This Christmas will come and go. Take time to rest and relax despite the festive busyness. Amidst the clinking of glasses, vegetable peeling, cream whipping or the chorus of carols, try to make the time to breathe deeply and ground yourself in the present moment. Take off your socks, walk on grass or travel to the beach, walk barefoot on the sand and feel the sea on your feet. You can only be in the present moment when the Irish sea is on your skin!
Christmas does not have to be centred around spending money. Embrace the joy of giving and receiving homemade gifts – the love infused in them outweighs shop-purchased products. Give something you have lovingly made, baked, or created, e.g., a card or cake, a painting, or a Spotify playlist. The list of homemade presents you can create and gift is endless. Send loving kindness and thoughts of health and vitality to people you may not have seen in a while – why not post a card, email, or phone and arrange to reconnect (while you have the chance).
After Christmas, when the decorations and the house are cleared and your guests have departed, sit with the silence and let gratitude fill the space where laughter and conversations recently lingered. Make time to pause, rest, and reflect. Post-Christmas days allow the potential for personal insight. If you’re feeling sad or lonely, it can signify the wonderful time you’ve had or ‘post-holiday melancholy’. Take comfort in knowing you’ve enjoyed yourself.
If Christmas is lonely, which it is for many, remind yourself that you’re allowed to feel however you feel. Then do something that helps you improve your mood. Perhaps you might arrange to go somewhere new for a change of scenery. Rest assured that Christmas will be finished in a day so you might light a candle for people you miss, for those who cannot be with you at Christmas. Keep them in mind and reminisce on the lovely times you’ve had together (which is why you miss them).
Take time to acknowledge 2023. Make space for introspection and prepare for what lies ahead in 2024. Journal about the learning and events of 2023, parts of which you can bring into 2024, some of which perhaps you’d rather forget.
Make time for calm and reflection at the end of the year, and rather than resolutions, write your intentions for 2024. January is about taking baby steps in the right direction towards achieving your objectives for the future. How do you hope to feel, or what would you like to achieve? It might be to play the ukulele, learn a language, or understand Quantum Physics. Write the plan for achieving your intentions and mental, physical, and emotional wellness practices in 2024. Write about how you will feel when you achieve your dreams/goals/intentions.
Choose one habit you wish to cultivate in the new year and link it to an existing routine for better adherence. You might decide that relaxation will become part of your 2024 daily routine. Every time you enter the kitchen, inhale as slowly and deeply as you can through your nose. Hold that breath for a few seconds before exhaling slowly through your mouth – your relaxation habit has begun!
May you find a balance between celebration and solitude, action and reflection.
Here’s wishing you a season of serenity and a new year of living with intention.
Now that we are in May 2020, whether we are cocooning or shielding, working or not, trying to be a teacher to our children or living alone, regardless of our current circumstances it is reasonable to say we are all somehow affected by Covid-19.
Stay connected. Even when we are living on our own, relationships are key to feeling in control. Connection with others will help us get through this difficult time. Reach out to organisations that provide telephone listening services if you do not have someone in your life to contact. Knowing that someone is at the end of the phone is comforting.
We feel good when we know we are helping others. Reach out and connect with people particularly those living alone. Family members are often the last to know when someone is lonely or struggling. A regular phone-call might be all someone needs to feel less afraid. “Hello, how are you?” those four words connect us.
Avoid information saturation. We do not need constant Corona updates. Decide what information you need, from what source and stick with that. Be disciplined with your day. The constant stream of information can drain our mental and emotional resources. We might have a radio on in the kitchen, a tv sounding in another room, whilst talking on our mobile. Sit with silence every now and then.
It is beneficial for our minds to give whatever we are doing our full attention. Focus on the task in hand. Look for whatever brings joy – admiring flowers, bird song, cloud formations, reading fiction etc. When we focus our attention, we quieten and gain control over our thoughts. Stop running on autopilot. Become conscious of all actions. Being mindful helps us keep our thoughts in -the present and not in the anxious-uncertain-future or the regret-filled-past.
To remain calm while Covid-19 is our new reality have structure and routine. Have a daily plan which includes exercise, self-care, social time/connection, meals, breaks, reading, prayer… whatever plan you make, try to adhere to it. Go to and get out of bed at set times. Shower. Get your day off to a good start by dressing well. When we feel we look good, we feel good. It does not matter whether anyone sees you, you see you. Try not to worry if it is difficult to sleep the whole night through, rest and relaxation are beneficial. If you cannot sleep on a persistent basis, firstly chat with your pharmacist who might have suggestions but please seek help.
Challenge your brain. Keep your mind active. Text or brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Do puzzles/jigsaws. Try something demanding and keep those cogs turning! Perhaps do a free online course like those on alison.com or coursera.org
Never underestimate the importance of water for brain function. Being hydrated helps: lubricate joints; flush waste products; prevent digestive difficulties; keep temperature regulated; boost exercise performance; promote kidney health; deliver nutrients to cells; prevent infections; keep skin supple; improve sleep quality, cognition and overall mood. By drinking more water than you are losing, you are helping your heart do its job. Stay hydrated by sipping water throughout the day.
Spring is here. Summer is on the way.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
We overindulge on drink throughout December with parties and Christmas celebrations. January is usually a dry month, often because we are broke, but what about February? Perhaps it’s a month to rethink our drinking.
Alcohol is intertwined in our lives, so much so, that when a person doesn’t drink there must be a reason – pregnancy, antibiotics, illness, recovering alcoholic?! And we often hear “well, you’ll just have something small so or maybe a hot toddy” like that’s not really drinking!
We know cigarettes are bad for our health, but we don’t think about alcohol being bad. Alcohol is linked with several cancers including mouth, bowel and throat and cutting down the amount we drink could potentially reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers.
Alcohol is not just connected to cancer, it leads us to say and do things that we cannot unsay or undo. It causes us to engage in risky sexual behaviours, to put ourselves in danger and make dodgy decisions. Alcohol dulls our memory and is linked with heart and liver-disease, osteopetrosis, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, and depression, (there is a long list).
Make informed decisions about your alcohol intake.
You do not need alcohol to function, or to relax. You don’t need alcohol to engage with others, to make you more interesting, to help you sleep or dance better! If you do, perhaps it’s time to re-think your drinking.
Cutting down means you can avoid hangovers, save money, get a great night’s sleep and improve mental and physical health.
How to cut down your alcohol intake:
Be drink aware. Pay attention to what you drink, when, how much and why.
Encourage friends/family to support you. Explain that you are cutting down/cutting out.
Don’t bring alcohol home. If it is not in the house you will be less tempted.
Distract yourself at the time you usually drink e.g. shower, walk, dance, vacuum, phone someone, garden, read etc.
Never drink alone.
Change your scenery. Suggest going to the cinema or for a meal instead of going to the pub.
Slow down. Alternating with a glass of water helps us slow the pace.
Set a limit to the number of drinks and stop once your limit is reached.
Consider bringing only enough money for a certain number of drinks when going to the pub.
Finish each drink before ordering/pouring another to help keep track of how much you consume.
Drink from a smaller glass.
Have a bottle instead of a can, a single instead of a double. Pour one glass of wine then put the bottle away.
Increase your alcohol-free days in the week.
Rethink your drink and if you need help to change, help is available – reach out. Please.
This is the time of year when people mention having an “empty nest”, often because a child has recently left home to attend college or pursue a career. We hear of “empty nest syndrome” and although a topic of psychological research, it is not a medical condition per se. However, the menopause often ties-in with the same timeframe as children leaving home which, as we know, brings with it both physical and emotional side-effects and a time of self-reflection.
When examining the idea of an “empty nest”, there are several factors involved. Worrying about our children when they are away from home can cause us stress and anxiety. The role of work outside the home is a factor that may be connected to the intensity of the “empty nest” feeling. If we are distracted by work outside the home it can help keep us occupied. Increased life-expectancy coupled with children leaving home younger means the period of life spent on our own as aging adults has increased. While caring for our elderly parents and also providing care for our children we might feel like all we do is run and race with little ‘me time’ and then, with this newfound time on our hands, it may seem strange and alien.
When one-by-one children start leaving home, parents react differently. I often hear the words “useless”, “deflated”, “on the scrapheap” “no sense of purpose” mentioned. Parents go through many struggles at different stages throughout childrearing years, and the last child starting primary school can also be an emotional time for many.
Bear in mind parents who are waiting (or hoping) for adult children to ‘fly the nest’ but due to financial or housing demands (and a host of other reasons), do not leave home as expected or perhaps return home having been away. This can leave parents with the sense that “this wasn’t how my life was supposed to be”. There are various reasons why we may feel, at a certain stage, that our lives are not what we planned and the hopes and dreams we once had for our futures have not been realised.
Do not despair and certainly do not let go of your aspirations. You have a new life and the focus is now on you.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of dwelling on the negative and feel guilty about the things that you did not do with your children before they left home. Turn that thinking around and remind yourself that you have done your best as a parent and your children have left home to pursue their ambitions. This is the natural circle of life and a job well done.
What helps? Talking to someone you trust about how you feel is always beneficial because it helps you acknowledge your emotions and gives you focus on positive change.
Try to reframe what is going on and see the advantages of having the house to yourself e.g. it is a time of privacy in which you can rekindle your relationship with your partner and pursue your dreams and goals.
Although it is initially challenging, be as social as possible. Meeting people is a good way to stay occupied and feel happier. Exercise is physically and emotionally beneficial. Take up a class whether it’s water aerobics or a walking group, keep moving, ideally with others. Start a dinner or book club with the sole purpose that you are there to chat (this is not a competition to see who can cook the best dinner or have the most to say about a book!
When something happens in your body your brain tries to make sense of it. If your face is smiling, a big wide smile that gives you wrinkles around the corners of your eyes, your brain reads this as “I’m smiling therefore I must be happy” and you will feel happier. The reverse is true if you are frowning so don’t forget to smile!
We all need sufficient, good quality sleep to feel good about ourselves and to think clearly. To improve our sleep ensure you get daily sunlight, avoid caffeine and alcohol, keep bedrooms tidy and cool, avoid screens at night-time including phone, tv, p.c., increase exercise and time in nature. Set and stick to the same bedtime routine. See https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Music affects your brain in a range of ways – it can give us chills, cause a variety of emotions, make us want to dance, transport us back in time and help us relax. Play your favourite music and play it often. Now is your chance to fill your house with whatever music you fancy.
Set achievable goals and stick to them. You will feel happier because it gives you focus and achieving them gives you momentum to carry you forward.
Keep in regular contact with your child(ren). Try not to pester them and do not make your concerns their worries. Instead, suggest that Sundays are a good day to chat and remind them that sending the odd sms even if it is just a smiley face emoji will let you know they are okay.
Congratulate yourself on a job well done. The rest of your life is ahead of you – may it be filled with joy, love, peace, health and happiness.
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