How to Handle Being Pushed Away (Without Giving Up)
One of the most challenging experiences as the parent of adolescents is feeling that they’re pushing you away, especially when you’re trying to connect, support or spend time together. Whether it’s silence, sarcasm, eye-rolls or a blunt “Leave me alone”, these moments can often feel like rejection for a parent.
It’s normal to feel hurt, but it’s vital not to take this personally and not to retreat or react.
Why Are They Pushing You Away?
Pushing away is often a developmental need, not a rejection of your love. Adolescents are navigating a critical stage of brain and identity development. Their role is to separate from you, at least partly, to discover who they are as emerging adults.
Adolescents push for autonomy, which may be seen as:
Dismissing your questions
Preferring friends or screens over family
Mocking your expressions of care (“No one else’s mum says that!”)
Avoiding eye contact or affection
But beneath it all, they still need and want you (but on their terms).
What You Can Do That Helps
Stay Present Even When Feeling Dismissed
Don’t stop showing up just because your efforts aren’t met with enthusiasm. Continue to:
Say “goodnight“
Sit at the dinner table with them
Be available in the background
They may not react or acknowledge, but they’ll register your consistency.
Don’t Demand Closeness
Avoid phrases like “Why won’t you talk to me?” or “You used to tell me everything”, and instead, simply allow your teenager to have space. Teens often talk sideways, like in the car, late at night or through a passing comment. Be ready, remain available, but without pushing. Do not react. Just listen, take it in, mentally press pause and stay calm.
Model Calm Regulated Responses
Reacting emotionally to their distance can escalate the disconnection. Keep your responses grounded: “I understand that you want space, and that’s okay. I’m still here for whenever you need me.” This models emotional regulation and sets the tone for safe re-connection.
Focus on the Long Game
Connection with teens isn’t about daily deep chats. It’s about building trust over time. Think of your relationship as a long-term investment. Each small, respectful gesture adds value, even if you don’t see the return immediately.
The Message You Send
By not giving up, even when they pull away, your message to your child is “You’re allowed to grow and change. You don’t have to pretend to be okay, and I’ll always be here no matter what.”
As a parent, feeling like you’re being pushed away is painful. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that love is lost. Often, it means your child is doing the hard work of becoming themselves. Your child is not you. They are themselves. Your job is to remain steady, open and available even when the door seems closed to them right now.
Because they’re still listening. Still watching and still need you more than they know.
Your presence matters.
Want Support?
If you’d like help navigating parenting challenges or would like to know more about family therapy or teen emotional development, please get in touch. I’d be delighted to support you.
In a world full of content, advice and constant stimulation, it’s easy to think that looking after your mental health means adding more to your to-do list: more meditation, more journaling, more movement, more podcasts, more water, more information… aaahhhh the list is endless.
But often better mental health isn’t about adding. It’s about subtracting.It’s about creating space. Reducing noise. Setting down the things that exhaust and deplete us.
I often say to people ‘your nervous system isn’t looking for more productivity, it’s looking for safety, rest and clarity’.
If you feel overwhelmed, flat or constantly behind, you might start here:
Say ‘no’ to one thing that drains you.
Create one boundary that protects your peace.
Let go of one expectation that’s no longer serving you.
Small acts of subtraction can have a powerful impact. Not every solution comes from doing more. Sometimes, it’s found in doing less but doing it well and with intention.
You don’t have to change everything to feel better. You just have to start listening to what your mind and body are asking you to put down.
Your health deserves space.
For more tools and insights, visit carolinecrotty.ie or email Caroline on hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Protected: Feel Like a Failure
There’s No Right Way to Grieve: Trust Your Own Process
You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be in Your Grief
There’s No Right Way to Grieve: Trust Your Own Process
Grief is not linear. It certainly does not follow a straight line and it never looks the same from one person to the next. There is no “right” way to grieve. You are exactly where you need to be in your grief even if it feels messy, confusing or different to what you expected.
Some people cry often. Others carry on with their lives feeling strangely calm. Some days might feel normal, while others might feel impossibly heavy. All of it is valid.
You might notice that your experience of grief looks different to that of the people around you. You might even feel guilty for not crying “enough” or not feeling overwhelmed “enough.” But grief is not a competition. It is not something that can be measured or compared. Your grief is yours. Others’ grief is theirs. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and exactly where you need to be.
When facing huge demands such as college exams, a work project, TY placement, the Leaving Cert or daily life responsibilities, your mind naturally prioritises coping. You may even be operating at full cognitive capacity. This does not mean you did not love your parent (or loved one) or that you are unaffected by their loss. It simply means your grief is unfolding at its own pace, in its own time.
You are not grieving the “wrong” way. You are not failing to feel “enough.” You are processing a profound loss in a way that fits your life and your needs right now.
You are exactly where you need to be.
Grief moves at its own pace. If feelings shift or change over the coming weeks, months, or even years ahead, that is a natural part of your grieving journey – one you can meet with gentleness, resilience and self-understanding.
There is no rush. There is no comparison. Where you are today is completely okay.
Be compassionate, kind and supportive towards yourself – just as you would be towards a sibling or close friend. However your grief unfolds – now or in the future – you will find ways to cope, to heal and to live alongside your loss with courage and care.
You are wonderful.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Better Days Ahead
This Won’t Last Forever: There Are Better Days Ahead
When you’re in the thick of it – whether it’s heartbreak, burnout, grief, anxiety, or deep uncertainty about the state of the world and it’s leaders – it might feel like things will never improve, as though the weight of it all is here to stay. But it won’t last forever. However heavy everything feels, I’d like to remind you that whatever you’re facing right now is not the end of your story. Life might feel overwhelming. You might feel stuck. But feelings, like seasons, change. And even when you can’t see it yet, change is happening.
Psychological research and lived experience show that people are more resilient than they often realise. Even in the face of great pain, we have the capacity to heal, adapt and to grow. None of this happens overnight and certainly not perfectly but gradually, in small, quiet ways.
If you’re struggling today, please try not to judge your whole life by this current impasse or challenge. You might be in a moment of deep winter but spring always follows. Better days are not a fantasy – they are a biological and emotional truth for most people, given the right support, safety and time.
In the meantime, while you are waiting for the better days:
Focus on today, not forever
Reach out, even if you’re not sure what to say
Keep your routines simple and soothing
Rest when you can, and speak kindly to yourself
You are not failing. You are navigating. And the road ahead, though not easy now, can be lighter and more hopeful than today.
Please don’t give up.
Better days are ahead and that’s not just optimism, that’s a fact.
Managing Emotional Fatigue: Small Steps to Recovery
Fatigue is often thought of as a physical tiredness, but emotional fatigue can be just as draining – if not more so. Emotional fatigue happens when the demands on your emotional energy have been so great for so long that you begin to feel exhausted, numb, or overwhelmed. It can result from work stress, caring responsibilities, difficult relationships, grief, or the ongoing daily life challenges.
Signs of Emotional Fatigue
Feeling “flat” or numb emotionally
Struggling to find motivation even for activities you used to enjoy
Feeling constantly drained, even after rest or sleep
Finding it harder to concentrate or make decisions
Feeling irritable, detached, or withdrawn from others
If you recognise these signs in yourself, it is important to know that you are not alone — and that recovery is possible with time and the right supports.
Small Steps Towards Recovery
Rest without guilt: True rest is essential. Allow yourself time to stop without feeling you must always be “productive.”
Set gentle priorities: Focus only on the most essential tasks. Give yourself permission to leave non-urgent things for another day.
Reconnect with small pleasures: Find tiny moments of joy, like a walk in nature, a favourite song, or a quiet coffee.
Talk it through: Sharing how you feel with someone you trust can relieve emotional pressure and offer perspective.
Seek professional support if needed: Therapy or counselling can help you process emotional fatigue and develop coping strategies.
Why Emotional Fatigue Matters
Left unaddressed, emotional fatigue can lead to deeper exhaustion, depression, anxiety, or a sense of disconnection from life. By noticing the early signs and taking action, you protect your wellbeing and open the door to healing and renewal.
Remember…
Managing emotional fatigue is not about “pushing through.” It is about listening to what your body and mind are telling you and responding to yourself with kindness and compassion. Healing is not a race. Small steps, taken consistently, can lead you back to a place of energy, hope and connection.
If you feel emotionally exhausted, reach out to someone for support. You deserve care, compassion and time to heal.
Caroline Crotty is a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Cork city. As well as thearpy for adults and adolescents, Caroline delivers talks, workshops and corporate wellbeing programmes designed to help staff manage emotional fatigue, reduce workplace stress, build resilience and improve self-care practices. If you would like to organise a session for your team or organisation, get in contact here.
Burnout: Why It Happens and How to Protect Yourself
“Burnout” is a word we hear more and more often, but what does it actually mean?
Burnout is a psychological condition that involves feeling emotionally exhausted, cynical or disconnected from your job, and ineffective or as though you are not achieving anything.
Burnout develops when the pressures of work become too intense for too long. Over time, chronic stress can leave people feeling emotionally drained, detached, and doubtful of their own abilities. In 2019, the World Health Organisation formally recognised burnout as an ‘occupational phenomenon’ denoting that burnout results from unmanaged work stress and not from personal weakness.
Why Are Our Doctors, Especially GPs, Vulnerable to Burnout?
A recent study by Dr Patrick Carr and Dr Shane Kelly (2023) highlights that medical doctors are particularly at risk. Long working hours, rising patient demands, administrative burden, emotional strain and insufficient time for rest and recovery all contribute. In Ireland, a survey during the pandemic found that 90% of doctors had experienced depression, anxiety, or stress linked to their work. Almost 70% were considered at high risk of burnout.
Although Carr & Kelly’s (2023) article focused on GPs and hospital doctors, burnout can affect anyone, in any profession or walk of life. Understanding burnout can help us all recognise it and respond early.
What Does Burnout Look Like?
Feeling exhausted, even after rest
Cynicism or negativity towards work or people
Feeling detached or emotionally numb
Doubting your own abilities
Struggling to complete simple tasks
Feeling overwhelmed or trapped
Many people who experience burnout describe it as ‘not feeling like themselves’ anymore. If you recognise these feelings, you are not alone.
Burnout often makes anger feel much closer to the surface. We can behave in ways that are not typical of us – we become impatient, irritable, quick to anger and not because we are bad people but because we are running on empty. When our emotional reserves are depleted, even small irritations can feel like major threats. We might even shout at our children and this is not typical of us (I’ve written about that here). Recognising these early signs in ourselves like our raised voice, or loss of patience, the feeling of being constantly ‘on edge’ – is crucial. These are warning signs – like our bodies waving red flags – telling us that we are no longer coping, that we are in need of rest, support and in need of change, not further endurance.
Becoming more human about burnout means allowing ourselves to notice these signals with honesty and compassion, rather than waiting until we completely fall apart. Recognising our own humanity and our limits is not weakness; it is wisdom.
Why Are GPs at Particular Risk?
Doctors carry an enormous emotional and professional burden. Delivering bad news, supporting anxious patients, facing illness and loss, and, managing ever-growing workloads is deeply demanding.
When doctors are burned out, it is not only their health that suffers, but patient care can be affected too. Burnout is linked to a higher risk of errors, lower quality care, and lower job satisfaction. Protecting the wellbeing of Irish medical doctors is essential for everyone.
What Helps?
Prioritise basic self-care: Eat, sleep and hydrate. These seem obvious, but are often the first things neglected when under pressure.
Set realistic boundaries: Perfection is not the goal. Doing your best is enough.
Ask for help: Support from colleagues, counselling, or professional services can make a positive difference.
Take real breaks: Short breaks during the day and longer holidays promote recovery.
Reconnect with meaning: Remember why you chose this work and reconnect with your purpose.
There is value in creating a culture of support at work, where teamwork, open conversations, and peer mentoring are encouraged.
Conclusion
As mentioned, burnout is a natural response to prolonged, unmanaged stress. None of us is impervious – anyone can experience burnout.
Feeling worn down, overwhelmed, or disconnected does not mean you are weak – it means you are human. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is essential for you and for those you serve, whether as a doctor, healthcare provider, in your team at work, or your family.
Burnout is not a medical condition, but a workplace issue. Solving it requires organisational changes and not simply encouraging individual doctors to become more resilient.
“Burnout is like the canary in the coal mine. It is a warning sign of a toxic environment. The solution is to fix the environment, not to toughen up the canary” Dr Christina Maslach
In other words, healthcare leaders and policymakers must address the root causes of burnout; otherwise doctors may leave Ireland for better working conditions abroad.
Reference:
Carr, P., & Kelly, S. (2023). Burnout in Doctors Practising in Ireland Post Covid-19. Irish medical journal, 116(4), 761.
The Courage to Be Yourself: Living Life on Your Own Terms
As a psychotherapist, I often sit with people who feel torn between what they want and what others expect of them, between what they feel and what they think they “should” feel. Invisible rules, self-doubt, guilt or fear often burden them, yet underneath it all, there is usually a quiet question whispering: “Can I live my life as myself?”
Yes you can! And more than that, you deserve to. We spend so much time figuring out what we ought to do – the right thing, the thing other people want us to do – feeling like we ‘should’ do this or ‘have to’ do that. At the end of the day, it’s our life, our choices and our consequences.
You Have One Life. And it’s Yours.
There is no dress rehearsal. No draft version. This is your one and only precious life. The more you try to shape yourself into someone who pleases everyone else at the expense of your wellbeing or what you want for yourself, the further you drift from being your true self. That disconnection from your values, needs and desires is often where anxiety, low mood and feeling very flat develop.
We are shaped by the families and cultures in which we grow up. We internalise what is “allowed, ” ” appropriate, ” ” successful,” or “encouraged” from a very early age. But part of being an adult and healing ourselves involves questioning our internalised messages.
Who are you beneath the roles you perform?
What matters to you? (Not what should matter, but what actually matters?)
What do you need – not to function but to flourish?
It Takes Courage to Choose Yourself
Being yourself is not easy. Sometimes it means saying no when others expect yes. Sometimes it means risking disapproval from people very close to you. It might mean that you’re stepping away from relationships or roles that no longer fit. Choosing yourself, your wellbeing, your authenticity, your peace is not selfish – it is self-respect and self-love.
The courage to be yourself is not always loud or defiant. It is often quiet. It is the decision to rest when you feel guilty for slowing down. It is the moment you say “Actually, this doesn’t work for me anymore.” It is doing something different even when nobody notices but you’re prioritising what you need for you.
What Therapy Can Offer
Therapy is not about fixing what is broken. It is about exploring who you are beneath the noise and giving yourself permission to be. In therapy we look at the stories you have been told about who you are supposed to be. We examine the weight you are carrying and ask if it is really yours to continue to hold. Little by little we can build the confidence, boundaries and clarity which allow you to live more freely and fully – and to be you, yourself.
You Do Not Need to Justify the Life You Want
You do not owe anyone an explanation for doing what is right for you. Whether it is how you dress, who you love, the job you choose or the way you spend your free time – it is enough that it matters to you. We are not here to be palatable, to perform or to shrink. We are here to be real. Whole. Human.
A Gentle Reminder
If you are feeling the pull to change something, to reclaim something, to finally let yourself be who you are – why not follow it? You do not need permission
The life you want is not selfish or silly. It is sacred. It is yours.
Informed. Uplifting. Practical. Psychology that people can use.
Looking for a speaker who can inspire and connect without clichés or corporate fluff? Caroline Crotty is a psychotherapist and public speaker based in Cork, offering talks that blend professional expertise with warmth, humour and realism. Whether speaking in a boardroom, at a staff wellbeing day or on stage at a festival, Caroline delivers practical mental health and wellbeing strategies that people actually use.
What Caroline Talks About
Caroline speaks on a range of topics related to mental health, emotional wellbeing and everyday resilience. All talks are rooted in psychological insight, delivered in clear, plain language and tailored for real-life relevance.
Popular topics include:
What Is Wellbeing, Really?
Cutting through buzzwords to define and explore practical wellbeing for real lives.
How to Be Happy (Or At Least Content)
Understanding mood, mindset and how we can create contentment through small consistent changes.
Freedom of Mind: Quieting Thoughts in a Noisy World
Simple strategies for managing rumination, overthinking and inner critics.
Understanding Anxiety – It’s Not Always Bad
What anxiety really is, why it exists and how to work with it instead of fearing it.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else
Exploring self-worth, social media and why we’re never as far behind as we think
The Art of Communication
Learn practical communication strategies to support clarity, connection and collaboration in the workplace and beyond.
Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
Understanding how to lead with empathy, self-awareness and psychological safety.
How to Build a Winning Team Culture
Explore the psychology of team dynamics, motivation and what makes people feel valued and willing to contribute.
Custom talks can be created for your team or event based on your themes or priorities.
Who It’s For
Caroline regularly speaks at:
Workplace wellbeing iniatives &HR-led events
National and local conferences and festivals
Schools and universities to staff and students
Online webinars and mental health panels
Community health and wellness initiatives
What to Expect
Talks range from 30 to 60 minutes
Delivered in-person (based in Cork, available nationwide) or online via Zoom
Engaging, evidence-informed and adapted to the audience
Caroline works closely with organisers to make sure the message fits your culture and context
Why Book Caroline?
Caroline brings something different:
A background in psychotherapy, property and law
A deep understanding of corporate pressure, family life and mental overload
A relatable approach that makes people feel seen
No jargon, no judgement — just insights that help people live and work with more ease
Book a Talk or Make an Enquiry
To book Caroline for a talk, workshop or panel, please get in touch below. You can also request a call to discuss your needs.
Based in Cork. Available for bookings across Ireland and online.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a structured, evidence-based psychological treatment that has been shown to help with a wide range of difficulties, including depression, anxiety, stress, low self-esteem and relationship challenges.
Originally developed in the 1960s by psychiatrist Dr Aaron T. Beck, CBT supports people in building practical skills to manage distressing thoughts, behaviours and emotions. Rather than focusing on short-term relief alone, CBT promotes long-term improvements in wellbeing. Over the years, contributions from clinicians such as Dr Judith Beck have helped refine and expand the approach globally.
At the heart of CBT is the understanding that our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and behaviours are interconnected. By identifying and changing unhelpful patterns, people can experience meaningful and lasting improvements in mental health and overall quality of life.
How CBT Can Help
CBT can support a wide range of everyday difficulties, including:
Low mood or lack of motivation You might feel flat, stuck or just not like yourself. CBT helps you notice unhelpful thinking patterns and gently shift them, while reconnecting with things that bring energy and meaning.
Overthinking and worry If your mind feels constantly busy or you’re always anticipating the worst, CBT offers tools to calm that mental noise and reduce overwhelm.
Stress and burnout Whether it’s work, family or life in general, CBT helps build healthier coping strategies, establish boundaries and restore a sense of control.
Confidence and self-esteem If you’re your own worst critic, CBT can help you challenge harsh self-judgements and build a more compassionate, balanced self-view.
Relationship or communication difficulties CBT can support you in recognising patterns, managing emotional triggers, and communicating more clearly in your personal or professional life.
General anxiety or unease Sometimes anxiety appears without a clear cause. CBT offers tools to manage physical symptoms and develop a greater sense of calm and stability.
What to Expect from CBT
CBT is always tailored to an individual’s specific needs and goals. Treatment typically lasts between 6 and 26 sessions, depending on the nature and severity of the issue. Sessions are structured, collaborative and goal-focused, with regular progress reviews. A key aim is to equip you with lifelong tools to manage your thoughts, emotions and behaviours beyond therapy.
While Cognitive Behavioural Therapy forms a strong foundation of my approach, I am not a strict CBT therapist. I also integrate elements of talking therapy to offer a warm, relational space that suits each person’s unique needs and preferences.
Appointments and Fees
As of January 2025, I offer both in-person and online CBT sessions. Each 50-minute appointment is €80.00
aking the First Step
If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stuck in low mood, CBT offers evidence-based support and practical tools to help you regain your balance. Taking that first step can feel daunting but it’s often the most important one toward building a more fulfilling life.
If you’d like to book an initial consultation or ask a question, please feel free to get in touch. I offer counselling and psychotherapy in Cork city and online and I’d be happy to hear from you.
Understanding Attachment Styles: A Key to Self-Discovery (2)
Google has made access to information astonishingly easy. While not all of the information is accurate or from reputable sources, it’s evident that we live in a world with knowledge at our fingertips – literally. In my experience, there’s recently been a surge of interest in attachment styles and how they shape romantic relationships. It’s tempting to trace everything back to our parents and assign blame for who we are today. However, at some point, we must take responsibility for our own growth, learning how to understand and manage our reactions.
Attachment styles are a cornerstone of psychology, offering valuable insights into how we connect and relate to others. Rooted in early childhood experiences with our caregivers, these patterns shape our adult relationships, influencing how we approach intimacy, handle conflict, and express our wants/needs/desires.
Understanding our attachment style can be a transformative step towards greater self-awareness and personal growth.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory identifies four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. These styles are shaped by the responsiveness and consistency of caregiving in childhood. Click on the links to read more about the four attachment styles.
Anxious Attachment: Inconsistent caregiving can lead to this style, where adults crave closeness but fear rejection, often resulting in insecurity or over-dependence.
Avoidant Attachment: Emotionally distant caregiving may foster this style, where individuals value independence but struggle with vulnerability and trust.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Often linked to trauma or neglect, this style combines anxious and avoidant traits. Adults with this style may desire connection yet fear intimacy, creating a push-pull relationship dynamic.
Secure Attachment: This develops from reliable and loving caregiving. Adults with this style often trust easily, communicate openly and balance intimacy with independence.
Why Understanding Attachment Styles Matters
Our attachment style significantly shapes our emotions, behaviours and dynamics within our relationships. Recognising the influence of attachment can lead to profound changes in how we relate to others and ourselves.
Cultivate Self-Awareness: Understand how our past experiences influence our current relationships.
Improve Communication: Learn to identify and express our needs clearly and explicitly.
Develop Healthier Relationships: Address limiting behaviours and build trust.
Foster Personal Growth: Break cycles of insecurity or avoidance that hold us back.
Even small insights can make a difference to us and our relationships. For instance, understanding the spotlight effect, which is the tendency to overestimate how much others notice or judge our actions, can help alleviate insecurities tied to attachment anxiety. There’s a post about the spotlight effect here.
Can Attachment Styles Change?
The lovely news is that attachment styles are not fixed. We can move towards a secure attachment style with effort, intention, and the right tools. We are not cast in stone. It won’t happen overnight, but change is possible. Therapy is one of the most effective pathways for unpacking unresolved emotions and building healthier relational patterns. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and journaling, can enhance emotional regulation, helping to manage our responses in challenging situations. Building secure connections with supportive, trustworthy people can provide a model for healthier relationships. Regular self-reflection is also essential – examining our relational behaviours and beliefs allows us to identify what needs to change. However, insight alone isn’t enough; action is key. Awareness without effort is a missed opportunity for growth.
Practical Tips for Moving Toward Secure Attachment
Self-awareness and consistent effort can guide you toward healthier connections. Reflect on how your early experiences influenced your relationships today. Practice open and honest communication with loved ones, challenging negative thought patterns and replacing them with balanced perspectives. Learn to set and respect boundaries, ensuring that your and others’ needs are harmonised. Seek professional guidance if unresolved trauma or recurring issues continue to affect your relationships.
Surround yourself with emotionally available and supportive individuals who model the connections you want to foster. Finally, prioritise self-care to maintain emotional stability—including activities like regular exercise, adequate sleep, or hobbies that bring you joy and peace.
No Labels, Just Awareness!
Understanding your attachment style is not about labelling yourself or labelling others. It’s about recognising patterns and taking actionable steps toward forming healthier connections. With awareness and intention, you can transform how you relate to others and, more importantly, how you relate to yourself.
Further Reading
For those keen to explore further into attachment styles, here are some resources to explore:
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen
Hold Me Tight by Dr Sue Johnson
Becoming Attached by Robert Karen
Each offers tools and insights for understanding attachment and fostering personal growth.
For more on related topics, check out the blog post here.
Take the First Step Today
You may reflect on your attachment style and consider how it has shaped your current and past connections and relationships. Personal growth and introspection is a lifelong journey. Every little step towards self-knowledge counts as progress in life. By embracing your awareness of self, introspection and taking intentional actions, you can create (and improve) relationships so they are healthier, more fulfilling, and grounded in trust and connection.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Attachment Intro
Attachment Intro (1)
As many know, I work with adolescents and adults, offering in-person and online therapy (I prefer to work online only with adults). My work fills me with a profound sense of purpose and gratitude. I am fortunate to have a career that brings me joy instead of the Sunday night dread many describe. I’ll always be indebted to my friend JQ, who encouraged me to pursue the counselling and psychotherapy course that led me here.
My work is a privilege. Each day, I am invited into people’s inner worlds as they navigate challenges, uncover strengths, and make sense of their lives. However, I never claim to be an expert on anyone else’s life – or an expert in any sense. I’m not a medic or a guru. My role is to listen, ask reasoned questions and help people untangle the complexities of their minds and experiences. In truth, I learn as much from my clients as they (hopefully) learn from me. Each session offers new insights – sometimes factual, other times fascinating.
Family Dynamics and Their Impact
Family dynamics frequently emerge as a central theme in therapy. Many of my clients have experienced adoption, foster care, or the ripple effects of intergenerational trauma. Others grapple with strained or unconventional family relationships that profoundly shape their emotional responses and worldviews. While family connections can be messy and challenging, they also hold immense potential for healing and growth. When repairing family ties isn’t possible, forming new, meaningful bonds with friends can provide the same sense of support and connection.
A Growing Interest in Attachment Styles
Recently, many of my clients have shown a keen interest in attachment styles. They’ve explored online resources to better understand their relationships and how childhood experiences have shaped their approaches to intimacy, trust and conflict. Some feel stuck in patterns of pursuing closeness while simultaneously pushing partners away, a dynamic that can leave them feeling confused and frustrated, which is why they end up in a room with me – to try to make sense of it all.
Relationships, while deeply rewarding, can be complex and sometimes overwhelming. For individuals who haven’t experienced consistent love or reassurance during childhood, forming healthy attachments as an adult can feel daunting. There are various attachment types. This is not a new discovery and has been exmined by John Bowlby in the 1950s and Mary Ainsworth built on Bowlby’s theories with the “Strange Situation” experiments conducted in the 1970s. Mary Main and others in the 1980s further refined attachment theory by introducing disorganised attachment, expanding its application to include adult attachment and the intergenerational transmission of attachment styles. So, there is much to know. It’s not exactly new, but as humans, we like to know the ‘why’!
I’ve written about four attachment styles in general here. This is where therapy provides a safe and objective space to explore these patterns, improve communication, and work toward meaningful change.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment styles provide a framework for understanding our relational patterns. Secure attachment, often seen as the ideal, is characterised by honesty, emotional closeness, and balanced interdependence.
Secure attachment is formed in early childhood through consistent, emotionally available caregiving. When caregivers respond reliably to a child’s needs, provide comfort, and encourage exploration, the child develops a sense of safety and trust. This foundation fosters emotional regulation, resilience and the ability to form healthy, balanced relationships later in life. Secure attachment emerges from predictable, supportive interactions that teach the child they are valued and their needs will be met. Individuals with secure attachment thrive in relationships while maintaining independence. They regulate emotions effectively, sustain self-confidence and support their partners’ growth. It’s no wonder so many aspire to cultivate this style.
Fearful-avoidant attachment often stems from early experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect, where caregivers are both a source of comfort and fear. This creates an internal conflict about seeking connection. Without consistent emotional safety, the child grows up with patterns of fear, mistrust, and push-pull dynamics in relationships.
In adulthood, this attachment style is paradoxical. People crave intimacy but simultaneously fear and distrust it, creating cycles of closeness and withdrawal: “I need you… Now you’re too much… I need space… Wait, I want you again.” These cycles make it challenging to establish stability and trust in relationships.
Anxious attachment often begins in childhood when caregiving is inconsistent. A child may experience love and attention at times but be ignored or dismissed at other times. This unpredictability fosters insecurity, making the child hyperaware of relationships and deeply fearful of abandonment – a pattern that often persists into adulthood.
Adults with anxious attachment frequently fear rejection and seek constant reassurance. They may struggle with self-worth and rely on their partners for validation, often becoming preoccupied with their partner’s emotions or behaviours. This hypervigilance can create cycles of insecurity and strain in relationships, even though their deep capacity for connection is a strength.
Avoidant Attachment: The Struggle with Vulnerability
Avoidant attachment can develop when caregivers are emotionally distant or dismissive. Children suppress their emotions and build self-reliance to protect themselves from rejection or unmet needs. This pattern often translates into an aversion to vulnerability in adulthood. Adults with avoidant attachment strongly emphasise independence, often at the expense of emotional intimacy. While they may desire connection, their fear of dependence or being hurt leads them to create emotional distance. This self-protective behaviour can leave partners feeling neglected or unloved, even when care exists.
The Path to Change
While attachment styles often originate in childhood, they are not fixed. Individuals can move toward a secure attachment style with awareness, effort, and support. Therapy offers a safe environment to explore and challenge these patterns, helping people navigate relationships with greater confidence and emotional resilience.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Clinical Burnout
Burnout: A Clinical Perspective
Burnout: More Than Just a Buzzword
I was recently discussing ‘burnout,’ and the person I was speaking with mentioned that the term seems to be used far too loosely these days. He observed that people say they’re experiencing burnout when busy at work or feeling worn out after Christmas parties. This casual use of the term caught my attention because, in my practice, I use ‘burnout’ in a clinical sense. When people come to me with burnout, they’re often signed off work by their GP and face a long and challenging road to recovery. While it’s valuable that awareness of stress is increasing, it’s crucial to recognise that true clinical burnout is far more serious than general exhaustion.
What Burnout Really Means
Burnout is a medical and clinical condition with serious implications for mental and physical health. Clinical burnout, as defined by the World Health Organisation (WHO), is a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterised by three core features: persistent feelings of emotional and physical exhaustion, a sense of detachment or cynicism towards one’s job and a reduced ability to perform effectively. Unlike general fatigue, clinical burnout develops over time and does not simply disappear after a good night’s sleep or a short break. It requires careful attention and often structured intervention to address.
Overuse of the Term “Burnout”
Although the term ‘burnout’ is now used rather casually to describe being overworked or tired, these experiences don’t align with the clinical definition. While the casual use of the term reflects a growing awareness of stress, it can dilute the seriousness of burnout. This overuse may make it harder for people experiencing clinical burnout to be recognised and supported. Importantly, burnout in its clinical sense is not a sign of personal weakness or failure but rather the result of systemic issues such as chronic stress, excessive workloads, lack of support and environments that fail to prioritise employee well-being.
Far-Reaching Symptoms of Burnout
Clinical burnout develops when workplace stress becomes unmanageable and unrelenting. It often arises in environments with excessive demands, little autonomy, inadequate support, or a mismatch between personal values and organisational culture. These factors combine over time, eroding resilience and making recovery increasingly difficult. Unlike occasional stress, which can sometimes be motivating, burnout represents a prolonged and harmful state that affects both mental and physical health.
The symptoms of burnout are far-reaching and can impact every aspect of everyday life. Emotionally, people may feel drained, irritable or even hopeless. Cognitively, people may struggle to focus or with decision-making or memory, which can add to feelings of frustration. Physically, symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches and sleep disturbances often emerge. Behaviourally, people may withdraw from social connections, procrastinate, or avoid responsibilities altogether. Burnout can profoundly affect relationships and self-esteem, leading to feelings of failure and disconnection from others.
Addressing Burnout Requires a Holistic Approach
Addressing burnout requires a multifaceted approach that includes both individual and systemic changes. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the underlying issues contributing to burnout, develop coping mechanisms, and rebuild resilience. Rest and recovery are essential because burnout cannot be resolved by simply pushing through it – people need time, space, and patience to heal. Systemic workplace adjustments are often necessary, including reducing excessive demands, establishing clear boundaries, and fostering supportive environments. Self-care practices such as mindfulness, regular exercise and reconnecting with activities that bring joy can also play a crucial role in recovery.
Burnout Is a Call to Prioritise Emotional and Mental Health
Burnout is not a reflection of personal failure. It’s a complex response to prolonged, unrelenting stress, often shaped by factors outside of individual control. Understanding burnout means recognising its key symptoms: emotional exhaustion, detachment, and a reduced sense of accomplishment. These aren’t signs of weakness but signals from your body and mind that your current demands exceed your resources.
Addressing burnout starts with self-awareness and support. Prioritising emotional and mental health isn’t just self-care—it’s a fundamental necessity for thriving. This might mean setting boundaries, seeking workplace accommodations, or rethinking unsustainable systems in your life. However, proper recovery also requires systemic change. Organisations and communities must create environments where wellbeing is central, not optional.
If you or someone you know is experiencing burnout, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide guidance, validation and strategies for recovery. You don’t have to face it alone – healing and recovery are possible, and your well-being is worth the effort.
Throughout my years of working with people from all walks of life, one truth has become abundantly clear: we are often our own harshest critics. Time and again, I meet people weighed down by self-doubt, lost in comparisons, and questioning their sense of worth. But here’s a fact I wish you would hold on to today: you are enough, exactly as you are.
The Perfectionism Trap
We live in a world that often equates worth with achievement, appearance, or success. This can lead to the exhausting pursuit of perfection – an unattainable goal. Whether striving to be the best at work, the fittest in your gym, or the most engaging person at a party, perfectionism keeps us in a constant state of “not good enough.”
The reality is that perfection isn’t what connects us as humans. Vulnerability, authenticity and kindness are far more powerful. Allowing yourself to be imperfect not only lifts the weight of unrealistic expectations but also invites deeper connections with others who see and accept you for who you really are.
You Are Not Your Mistakes
It’s natural to make mistakes. We all do. Yet, many of us cling to our failures as evidence that we’re not worthy or capable. We say all sorts of terrible things to ourselves when we get something wrong. Some mistakes have more significant consequences; however, we need to be able to accept that we are human. But what if mistakes were viewed very differently? Instead of considering them massive failures, we could reframe them as opportunities for learning. Each stumble is a step forward, a chance to grow and a reminder that you’re trying – that’s something to be proud of. Even if you don’t like the outcome – you were willing to take a chance.
The Comparison Illusion
One of the biggest culprits of self-doubt is comparison. Social media makes it easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to others’ fake highlight reels. But you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes real life to someone else’s polished production. What you don’t see are their struggles, doubts and fears – people on social media well, they’re human, just like you.
Instead of measuring yourself against online personalities, turn your focus inwards. Celebrate your progress, however small, and honour your journey. It’s unique and worthy of praise. I even go so far as to say it’s worthy of feeling pride!
What Matters
At the end of the day (said like Roy Keane), it’s not the number of promotions, likes, acknowledgements or accolades you receive on social media that define your sense of worth. What matters are the moments of kindness you’ve shown towards others, the resilience you’ve demonstrated in getting through the hardships in your life, and the relationships you’ve nurtured. Your worth is not tied to what you do; you are not your job; your self-worth is inherent in who you are.
Self-Compassion
If you take one thing away from this blog post – treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a dear friend. When self-critical thoughts creep in, ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I care about?” The answer is definitely ‘no’. You’d be so kind and supportive to someone else, so please offer yourself the same grace and support.
Here’s an exercise that I’d recommend you do every night! Write down one thing you really liked or appreciated about yourself that day. It could be as simple as “I handled a stressful situation well”, “I smiled at a stranger and made their day better”, or “I held a door open for someone, and I know they felt seen”. Over time, you’ll notice and appreciate your strengths and kindness towards others.
You Are Enough
Remember, you are not defined by your productivity, appearance, or accolades. You are enough because of your humanity, effort and unique place in this world. The world would not be the same if you were never born or not here right now. If today feels hard, know that it’s okay to pause, breathe and just be. Tomorrow is a new day. You don’t have to be perfect; you have to be yourself.
If self-doubt feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a therapist or counsellor or a peer support group or maybe now is the time to attend an AA or NA meeting – I suspect it might not do any harm to see what one is like! Sometimes, having someone to guide you through the noise of self-criticism can make a huge difference. You are worthy of support, joy and peace of mind. You’re also deserving of the love that you give others.
Forget Resolutions: Set Intentions for 2025 Instead
As the new year begins, many of us feel pressured to create a long list of resolutions – big, bold promises about improving ourselves in 2025. But let’s be honest: how often do we stick to our New Year’s resolutions? Instead of setting yourself up with rigid goals, why not try a gentler and more meaningful approach this year? Set intentions.
Why Intentions Work
Intentions are different from New Year’s resolutions. Instead of focusing on specific outcomes (“lose 5 kgs in three months” or “save money”), intentions focus on how we want to live and how we want to feel. They’re less about achieving (or failing) and more about aligning with our values.
Unlike resolutions, which can leave us feeling like a failure when we don’t hit our target, intentions are adaptable. They grow with us as the year unfolds, helping us stay connected to what matters most.
How to Set Intentions
Identify Your Values
What’s most important to you? Connection, personal growth, balance, adventure? Whether it’s health, happiness, relationships or creativity, your intentions should reflect your core values.
Focus on Feelings, Not Results
Instead of saying, “I’ll exercise five days a week,” try, “I’ll care for my body and enjoy moving it.” This keeps the focus on how you want to feel rather than setting a rigid expectation.
Keep It Positive
Frame intentions as things you’re inviting into your life, like “I’ll welcome more peace into my days,” instead of focusing on what you want to avoid.
Write Down Intentions
Keep your intentions visible to stay connected to them. Put them on your fridge, make them your phone wallpaper, or stick a note on your mirror.
Examples to Inspire You
“I’ll make time for the people who matter most”
“I’ll find moments of calm in my everyday life”
“I’ll enjoy movement and celebrate my body’s strength.”
“I’ll take small, steady steps towards a healthier, happier me.”
“I’ll pay attention and celebrate the little wins”
The Beauty of Intentions
The beauty of setting intentions is that there’s no pressure to “get it right.” Intentions are a gentle reminder of what’s important and how you want to approach your life—they’re not a strict rulebook. They help you stay grounded in your values and guide you in making choices that feel authentic and fulfilling.
So, as you welcome 2025, give yourself permission to step away from strict resolutions. Instead, set intentions that inspire and guide you. Let this year be one of mindfulness, growth, and joy.
Step into 2025 with a fresh approach- ditch rigid New Year’s resolutions and embrace mindful intentions. Discover how setting intentions can help you live in alignment with your values, focus on what really matters most to you and make this year one of growth, joy and authenticity.
Here’s to a meaningful 2025!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Loving You
Loving You
There’s a difference between someone loving you and you loving someone. While both involve care, affection, and connection, they come from different sources and serve distinct emotional needs.
Someone Loving You
When someone loves you, you are the recipient of their affection. This love can make you feel validated, cared for, and supported. It nurtures your self-worth and offers a sense of belonging. However, the love you receive from others, while wonderful, is not something you can control or create – it is an external source of emotional nourishment.
While being loved by someone else can enhance your happiness, it cannot fill the void if you lack a strong foundation of self-love. Relying solely on external love can lead to dependency, insecurity or disappointment when that love doesn’t meet all your emotional needs.
You Loving Someone
On the other hand, loving someone comes from your inner capacity to give affection, care and emotional support. This love is an expression of who you are and what you value. However, loving someone else should be rooted in a healthy understanding and love for yourself. Without self-love, your love for others may become imbalanced, leading to over-giving, people-pleasing, or losing yourself in the relationship while seeking external validation or approval.
Challenges with Giving or Receiving Love
If you struggle to give or receive love, you are not alone. Many people face barriers because of past experiences, trust issues, or deeply held beliefs about themselves and others. For example, loving and being loved require vulnerability, which can feel overwhelming if you’ve been hurt in the past. Opening up can feel risky, but starting small – like sharing your feelings with a trusted friend.- can help you build confidence in showing your true self.
Low self-worth can make it difficult to accept love. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of affection, you may unconsciously block love from others. Working on affirming your worth through self-reflective practices, positive self-talk, or therapy can help you rebuild this belief. Similarly, trust issues from past betrayals may make you hesitate to rely on others emotionally. Trust takes time to build – allow people to demonstrate their reliability gradually.
For some people the challenge lies in over-sharing. If you constantly put others’ needs above your own, you may find yourself emotionally drained. This often stems from a desire to earn love rather than giving it freely. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to care for others without neglecting your own needs. Lastly, fear of rejection can prevent you from showing affection or receiving it. Shifting your focus to the act of giving love, rather than its outcome, can help you embrace love as a gift, not a transaction.
Why Loving Yourself First Is Key
Self-love is about recognising your worth, setting healthy boundaries and meeting your emotional needs. Without it, you may look to others to fill gaps in your self-esteem, which can lead to unhealthy relationships or emotional burnout. When you cultivate self-love, you become less dependent on external validation because your sense of worth comes from within. You can set healthy boundaries that protect your energy and ensure that your relationships remain balanced. This self-respect also helps you choose healthier partnerships with people who value and respect you, rather than settling because of insecurity or fear of being alone.
Loving yourself allows you to give love freely. Instead of seeking validation or reciprocation, your love becomes an expression of abundance. You can show care and affection for others without losing yourself in the process, creating relationships that feel mutually fulfilling.
The Balance of Loving and Being Loved
True emotional fulfilment comes from a balance of loving and being loved. When you love yourself, you approach relationships from a healthy perspective, able to give and receive love without losing your sense of self. Relying solely on others for love and validation can lead to emotionally draining or imbalanced relationships. Loving yourself first is not selfish – it’s essential. By cultivating self-love, you create a strong foundation for future relationships, ensuring that the love you give and receive is healthy, authentic and enriching for both you and the other person.
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Practical Steps to Strengthen Your Capacity for Love
Start by practising self-kindness and replacing self-criticism with self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would a close friend – offer encouragement, patience and understanding instead of harsh judgment. Gratitude is another powerful tool. By recognising the love and support already present in your life, even in small moments or gestures, you can shift your perspective and nurture a deeper sense of connection. Communication is equally vital. Openly expressing your feelings and needs fosters trust and strengthens relationships over time. Celebrate the progress you make and keep in mind htat every step you take towards giving or receiving love is an achievement. By acknowledging your growth, you build confidence and reinforce your ability to form meaningful, healthy connections. Love whether it’s self-love, giving love, or accepting it is a lifelong process. Take a deep breath, embrace who you are and trust in your ability to give and receive love. The most powerful relationship you’ll ever cultivate is the one you build with yourself.
Visit www.carolinecrotty.ie to discover more ways to nurture your emotional well-being and create a life filled with love, connection and self-acceptance.
Unlock Happiness and Find Calm
Unlock Happiness and Find Calm: Practical Tips to Transform Your Day
Happiness is often found in small, meaningful moments and when we combine that with mindfulness (i.e. being fully present in the here and now) well, then we’ve got the recipe for a more joyful, balanced life.
Here’s how you can make every day a little happier by being intentional:
Gratitude – Every day has something to celebrate, even if it’s as simple as a sunny morning or your first sip of coffee. Start a gratitude journal and jot down three things you’re thankful for each night. Watch as your mind shifts to focus on what’s going right in your life.
Connection – Happiness grows when shared. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while or invite someone for coffee. Building meaningful connections reminds you that you’re not alone in this big, beautiful world.
Spark Joy – What makes you feel alive? Whether it’s painting, playing music, hiking, or baking the perfect sourdough, carve out time for the things you love. Joy is contagious—especially when it starts with you.
Move – Focus on movement that elevates your mood. Dance in your kitchen, stroll in the park, or take a yoga class. Exercise isn’t just for your body, it’s a happiness boost for your brain.
Kindness – give to receive as the kindness come straight back! Pay for a stranger’s coffee, volunteer your time, or send an encouraging text. Helping others creates a ripple effect of positivity.
Mindfulness Made Easy: Be Present and Feel Peaceful
From the minute you wake, before checking your mobile phone, pause and set an intention for your day. Whether it’s “I’ll approach today with patience” or “I’ll find beauty in the ordinary,” this small intention can guide your mindset for the day that lies ahead.
Breathing slowly is a secret power. When life feels overwhelming, come back to your breath. Inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four then hold for four (this is called ‘box breathing). You’ll feel your stress melt away, one breath at a time.
Notice the Little Things
Ever paused to really listen to the sounds around you or sense the sun on your face? Try engaging your main senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell) so you smell your tea, feel the lovely texture of your clothes, listen to the sound of your footsteps – all of this will bring you to living in the here and now.
Eat with Awareness Instead of mindlessly munching, savour your food. Notice the flavours, textures and all the aromas. Eating mindfully turns an everyday habit into an act of appreciation and joy.
Pay Attention
Think you’re saving time by juggling tasks? Think again. Give your full attention to one thing at a time, whether it’s a work project, a conversation, or even washing the dishes. It’s surprisingly freeing—and effective.
Blend Happiness and Mindfulness
Nature: Leave your phone at home or in the car and spend time in nature. Notice the rustling leaves, little chirping birds, or the way the sunlight breaks through the trees. Nature has a way of quieting your mind and lifting your spirit.
Meditate, Even if only for a few minutes. Use various social media apps like Calm or Headspace to help make mindfulness accessible even on your busiest days.
Journal: Spend a few minutes reflecting on your day—what brought you happiness, or what moment made you feel deeply connected to the present? Writing it down cements the experience and reminds you to look for more.
Happiness and mindfulness aren’t about perfection—they’re about showing up for yourself in small, meaningful ways. So take a deep breath, smile at the little victories, and remember: the life you want is built in the moments you create.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Mental Health Challenges
Mental Health Challenges
We all have a limit. In my experience, we can be pushed to that limit emotionally when life’s challenges start to pile up (rather like bricks in Jenga) when issues or challenges pile up, one on top of the other.
Life is messy, cruel and unfair. Terrible things happen to lovely people, but when we don’t tackle our problems as they arrive and if we keep them secret, it can lead to feeling worse in the long run. Try talking about whatever is on your mind with someone you trust in confidence. When we prioritise our mental health all the time, then we potentially avert challenges in the long run.
Ensuring that we safeguard our mental health is as important as looking after our physical health. Whether we are dealing with stress, anxiety, depression or feeling tired and flat emotionally, there are strategies we can use to improve how we feel.
Some evidence-based approaches to help cope with difficult times are:
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of focusing your attention on the present moment without judgment. It can help reduce stress and anxiety by increasing self-awareness and improving emotional regulation. Research has shown that mindfulness-based interventions can effectively treat a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders (see Kabat-Zinn). I’m not sure we can ever silence our minds completely but we can give ourselves a focus like listening to the sounds around us, watching birds in the sky, noticing our breath and breathing and when a thought pops into our minds we can return our focus to our breath for example and how it feels as it enters our bodies. That’s a good starting point for developing mindfulness. we might take a mindful walk and admire the trees or colours around us and be mindful of what we are eating and how our food tastes. Some people find mindfulness in music – do whatever works best for you.
Regular Exercise: Exercise is not just good for physical health but it’s imperative for our mental health. Regular physical activity has been linked to improved mood, reduced stress and anxiety, and increased self-esteem. Studies have found that exercise can be an effective treatment for depression and can help prevent its recurrence
Sufficient Sleep: Sleep is essential for both physical and mental health. Lack of sleep can exacerbate symptoms of anxiety and depression and increase stress levels. It is recommended that adults get 7-8 hours of sleep per night to maintain optimal health and well-being.
Eat a Balanced Diet: What you eat can impact your mental health. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can reduce the risk of depression and anxiety. Eat brightly coloured fruits and veg, nuts and all the things we know are healthy for us.
Connect with Others: Social connections are important for mental health and well-being. People who have strong social support systems are better able to cope with stress and are less likely to experience depression and anxiety (including in adolescence). Make time to connect with family and friends, and consider joining a support group or seeking professional counselling or psychotherapy if needed.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Negative thoughts and negative self-talk can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that can help people identify and challenge their negative thoughts and beliefs and replace them with more positive or compassionate thoughts. CBT has been found to be effective in treating a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders.
Practice Self-Care: Taking time for yourself and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation can help reduce stress and improve mental health. Examples of self-care activities include taking a bath, making time to exercise, reading a book, or practicing yoga.
In conclusion, there are many evidence-based strategies that can help improve mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness, exercise regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, connecting with others, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-care are effective ways to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression and to improve your mood generally. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it is important to seek professional help from a qualified mental health professional.
Help is at hand – here are some mental health supports (27.02.2024)
Why You Might Feel Worse After Therapy And Why That’s Not a Bad Thing
Have you ever left a therapy session feeling worse than when it started? If so, you’re not alone and it doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. In fact, this experience is more common than you might think. Therapy is about healing, insight and growth and it often stirs up difficult feelings and emotions along the way.
A young man recently shared with me that after our session, although he expected to feel better, instead, he felt worse. I was grateful for his honesty and his experience inspired this blog post. If you’ve ever felt the same, I hope what follows helps you understand why this happens and how to support yourself.
Therapy Can Stir Up Buried Emotions
Therapy often involves revisiting difficult past experiences – memories, relationships, or patterns we’ve learned to suppress. Bringing those emotions and feelings to the surface can be unsettling. You may leave a session feeling vulnerable, tearful or emotionally raw.
That discomfort isn’t a sign of failure – it’s a natural part of the healing process known as emotional processing. It means that work is happening.
Letting Go of Old Beliefs Can Feel Unsettling
Therapy can bring clarity about your relationships, coping patterns, or how your past is impacting your present. That insight is valuable, but it can be painful. Realising that something you hoped was fine is actually contributing to your distress can be hard but it’s often the first step towards meaningful change.
Therapy Shines a Light on Difficult Truths
Therapy can help you see things more clearly – about your relationships, coping patterns or how past experiences shaped your present. While this insight is valuable, it can also be painful. It’s not easy to realise that something you hoped was fine is actually contributing to your distress. That clarity, though difficult, is often the first step towards change.
Therapy Happens Between Sessions
Therapy doesn’t stop when the appointment/session ends. In fact, I think the real work starts then! You may be encouraged to reflect, to write in your therapy journal, or to test-drive a new behaviour. That requires emotional energy and that’s challenging especially when you’re already juggling daily responsibilities. Feeling tired or emotionally stretched between sessions is understandable.
Sometimes We Feel Worse Before We Feel Better
It’s not unusual for anxiety, sadness or tension to intensify at the start of therapy. That doesn’t mean it’s not working and it often means you’re becoming more emotionally aware, which is essential for healing.
Progress Takes Time
We live in a world that favours quick fixes, but therapy isn’t instant. Meaningful change rarely happens in one session. It’s okay to feel frustrated but showing up is progress. Growth is usually slow and steady.
Your Defence Mechanisms May Be Shifting
We all use coping strategies like minimising, avoiding, or intellectualising to protect ourselves from pain. In therapy, those defences can begin to soften. That might feel unfamiliar or even frightening. But loosening those patterns makes space for new ways of being.
How to Support Yourself Between Sessions
Be Honest With Your Therapist
If you’re feeling worse after a session, let your therapist know. It helps them understand your experience and tailor the work to your needs. Sometimes clients appear upbeat during sessions but feel flat afterwards – naming that is important. Therapists are not mind-readers!
Practise Self-Compassion
Feeling unsettled doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Growth takes time. Be gentle with yourself. The work you’re doing matters.
Set Realistic Expectations
Therapy isn’t a straight line. Some sessions will feel productive, others might not. And some topics may be revisited more than once and that’s okay.
Lean on Your Support Network
If you have a trusted friend, family member or support group, talk to them. Feeling heard outside of therapy can help you feel more grounded and less alone.
Look After Your Basic Needs
Prioritise sleep, nutrition, hydration and movement. These simple, everyday actions can help regulate your nervous system and build resilience.
Check the Therapeutic Fit
If you consistently feel worse with no progress over time, it might be worth reviewing whether the therapist or approach is the right fit. A good therapist will welcome that conversation.
Reach Out if You’re Struggling
If you feel overwhelmed or unsafe between sessions, reach out to your GP, a crisis line or a mental health professional. You don’t have to cope alone.
A Final Word
Feeling worse after therapy doesn’t mean something’s gone wrong – it often means something important is shifting. Therapy calls for honesty and emotional bravery. That can bring big feelings to the surface but by naming them and supporting yourself, you’re doing the work of real healing.
Every step counts. Even when it’s hard, you’re moving forward.
Be proud of yourself. And please be kind to yourself.
Anxiety can cause feelings of worry, fear, and unease and interfere with daily life. If you’re struggling with symptoms of anxiety, you’re not alone. It’s part of being human but the challenges can be more profound for some rather than others.
There are some steps you can take to manage your stress and improve your overall mental health.
Caroline Crotty works as a counsellor and psychotherapist, and daily, someone says they are feeling poorly because of ‘anxiety’.
Here are some coping strategies and techniques that work:
Practice deep breathing: When feeling anxious our breathing can become shallow and rapid. Practising deep breathing can help us slow down our breathing and calm our minds. Try inhaling deeply, holding your breath for a couple of seconds, and exhale slowly and for longer than you inhaled. This will slow down your heart rate.
Get moving: For you to improve symptoms and feelings of anxiety, stress or panic get your heart rate up through cardio – you don’t even have to join a gym – dance in the kitchen or sitting room. Go up and down your stairs. Shake it off as advised by Taylor Swift – get your body moving. It will help you to utilise the stress hormones in your system and you’ll never regret an outdoor walk or a work out!
Challenge negative thoughts: Feeling anxious can often fuelled by negative thoughts and beliefs. Challenge these thoughts by asking whether the thoughts and doubts are realistic or if there’s evidence to support them. Try to reframe negative thoughts into more positive ones. Recount your successes.
Engage in self-care: Taking care of yourself is important for managing the symptoms of anxiety. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, hydrating with water and doing things that bring you joy with people who are easy to be with.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings and learn to accept them without getting caught up in them.
Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, psychotherapist or counsellor can be helpful for managing anxiety. They can offer support, guidance, and perspective.
Remember that managing the symptoms of stress, panic or anxiety takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
If you’re struggling and need support, please reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional. You don’t have to go through this alone.
If you have any questions about counselling and psychotherapy or want to schedule an appointment, please contact Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy at hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Online and In-Person Counselling
Based in the heart of Cork city, I offer both online psychotherapy and in-person (or face-to-face) appointments. Combining both approaches provides benefits for people seeking mental health support.
Here are some benefits of combining online psychotherapy and in-person appointments:
Increased flexibility: Online psychotherapy or counselling appointments can be attended from the comfort of home or wherever there is internet access. This is particularly helpful when people have busy schedules, mobility issues, or live in remote areas. On the other hand, in-person sessions offer the benefit of face-to-face interaction, sitting in the same room as the therapist and for some that can feel more personal.
Improved accessibility: Online psychotherapy sessions can be accessed from anywhere worldwide, which is especially helpful for people living in areas without mental health services. In-person appointments, on the other hand, can offer the opportunity to build a close rapport with the therapist and can be especially helpful for people who favour face-to-face communication.
Enhanced privacy: Online therapy sessions can provide an added layer of privacy and confidentiality for anyone who may feel uncomfortable with face-to-face interactions or feel self-conscious attending a clinic for counselling or psychotherapy. In-person sessions provide a private and confidential environment, free from the distractions of the home environment where a housemate or family member may overhear.
Customised treatment plans: Combining online and in-person counselling can allow for a customised treatment plan, tailored to suit individual needs e.g. weekly online sessions with a monthly in-person session, or vice versa.
Increased continuity of care: By combining online and in-person appointments, people have a consistent level of care, even when travelling for work or following a move to a new location. Having online appointments available wherever you are, provides peace of mind and reduces the stress of seeking new mental health services or trying to locate a new therapist.
In summary, combining online and in-person counselling and psychotherapy can be beneficial. The flexibility that online sessions provide suits some whilst the personal contact provided by face to face appointments suits others.
If you’re interested in learning more about Caroline Crotty’s online or in-person therapy services in Cork city, please don’t hesitate to make contact.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Stress and Anxiety
How to Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Stress and anxiety are natural elements of life, but learning how to reduce stress and anxiety can significantly improve our wellbeing. Fortunately, there are evidence-backed techniques that empower you to take control of your emotional and mental health.
Effective, Evidence-Based Techniques
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a powerful technique that involves focusing our attention on the present moment, maintaining an awareness of thoughts, feelings, and environment through a compassionate and accepting lens. Originating in Buddhist meditation, secular mindfulness practice is now mainstream. Numerous studies demonstrate its effectiveness in reducing stress and anxiety. By cultivating mindfulness, we can develop an increased awareness of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond to stressors more clearly and calmly. We might begin by paying attention to whatever is around us by looking at the sky, the colours of leaves, feeling our feet on the ground while noticing our breath – that is being present and mindful, and we can do it wherever and whenever.
Physical Exercise
Physical exercise is a game-changer. Keep moving – as long as your body allows – regardless of age. Engaging in regular physical exercise is beneficial for our physical and mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, natural mood-boosting chemicals. It also reduces stress hormones and improves sleep, all contributing to a decrease in stress and anxiety levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise on most weekdays.
A Healthy Lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle plays a crucial role in managing stress and anxiety. Ensure you get enough sleep and prioritise a balanced diet with nutrient-rich foods. Limit the intake of caffeine and alcohol, which can contribute to anxiety symptoms. Stay hydrated with water. Additionally, practising good time management and setting realistic goals can reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress. You might find the guide to better sleep helpful.
Supportive Network
Social support is essential for coping with stress and anxiety. Loneliness can impact health and wellbeing. Cultivate strong relationships with friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy and encouragement. Research suggests that having a reliable support network can buffer the adverse effects of stress and enhance our overall wellbeing. Join a group if you feel isolated. Phone the Samaritans any time, day or night, on 116123 (no charge from mobile or landline).
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a well-established, evidence-based approach to managing stress and anxiety. CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Reframing our perceptions and beliefs can reduce anxiety and improve our ability to cope with stressors. Courses can be found at: CCI Health Self-Help Resources.
Self-Care
Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for stress management. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Setting aside regular periods for self-care helps replenish our energy, promotes emotional wellbeing, and reduces the impact of stressors. There are some self-care tips here.
Finally, reducing stress and anxiety is possible through evidence-based strategies. We can take proactive steps towards improving our mental wellbeing by incorporating mindfulness, exercise, healthy lifestyle choices, social support, cognitive-behavioural techniques, and self-care activities into our daily routines. It is vital to tailor these to your individual needs (cut your cloth according to your measure) and consult a mental health professional if you require additional support.
Our physical health and mental health are inextricably linked, with one impacting the other in a circular relationship. When feeling physically unwell, we might not feel very happy. When feeling anxious or overwhelmed, we might not feel physically well.
We can take measures to safeguard and boost our mental health. It can feel difficult and effortful, but the payoff is worth it. Prioritise your well-being to get the best out of your life.
Start Today!
Planning is fantastic, but starting today with something is far better than postponing until the time is just right! An imperfect something is better than a perfect nothing!
Exercise
Move for 20 minutes by marching on the spot, touching your elbows to the opposite knee, dance or follow an online class from the comfort of your home. If 20 minutes is too much, set a timer for 5 minutes, leave the house and as soon as the alarm goes off, turn around and come home – that’s a 10-minute walk and a wonderful starting point. 30 mins of moderate exercise most days can reduce stress, improve your mood, and boost self-esteem.
Screen-Free Time
Mobile phones are an intrinsic part of our lives. When prioritising mental health, schedule daily screen-free time. We do not benefit from being constantly distracted from ourselves. Spending time alone with our thoughts is beneficial. Our brains need downtime, ideally in nature, which can improve our focus. Even looking at and admiring trees is calming for humans because nature is therapeutic!
Social Connections
Just as important as spending time alone with our thoughts, forging social connections is beneficial for our mental health. It might be a little more difficult as we age to find new friends but reach out to others. Contact family members and friends, meet people, become involved in your community, join clubs/groups that interest you or volunteer.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is not about having a full mind but is more about being present and engaged in the current moment. Mindfulness can help reduce stress and improve focus and feelings of wellbeing. Spend a few minutes every day, focusing on your breath and breathing. While walking, pay attention to your body and the sound of your steps on the ground. When someone speaks, listen and hear what they’re saying. There are several ways to develop mindfulness or join a yoga, or mindfulness class
Self-Care
Make a list of things that you enjoy doing or that you used to enjoy when you were younger. Prioritise doing something from that list (whatever you enjoy) as part of self-care practice even if only for ten minutes every day e.g. reading, walking, music, drawing, gardening. If you are a parent, by doing what you enjoy you teach your children the importance of self-care – you are their role model.
Seek Help
Ask your GP for a list of supports. Alternatively, phone 1800111888 anytime day or night and you’ll be sign-posted to Irish mental health support services.
Gratitude
Most of us never miss what we have until it’s gone, including people. Developing gratitude
can improve our mood, reduce stress, and increase positive feelings. Write three things
every day for which you are grateful, regardless of how small or insignificant. That keeps our focus on the positives regardless of how tough the day is.
In summary, move your body, have screen-free time, spend time in nature, forge social
connections, seek help, and practice gratitude and mindfulness. The benefits of prioritising your mental health outweigh the effort. Something done is better than a perfect nothing so why not do something to mind your mental health today!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Self-Care
Self-Care
I’m unsure how often I’ve said ‘mind yourself’ or ‘take care’ when saying goodbye. Recently, someone replied, ‘Caroline, I don’t know how’ so I suggested writing an article outlining ways we can look after ourselves and exercise self-care. This is for you – you know who you are!
I’ve been thinking about how I ‘mind’ myself. There are a few things that I am consistent with such as allowing sufficient time for sleep, regularly drinking water, bringing fruit and nuts for snacking (which often stops me buying crisps or chocolate). Walking around the block in between appointments means I regularly stand up, move and leave the office even if only for short bursts. I wear clothes and footwear that are comfortable rather than ever looking dressy and I listen to loud music that I love. I try to only have one morning coffee and I take a long evening walk.
But what is self-care? In my experience, it can include anything that benefits our wellbeing, that helps us feel good and keeps us healthy and resilient. Life has ups and downs and caring for ourselves in the okay times helps us to cope when not-so-okay times arrive.
Self-care is unique to each individual. What forms part of my self-care routine may not suit the next person. You might need quiet time away from people and I might need to be in the middle of chatty company. I may need to slow down while you might need to speed up!
After reading this, perhaps write a plan of action for your daily/weekly self-care routine. It’s not a to-do list it is an aspirational goals list. We might not get to do everything every day, but we can always do some. There is no bad feeling if we don’t do everything! Sometimes I eat crisps and chocolate and have two coffees or don’t get out for a long walk and that’s just the way life is!
We can divide our self-care routine into various different areas as follows:
Physical self-care
Move more. Hydrate. Have a bubbly bath. Light candles. Stretch. Sleep at night time, rest when necessary, eat nourishing foods keeping ultra-processed foods to a minimum. Care for your body. Slow down your breath.
Emotional self-care
Learn to say ‘no’. Be aware of emotions and reactions. Journal. Develop gratitude for the simple things in your day-to-day life. Identify emotional triggers. Be responsible for actions. Accept yourself. Challenge unhelpful thoughts and reactions.
Social self-care
Make time to connect. Build relationships with caring people. Ask for help when needed. Meet people to engage in activities outside of work/home. Meet real people in real time. Reduce screen time.
Spiritual self-care
Spend time alone. Connect with yourself and the universe. Whether or not you are religious, examine the values and beliefs that guide you.
Psychological self-care
Exercise mindfulness, acceptance, self-compassion, creativity. Fuel your mind (e.g. writing, movies, reading, puzzles). Cardio is a great brain protector! Mistakes are part of being human, learn how to let yourself off the hook! Watch your self-talk. Rid yourself of your mental ‘mind bully’. Solve problems that cause you worry or stress.
Environmental self-care
Spend time in nature. Live and work in an uncluttered, relaxing environment. Wear comfy, clean clothes. Recycle. Minimise waste. Enjoy your surroundings.
Financial self-care
Be conscious and responsible with finances. Prioritise debt (especially credit card). Be mindful about purchases and spending. Determine needs-vs-wants. Consciously spend and save.
Work self-care
Leave work at work. Log off and stay logged off until your next workday or shift begins. Value your time. Have clear boundaries with your work time. Have meetings outdoors whenever possible. Value your role. Say no and explain why. Enjoy doing your best. Take breaks away from your desk.
Please note: The above will not suit everyone. If you are living with a chronic health condition, walking fast for example may not be an option. These are simply some suggestions. Whenever you think of something you enjoy, that nurtures you, add that to your self-care list.
Self-care looks different for everyone, and having the right supports can make it easier to maintain good habits and wellbeing. Caroline Crotty is a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Cork city. In addition to her clinical work, Caroline delivers talks, workshops, and corporate wellbeing programmes that focus on self-care, stress management and emotional wellbeing. She works with individuals, schools and companies to promote mental health and resilience. If you would like to organise a talk or wellbeing training for your group or workplace, get in contact here.
Choose whatever improves your mood and make that your priority – mind you – please!
What self-care practice can you incorporate into your day today?
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Protect Your Mental Health
Protect Your Mental Health
People talk about “mental health” when they often mean “mental ill-health” or “mental-illness”. We all have ‘mental health’, just as we have ‘physical health’ and it changes throughout our life-time and even over the course of the day. Please care for, safeguard and protect your mental health because it is precious. The more you protect and look after it, the better able you will be to deal with life’s curveballs. Here are some reminders to help protect your mental health:
“Mind your body to mind your mind”. Eat well and regularly. Include natural foods. Increase intake of fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, nuts, beans and live yogurt. Include protein and fatty acids (oily fish, almonds, avocados etc). Avoid alcohol, trans fats, caffeine and high-sugar and processed foods. Cook your own meals. Stay hydrated with water.
Get your sleeping pattern in order. Ensure you get sufficient, good quality, uninterrupted sleep.
Exercise, movement, physical activity – we all know what we should be doing but there’s a big divide between knowledge and behaviour! Decide to move more and do it! Start small and build over time. Baby steps in the right direction are better than no steps! Celebrating those steps can help keep you motivated. Use the stairs, dance or go for a walk. I have a fridge magnet that says “housework won’t kill you but why take the risk” but one way to increase your movement is to do physical chores around the house like hoovering, dusting or cleaning windows. Being physically active helps you feel good and is great for your emotional wellbeing.
Set realistic goals – short, medium and long term. Acknowledge each achievement. Keep focused on the future – the best of life has yet to come.
Do things that you enjoy doing – gardening, painting, baking etc. Be creative when you can.
Give. This can be something small like holding open a door, saluting someone, making eye contact and smiling. Give your time by volunteering or give your energy by doing something nice for others – giving makes us feel good.
Always be kind. Kindness is the universal language. When we help others feel good we feel good.
Try to spot the good things in life and be grateful. Gratitude safeguards our mental health.
Spend time with people that are easy to be with.
Learn to say “no”.
Meet someone for a coffee or for a walk and a chat.
Join a club or start a club. We need social connections.
Stop being too busy to do the things you love and make the time.
Give yourself a break from technology and this includes the tv! Do something practical like read a book, bake, colour, draw, chat, get outside in nature, journal about your day, take a bubbly bath – there are so many things to do instead of being plonked in front of the tv.
Do something outside of your comfort zone, outside of your usual routine. When you feel discomfort in a safe environment/setting, remind yourself that it’s healthy and good.
Stop comparing.
Accept yourself as you are. You’re perfect. There is only one of you.
Be gentle with yourself when things go wrong. Praise you when things go right.
Learn how to relax and live with stress. Take up yoga or Tai-Chi, read a magazine, play with your children or a pet, listen to great music, sing out loud, write poetry, stand outdoors and admire the trees or the skyline.
Take time alone for yourself by yourself every day. I sit in my car when I return from work before I enter my house so that I leave work outside my home.
Smile. It brightens up those around you and also your face!
Learn how to control your breath. Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold for a couple of seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Breathe into your tummy rather than into your upper chest. Do this for a couple of minutes a couple of times a day. We all have to take bathroom breaks so why not breathe slowly and deeply every time you’re in the bathroom or when you wash your hands or turn on the kettle. There are opportunities for calm breathine but you must be disciplined! You’re worth the effort!
Get help. If you need it, ask for it. No one needs to face a problem on their own. We are better when we work together.
Find someone with whom you can talk about your issues or difficulties. If that person is a professional such as a counsellor, doctor, psychotherapist, psychologist, you can rest assured that whatever you say will be kept confidential.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
50 Tips for Life
50 Tips for Life
(in no particular order!)
Most of us could use a few reminders to help make our lives easier and happier. Here are 50 tips for life that might help you feel more content – if you put them into practice!
Smile. Laugh.
Count your blessings. Develop gratitude.
Learn to say no and to ask for what you want (it’s effective communication). Say yes without expectation.
Nothing changes because you complain. Change comes with action. Stop complaining – the negativity is not good for you or for those around you!
Declutter. Happiness doesn’t come from ‘stuff’ (it actually comes from giving).
Awareness is key to change. Get to know yourself.
Live life according to your expectations and not the expectations of others.
Forgive people. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive you. Don’t hold regrets.
Listen more. Talk less especially when someone speaks to you.
Mind your mental health. Spend time daily with your thoughts to help you destress.
Plan your meals and make them from scratch.
Ask for help and be specific e.g. “can you please mind the children for one hour on Saturday while I take a break?”
Don’t buy anything simply because it is reduced.
Watch your self-talk. Be your own cheerleader.
Put out tomorrow’s clothes today i.e. prepare for tomorrow today.
Gently stretch when you wake.
Stay connected. Research shows our health is negatively affected when we are socially isolated.
Do not buy clothes hoping they will fit at some stage. When you buy new clothes, get rid of old ones.
Hugs are healing. Pets can provide great company and most love hugs if there are no humans to hug.
Disconnect from technology. Reconnect with nature and people.
Dance. Anytime, anywhere.
Salute people. You might be the only contact someone has when you say “good morning”. Always say “thank you”. It’s nice.
Get a good night’s sleep. Stick to a bedtime routine. Aim for 7-9 hours. Sleep restores body and brain.
Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.
Instead of watching tv do something productive. Plant a seed, write a letter, read a book, visit a neighbour etc.
Treat yourself.
Diet and nutrition is one way to mind our mental health. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies can affect how we feel and think. B12, D, Zinc, Omega 3 fatty acids, iron, selenium and other deficiencies in minerals, amino acids and proteins can negatively affect our mental state. Have your bloods checked.
Retrain your brain to spot the positive, rather than the negative.
Listen to music that you like.
Get daily sunlight.
No one is any better or any worse than you. Regularly remind yourself of this because you are enough.
Learn how to control your angry reactions – take deep breaths rather than shouting or swearing. Don’t lose your temper with anyone. Ever.
You don’t know what you would do if you were in someone else’s shoes. Stop judging others. Stop judging yourself. Humans make mistakes. Learn from them.
Whatever your age, keep active. Keep your body healthy with movement.
Respect the environment. Recycle. Have a compost bin.
Stay hydrated. Watch the colour of your pee – the more you drink, the clearer your urine looks. The colour is more concentrated when you drink less fluid.
Sing. It’s good for your health and it’s calming.
Keep a journal – it can help you keep track of your day-to-day feelings and emotions.
Learn to slow down your breath. Exhale for longer than you inhale a few times a day.
Write a list of your worries and turn that list into a plan of action.
We flourish with praise. Focus on the things you get right. Praise yourself and readily give praise to others.
Be considerate. You have no idea what’s going on for others. Be kind at every opportunity.
Mind your physical health by keeping your body strong and fit.
Reduce or cut out alcohol, caffeine, processed foods, sugar, screen-time, cigarettes, stressful situations, negative people, naps late in the afternoon, staying up late or sleeping in.
Increase time with positive people, your intake of vegetables, fruit, wholegrains, bright berries, nuts, protein and fresh produce. Eat more beats, garlic and broccoli.
Feed your senses i.e. eyes (sight), ears (sound), skin (touch), tongue (taste) and nose (smell).
Wear bed socks to help keep your body warm while you sleep.
Have health-checks e.g. smear, hearing, dental, breast, sight, vitamin, hormone, prostate etc – whatever it is that you should get done – go do it!
Let go of trying to figure out ‘why’. There isn’t always a ‘why’ and if you had a ‘why’ what would it change?
No one likes a “know-all”. Don’t give advice unless someone expressly wants it and, even then, ask if he/she is absolutely sure!
Always have goals, like dreams, they’re appropriate for every age. Have short, medium and long-term, achievable goals. Write them down. Acknowledge achievements. Set new goals – keep going.
Yes that is 51! I couldn’t resist.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Exam Stress
Managing Exam Stress: A Guide for Parents and Students
Are you putting your child under pressure at exam time? Is that pressure helpful, necessary or beneficial? Whether you’re a parent or a student, this blog post offers guidance to help manage exam stress effectively.
I regularly receive enquiries from students and parents wondering how to manage stress and anxiety, especially around exam time. As simple as it sounds, I recommend focusing on the basics: diet, sleep, exercise, relaxation – and I now add nature and sunlight to that list.
The foundations: rest, food, and movement
To concentrate effectively, understand, memorise and absorb information, we need sufficient rest, nourishment, fresh air, hydration and regular movement. Sitting at a desk for hours on end can hinder learning rather than help it.
Remaining relaxed is crucial for thinking clearly both while studying and in the exam hall. A little stress is normal – in fact, some anxiety can help us stay focused – but it’s important to feel in control, rather than overwhelmed. Learning a relaxation technique well in advance of exams is invaluable. Techniques such as calm breathing, mindfulness meditation or progressive muscle relaxation can help.
Take ownership of your study
No one else can revise and take in the information for you. Your parents, despite their best intentions, cannot study on your behalf. Only you can do it and you can.
Last-minute studying was my favourite approach back in the day, but it’s not effective. A better strategy is to create a study schedule – a plan of action. Set achievable daily or weekly goals, and review and adjust them as needed.
Start studying today – do not delay!
Adopt a growth mindset
Try to approach study with a growth mindset – believing that ability improves through effort, practice and learning, rather than being fixed. This can reduce perfectionism and fear of failure, and help you stay motivated even when things feel challenging.
Be realistic with expectations
Accept your reality. Don’t set unattainable goals, like saying you’ll study medicine if you’ve never completed the necessary coursework or attended required classes. Similarly, at university, it’s unfair to expect a first-class honours if assignments haven’t been submitted. Be fair to yourself and set realistic expectations.
The importance of sleep
Sleep is central to wellbeing. If you’re struggling to fall or stay asleep, it may be a sign something’s bothering you. Please talk to someone you trust – a parent, friend, relative or professional – help is available. Sleep quality can be improved through various techniques.
Try to reduce screen use in the evenings especially before bed, as blue light from phones, tablets and laptops can disrupt natural sleep rhythms. If you do use screens, consider enabling a blue light filter to reduce the impact – try to reduce your phone use overall if possible.
There’s no getting around it: we all need sufficient, good-quality, uninterrupted sleep to study effectively.
Stay clear-headed: avoid unhelpful substances
Avoid alcohol to relax and avoid drugs that claim to keep you alert. If you’re tired, go to bed early. Avoid caffeine in the afternoon, as it can interfere with sleep – including cola, energy drinks and coffee. If you must have caffeine, have it in the morning, and no later than lunchtime.
Move your body
While studying, go for a quick walk to get fresh air. Research shows physical activity boosts brain function, helping you return to your desk with a fresh perspective. Exercise isn’t a luxury; it’s essential. Walk the dog, swim, or run around the block – any movement releases feel-good hormones, reduces stress, improves sleep, and clears the mind.
Make time for joy and connection
Spend time with friends and family. It’s important to talk with others who understand how tough studying can be. Let them remind you that exams will soon be over and that, in ten years’ time, they likely won’t matter. Schedule time for hobbies and relaxation, especially at weekends. Life is bigger than exams.
Advice for parents: balance support and pressure
Parents: be mindful not to unintentionally increase pressure by focusing solely on results. Encourage effort and progress, rather than perfection. Provide support and reassurance, and remind your child that exams are just one part of their journey, not the whole story.
Limit distractions
When studying, leave your mobile in another room – yes, really! You’ll be surprised how much time is saved without constant notifications. Use your mobile phone as a reward after completing specific study goals. Multitasking like trying to study and message friends on devices impairs memory encoding and learning. Walking to retrieve your phone provides a movement break too. Consider using apps to temporarily block social media distractions.
Eat well and hydrate
It’s tempting to eat at your study desk, but aim to eat elsewhere, ideally with family. Food fuels the brain- aim to eat regular and balanced meals. Try to avoid sugary snacks; they provide a short-lived energy spike. Instead, choose fruit, vegetables, nuts, yoghurt and keep sipping water throughout the day. Hydration is critical for brain and body function.
Break study into manageable chunks
Move away from your study area every hour for a few minutes. It can help to study in 20–25-minute slots. A clear plan prevents wasted time figuring out what to study next. Short sessions make studying feel more manageable and help you track progress: “In this block I covered X, next I’ll cover Y.” Celebrate each achievement – self-praise matters!
Practise with past exam papers
Use past papers to practise timing and exam technique. You won’t earn marks for questions you didn’t answer. Know how many questions you must answer, how much time you have per question, and how marks are distributed. This knowledge can reduce stress and increase confidence. If unsure, ask your teacher or lecturer for guidance.
Manage pre- and post-exam conversations
Consider avoiding last-minute discussions with classmates before exams – they can increase anxiety. Similarly, avoid detailed post-exam analysis that may shake your confidence. Protecting your mental space can help maintain perspective and calm.
Remember: exams do not define you
Finally, don’t let exams overwhelm you. They don’t define you and there’s always another way to reach your goals. If you’re under pressure, please talk to someone. No one should face problems alone.
FAQ:
Q: What helps students manage exam stress? A: Sleep, regular meals, hydration, exercise, relaxation techniques, and limiting distractions all support wellbeing and focus during exam time.
Q: How can parents help teenagers during exams? A: Encourage effort over perfection, avoid adding pressure, support breaks and balance, and reassure them that exams do not define their worth.
Written by Caroline Crotty, psychotherapist and psychology graduate, drawing on research-informed strategies to support wellbeing and stress management
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited - 636306 - Suite 7, Block A, South Terrace Medical Centre, Infirmary Road, Cork T12 WF40
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