Christimas Dos & Don’ts!

The Do’s and Don’ts of Christmas 2018!

Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.

Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.

Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.

Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.

Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.

Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).

Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.

Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.

Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!

Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.

Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.

Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?

Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.

Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.

Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.

Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.

Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.

Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.

Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.

Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.

Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.

Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.

Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.

Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.

Do speak positively about and to others.

Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!

Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Protect Your Mental Health

People talk about “mental health” when they often mean “mental ill-health” or “mental-illness”. We all have ‘mental health’, just as we have ‘physical health’ and it changes throughout our life-time and even over the course of the day. Please care for, safeguard and protect your mental health because it is precious. The more you protect and look after it, the better able you will be to deal with life’s curveballs. Here are some reminders to help protect your mental health:

“Mind your body to mind your mind”. Eat well and regularly. Include natural foods. Increase intake of fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, nuts, beans and live yogurt. Include protein and fatty acids (oily fish, almonds, avocados etc). Avoid alcohol, trans fats, caffeine and high-sugar and processed foods. Cook your own meals. Stay hydrated with water.

Get your sleeping pattern in order. Ensure you get sufficient, good quality, uninterrupted sleep.

Exercise, movement, physical activity – we all know what we should be doing but there’s a big divide between knowledge and behaviour! Decide to move more and do it! Start small and build over time. Baby steps in the right direction are better than no steps! Celebrating those steps can help keep you motivated. Use the stairs, dance or go for a walk. I have a fridge magnet that says “housework won’t kill you but why take the risk” but one way to increase your movement is to do physical chores around the house like hoovering, dusting or cleaning windows. Being physically active helps you feel good and is great for your emotional wellbeing.

Set realistic goals – short, medium and long term. Acknowledge each achievement. Keep focused on the future – the best of life has yet to come.

Do things that you enjoy doing – gardening, painting, baking etc. Be creative when you can.

Give. This can be something small like holding open a door, saluting someone, making eye contact and smiling. Give your time by volunteering or give your energy by doing something nice for others – giving makes us feel good.

Always be kind. Kindness is the universal language. When we help others feel good we feel good.

Try to spot the good things in life and be grateful. Gratitude safeguards our mental health.

Spend time with people that are easy to be with.

Learn to say “no”.

Meet someone for a coffee or for a walk and a chat.

Join a club or start a club. We need social connections.

Stop being too busy to do the things you love and make the time.

Give yourself a break from technology and this includes the tv! Do something practical like read a book, bake, colour, draw, chat, get outside in nature, journal about your day, take a bubbly bath – there are so many things to do instead of being plonked in front of the tv.

Do something outside of your comfort zone, outside of your usual routine. When you feel discomfort in a safe environment/setting, remind yourself that it’s healthy and good.

Stop comparing.

Accept yourself as you are. You’re perfect. There is only one of you.

Be gentle with yourself when things go wrong. Praise you when things go right.

Learn how to relax and live with stress. Take up yoga or Tai-Chi, read a magazine, play with your children or a pet, listen to great music, sing out loud, write poetry, stand outdoors and admire the trees or the skyline.

Take time alone for yourself by yourself every day. I sit in my car when I return from work before I enter my house so that I leave work outside my home.

Smile. It brightens up those around you and also your face!

Learn how to control your breath. Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold for a couple of seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Breathe into your tummy rather than into your upper chest. Do this for a couple of minutes a couple of times a day. We all have to take bathroom breaks so why not breathe slowly and deeply every time you’re in the bathroom or when you wash your hands or turn on the kettle. There are opportunities for calm breathine but you must be disciplined! You’re worth the effort!

Get help. If you need it, ask for it. No one needs to face a problem on their own. We are better when we work together.

Find someone with whom you can talk about your issues or difficulties. If that person is a professional such as a counsellor, doctor, psychotherapist, psychologist, you can rest assured that whatever you say will be kept confidential.

www.carolinecrotty.ie

Being good enough

The ‘mind bully’ is a regular part of life for most people. The mean-spirited, internal voice that criticises our physical appearance, flaws, conversation etc. The inner critic’s list is endless and is also fond of comparisons, comparing you to family members, friends or to people you don’t know who seem happy, successful, confident etc., particularly when you don’t feel particularly good about yourself. However, the people we compare ourselves to have issues and worries and their own internal critic just like us. Sometimes it can be really hard to feel that we are good enough.

We often have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Successful relationships, owning property, career advancement, having children etc can be the focus of our inner critic. We may feel there is something wrong with us if we don’t hit our self-imposed targets. We lose sight of what we are getting right and of our daily successes. We forget that we are doing okay, that we are alright just the way we are, that we are good enough.

We are not perfect but there is no need to give ourselves a hard time. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We will achieve more if we accept that we are each unique with flaws and limitations and talents and gifts.

Feelings are not facts. Thoughts are not facts. Just because you feel or think something it does not make it true. Don’t be fooled by what you think or feel especially if you are prone to giving yourself a hard time.

Pay attention to how you talk to others when they are in trouble. What tone and words do you use? Do you ‘speak’ to yourself in the same way? If not, why not? You are worthy of gentle words and gestures particularly when you make a mistake or get something wrong.

When we least want to meet people, that’s when we most need them. Stay connected to help you get your thinking back on track.

Give yourself a pat on the back for each little success. Spot the good things that you do every day – like being up out of bed and dressed. Remind yourself you are doing okay. You have come this far despite all the obstacles.

When we accept ourselves as we are right now, it helps us feel content. Appreciate the life you have, it may not be perfect or as you had planned but it is your life. You have talents that the next person doesn’t have.

Acknowledge where you are and what you have achieved. Don’t give yourself a hard time about what you don’t have. Acknowledge the progress and sacrifices that you’ve made to come this far.

Focus on progress rather than perfection. You have come a long way.

Being mean won’t make you feel good. Praise, kindness and gentleness work far better. You are good enough. You’re not perfect and it is okay not to be.