Whenever I talk about alleviating stress, I generally give the warning that relaxation is not throwing yourself on the sofa with a glass of wine! Picture the scene – lying on the sofa, wine in hand, open giant-size pack of crisps or sweets balanced close-by and then you spot that the tv remote is not within your reach so if you can’t lasso it (!), rather than stand up and walk to retrieve it, you wait to ask someone to pass it to you! Well, bad news folks, this is not real relaxation. I know that taking time-out in front of the tv after a stressful day might feel like relaxation but it does little to reduce the effects of stress on our bodies.
There are several relaxation options which can help us combat the effects of stress. I find the rhythm of a run helpful and I love dancing (although I am neither a natural runner nor dancer!). Relaxation also comes in the form of walking; massage; Tai chi; meditation; yoga; progressive muscle relaxation; deep breathing or visualisation. Like everything else, relaxation is personal – please do whatever works best for you.
If you are around people all the time you may crave solitude so relaxation techniques that you can do alone might suit, giving yourself an opportunity to disconnect from everyone/thing and recharge your batteries. Explain to others in your family you need time away – teach your children and your loved ones that time alone is beneficial. If you crave company, a group relaxation class might be best but in the absence of in-person group classes, deep breathing is an effective relaxation technique for everyone (regardless of age or stage of life).
When we are anxious, we tend to take short, quick breaths. This can make us feel even more anxious so it’s a vicious circle. Deep breathing can be used whenever we feel anxious or stressed but, like every new skill, it requires practice. Once we master deep breathing, we can use it anywhere. Paying attention to our breath and breathing is the cornerstone of many relaxation practices such as yoga or meditation.
Perhaps light some aromatherapy candles or play soothing music to help create a relaxing ambiance.
Deep breathing activates your body’s relaxation response, lowering your heart rate, blood pressure and stress levels. Practice while feeling calm to become comfortable before using it when feeling stressed or anxious.
Sit comfortably with your back straight ideally rest your arms on the arm rests of your chair. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Breathe in through your nose to a count of 4*. The hand on your stomach will move outwards as your tummy expands. The hand on your chest barely moves. Hold your breath for 1 or 2 seconds. Exhale through your mouth to a count of 6*, pushing out as much air as you can (imagine that you are blowing out candles). The hand on your stomach should move inwards as you exhale, but the hand on your chest moves very little. Pause for 1 or 2 seconds. Then repeat for a couple of minutes.
*Find a count that works well for you – it may be an inhale count of 6 and an exhale count of 8.
Practice deep breathing for a couple of minutes a couple of times a day. Over time you will find a flow that works well for you. It takes patience. If you find it a little difficult to breathe into and from your tummy while you are sitting up (remember it takes practice), perhaps try lying on your back in a comfortable place. Try putting a light book on your tummy. The book rises as you inhale and falls as you exhale. You’ll know when you’re adept because you need to concentrate less and less on your tummy. Try to incorporate it in to your daily routine. Every time I visit the bathroom or get into or out of the car I breathe deeply to help me feel relaxed and in control. But I remember when I first began calm breathing or deep breathing, it made me feel a little anxious and I know now that happens because we are changing our breathing and our system is trying to figure out what is happening!
We cannot avoid anxiety as it is part of being human and stress comes in many forms. Deep breathing is to help us stay in control of our big reactions or strong emotions. It can be used anywhere once you know how and no one knows that you’re doing it (don’t use your hands when you’re in company!).
Once you know how, incorporate calm/deep breathing into your day – simply counting as you inhale into your tummy, hold, and count as you exhale. Perhaps do this whenever you brush your teeth or hair or maybe whenever you wash your hands with soap or use hand sanitizer!!
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.
Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.
Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.
Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.
Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.
Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.
Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.
Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!
Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.
Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.
Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?
Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.
Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.
Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.
Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.
Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.
Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.
Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.
Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.
Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.
Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.
Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.
Do speak positively about and to others.
Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!
Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx
www.carolinecrotty.ie
We tend not to take notice of the health benefits of hugging, so I encourage you to start today.
Give hugs as often as you can to a person, a pet, or even a tree! The benefits of hugging are remarkable.
Hugs do all the following:
Alleviate feelings of loneliness
Elevate mood
Reduce stress
Increase feelings of connection
Convey emotions without any words
Build self-esteem
Increase understanding
Reduce worries and anxiety
Build a sense of safety and security
Relax tense muscles
Reduce physical pain
Boost immune system
Benefit cardiovascular health
Say ‘you are loved’
Show that you care
Extend joy
Help form bonds with others
Increase empathy
Help build trust
By the way I didn’t simply make up this list! The health benefits of hugging are backed by empirical evidence. Research shows that snuggling up to someone or a pet releases the hormone oxytocin that strengthens our immune system, helps lower blood pressure, reduces the stress hormone cortisol, and improves heart rate. There are a great many benefits to hugging, and it has even been connected to helping children toilet-train quickly!
We know that warmth and responsiveness work well for fostering children’s social competence, and there is also evidence that hugs and chatting with children work better than shouting and/or punishment.
Sometimes children or other loved ones push us away or behave in a way that really frustrates us, and often leaves us as adults or parents frustrated and at the end of our patience. Well, that’s possibly when children could really do with a comforting hug.
It is not always easy to offer a hug when you feel annoyed, but it may be best to offer it anyway depending on the situation. You will benefit from the hug as much as the other person. It will help you both feel calmer, safer, and connected.
So when things seem to be going terribly wrong, offer a hug. It says ‘you are loved’ without using any words.
Think of the last time you were in trouble or were stressed about something. How lovely would it have been if someone offered you a hug? I’m sure it would have felt like a relief! You can be that person – and remember – we feel good when we help others. Go forth and hug!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
This post first appeared on mindloftmag.com
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