September Change

A friend of mine told me she cried for a whole day when her son was offered his college course of choice. She didn’t cry happy tears but cried because her baby is moving to Dublin and life, as she knows it, will be forever changed.

At this time of year, young adults move away from home to take up third level courses or full-time jobs; children start primary and secondary schools. We may notice that it is dark earlier in the evenings or that foliage is changing to more autumnal tones. September is indeed a time of change.

This month, I am encouraging you to undergo great change – that is to challenge the unhelpful habit of trying to figure out what others think of you.

Worrying and thinking about what others think of you can be a huge drain emotionally and a waste of our precious time. We never get back any of the time that we waste worrying.

I often hear sweeping statements like “everyone thinks that I’m …” or “I know what they’re thinking about me”. These statements are simply not true. Not everyone is thinking about us and we never know what is going on in someone else’s mind.

Stop paying attention to what other people think of you and, instead, pay attention to what you think of you.

I understand the concern. We want people to like us. we want to fit in. We don’t want to appear stupid or weird or different. Who wants to be the outlier?

Sad but true – other people don’t think about you all that often. People are just like you in that they are thinking about themselves and about what is going on in their own lives. Even when someone looks at you funny (according to you!) perhaps they are trying to remember whether they locked the back door or paid a utility bill or they might be trying to figure out whether the car insurance is due for renewal!

We go about our daily lives with oodles of thoughts racing through our minds. Life is busy. Not everyone is thinking about you even when you think they are.

Shift your focus. We cannot stop worries from popping into our minds, but we can decide to focus our attention elsewhere and not give those worries so much airtime. Change your attention to something more helpful and positive.

Remind yourself that we all make mistakes. It is part of being human. Some mistakes are way bigger than others with life-altering repercussions. It does not matter what you have done, you are never the first to do it! You won’t be the last person to make a mistake or to say the wrong thing.

Try to pay attention to what you think about you rather than trying to figure out what others think of you. Get worries off your chest by telling someone trustworthy. A problem shared is a problem over which you gain perspective.

Pay attention to the things that you get right and to how you treat others. Being kind and compassionate are more relevant than the human mistakes that you make.

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Appreciate You

Be Nice.

Be Kind.

Be Gentle.

Appreciate you. Appreciate your unique place in this world. Appreciate your flaws, your wrinkles, your belly, your pimples and dimples – whatever it is that you see when you look in the mirror, learn to like and love that person.

In order to feel as content as we possibly can, we must be nice, kind and gentle with ourselves. We can start to do this in a variety of ways. We might, for example, stop ourselves from saying something negative. We might catch ourselves thinking negatively and challenge the unhelpful thought or we might allow ourselves to take a risk and make a mistake. One sure-fire way to improve our relationship with ourselves is to create appreciation.

Build a loving relationship with you.

Write down three things every day that you appreciate about you. It doesn’t have to be anything big or out of the ordinary – just that you did something well. Be thankful for the ordinary and mundane things in life, the things we take for granted.

When you force yourself to think positively about yourself every day, it soon it becomes a habit and you learn to see you in more positive light. The more you do this and the more consistent you are, the easier it becomes!

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Beat The Autumn Blues

“The evenings are getting longer” – we often hear this phrase but we still don’t have any extra time in the day! Although we have fewer hours of daylight, we needn’t feel sad or anxious about winter approaching. October brings Halloween and a bank holiday weekend for jazzing in Cork! Seasons change and with autumn we have the most amazing colours on our trees and we have leaves to kick. To date, here in Ireland, we have had wonderfully warm temperatures so there is no excuse for us not spending time outdoors! It is true that we have fewer daylight hours and the evenings can seem longer particularly if we spend more time indoors.

Here are a few tips to help you make the most of this month and beat the autumn blues.

Every morning remind yourself that each new day is a new beginning, something to be happy and grateful for (regardless of what is going on in our lives we are alive).

Get as much sunlight as possible. Spend time outdoors as often as possible.

Plan a break: a day trip, spa break, holiday, a night out, a hurling/football match, concert etc – it is good to have something to look forward to.

Develop gratitude for what you have.

Exercise outdoors in daylight hours. Exercise that gets your heart rate up and gets you sweating is good for your mental and physical health.

Hug more. Hugs are healing and release pain-reducing hormones. If there is no human to hug, then invest in a pet.

Make a conscious effort not to spend time in front of any screen (tv, phone, laptop, ipad etc). Reduce your overall screen time and instead, do something productive: knit, crochet, read a book (the old-fashioned paper kind!), write a letter to someone you love, post some cards, pick up the phone to a friend, visit an elderly neighbour, add a friend to your walk!

Declutter. Tidy your house and make your bedroom cosy so that you enjoy spending time there.

Be kind to yourself. Soak your feet in Epsom salts, have a massage, get a manicure, buy a magazine or scented candle –treat yourself to something nice.

Get to the beach. Although it may be cold, wet and grey, the sea is fabulous to admire, whether you sit in your car and watch the waves or perhaps you might brave it and go for a walk on the beach – it will blow the cobwebs away!

Be mindful of your alcohol intake this October.

Get sufficient sleep. If you’re in need of a few sleeping tips see sleep

Improve your diet and eat foods that are in season. Make a big pot of veggie soup. Keep yourself hydrated with water. Make a conscious effort to eat well. Take supplements that your pharmacist recommends and check your vitamin D levels with your GP by having regular bloods done.

Do a hobby course in your local secondary school or college.

Start a book club or a dinner club and make it about meeting people not about having the best food or the tidiest house!

Get creative. Paint, dance, listen to music or learn how to play an instrument.

Don’t drink coffee to give you a pick-me-up, get to bed early instead. Energy makes energy – the more you do the better you’ll feel!

Remind yourself of good times that you have had. Reminisce. There is no one else in the world like you. You are unique. You are as good as (but not better than!) the next person.

Develop an ability to glance at your mistakes but stare at your achievements!

Breathe deeply at various times throughout the day and simply pay attention to your breath – spending time alone is beneficial for your emotional and physical health.

Talk to someone you trust and offload your problems and worries. A therapist (counsellor or psychotherapist) can help you get through difficult times and reassure you that you’re not alone. Consider chatting with a therapist who provides CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) particularly if you find that your thinking is negative or unhelpful so that you can learn to become more self-kind or self-compassionate this October.

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Protect Your Mental Health

People talk about “mental health” when they often mean “mental ill-health” or “mental-illness”. We all have ‘mental health’, just as we have ‘physical health’ and it changes throughout our life-time and even over the course of the day. Please care for, safeguard and protect your mental health because it is precious. The more you protect and look after it, the better able you will be to deal with life’s curveballs. Here are some reminders to help protect your mental health:

“Mind your body to mind your mind”. Eat well and regularly. Include natural foods. Increase intake of fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, nuts, beans and live yogurt. Include protein and fatty acids (oily fish, almonds, avocados etc). Avoid alcohol, trans fats, caffeine and high-sugar and processed foods. Cook your own meals. Stay hydrated with water.

Get your sleeping pattern in order. Ensure you get sufficient, good quality, uninterrupted sleep.

Exercise, movement, physical activity – we all know what we should be doing but there’s a big divide between knowledge and behaviour! Decide to move more and do it! Start small and build over time. Baby steps in the right direction are better than no steps! Celebrating those steps can help keep you motivated. Use the stairs, dance or go for a walk. I have a fridge magnet that says “housework won’t kill you but why take the risk” but one way to increase your movement is to do physical chores around the house like hoovering, dusting or cleaning windows. Being physically active helps you feel good and is great for your emotional wellbeing.

Set realistic goals – short, medium and long term. Acknowledge each achievement. Keep focused on the future – the best of life has yet to come.

Do things that you enjoy doing – gardening, painting, baking etc. Be creative when you can.

Give. This can be something small like holding open a door, saluting someone, making eye contact and smiling. Give your time by volunteering or give your energy by doing something nice for others – giving makes us feel good.

Always be kind. Kindness is the universal language. When we help others feel good we feel good.

Try to spot the good things in life and be grateful. Gratitude safeguards our mental health.

Spend time with people that are easy to be with.

Learn to say “no”.

Meet someone for a coffee or for a walk and a chat.

Join a club or start a club. We need social connections.

Stop being too busy to do the things you love and make the time.

Give yourself a break from technology and this includes the tv! Do something practical like read a book, bake, colour, draw, chat, get outside in nature, journal about your day, take a bubbly bath – there are so many things to do instead of being plonked in front of the tv.

Do something outside of your comfort zone, outside of your usual routine. When you feel discomfort in a safe environment/setting, remind yourself that it’s healthy and good.

Stop comparing.

Accept yourself as you are. You’re perfect. There is only one of you.

Be gentle with yourself when things go wrong. Praise you when things go right.

Learn how to relax and live with stress. Take up yoga or Tai-Chi, read a magazine, play with your children or a pet, listen to great music, sing out loud, write poetry, stand outdoors and admire the trees or the skyline.

Take time alone for yourself by yourself every day. I sit in my car when I return from work before I enter my house so that I leave work outside my home.

Smile. It brightens up those around you and also your face!

Learn how to control your breath. Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold for a couple of seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Breathe into your tummy rather than into your upper chest. Do this for a couple of minutes a couple of times a day. We all have to take bathroom breaks so why not breathe slowly and deeply every time you’re in the bathroom or when you wash your hands or turn on the kettle. There are opportunities for calm breathine but you must be disciplined! You’re worth the effort!

Get help. If you need it, ask for it. No one needs to face a problem on their own. We are better when we work together.

Find someone with whom you can talk about your issues or difficulties. If that person is a professional such as a counsellor, doctor, psychotherapist, psychologist, you can rest assured that whatever you say will be kept confidential.