Adolescents pulling away from their parents is normal but that doesn’t make it easy. If your teenager rolls their eyes, withdraws behind headphones, or dismisses you with a “whatevverrrrrr” it’s so tempting to retreat or to react! But now is not the time to give up.
Teenagers can push adults away but they still need you. In fact, this stage of development depends on adults staying calm, present and trying to stay connected even when that connection isn’t reciprocated in obvious ways.
Adolescence is a time of identity formation, emotional exploration, and neurological development. According to psychological and neuroscientific research, teenagers are:
They may stop engaging in conversation, reject affection, or challenge rules. These behaviours are developmentally appropriate. They do not mean the relationship is broken, they mean your child is growing.
Here’s how to stay connected even when it feels like your child wants nothing more to do with you:
Teenagers are still learning how to manage emotions. Sarcasm, withdrawal, or rudeness often come from discomfort (not dislike).
You are the adult! You’re the steady anchor.
They might say “You’re so weird” but keep your tone grounded and respectful. You’re modelling what emotional regulation looks like.
Instead of pushing for answers or forcing conversation, make yourself available without pressure. Offer short reflections, not rapid-fire questions. Stop being the Spanish Inquisition!
Try this: “I’m around if you want to talk.” Or, “I know you might not feel like chatting but I’d still love to hear how your day was.”
Connection doesn’t always come through words. Cook together. Walk the dog. Let music or shared shows become moments of relational closeness without high emotional demand.
Let your teen feel some control but don’t abdicate your role. Hold your boundaries with calm consistency. Adolescents feel safer when the adults in their life stay firm and fair.
As a parent, it’s not your job to be liked all the time.
It’s your job to be there.
Even when they roll their eyes, even when they seem uninterested and disengaged, your ongoing presence tells them:
“You are loved, even when you’re distant. I won’t disappear just because you’re pulling away.”
Adolescence is temporary. Your relationship can strengthen over time but only if you stay in it.
See other how important it is to stop whatever you’e doing when your child comes to you read this
If you’d like to learn more about supporting communication in families, or if you’re interested in talks, workshops, or staff training on adolescent development and mental health, please contact me Caroline Crotty Cork Psychotherapy here.
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