One of the most challenging experiences as the parent of adolescents is feeling that they’re pushing you away, especially when you’re trying to connect, support or spend time together. Whether it’s silence, sarcasm, eye-rolls or a blunt “Leave me alone”, these moments can often feel like rejection for a parent.
It’s normal to feel hurt, but it’s vital not to take this personally and not to retreat or react.
Pushing away is often a developmental need, not a rejection of your love. Adolescents are navigating a critical stage of brain and identity development. Their role is to separate from you, at least partly, to discover who they are as emerging adults.
Adolescents push for autonomy, which may be seen as:
Dismissing your questions
Preferring friends or screens over family
Mocking your expressions of care (“No one else’s mum says that!”)
Avoiding eye contact or affection
But beneath it all, they still need and want you (but on their terms).
Don’t stop showing up just because your efforts aren’t met with enthusiasm. Continue to:
They may not react or acknowledge, but they’ll register your consistency.
Avoid phrases like “Why won’t you talk to me?” or “You used to tell me everything”, and instead, simply allow your teenager to have space. Teens often talk sideways, like in the car, late at night or through a passing comment. Be ready, remain available, but without pushing. Do not react. Just listen, take it in, mentally press pause and stay calm.
Reacting emotionally to their distance can escalate the disconnection. Keep your responses grounded: “I understand that you want space, and that’s okay. I’m still here for whenever you need me.” This models emotional regulation and sets the tone for safe re-connection.
Connection with teens isn’t about daily deep chats. It’s about building trust over time. Think of your relationship as a long-term investment. Each small, respectful gesture adds value, even if you don’t see the return immediately.
By not giving up, even when they pull away, your message to your child is “You’re allowed to grow and change. You don’t have to pretend to be okay, and I’ll always be here no matter what.”
As a parent, feeling like you’re being pushed away is painful. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that love is lost. Often, it means your child is doing the hard work of becoming themselves. Your child is not you. They are themselves. Your job is to remain steady, open and available even when the door seems closed to them right now.
Because they’re still listening. Still watching and still need you more than they know.
Your presence matters.
If you’d like help navigating parenting challenges or would like to know more about family therapy or teen emotional development, please get in touch. I’d be delighted to support you.
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited - 636306 - Suite 7, Block A, South Terrace Medical Centre, Infirmary Road, Cork T12 WF40
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