Letting go is not about forgetting.
It’s about freeing yourself to fully live in the present.
For a more detailed explanation, click here.
Created by Caroline Crotty, Psychotherapist
www.carolinecrotty.ie
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
In today’s fast-paced world, many people find themselves sacrificing sleep in favour of late-night scrolling, binge-watching or mindless online activity. This behaviour has a name: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination. As a psychotherapist, I often hear people describe staying up late or later than they’d intended despite knowing they will feel exhausted the next day. Why do we do this and what’s really behind it?
‘Revenge bedtime procrastination’ refers to delaying going to bed to reclaim personal time, especially after a day filled with work, responsibilities or emotional demands. It’s a subconscious form of protest – a way of taking control of one’s time when the day hasn’t allowed enough rest, relaxation, autonomy or just time!
The term is believed to have originated in China, where it was coined as “bàofùxìng de áoyè”, meaning “retaliatory staying up late”. It reflects the experience of people who feel they have no free time during the day and seek compensation late at night, even at the cost of their wellbeing.
You might be experiencing revenge bedtime procrastination if you:
Unlike insomnia or sleep disorders, this pattern is not caused by difficulty sleeping but by the conscious decision to postpone sleep in favour of leisure, often out of frustration, resentment or habit.
As a psychotherapist, I see this often in people who are:
In many cases, individuals know that sleep is essential but the emotional pull of having “just a little time for me” wins out. This is particularly true for those with high-pressure jobs or parenting responsibilities – people who give all day and receive very little personal space in return.
Chronic sleep deprivation is strongly linked with mental health issues including:
Over time, the habit of sacrificing sleep can create a cycle of emotional exhaustion, reduced resilience and worsening sleep hygiene. This, in turn, affects mood, performance and relationships.
Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t about laziness – it’s a signal that your emotional needs may not be met during the day. Here are some gentle ways to regain balance:
1. Reclaim time earlier in the day
Try to carve out 15 to 30 minutes of guilt-free personal time during the day. It could be a walk, reading a book or simply sitting with a cup of tea. Small intentional pauses can reduce the urge to reclaim time late at night.
2. Set a gentle wind-down routine
Establish a bedtime that allows for at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep and create a calming ritual before bed. Avoid screens where possible and replace them with activities that signal rest (like reading or journalling).
3. Acknowledge the emotional need
Rather than criticising yourself for staying up late, explore what emotional need you are trying to meet. Is it freedom? Quiet? Autonomy? Begin to meet those needs earlier in the day where you can.
4. Seek support
If the cycle feels hard to break, working with a psychotherapist can help you understand the emotional drivers behind your habits and support you in making sustainable changes.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is more than poor time management – it’s often a quiet protest against a life that feels too demanding or unbalanced. By listening to what your late-night habits are telling you and making room for your needs earlier in the day, you can restore your energy, sleep and emotional wellbeing.
If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone and support is available.
Stress and anxiety are natural elements of life, but learning how to reduce stress and anxiety can significantly improve our wellbeing. Fortunately, there are evidence-backed techniques that empower you to take control of your emotional and mental health.
Mindfulness is a powerful technique that involves focusing our attention on the present moment, maintaining an awareness of thoughts, feelings, and environment through a compassionate and accepting lens. Originating in Buddhist meditation, secular mindfulness practice is now mainstream. Numerous studies demonstrate its effectiveness in reducing stress and anxiety. By cultivating mindfulness, we can develop an increased awareness of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond to stressors more clearly and calmly. We might begin by paying attention to whatever is around us by looking at the sky, the colours of leaves, feeling our feet on the ground while noticing our breath – that is being present and mindful, and we can do it wherever and whenever.
Physical exercise is a game-changer. Keep moving – as long as your body allows – regardless of age. Engaging in regular physical exercise is beneficial for our physical and mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, natural mood-boosting chemicals. It also reduces stress hormones and improves sleep, all contributing to a decrease in stress and anxiety levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise on most weekdays.
A healthy lifestyle plays a crucial role in managing stress and anxiety. Ensure you get enough sleep and prioritise a balanced diet with nutrient-rich foods. Limit the intake of caffeine and alcohol, which can contribute to anxiety symptoms. Stay hydrated with water. Additionally, practising good time management and setting realistic goals can reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress. You might find the guide to better sleep helpful.
Social support is essential for coping with stress and anxiety. Loneliness can impact health and wellbeing. Cultivate strong relationships with friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy and encouragement. Research suggests that having a reliable support network can buffer the adverse effects of stress and enhance our overall wellbeing. Join a group if you feel isolated. Phone the Samaritans any time, day or night, on 116123 (no charge from mobile or landline).
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a well-established, evidence-based approach to managing stress and anxiety. CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Reframing our perceptions and beliefs can reduce anxiety and improve our ability to cope with stressors. Courses can be found at: CCI Health Self-Help Resources.
Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for stress management. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Setting aside regular periods for self-care helps replenish our energy, promotes emotional wellbeing, and reduces the impact of stressors. There are some self-care tips here.
Finally, reducing stress and anxiety is possible through evidence-based strategies. We can take proactive steps towards improving our mental wellbeing by incorporating mindfulness, exercise, healthy lifestyle choices, social support, cognitive-behavioural techniques, and self-care activities into our daily routines. It is vital to tailor these to your individual needs (cut your cloth according to your measure) and consult a mental health professional if you require additional support.
Caroline Crotty, Cork city-based Counsellor & Psychotherapist
www.carolinecrotty.ie
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited - 636306 - Suite 7, Block A, South Terrace Medical Centre, Infirmary Road, Cork T12 WF40
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