It is important to keep in mind that someone can appear to have a lovely life, wife / husband, children, friends, home etc. and experience depression. You cannot tell someone’s emotional state simply by looking. Depression can affect anyone in any walk of life. So how can we support someone experiencing depression?
Rather than avoid someone because you know they are depressed, please reach out. Be mindful not to pester, instead, let your loved one know you are offering your support. It can be nice to simply sit with the person, regardless of whether they are crying or talking, and tell them how important they are to you. Ask how you can help and listen to the answer.
Encourage outside supports such as talking to the GP, practice nurse, counsellor, psychotherapist etc and you can offer to help select one or to drive your loved one to their first appointment.
There are also social supports such as www.grow.ie www.aware.ie and online supports from www.samaritans.org www.turn2me.org
Be careful what you say so that your loved one doesn’t feel more isolated. Please do not say “cheer up” or “concentrate on the positives” or “snap out of it” because they would already have done that if they could! Passing comments like this can sound as though it is a choice to be depressed and that is insulting.
Listening rather than advising is key. Disagreeing with someone’s thoughts and feelings is unhelpful. Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings but do not try to fix their problems. Instead ask “what can we do to help you feel better?”
Perhaps it might be a kind gesture to drop round some nice food. It can feel impossible to muster up the enthusiasm to cook when experiencing depression. Sending a text can be a way to let someone know that you’re thinking about them without being intrusive or post a simple greeting card. Let them know that you and your offer to meet remains open for whenever they are ready.
It is important to keep in friendly contact with others when experiencing depression. Support exercise and social occasions by offering to accompany your loved one. Be encouraging and positive (rather than nagging or coercive).
Don’t pass judgement and suggest that someone is “too sensitive” as depression is not a personality flaw. If you see your loved one having a good day or laughing it doesn’t mean the depression is gone so be very patient.
It is important to keep in mind that we cannot change anyone except ourselves. We can encourage and support and love our friends and family members experiencing depression, however, we cannot make them better. Neither are we responsible for someone else’s recovery.
If your loved one is in danger of suicide call 911 or take them to an emergency room (A&E Department). The Samaritans has a freephone number 116123 available 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
If you are trying to help someone who is experiencing depression it can be tiring. Please take time out for yourself to exercise or prepare meals. Ensure you are sleeping well and make time to relax. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Care for yourself so that you can provide the best care for others. You cannot pour from an empty cup!
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