Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.
Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.
Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.
Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!
Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.
Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.
Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?
Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.
Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.
Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.
Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.
Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.
Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.
Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.
Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.
Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.
Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.
Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.
Do speak positively about and to others.
Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!
Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx
www.carolinecrotty.ie
A friend of mine recently said she felt like her head was so full, it felt empty. That can be a warning sign of burnout i.e. feeling overwhelmed with an inability to take in any new information. Burnout is real. It is not simply feeling tired or having a bad day and it is not enough just to take a few days of annual leave to recover and recharge the batteries.
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight – there can be a slow build-up with several warning signs.
Things to watch out for are feeling exhausted and drained (mentally and physically); having a more or less constant feeling of dread; not falling asleep easily or having interrupted sleep; forgetfulness; nausea; fuzzy head; not being able to focus or concentrate; everything that you would associate with stress you can associate with burnout like headaches, heart palpitations, quickened breath, feeling dizzy or disjointed or maybe even fainting; regularly fighting infections (illnesses) because your system is depleted, being on edge and snappy, feeling guilty when there is no need, feeling trapped and begrudging your employers because you feel overextended or taken for granted.
Burnout is a state of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion. It is caused by prolonged, chronic and excessive stress.
Burnout can result in a loss of energy, motivation or enthusiasm, feeling overwhelmed, useless, cynical, detached or resentful, emotionally or physically drained and unable to undertake usual tasks or having zero sense of accomplishment from the usual things that you do.
It is hard to feel good about yourself if you’re heading towards burnout or if you are in it and thus our emotional health suffers. When someone says to you that you need to take it easy or you’ll burn out – please pay attention!
Common Work Stressors include being micromanaged with little control or little supervision with no supports; changes including new staff or systems; working crazy hours without downtime; difficult colleagues or customers; impossible deadlines; working outdoors in bad weather or heavy lifting can all take their toll on our stress levels.
Now that you know that burnout is, take steps to avoid it.
Firstly, pay attention to your body and to what it is trying to tell you e.g. taug muscles, cloudy head, headaches etc. Try not to leave it until it is too late to take preventative action! Start by setting boundaries for your wellbeing.
Make time for friends, family and for yourself. Do things you enjoy with people who are easy to be with such as going to the cinema, volunteering, meeting for coffee, get a manicure or buy a magazine.
Try to minimise screen time by not using your phone, tablet, laptop as much as possible and try not to have a screen in your bedroom because it interferes with your sleep. Having screen free days helps to rest your brain and allows you time to think (rather than being distracted by online events).
Watch what you eat – by paying attention to what you ingest it will impact on your mood. Do not rely on drugs or alcohol to make you feel better – the relief is only temporary and is akin to avoidance rather than solving your problems. Exercise is vital. Even if you are in an office all day remember to stand and stretch or walk to the kitchen or bathroom to keep your blood flowing and your body moving. Take regular breaks at work or at home – go and get a glass of water so you can leave your desk.
Remind yourself just how far you have come and remember your achievements. Consider your options – remember that you always have choices. Learn how to control your breath Spend time in nature every day. Being outside in daylight also helps regulate our sleep. Take up a hobby or do something you enjoy like gardening, baking, hoovering etc.
Tell a trusted friend or a healthcare professional how you are feeling and that you are struggling and/or feeling under pressure. Having someone to listen in a confidential setting will give perspective and help you to devise the plan to tackle and resolve issues. Good quality, sufficient sleep helps us to think more clearly and is beneficial for our physical health and emotional wellbeing.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Do you know someone who is happy? Perhaps you are that happy person. What ‘happy’ means to me may differ to how you would define it. There are possibly as many definitions of ‘happiness’ as there are people.
Various factors impact and contribute to our overall sense of happiness from involvement in our communities to celebrations, weather, finances, family etc. I don’t have enough space here to examine influences on or definitions of happiness but in my experience, everyone wants to be happy.
Ask yourself ‘Do I want to be happy? If the answer is ‘yes’ put a plan of action into place. We all know that life is not fair but being happy requires an investment of your time and effort because happy people work at being happy.
If you want to be happy follow these tips:
Accept yourself completely – just as you are AND accept your reality. This means you accept your family, house, appearance, birthplace, strengths/limitations, history etc. Acceptance is the key to happiness. (This is not easy but it is vital).
Learn something new – how to put up a shelf, knit, sew, bake a sponge cake – keep your brain active with new knowledge and skills.
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made. Forgive others for theirs. Let go of resentments – it is difficult to be happy with a heavy heart.
Engage in activities. Start a new hobby such as yoga or Bridge. Join a club or start one e.g. a book club or dinner club with your neighbours/friends.
Spend time with people that make you feel good, ideally positive people. Avoid people who stress you out or drain your energies.
Have a sense of purpose. Happy people have something to do or somewhere to go (even if it is just to the shop for milk).
Do things you are good at, that you enjoy, that are fun or make you feel good. Do them often.
Say NO. If you don’t want to do something don’t do it. If you do, then do so without complaint.
Acknowledge that you are not responsible for other people’s reactions, you are only responsible for yours.
Find your voice and say when you are unhappy about something. (Say I feel x when y because z)
Nurture a loving relationship with YOU. Happy people give themselves breaks and let themselves off the hook. They learn how to relax and how to manage anxieties/stresses.
Set short-term achievable goals. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting unattainable goals! Set a goal, achieve it, acknowledge the achievement then set new goals!
Invest time in others. Make time for your partner, children, friends, neighbours or strangers.
Watch your language. I don’t mean swear words I mean self-talk. Say only positive things and use only positive words particularly when talking about you.
Help others because it makes us feel happy. Help willingly. Volunteer in your community or to do something nice for a neighbour.
Your brain believes you must be happy if you are smiling, it immediately raises your mood. Smiles are contagious.
Treat your body as well as you can. Eat well, hydrate, keep moving and breathe slowly.
Be kind and gentle, forgiving and compassionate with YOU and others.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
If we are attempting to change our thinking pattern it can be helpful to analyse what we are saying to ourselves (in our minds). When we know what our thoughts are, then we can work towards replacing negative or illogical thoughts with more positive, rational ones.
Is your thinking realistic? Is it catastrophic? Are you logical? Are you mind-reading? Is your thinking magical (if x then y)?
To challenge negative thoughts or irrational thinking, try completing each of the following questions outlined in bold on a writing pad every day. I have inserted a sample answer.
If you find answering all the questions difficult at first, perhaps start on week one with just the first two questions and the following week answer the first three questions and so on. Before you know it, you’ll be automatically challenging your negative thoughts.
In my car driving home from work.
Someone pulled into the road in front of me and caused me to brake hard. I got a fright because I nearly crashed.
How can people be so thoughtless. That driver is so reckless. He didn’t think about me or the dangers. I could have rear-ended that car. My insurance premium would sky-rocket. I can’t afford another bill. He is such an idiot.
I was fuming. I was so angry I was shaking. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. I could feel my face turn red and my heart-beat quicken.
I shouted and shook my fist at the driver. I banged my fist on the steering wheel. I drove more quickly.
I didn’t crash. The driver was probably distracted by something else and didn’t see me. This is nothing personal. I can ignore the incident because it is not going to be important in a year’s time. I can focus on the radio, music or calm breathing instead of getting angry. I am in control of my emotions and my thoughts. I am okay. Pull back and allow a greater distance in between me and the car in front because that helps keep me calm.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Whether we call it ‘emotional wellbeing’ or ‘mental health’ a simple description is ‘feeling good about ourselves and others and coping well with life’.
Our overall health involves our mind AND our body and both are interconnected. For example, if we are anxious about something (mind), we might get an upset tummy (body) and if we are not physically well (body) it can be difficult to remain positive (mind).
Our physical and mental health impact on each other, therefore, to improve our mental health we start by caring for our body. Think of it as an investment. Every time you care for your body you are investing in your future self – you can’t do everything all at once so set little goals like increasing your exercise or cutting down on biscuits – each little goal adds up to healthy life-time changes.
Rather than seeing food as ‘bad’ or ‘off limits’, cultivate a healthier relationship with food – see it is as a lifestyle change rather than a quick-fix diet. Introduce small variations over time such as having fresh, brightly-coloured food at mealtimes. Slowly replace processed foods that have high sugar/salt content with freshly-prepared foods. Limit alcohol intake as the feel-good factor is short lived and studies show alcohol causes cancer.
Sufficient sleep keeps us feeling positive and healthy. Keep bedrooms tidy and tranquil and stick to a regular sleep and wake schedule. Reducing caffeine and alcohol intake improves sleep quality. Keep worries and anxiety out of your bed – your bed is for adult fun and slumber only. For tips see: https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Whether you buy a skipping rope or join a gym – keep moving! As with diet, small changes make big differences over time. Take the stairs instead of the escalator; park the car at the furthest point from the shop front door; if you take the bus, walk to the next stop or get off at an earlier stop. Exercise relieves stress and makes us feel good. If limited mobility, ask your health care provider for guidance.
We need a certain amount of stress to keep us functioning but we also need to learn how to relax. Calm breathing, yoga or meditation are mentally active processes that leave the body calm. Sit with closed eyes and visualise a place that makes you feel peaceful. Simply taking time to notice and appreciate what is around us can benefit our wellbeing. Read a book, listen to music, take a walk, stargaze, sing out loud, kick leaves or take a bubbly bath. Do something you enjoy (‘me time’).
Calm breathing is a relaxation technique that can be practiced when calm and used when stressed. Sit comfortably or lie down with one hand on your chest and the other on your tummy, breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth. As you inhale, the hand on your tummy will rise as your lungs fill, the hand on your chest remains quite still. As you exhale slowly through your mouth, your tummy will fall inwards while the hand on your chest remains still. When breathing, think of calming words – ‘relax’, ‘calm’, ‘slow’ or ‘peaceful’. Concentrate on each
We tend to have a rather negative view of ‘anxiety’ however, anxiety is normal. If we were about to sit an exam or take a driver’s test it would be natural to feel anxious. Anxiety can be beneficial as it helps to keep us motivated, alert and focused.
Anxiety is in fact our bodies’ way of preparing us to cope with a perceived threat – our bodies’ inbuilt alarm system. When we experience anxiety our bodies’ natural freeze, flight or flight response is activated.
Imagine waking in the middle of the night because you thought you heard an intruder in your home – my guess is that you would be pretty anxious. Take a few seconds to try to imagine the sensations you would experience in your body. Our bodies and minds react together so there are physical sensations to anxiety.
When we perceive a danger (intruder), our bodies release stress hormones causing physical reactions such as our hearts beating faster; we start sweating, feel dizzy or fuzzy-headed, our muscles tense and our breathing quickens. Our body is preparing to run away (flight); defend itself (fight) or we might be glued to the spot, staying perfectly still, hiding under the duvet until the intruder is gone rather like a deer caught in the headlights (freeze). While all this is going on for our bodies, our brains continually process the situation and evaluate the threat.
Say “the intruder” turns out to be a family member rummaging in the kitchen for a midnight snack, then the freeze/fight/flight response is called-off by our brains, however, we may still feel very shaky, with sweaty palms and a racing heart even though we know we are not in mortal danger.
We may feel anxious when there is no intruder in our home and there is no actual physical threat. Feelings of anxiety can be mild (uneasiness) or severe (panic). As well as affecting our bodies, anxiety affects how we think, feel and act.
Anxiety can interfere with everyday living because anxious thoughts increase the feelings of anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety and a cycle of anxiety can be created. People may begin to avoid certain social situations in an attempt to avoid feeling anxious. However, these situations are most likely not life-threatening and are probably regular events like going to the shops, using buses, talking to people, attending parties etc. Anxiety can prevent people from doing things or attending events which they previously enjoyed. Feeling like you are under constant attack or that you need to run away is exhausting and draining. Anxiety can cause us to have a sick feeling, and need to run to the bathroom or perhaps we are put off our food because we feel nauseous.
Learning about anxiety is beneficial to gaining control over our anxiety. Anxiety is particular for each person and the ways in which it can be alleviated vary from person to person. What works for me (music and singing) may not work for you but you will learn how to regain control in time. Self-soothing is something that we can all develop to help combat anxiety.
Exercise works wonders for anxiety because exercise helps remove stress hormones while releasing feel-good hormones. Exercise also helps improve our sleep.
Relaxation is not just watching television. Learning a new relaxation skill such as progressive muscle relaxation is a beneficial strategy which helps people become aware of feeling relaxed by tensing then relaxing muscle groups throughout the body.
Breathing exercises take a while to perfect but are remarkably worthwhile. When we are anxious, our breathing becomes shallow and fast. We may even hyperventilate. Practicing calm breathing (where you inhale slowly through the nose, pause and exhale slowly through the mouth) is an excellent tool for anxiety reduction and can be used anytime anywhere – more information available on www.carolinecrotty.ie/calm-breathing/
Practicing visualisation helps with relaxation such as “you are on a warm, sunny beach, lying on the sand, feeling the sun on your skin…” Try to think of a place either real or imaginary where you like to be. Spend time thinking about how lovely it is to be there in that nice place.
Consciously taking time, every day, to look at the sky and clouds and daydream can be of benefit.
If you have feelings of anxiety that are affecting your daily living please talk to a trusted friend, family member or a healthcare professional. Remember the old adage ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. Anxiety is normal but sharing your thoughts and worries can reduce their scariness and help you gain perspective.
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Everyone gets worried from time to time but if your thinking keeps spiralling out of control and into chronic worrying it may be time to seek help. Worry and stress can have different symptoms that affect both our bodies and our minds.
Do you find that you:
Jump to negative conclusions.
Spend time worrying or feel distracted at work or at home.
Try to predict the future but the outcome is never good. For example someone at work mentions that the boss wants to see you and you immediately think “I’m in big trouble” or “I’m going to be fired”.
Think the worst? For example a family member is late home and you think he/she might be involved in a car crash.
Have a mind like a washing machine on spin-cycle with oodles of different thoughts, worries and ideas and you just can’t get them to stop.
Have a feeling of dread or unease and you don’t know why.
Have difficulty falling asleep at night or, once asleep, you wake in the middle of the night and spend hours trying to get back to sleep.
Feel tension in your shoulders, or get headaches or regularly get an upset tummy.
Cry or become annoyed very easily.
Have a ‘tight’ feeling in your chest.
Just not feel like yourself.
Therapy helps you to recognise your unique individual signs and symptoms of worry and stress and it teaches you how to regain control and stop yourself from worrying about things over which you have no control.
I can help you to understand what is happening for you physically and emotionally and help you to learn how to cope and to relax. By learning how to regain control your mind and thoughts, you learn how to manage the worry and stress and ultimately control what is going on in your mind – so that if you have a negative thought you can quickly stop it and change it to a more logical and rational thought. After therapy you will sleep better, feel more positive and confident because you will be in control.
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I had a tendency to be late for appointments or arrive bang on time without a second to spare. The reason is that I believe I can complete several tasks before I leave home or leave the office. My being late is really an indication of my optimism or so I like to tell myself! Time management is easier than you might think. It simply takes organising.
First things first, in order to manage your time you firstly need to find out exactly how you actually use it. Take a couple of hours to break down a day-by-day analysis of how you utilise your time. Examine your activities and see what areas of your life need more or less time.
Write down your appointments so that you know where you are supposed to be and when. Write down tasks (a to-do list) in order of importance. Complete the most important tasks first. When we write things down, we crystallise our thinking and having a written list will stop you going over mental lists and that helps reduce stress.
Break time-consuming tasks into manageable, smaller tasks. I am guilty of postponing tasks that seem overwhelming or if I am not quite sure where I should start. Doing a small piece of a big task helps us keep focused and gives a starting point.
We can only be in one place at once and we cannot divide ourselves amongst everyone. Learn to say no and if someone asks you to do something say you need to check something and will revert the following day – this gives you time to ask yourself if you can or if you actually want to do something before you commit yourself. If you do say ‘yes’ to doing something, then do so willingly, without complaint and without expecting thanks.
If you need help, simply ask for it. Not always easy I know but share your problems with others – talking helps with keeping things in perspective. Asking for help may also give you some new ideas as to how to progress.
Only work on something for a set period of time. Do not stay stationary for hours on end simply to try to get to the end. Take breaks, eat, hydrate and move. Set limits such as working on something for say two hours before going for a walk. You will be more productive and focused when you return to continue the task. Praise yourself when you achieve a goal.
Try not to use your mobile phone more than you is necessary. Disconnect from social media as much as you can or limit your use to certain days of the week. Leave your work phone in the car during the evening or at weekends. Disconnecting frees up your time to do productive tasks or those you may have been postponing/avoiding. If you are easily distracted by social media or find yourself watching interesting talks on line (my favourite!) especially when you have important tasks to complete, simply allow yourself a certain set time on line, set your alarm and as soon as it sounds, return your attention to productive tasks.
Simply unsubscribe from all emails – those you do not need and those that do not add value to your life and simply clog up your inbox. There is no glory, benefit or advantage to you receiving daily emails notifying you of local coupon offers, clothes sales etc. It will take some time to unsubscribe but it will be well worth it. Unsubscribe from all social media notifications. You do not need to be alerted that Mary/James has checked-in to the dentist!
If you are bogged down in a task, walk away for a minute simply to clear your head. Change your scenery. Give yourself plenty of time to complete all tasks. Allow extra time to reach destinations before scheduled appointments which ensures you remain relaxed and feel in control when you arrive. When organising children to travel with you or if transporting children somewhere, allow extra time (oodles) because there may be a shoe missing or a crisis of a missing teddy and you will have time to remain calm!
I really sound like I am giving orders but if you are to be productive then try not to ever go without sleep. You are more productive if you have had enough sleep. You cannot think clearly or make the best judgements if you are tired. Do not sacrifice sleep for tasks. Eat well and eat something no longer than every two and a half hours. Drink water. Do not skip lunch and do not eat it at your desk. It is easy to get bogged down in work and not notice that we have not had something to eat for hours.
Be mindful that you want to be as productive as possible so care for your body. Take regular exercise – this helps clear your mind of worries and shifts stress hormones. Exercise also helps you feel more positive.
Ensure you take time to relax. Consciously unwind. Pay attention to what you tell yourself. Speak encouragingly to yourself. Perfection is not attainable so instead, strive for progress. You are doing your best and that is all anyone can do. Take breaks and simply stare at the sky and watch the clouds float by or hang around overhead – this is time for you to simply switch off. Learn a relaxation skill so you become better-able to stop any whirring or washing machine-type thoughts.
When you are relaxed you can think clearly and remember new information (the opposite is true when we are anxious).
I leave my work mobile in the car when I am in my home. Once at home I resist the urge to check work emails – I don’t always win that battle! I am very conscious of trying to keep boundaries and leave work-related issues outside my front door once I walk over the threshold. Before I enter my home, I take a few minutes simply sitting in my car to ensure I leave work at work and ready myself to be at home.
See Also Time Management
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