Worrying

“Worrying is time well spent ” said no one. Ever!

Recall an event that you wasted time worrying about. Perhaps you worried so much, that you were snappy and irritable with your friends or family. Maybe you spent nights unable to fall asleep or once asleep, couldn’t stay asleep and kept waking. You may even have run through every possible negative scenario, (i.e. catastrophising) about the event and examined all the ways in which disaster could strike!

Back to reality now! Did any of that worry change anything about the event? Even though you worried, you had zero control over what took place. Worrying did not determine or govern the outcome.

For one minute, imagine that you know exactly what lies ahead in life, that you know what is going to happen and when. Ask yourself whether it is possible to be certain about everything in life. Being 100% certain about life would mean that you know what results we will get in exams, or whether we will succeed in a new job or in a relationship. We would know whether Tipp or KK will win the All-Ireland Hurling Final 2019. We would also know when we and our loved ones are going to die.

So, instead of worrying, perhaps it might be time to take a different approach and use your time more wisely by learning to accept uncertainty.

When we worry, we often over-exaggerate the likelihood of something going wrong. However, challenging our irrational thoughts about uncertainty can help. In my experience, it’s the uncertainty that we don’t like, it doesn’t sit well with us. We want to know what’s going to happen, sometimes because we think we can be prepared.

The next time you are worrying, ask yourself:

What exactly am I bothered about?

Is it probable, likely or guaranteed?

Is this a feeling or is this a fact?

Is this my imagination?

If I can start a sentence with “what if…” the likelihood is that this is my amazing imagination!

People tell me that being prepared for every eventuality can seem useful and give a sense of security and I question whether this is true.

If you think like this, it might be an idea to take out a pen and sheet of paper and challenge your belief that we need to or have to worry and answer the following questions:

· Can I be certain about my future?

· Are there advantages to being certain about everything?

· Are there disadvantages to wanting certainty of outcome?

· Why do I need to have certainty about the future?

· Do I predict that bad things will happen because they are uncertain?

· What is the likelihood that my predictions will come true?

· Can I live with uncertainty? (Nothing in life is certain except death).

So rather than worry about the uncertainty of the future, perhaps you might instead try to focus on your breath and breathing as outlined here. Get up and move to a different location in your house or at work – this can help to reset your mind. Pay close attention and listen to the sounds around you. What can you hear? What are the sensations in your body? Can you feel your feet in your shoes? Can you wriggle your toes? Grounding yourself in the here and now can be helpful when you are prone to succumbing to worrying about (potential) future events. Check out the 54321 grounding technique here .

We all worry but for some of us it can be problematic at various times throughout our lives. Talking therapies and cognitive behavioural therapy – CBT – can help you challenge unhelpful or negative thoughts. Don’t be afraid to ask for help to tackle your worry.

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Breathing Meditation

Information Overload isn’t new. It has more recently changed so that now, rather than have too many books to read, we have technology demanding our attention. We too are demanding of attention or potentially vying for the attention of others on social media. We are slowly learning that too much screen time may affect our attention span. Learning To Pay Attention to ourselves is beneficial and using a breathing meditation is time spent caring for you i.e. self-care.

Self-care is not self-indulgent, it is vital. Depending on our age, we may not have been taught about self-care in school but as adults, we independently learn that in order to give our best we must care and look after our bodies and minds.

A short breathing meditation can help us relax, gain focus and manage our worries or stressful thoughts.

I am not a mindfulness teacher neither am I am meditation master. My training is in counselling and psychotherapy. However, in my experience, when we learn how to focus our minds on something other than worry or bothersome thoughts, our attention can be a remarkably useful tool.

We can’t stop thoughts or worries from popping into our minds but what do we do with them once there? We can allow any thoughts to be present, while we learn how to bring our attention to our breath.

Using a meditation exercise can help us to be present in the here and now and not back in the past or flying off into the future, not caught up in our imagination. This is not about controling our thoughts or getting rid of them.

Mindfulness involves practicing bringing our attention back to the present, to the here and now – whenever it wanders off.

As an analogy, attention is like a muscle. If we don’t regularly use the muscle, it can become weaker. However, with regular exercise we can strengthen and build it.

Meditation exercises, like learning any new skill, require practice. Here’s one that takes only three minutes initially which, in time, can be increased to ten mins twice per day. In my experience, allowing ourselves even a couple of minutes every day to mindfully breathe is beneficial and relaxing.

Sit in a chair and get yourself comfy. Pay attention to your body and ask yourself, “what do I feel right now? What are my feelings? And what are my thoughts?” Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and to all the sensations in your body. Describe these experiences to yourself. Don’t judge or alter anything. Accept. Spend up to one minute doing this.

Bring your focus of awareness to your breath. Focus on the sensations of your breath as it enters and leaves your tummy. Bring your awareness to the sensations of movement in your tummy and allow your thoughts to go, to leave you as you breathe. Breathe in as you say ‘relax’ and on each exhalation say “calm”. If your mind wanders, do not try to change the thoughts or make them leave. Acknowledge their presence, allow them to be there, then allow them to go, returning your attention and focus to your breath and breathing. Spend up to two minutes doing this.

Extend your awareness to sensing your whole body breathing. Become aware of sensations throughout your body. If your mind wanders to various thoughts or feelings, acknowledge them and let them go and return your focus to sen1sing your whole body breathing. Spend about two mins doing this.

As you become more familiar with this skill of “letting go”, wherein you choose to notice but let go of thoughts, emotions or sensations, this is the ideal time to increase the time. Acknowledge and appreciate what you are doing, allowing yourself time to settle your mind, to breathe, to pay attention to you.

Attention is like a muscle and with regular exercise, a muscle works really well! Breathing meditation is the same – the more often you allow yourself time to do it, the easier it gets as the more skilled you become!