Depression Support

Supporting Someone Experiencing Depression

It is important to keep in mind that someone can appear to have a lovely life, wife / husband, children, friends, home etc. and experience depression. You cannot tell someone’s emotional state simply by looking. Depression can affect anyone in any walk of life. So how can we support someone experiencing depression?

Rather than avoid someone because you know they are depressed, please reach out. Be mindful not to pester, instead, let your loved one know you are offering your support. It can be nice to simply sit with the person, regardless of whether they are crying or talking, and tell them how important they are to you. Ask how you can help and listen to the answer.

Encourage outside supports such as talking to the GP, practice nurse, counsellor, psychotherapist etc and you can offer to help select one or to drive your loved one to their first appointment.

There are also social supports such as www.grow.ie www.aware.ie and online supports from www.samaritans.org www.turn2me.org

Be careful what you say so that your loved one doesn’t feel more isolated. Please do not say “cheer up” or “concentrate on the positives” or “snap out of it” because they would already have done that if they could! Passing comments like this can sound as though it is a choice to be depressed and that is insulting.

Listening rather than advising is key. Disagreeing with someone’s thoughts and feelings is unhelpful. Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings but do not try to fix their problems. Instead ask “what can we do to help you feel better?”

Perhaps it might be a kind gesture to drop round some nice food. It can feel impossible to muster up the enthusiasm to cook when experiencing depression. Sending a text can be a way to let someone know that you’re thinking about them without being intrusive or post a simple greeting card. Let them know that you and your offer to meet remains open for whenever they are ready.

It is important to keep in friendly contact with others when experiencing depression. Support exercise and social occasions by offering to accompany your loved one. Be encouraging and positive (rather than nagging or coercive).

Don’t pass judgement and suggest that someone is “too sensitive” as depression is not a personality flaw. If you see your loved one having a good day or laughing it doesn’t mean the depression is gone so be very patient.

It is important to keep in mind that we cannot change anyone except ourselves. We can encourage and support and love our friends and family members experiencing depression, however, we cannot make them better. Neither are we responsible for someone else’s recovery.

If your loved one is in danger of suicide call 911 or take them to an emergency room (A&E Department). The Samaritans has a freephone number 116123 available 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

If you are trying to help someone who is experiencing depression it can be tiring. Please take time out for yourself to exercise or prepare meals. Ensure you are sleeping well and make time to relax. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Care for yourself so that you can provide the best care for others. You cannot pour from an empty cup!

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Breathing Meditation

Information Overload isn’t new. It has more recently changed so that now, rather than have too many books to read, we have technology demanding our attention. We too are demanding of attention or potentially vying for the attention of others on social media. We are slowly learning that too much screen time may affect our attention span. Learning To Pay Attention to ourselves is beneficial and using a breathing meditation is time spent caring for you i.e. self-care.

Self-care is not self-indulgent, it is vital. Depending on our age, we may not have been taught about self-care in school but as adults, we independently learn that in order to give our best we must care and look after our bodies and minds.

A short breathing meditation can help us relax, gain focus and manage our worries or stressful thoughts.

I am not a mindfulness teacher neither am I am meditation master. My training is in counselling and psychotherapy. However, in my experience, when we learn how to focus our minds on something other than worry or bothersome thoughts, our attention can be a remarkably useful tool.

We can’t stop thoughts or worries from popping into our minds but what do we do with them once there? We can allow any thoughts to be present, while we learn how to bring our attention to our breath.

Using a meditation exercise can help us to be present in the here and now and not back in the past or flying off into the future, not caught up in our imagination. This is not about controling our thoughts or getting rid of them.

Mindfulness involves practicing bringing our attention back to the present, to the here and now – whenever it wanders off.

As an analogy, attention is like a muscle. If we don’t regularly use the muscle, it can become weaker. However, with regular exercise we can strengthen and build it.

Meditation exercises, like learning any new skill, require practice. Here’s one that takes only three minutes initially which, in time, can be increased to ten mins twice per day. In my experience, allowing ourselves even a couple of minutes every day to mindfully breathe is beneficial and relaxing.

Sit in a chair and get yourself comfy. Pay attention to your body and ask yourself, “what do I feel right now? What are my feelings? And what are my thoughts?” Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and to all the sensations in your body. Describe these experiences to yourself. Don’t judge or alter anything. Accept. Spend up to one minute doing this.

Bring your focus of awareness to your breath. Focus on the sensations of your breath as it enters and leaves your tummy. Bring your awareness to the sensations of movement in your tummy and allow your thoughts to go, to leave you as you breathe. Breathe in as you say ‘relax’ and on each exhalation say “calm”. If your mind wanders, do not try to change the thoughts or make them leave. Acknowledge their presence, allow them to be there, then allow them to go, returning your attention and focus to your breath and breathing. Spend up to two minutes doing this.

Extend your awareness to sensing your whole body breathing. Become aware of sensations throughout your body. If your mind wanders to various thoughts or feelings, acknowledge them and let them go and return your focus to sen1sing your whole body breathing. Spend about two mins doing this.

As you become more familiar with this skill of “letting go”, wherein you choose to notice but let go of thoughts, emotions or sensations, this is the ideal time to increase the time. Acknowledge and appreciate what you are doing, allowing yourself time to settle your mind, to breathe, to pay attention to you.

Attention is like a muscle and with regular exercise, a muscle works really well! Breathing meditation is the same – the more often you allow yourself time to do it, the easier it gets as the more skilled you become!

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Beat The Autumn Blues

“The evenings are getting longer” – we often hear this phrase but we still don’t have any extra time in the day! Although we have fewer hours of daylight, we needn’t feel sad or anxious about winter approaching. October brings Halloween and a bank holiday weekend for jazzing in Cork! Seasons change and with autumn we have the most amazing colours on our trees and we have leaves to kick. To date, here in Ireland, we have had wonderfully warm temperatures so there is no excuse for us not spending time outdoors! It is true that we have fewer daylight hours and the evenings can seem longer particularly if we spend more time indoors.

Here are a few tips to help you make the most of this month and beat the autumn blues.

Every morning remind yourself that each new day is a new beginning, something to be happy and grateful for (regardless of what is going on in our lives we are alive).

Get as much sunlight as possible. Spend time outdoors as often as possible.

Plan a break: a day trip, spa break, holiday, a night out, a hurling/football match, concert etc – it is good to have something to look forward to.

Develop gratitude for what you have.

Exercise outdoors in daylight hours. Exercise that gets your heart rate up and gets you sweating is good for your mental and physical health.

Hug more. Hugs are healing and release pain-reducing hormones. If there is no human to hug, then invest in a pet.

Make a conscious effort not to spend time in front of any screen (tv, phone, laptop, ipad etc). Reduce your overall screen time and instead, do something productive: knit, crochet, read a book (the old-fashioned paper kind!), write a letter to someone you love, post some cards, pick up the phone to a friend, visit an elderly neighbour, add a friend to your walk!

Declutter. Tidy your house and make your bedroom cosy so that you enjoy spending time there.

Be kind to yourself. Soak your feet in Epsom salts, have a massage, get a manicure, buy a magazine or scented candle –treat yourself to something nice.

Get to the beach. Although it may be cold, wet and grey, the sea is fabulous to admire, whether you sit in your car and watch the waves or perhaps you might brave it and go for a walk on the beach – it will blow the cobwebs away!

Be mindful of your alcohol intake this October.

Get sufficient sleep. If you’re in need of a few sleeping tips see sleep

Improve your diet and eat foods that are in season. Make a big pot of veggie soup. Keep yourself hydrated with water. Make a conscious effort to eat well. Take supplements that your pharmacist recommends and check your vitamin D levels with your GP by having regular bloods done.

Do a hobby course in your local secondary school or college.

Start a book club or a dinner club and make it about meeting people not about having the best food or the tidiest house!

Get creative. Paint, dance, listen to music or learn how to play an instrument.

Don’t drink coffee to give you a pick-me-up, get to bed early instead. Energy makes energy – the more you do the better you’ll feel!

Remind yourself of good times that you have had. Reminisce. There is no one else in the world like you. You are unique. You are as good as (but not better than!) the next person.

Develop an ability to glance at your mistakes but stare at your achievements!

Breathe deeply at various times throughout the day and simply pay attention to your breath – spending time alone is beneficial for your emotional and physical health.

Talk to someone you trust and offload your problems and worries. A therapist (counsellor or psychotherapist) can help you get through difficult times and reassure you that you’re not alone. Consider chatting with a therapist who provides CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) particularly if you find that your thinking is negative or unhelpful so that you can learn to become more self-kind or self-compassionate this October.