Ever get a random flash/memory of someone you used to have great craic with? Maybe a school friend or former work colleague from ages ago? Someone you drifted from but still smile whenever you think of them? Well, that little mental nudge might be worth paying attention to.
We often assume that if someone’s no longer in our lives, it’s for a reason. Of course, sometimes that’s true: boundaries, life changes, shifts in values, etc., and all are completely valid. But other times, life just got busy, people moved home or country or you changed jobs. They had children. The bond didn’t break, it just got buried under life and logistics.
Rekindling a friendship with someone you genuinely liked from your past can be incredibly nurturing and nourishing. Why?
You already share a history – there’s no need to explain yourself from scratch. There’s comfort in “Remember that time we…”
Laughter – you probably laughed together. That kind of easy laughter, well, that’s gold dust.
Identity reconnection – people from your past can remind you of who you used to be. And sometimes, we need that reminder.
Joy without pressure – if the reconnection is light, genuine and mutually welcome, it doesn’t need to be a big emotional project. It can just be … really nice.
Psychologically speaking, reconnecting with meaningful relationships can boost wellbeing, reduce loneliness and strengthen your sense of self-continuity, the feeling that your life follows a coherent narrative, rather than being just a random series of jobs, people and forgotten passwords.
If someone pops into your mind, not with dread or regret but with warmth then maybe send them a message. The worst that might happen is silence. The best? You get a little bit of joy back. And that’s no small thing.
A gentle reminder… if you reach out to someone from your past, try not to expect too much. This isn’t about rekindling a deep bond overnight or picking up exactly where you left off. And just to be clear, this is about friendships, not old flames or romantic relationships and this certainly isn’t about ‘the one that got away’. The goal here is lightness, warmth and shared history but not emotional pressure. Some people might not respond. Others might not be in the same place as you. That’s okay. The value is in the gesture, in reaching out, reconnecting with who you were back then and seeing what’s possible now.
Is it healthy to reconnect with old friends?
Yes, reconnecting with people from your past especially those with whom you had a genuine connection can boost your mood, reduce feelings of loneliness and support your mental health. It can be a powerful part of emotional healing and personal growth.
What if I feel nervous about reaching out?
That’s completely typical or normal. Start small: maybe send a simple message or hello! If the friendship had a strong foundation, there’s a good chance it will feel easy to pick up again. Remember, there’s no pressure for it to become something intense, a light reconnection can be beneficial.
Why do old friendships feel so comforting?
Old friends remind us who we used to be and offer a sense of self-continuity or the feeling that our life has a story and a thread running through it. That can be especially comforting during times of change, uncertainty or self-reflection.
Memories can be powerful. They shape who we are, provide lessons, and anchor us to moments of joy. But what happens when unpleasant memories hold us back from happiness? While it’s natural to dwell on challenging experiences, letting go is an art – something to be practised through practical techniques. Hereunder are 35 tips to release unpleasant memories and help you embrace happiness.
1. Reframe the Memory with a Narrative
Turn the unpleasant memory into a story of growth. Reflect on how it shaped your strengths or taught you resilience.
Gratitude isn’t just for good experiences. Thank the situation for the lessons it has taught you, shifting your focus from pain to growth.
Humour disarms pain. Laugh at the absurdity of the memory or create an exaggerated, comical version of the event.
When you walk through a door, mentally say, “I leave the past behind me.” This physical and mental cue helps compartmentalise and let go.
Imagine depositing your unpleasant memory in a mental “bank.” Withdraw it only when needed for reflection or learning.
Certain scents can ground you in the present and create positive associations, overwriting negative feelings.
Label the emotion the memory evokes—like anger or sadness—rather than focusing on the event. This creates emotional distance.
Write a list of negative experiences you’ve overcome. This tangible reminder of your resilience can shift your perspective.
Imagine your future self looking back at this moment with kindness, knowing it will feel less significant over time.
Holding a cold object, like an ice cube, can interrupt negative thought loops and anchor you in the present.
This question reframes your perspective, diminishing the event’s emotional intensity in the long term.
Reimagine the memory with an absurd or humorous twist to deflate its power over you.
Sing about the memory to a silly tune. This playful approach creates emotional distance and makes the memory less intimidating.
Choose an object to represent the memory. Bury, destroy, or throw it away as a symbolic act of release.
Think about how the unpleasant event indirectly contributed to positive changes or growth in your life.
Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it gently when you catch yourself dwelling on the memory, breaking the thought loop.
Imagine the memory is a scene in a film. Seeing it as an outsider helps reduce emotional attachment.
Write a letter to the memory as if it were a toxic relationship. Explain why you’re letting it go, then destroy the letter.
For every unpleasant memory, write a positive one and place it in a jar. Over time, the positive memories will outweigh the negative.
Picture the memory dissolving, like sand washing away in the ocean, as you focus on the present moment.
Visit a new place. Novel surroundings stimulate your brain to focus on the now rather than the past.
Before bed, visualise the memory but imagine a positive or absurd ending. This reshapes how your subconscious processes it.
Shift your energy by helping someone else. Kindness activates neural pathways for positive feelings and reduces personal distress.
Repeat the mantra: “It happened. I can’t change it, but I can choose how I carry it.” Acceptance helps you let go of resistance.
Paint, draw, or sculpt the memory. Externalizing it as art diminishes its emotional grip and lets you reframe it creatively.
Physically shake your body for 1–2 minutes, mimicking how animals release stress. This resets your nervous system.
Focus on small, positive experiences—like a warm breeze or a kind word. Research shows savoring micro-moments counteracts negativity.
Put together songs that inspire resilience. Sing, dance or maybe even cry to help process emotions.
Imagine the memory as a scared child. Offer it compassion and gently release it, acknowledging it no longer serves you.
Write down every unpleasant thought that resurfaces throughout the day. Externalising everything on paper reduces its emotional weight.
Learn a new skill, like knitting, cooking, or solving puzzles. Novel challenges shift focus and build new neural pathways
Picture yourself placing the memory on a leaf and watching it float downstream in a peaceful river.
Ask, “Does this thought serve me?” If not, visualise placing it in a mental “rubbish bin.”
Look in a mirror and say, “I deserve peace. The past cannot hurt me anymore.” Reinforcing this visually and audibly empowers release.
When a memory resurfaces, take ten slow, deep breaths. This creates a pause and allows emotions to settle.
Happiness often lies not in avoiding unpleasant memories but in learning how to process and release them. These tips offer a toolkit to help you whenver npleasant memories or worried thought sprint up. Whether through humour, visualisation, or symbolic acts, the key is to experiment with techniques that resonate with you.
Letting go is not about erasing the past, it’s about reclaiming your present and building a future rooted in peace and joy.
Looking for practical ways to let go?
Click here to download the printable worksheet: 35 Ways to Let Go
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