There is no need to shout at your children. We all know that shouting doesn’t work! But even when parents know it doesn’t work, the bizarre thing is that they continue to shout at their children and often claim “it’s the only way I can get my children to listen to me”.
Ask yourself whether you would tolerate someone shouting at your children? Is it acceptable?
What would you say if I shouted at your children? Why is it okay for you to shout at them?
I am not referring to shouting if there is a fire or to prevent a child from running onto the road for example. I am talking about shouting at your child to correct them. The “don’t talk to your brother like that” “stop fighting over the game” “don’t test my patience” type of shouting! I am also talking about shouting at your children because of stuff going on in your life. You’re frustrated, stressed out or anxious and something happens that tips you over the edge and you shout. Please don’t take your difficulties or issues out on your children.
It might interest you to note that parents who shout cause reactions in their children that are similar to them being physically punished.
Shouting is an expression of anger and has the potential to make a child feel scared. Shouting can increase behavioural problems in children and negatively impact their self-esteem.
If your shouting comes with a tirade of verbal putdowns, name-calling or insults because you have lost control, this constitutes emotional abuse which brings with it potential for anxiety and also for aggression in your children.
Stop shouting. Please. For your own sake as a parent but more importantly for your children and their emotional wellbeing.
I have heard arguments that “our parents shouted and it didn’t do us any harm” but we now know, from studies, that shouting has a negative impact on children’s development.
Remind yourself that you are your child’s role model. Model the behaviour that you expect from your child. Set clear boundaries for behaviour. You don’t shout because you don’t want your children to shout. Praise your child’s efforts. Give lots of hugs (at the right times).
Children who are most often in trouble for unaccepable behaviour are children who may be most in need of positive attention and affirmation and certainly in need of plenty hugs.
Start today. Explain that shouting is no longer tolerated in your family. That you were wrong to shout. That you will all stick to this new family rule. Show your children that you are in control of your emotions and that you (no longer) lose your cool. Explain that you are now going to step away from the area if you feel that you are getting frustrated / angry and think you might shout. Return to chat when you are more chilled.
You do not need to raise your voice to be heard. Go to where your children are, rather than shouting to them from another room. Meet them at their level rather than speaking down to them.
Teach children about emotions and feelings and discuss how you feel. For example, explain that you feel angry (at behaviour rather than at your child) and instead of shouting and screaming, demonstrate that you are in control of your emotions and can speak about the situation.
Always be respectful of your children. While you are practicing your new rule of no shouting, if you happen to raise your voice be very quick to apologise and explain why you were wrong and then start again.
You can do this!
If you need some help to manage your anger, please reach out.
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