We all have a limit. In my experience, we can be pushed to that limit emotionally when life’s challenges start to pile up (rather like bricks in Jenga) when issues or challenges pile up, one on top of the other.
Life is messy, cruel and unfair. Terrible things happen to lovely people, but when we don’t tackle our problems as they arrive and if we keep them secret, it can lead to feeling worse in the long run. Try talking about whatever is on your mind with someone you trust in confidence. When we prioritise our mental health all the time, then we potentially avert challenges in the long run.
Ensuring that we safeguard our mental health is as important as looking after our physical health. Whether we are dealing with stress, anxiety, depression or feeling tired and flat emotionally, there are strategies we can use to improve how we feel.
Some evidence-based approaches to help cope with difficult times are:
In conclusion, there are many evidence-based strategies that can help improve mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness, exercise regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, connecting with others, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-care are effective ways to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression and to improve your mood generally. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it is important to seek professional help from a qualified mental health professional.
Help is at hand – here are some mental health supports (27.02.2024)
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What is mental health?
Mental health refers to a person’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act, and it also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Good mental health is not just the absence of mental health problems, it is also the ability to maintain balanced mental and emotional well-being.
Mental Health Challenges
It is important to acknowledge that mental health is a continuum, and everyone’s experience is unique. A mental health challenge refers to any condition or situation that affects an individual’s mental well-being and hinders their ability to function effectively in daily life. These challenges can range from common issues like stress, anxiety, and mood fluctuations to conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Common Mental Health Challenges
Mental health challenges can impact a person’s thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and overall quality of life, and they may require various forms of treatment and support for management and recovery.
For adolescents, mental health challenges often stem from academic pressure, social dynamics, and significant life changes. Conversely, adults may face stress from work, relationships, financial responsibilities, and parenting.
Both age groups can experience a range of issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, and mood fluctuations. Recognising the signs and symptoms is the first step towards managing them.
Coping Strategies and Self-Help Techniques
Mindfulness and Meditation
Adolescents: Simple mindfulness exercises, such as mindful breathing during study breaks, can be integrated into daily routines.
Adults: Longer meditation sessions can help manage work-related stress and improve focus.
Exercise
Adolescents: Engaging in sports or outdoor activities is an excellent outlet for stress and helps improve mood.
Adults: Regular exercise, whether a gym session or a brisk walk, is crucial for mental and physical well-being.
Healthy Social Connections
Adolescents: Building strong friendships and having a trusted peer group is essential for emotional support.
Adults: Maintaining relationships, whether with friends, family, or colleagues, provides a support network that is invaluable during challenging times (allow them to help you!).
Both groups: spending time with people who make us feel good is beneficial for our mental health. Connection is a pillar of our wellbeing. As adolescents, our peers are paramount and we want to feel accepted. Allow friends to help you – spending time in their company is great. The temptation might be to cut ourselves off when not feeling great but instead, force yourself to do the right thing which is hang out with others. Not having to answer questions or even to speak, and simply being in the company of others is healthy and helpful.
Journaling and Creative Outlets
Adolescents: Journaling or engaging in creative activities such as art or music (playing, listening, singing, creating playlists etc) can help adolescents express emotions.
Adults: Creative hobbies or writing can be therapeutic, providing a break from daily routines and a way to process thoughts and feelings.
Balanced Lifestyle
Adolescents: Establishing a routine that includes time for study, relaxation, and prioritising sleep is crucial.
Adults: Work-life balance is crucial. Ensure to carve out time for relaxation and hobbies and again prioritise sleep.
Professional Help
Both Groups: Seeking help from a mental health professional is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy (with a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist) can provide tailored strategies for individual challenges.
Adults: Support Groups include:
And Seniorline phone service
Adolescents:
Educational Resources
Both Groups: Educating oneself about mental health challenges can demystify many aspects and help reduce stigma. Asking for help, knowing what is going on in one’s body/mind and managing symptoms can help give a greater sense of control. Everything changes and it is vital to keep hope for that change and improvement in mood. Keeping our brains active is also healthy for our long-term brain health. Stress Control Court from the HSE using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is available here here
Coping strategies for mental health challenges are not a one-size-fits-all, and what works for me might not work for you. Keep at it and you will find what best suits your individual needs. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking proactive steps to manage it is crucial for a fulfilling life.
“I alone can do it but I cannot do it alone”.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not substitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.*
www.carolinecrotty.ie
However, it is important to acknowledge alcohol has a potentially harmful impact on our health. Consumption rates in Europe are notably high, with alcohol being the third leading risk factor for disease and mortality after tobacco and high blood pressure. Given its cultural significance, there may be a lack of awareness or disregard for the negative consequences of alcohol use due to its deep-rooted presence in Irish heritage.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with alcohol is vital for our overall health and well-being, considering the extensive detrimental effects that can arise from alcohol misuse.
Identifiable risk factors associated with developing problematic drinking include starting alcohol consumption at a young age, having a family history of alcohol abuse, experiencing childhood trauma, being surrounded by heavy drinkers or having ADHD. Alcohol dependence is characterised by an inability to control or stop drinking despite being aware of its negative consequences. It can manifest in various forms, ranging from occasional binge drinking to heavy daily consumption. Common signs of alcohol dependency include a loss of control over drinking, neglecting responsibilities, experiencing withdrawal symptoms,
and developing increased tolerance to alcohol.
When we consume alcohol, our bodies produce acetaldehyde, potentially damaging our DNA. Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to various physical health problems including liver disease, cardiovascular issues, and an elevated risk of developing cancer. Moreover, alcohol abuse significantly impacts mental health, contributing to depression, anxiety, and impaired cognitive function. Beyond the individual, alcohol misuse strains relationships with friends and family, hinders career prospects, poses physical risks, and increases the likelihood of legal difficulties.
If you wish to reduce your alcohol intake, it is beneficial to establish limits and practice moderation. Setting clear boundaries such as determining the number of drinks per day, can be helpful. Keeping a record of your alcohol consumption might provide helpful insights. Avoiding drinking alone, separate alcohol from grocery shopping, and being aware of triggers—identifying situations, people, or emotions that lead to excessive drinking—are important steps. Gradually reducing the number of drink-free days per week and working towards having one week free of alcohol can be helpful.
If you wish to give up alcohol, it can be useful to set a date! Remove alcohol from your home. Avoiding drinking buddies and situations involving alcohol can be helpful. Developing alternative coping strategies such as engaging in exercise or hobbies, is crucial. Seek support from friends and loved ones and participate in social activities with no alcohol.
Focus on self-care, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, stress management, and nurturing positive relationships that promote healthy lifestyle choices can help reduce reliance on alcohol.
Recognising the signs of alcohol dependency and nurturing a balanced relationship with alcohol are essential for maintaining a healthy life.
Understanding the risks of excessive drinking, setting personal limits, seeking support when needed and prioritising self-care can foster a responsible approach to alcohol consumption.
For anyone who is alcohol dependent, it is crucial to consult a GP or healthcare professional for guidance on stopping drinking. Don’t quit cold turkey. Seek professional guidance.
Alcohol and Drugs freephone 1800 459 459 or email helpline@hse.ie
For support https://www.drinkaware.ie/support-services/
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It is important to keep in mind that someone can appear to have a lovely life, wife / husband, children, friends, home etc. and experience depression. You cannot tell someone’s emotional state simply by looking. Depression can affect anyone in any walk of life. So how can we support someone experiencing depression?
Rather than avoid someone because you know they are depressed, please reach out. Be mindful not to pester, instead, let your loved one know you are offering your support. It can be nice to simply sit with the person, regardless of whether they are crying or talking, and tell them how important they are to you. Ask how you can help and listen to the answer.
Encourage outside supports such as talking to the GP, practice nurse, counsellor, psychotherapist etc and you can offer to help select one or to drive your loved one to their first appointment.
There are also social supports such as www.grow.ie www.aware.ie and online supports from www.samaritans.org www.turn2me.org
Be careful what you say so that your loved one doesn’t feel more isolated. Please do not say “cheer up” or “concentrate on the positives” or “snap out of it” because they would already have done that if they could! Passing comments like this can sound as though it is a choice to be depressed and that is insulting.
Listening rather than advising is key. Disagreeing with someone’s thoughts and feelings is unhelpful. Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings but do not try to fix their problems. Instead ask “what can we do to help you feel better?”
Perhaps it might be a kind gesture to drop round some nice food. It can feel impossible to muster up the enthusiasm to cook when experiencing depression. Sending a text can be a way to let someone know that you’re thinking about them without being intrusive or post a simple greeting card. Let them know that you and your offer to meet remains open for whenever they are ready.
It is important to keep in friendly contact with others when experiencing depression. Support exercise and social occasions by offering to accompany your loved one. Be encouraging and positive (rather than nagging or coercive).
Don’t pass judgement and suggest that someone is “too sensitive” as depression is not a personality flaw. If you see your loved one having a good day or laughing it doesn’t mean the depression is gone so be very patient.
It is important to keep in mind that we cannot change anyone except ourselves. We can encourage and support and love our friends and family members experiencing depression, however, we cannot make them better. Neither are we responsible for someone else’s recovery.
If your loved one is in danger of suicide call 911 or take them to an emergency room (A&E Department). The Samaritans has a freephone number 116123 available 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
If you are trying to help someone who is experiencing depression it can be tiring. Please take time out for yourself to exercise or prepare meals. Ensure you are sleeping well and make time to relax. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Care for yourself so that you can provide the best care for others. You cannot pour from an empty cup!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
There is something which positively influences obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, some cancers, bone and joint diseases and is within our reach. REGULAR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
I am not a medic, but I know that exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. The benefits are far-reaching as physical activity has consistently been shown to be associated with improved physical health, life satisfaction, cognitive function and psychological wellbeing.
People who regularly exercise, when compared to those who don’t, show slower rates of age-related memory and cognitive decline. In my experience, we all want to stay mentally sharp and focused for as long as possible. Exercise helps strengthen our heart and improves its functioning. Not only do our lungs benefit from exercise, our bones do too. Physical activity can help reduce stress levels whilst improving self-esteem.
From what I know, to improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours every week, of moderate-intensity physical activity. If we can invest more time than 150 mins in a week, that’s fantastic! Moderate-intensity activity increases our heart-rate, gets our bodies sweaty and makes us breathe more quickly – which is also a great anxiety-buster.
To make healthy changes, we must rethink our busy schedules. It is not enough to say “I don’t have time”! Finding time might be difficult, however, ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable.
Every minute you move is valuable. Small active changes include taking the stairs, walking around the house inside or outside, jumping on the spot, dancing, parking the car in a space farthest from the shop front-door or leaving the office to walk during coffee breaks.
If you never enjoyed walking, perhaps you might start by quickly walking away from your house for three minutes, turn around and quickly walk the three minutes home – any minute spent walking is better than no minute. Try to select an activity that is suitable for your fitness level right now, until it improves and who knows you might be running marathons this time next year!
Nature is therapeutic so whenever you can, spend time outdoors and take notice of your surroundings.
Regular weight-bearing exercise can:
Help prevent several chronic diseases and reduce the risk of premature death.
Improve mood and confidence.
Reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
Build muscle and strengthen bones and help prevent osteoporosis.
Increase energy levels and keep us feeling energised throughout the day.
Improve brain function, protect memory and thinking skills.
Help with study.
Improve sleep.
Help with pain management.
Although it may feel counterintuitive, people with chronic fatigue syndrome benefit hugely from exercise.
There are many varied benefits of moving our bodies, and exercise is only one part of safeguarding our long-term health – diet, alcohol, stress, sleep, cigarettes can each take their toll on our bodies. This new year, GET MOVING!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
You might make your New Year’s resolution to listen to music you enjoyed when you were young or if you are young, listen to music that makes you feel good! Music has a profound impact on our brains and can transport us back in time, help us feel relaxed or work-out more productively. Music is so powerful it can help reduce pain and alter our mood. So crank up the choons!
To make healthy changes in the New Year we must rethink busy schedules. Finding time might be difficult, but ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable. Every minute you move is invaluable. Exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. To improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours weekly, of moderate-intensity physical activity. Moderate-intensity activity increases heart-rate, gets us sweaty and causes us to breathe more quickly – which is also perfect for helping to alleviate the physical symptoms of anxiety – exercise is win/win and here’s a link to 10 minute workouts.
There are a multitude of benefits to exercise – it improves mood and self-confidence and feelings of anxiety and depression; exercise builds muscle and strengthens bones. Exercise can increase energy levels and improve brain function. It helps improve sleep and pain management. Exercise is the best demonstrated way to maintain health, fitness and youth. Here’s a link to a similar article I wrote on LinkedIn Get Moving in 2019
Developing gratitude for the little things in life impacts our long-term happiness. The act of forcing yourself to think of events or you in a positive light or thinking of reasons to be grateful (no matter how small) or counting your blessings is beneficial for your brain and for your mood. The more you do it, the easier it becomes until eventually gratitude becomes an integral part of your life. Perhaps, set a new year’s resolution to write three things every day for which you are grateful regardless of how insignificant these things may seem. Today I am grateful for x, y or z. Over time you will see that every day is a good day – we have somewhere to sleep, human connection, food, work, liberty, sight, hearing, health, ability to exercise etc.
What else can we do in 2019 to improve our lives? Spending time in nature is therapeutic and has several health benefits. Being outdoors can put a spring in your step because nature is known to be restorative. Get outside as often as possible. Climb that mountain! Don’t forget that daylight also helps improve our sleep – a healthy new year’s resolution might be to spend time getting your sleep routine in order.
Keep your brain active and learn something new – take up yoga or meditation or learn how to calm breathe. Read more. Make a to-do list and get productive so you can cross things off that list. Disconnect from technology. Spend more time alone particularly if you have a stressful job. Keep a journal. Don’t complain, take action.
Join a group or club where you get to hang out with like-minded people. We need to be with others. When you least feel like meeting people may be when you most need to be in teh company of others. Reach out. Make contact. Meet a friend for a coffee or a walk. Have someone in your life that will listen and hear you and if you already have that person in your family or friend group – that’s fantastic. If you need support or advice – ask for it. Contact a professional Counsellor or Psychotherapist who will be happy to help or to point you in the direction of supports.
Maybe this year make your new year’s resolution to tell the people who are important to you just how much they mean to you and spend more time with them. When talking to yourself be an optimist not a pesimist. Be nice, kind and gentle to you and to others and that’s appropriate for every time of the year!
Whatever New Year’s Resolution you embark upon, I would like to wish you the very best for 2019.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.
Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.
Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.
Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.
Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.
Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.
Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.
Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!
Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.
Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.
Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?
Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.
Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.
Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.
Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.
Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.
Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.
Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.
Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.
Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.
Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.
Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.
Do speak positively about and to others.
Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!
Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx
www.carolinecrotty.ie
You might feel lonely that your youngest is starting school or it may seem like only yesterday when it was your child’s first day at school and now he/she’s leaving home to start a third level course.
For some parents, a child starting school is super exciting, while it can be heart-breaking for other parents. Feeling anxious about the start of school term is to be expected because it is a big change. Whatever is happening in your household right now, stay focused and remain relaxed!
It is normal for your child (regardless of age) to have worries and concerns about school. Fears can vary from “which teacher?”; “where will I sit?”; “what if the bus doesn’t stop?”; “what if my friends aren’t my friends anymore?”; “maybe I won’t fit in”; “what if I don’t know what to say”……the list goes on.
Helpful tips
Ensure you have some one-to-one time with each of your children every day and at least every week go for a walk or play some music together or take a spin in the car or chat while doing a chore together etc.
Chat with your child(ren). Your message is always “I’m here to listen” and “I am your ally” so your child(ren) can approach you with worries and will be assured that together you will devise a plan of action to tackle their fears head-on.
Listen to the small things so your child knows you will be there for the big things as they age and worries change.
Encourage your child to share their feelings with you or their other parent / responsible adult. Explain that changes associated with returning/starting school can be difficult, that worries are okay and that it is beneficial to talk about them.
When your child is anxious, it may be easy to become stressed. The more grounded you are the better. It is comforting for your child to see that you are relaxed about a situation particularly when your child is anxious about it. Your child is looking to you for comfort and reassurance, if you react it may send the wrong message to your child and they may panic even more.
When your child comes to you and says they are worried about something, please be careful not to dismiss their worries or undermine their fears. Do not say “don’t worry” or “everyone feels like that”. Instead, chat about what course of action your child can take to help alleviate the worry. Encourage your child to work through the anxiety and to problem-solve. Try to empathise by saying “I see that you’re worried about this”.
Don’t dismiss fears as silly or say “that’s nothing“. When your child comes to you stop whatever you’re doing and listen carefully – show that you are interested in finding a solution. Listening to your child means that you allow them time to speak and time to think about what they want to tell you – don’t jump in too fast or finish sentences! Take time, listen and reflect back what you hear so your child knows you are paying close attention and that what they tell you is important to you.
Don’t break your child’s confidence by discussing their worries behind their back and making fun of them – they won’t confide in you again if they discover that you’re not trustworthy!
Encourage your child to be solutions-focused “what helps you feel relaxed?” or “what can you do that might help you feel better?”
Encourage your child to think about the nice things that happened during the day to gear their attention away from anxious thoughts particularly at night time. A nice way to finish the day is to ask your child, when saying good night, “what’s the best thing that happened today?” or “what was your favourite part of today?”
Praise. Praise. Praise. Every time your child handles a tricky situation and manages their anxiety give plenty praise. Be encouraging. As a parent you can’t always fix everything or be around to offer constant reassurance, but you can give your child the confidence to believe in their own abilities to overcome worries and concerns.
Think about how you behave when you are tired and hungry – we as adults are easily irritated. Your child may be irritable because of hunger or tiredness. It is important to have a good back-to-school routine for sleep and for meals. Watch portion sizes. Don’t reward your child(ren) with food items, instead reward with a trip to the playground or a comic or art materials. Stick to your screen time schedule (i.e. set limits to the amount of time, no screens in the bedroom or at the meal table). So very many children head to bed but not to sleep and school work and concentration suffer as a result of being on line into the small hours.
To recap, chat with your child, stay grounded, be and encourage your child to be solutions-focused, encourage and praise and stick to the back-to-school routine for sleep, food and screen-time!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
(in no particular order!)
Most of us could use a few reminders to help make our lives easier and happier. Here are 50 tips for life that might help you feel more content – if you put them into practice!
Yes that is 51! I couldn’t resist.
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Anxiety is as natural as breathing! Although we often view it as negative, anxiety is not all bad – it helps keep us motivated and focused, it changes our behaviour in a productive way i.e. look how anxiety gets us going when we are nearing an assignment or work deadline!
However, if you are wasting time thinking about worst case scenarios or catastrophising – here are 20 top-tips to help alleviate those anxious feelings:
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We overindulge on drink throughout December with parties and Christmas celebrations. January is usually a dry month, often because we are broke, but what about February? Perhaps it’s a month to rethink our drinking.
Alcohol is intertwined in our lives, so much so, that when a person doesn’t drink there must be a reason – pregnancy, antibiotics, illness, recovering alcoholic?! And we often hear “well, you’ll just have something small so or maybe a hot toddy” like that’s not really drinking!
We know cigarettes are bad for our health, but we don’t think about alcohol being bad. Alcohol is linked with several cancers including mouth, bowel and throat and cutting down the amount we drink could potentially reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers.
Alcohol is not just connected to cancer, it leads us to say and do things that we cannot unsay or undo. It causes us to engage in risky sexual behaviours, to put ourselves in danger and make dodgy decisions. Alcohol dulls our memory and is linked with heart and liver-disease, osteopetrosis, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, and depression, (there is a long list).
Make informed decisions about your alcohol intake.
You do not need alcohol to function, or to relax. You don’t need alcohol to engage with others, to make you more interesting, to help you sleep or dance better! If you do, perhaps it’s time to re-think your drinking.
Cutting down means you can avoid hangovers, save money, get a great night’s sleep and improve mental and physical health.
How to cut down your alcohol intake:
Be drink aware. Pay attention to what you drink, when, how much and why.
Encourage friends/family to support you. Explain that you are cutting down/cutting out.
Don’t bring alcohol home. If it is not in the house you will be less tempted.
Distract yourself at the time you usually drink e.g. shower, walk, dance, vacuum, phone someone, garden, read etc.
Never drink alone.
Change your scenery. Suggest going to the cinema or for a meal instead of going to the pub.
Slow down. Alternating with a glass of water helps us slow the pace.
Set a limit to the number of drinks and stop once your limit is reached.
Consider bringing only enough money for a certain number of drinks when going to the pub.
Finish each drink before ordering/pouring another to help keep track of how much you consume.
Drink from a smaller glass.
Have a bottle instead of a can, a single instead of a double. Pour one glass of wine then put the bottle away.
Increase your alcohol-free days in the week.
Rethink your drink and if you need help to change, help is available – reach out. Please.
A new year, a new me! Really? I don’t know how many times we read and hear this phrase at the start of every new year. I even say it myself as I’m eating chocolates at breakfast time during the end of year holidays! The news is that we are all the same people whether it is January or July. We do not enter a new year suddenly transformed into a different more abstemious person. We might, however, set a goal for ourselves for the year ahead.
Try to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You don’t need to change and become someone else although you might want to start exercising or shed a kilo or two or perhaps cut down on processed foods etc but do not make your happiness dependent on achieving something in the future. People often say that they will be happy when they reach a target weight or achieve a certain something like a promotion or a new house for example but I am doubtful that it’s an accurate prediction of contentment.
Now is the time to feel great about yourself. If you feel good right now, just imagine how amazing you will feel when you achieve your goals or attain your 2018 resolutions.
If you do not feel too great right now, try not to be too hard on yourself. January is a very tough month for many. Couples often stay together over Christmas knowing that the new year will bring a change to their relationship; being in debt can be stressful or knowing your credit card bill will be severe because of overspending on presents or on the sales; when family has returned to their homes and the house is quiet or not having family members to rely on can leave one person with several responsibilities and that too can feel exhausting.
Returning to work and facing back into our usual routine can also be difficult. Knowing that there is no routine of work can also be upsetting. However, January is not all doom and gloom. I would like to reassure you that if you are having a hard time in January that you are not alone. Several people are feeling like you do right now i.e. not super enthusiastic that it is the start of a new year! This is a common feeling and you are entitled to feel however you feel!
Try to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break. Telling someone how you feel, chatting about your worries and fears can help you gain perspective. Talk to a trusted friend or family member or to a healthcare professional.
What can lift our mood in January?
Start with small steps towards achieving your New Year’s goal. When you do something that you know to be good or beneficial, acknoweldge and celebrate your achievements, this will help you continue towards achieving your goal.
Cut down or avoid alcohol to help your system detox after the overindulgences of the holiday period.
Increase your intake of brightly coloured fresh fruit and veg.
Eat at regular intervals. We often go without food for hours and then gorge ourselves on whatever rubbish is to hand. Plan your meals in advance but pay attention that you are eating regularly.
Turn up the music. It transports us in time, makes us feel good and lifts our spirits.
Get out of the house and spend more time in nature. Resist the urge to stay wrapped up indoors and force yourself to get out . You will be thankful that you made the effort to leave the house.
Once it is okay to do so, why don’t you pick up the phone and ask someone to meet you for a coffee and a chat. If they say no then that’s perfectly okay but someone might say yes! Or suggest going for a walk and you have both exercise and a chat all rolled into one!
Movement is key to keeping our bodies healthy and dancing in the kitchen, taking the stars, jumping on the spot, all count as exercise – keep your body active.
Have your bloods checked (including vitamin levels) with your doctor to ensure that your body is in tip top condition. Visit the dentist and optician for check ups. Save up for these health screens if you must but having a clean bill of health is priceless and if there is something that requires attention, finding out in time is crucial to receiving the best care.
Good quality, uninterrupted sleep is vital for our mental and physical health. Working shifts, having small children or a baby will mean your sleep is interrupted so catch up with naps if necessary. Sleep can be rectified over time so seek help to ensure you are getting sufficient good quality uninterrupted shut-eye! See some further info here https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Having self-confidence to make mistakes or noticing our self-talk and challenging any negative dialogue are worthwhile new year goals. Not eating chocolate at breakfast time is a great goal because minding our bodies is our investment in our future selves.
For this new year perhaps set the goal to be kind to you.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
This is the time of year when people mention having an “empty nest”, often because a child has recently left home to attend college or pursue a career. We hear of “empty nest syndrome” and although a topic of psychological research, it is not a medical condition per se. However, the menopause often ties-in with the same timeframe as children leaving home which, as we know, brings with it both physical and emotional side-effects and a time of self-reflection.
When examining the idea of an “empty nest”, there are several factors involved. Worrying about our children when they are away from home can cause us stress and anxiety. The role of work outside the home is a factor that may be connected to the intensity of the “empty nest” feeling. If we are distracted by work outside the home it can help keep us occupied. Increased life-expectancy coupled with children leaving home younger means the period of life spent on our own as aging adults has increased. While caring for our elderly parents and also providing care for our children we might feel like all we do is run and race with little ‘me time’ and then, with this newfound time on our hands, it may seem strange and alien.
When one-by-one children start leaving home, parents react differently. I often hear the words “useless”, “deflated”, “on the scrapheap” “no sense of purpose” mentioned. Parents go through many struggles at different stages throughout childrearing years, and the last child starting primary school can also be an emotional time for many.
Bear in mind parents who are waiting (or hoping) for adult children to ‘fly the nest’ but due to financial or housing demands (and a host of other reasons), do not leave home as expected or perhaps return home having been away. This can leave parents with the sense that “this wasn’t how my life was supposed to be”. There are various reasons why we may feel, at a certain stage, that our lives are not what we planned and the hopes and dreams we once had for our futures have not been realised.
Do not despair and certainly do not let go of your aspirations. You have a new life and the focus is now on you.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of dwelling on the negative and feel guilty about the things that you did not do with your children before they left home. Turn that thinking around and remind yourself that you have done your best as a parent and your children have left home to pursue their ambitions. This is the natural circle of life and a job well done.
What helps? Talking to someone you trust about how you feel is always beneficial because it helps you acknowledge your emotions and gives you focus on positive change.
Try to reframe what is going on and see the advantages of having the house to yourself e.g. it is a time of privacy in which you can rekindle your relationship with your partner and pursue your dreams and goals.
Although it is initially challenging, be as social as possible. Meeting people is a good way to stay occupied and feel happier. Exercise is physically and emotionally beneficial. Take up a class whether it’s water aerobics or a walking group, keep moving, ideally with others. Start a dinner or book club with the sole purpose that you are there to chat (this is not a competition to see who can cook the best dinner or have the most to say about a book!
When something happens in your body your brain tries to make sense of it. If your face is smiling, a big wide smile that gives you wrinkles around the corners of your eyes, your brain reads this as “I’m smiling therefore I must be happy” and you will feel happier. The reverse is true if you are frowning so don’t forget to smile!
We all need sufficient, good quality sleep to feel good about ourselves and to think clearly. To improve our sleep ensure you get daily sunlight, avoid caffeine and alcohol, keep bedrooms tidy and cool, avoid screens at night-time including phone, tv, p.c., increase exercise and time in nature. Set and stick to the same bedtime routine. See https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Music affects your brain in a range of ways – it can give us chills, cause a variety of emotions, make us want to dance, transport us back in time and help us relax. Play your favourite music and play it often. Now is your chance to fill your house with whatever music you fancy.
Set achievable goals and stick to them. You will feel happier because it gives you focus and achieving them gives you momentum to carry you forward.
Keep in regular contact with your child(ren). Try not to pester them and do not make your concerns their worries. Instead, suggest that Sundays are a good day to chat and remind them that sending the odd sms even if it is just a smiley face emoji will let you know they are okay.
Congratulate yourself on a job well done. The rest of your life is ahead of you – may it be filled with joy, love, peace, health and happiness.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
I remember reading the question “with whom will you have the longest relationship?” I thought “well, if I’m fortunate, it will be with my parents or my siblings”. I was wrong. The answer is very different.
The longest and most important relationship you will ever have is with YOU. The better the relationship you develop with you, the better it is, not only for you, but also for everyone around you. When we are happy and content within our own skin, we are easier to get along with because the positivity radiates outwards from us.
How can you improve your relationship with you? It’s not as difficult as it might at first seem. Start small and build over time. Remember the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. In fact, every accomplishment the world over began with someone deciding to give whatever it is a try.
Gratitude is a topic I often mention. Every night before you sleep write down three things that you appreciate about you with a pen and paper! It might be that you have good health or have children, or live in a quiet/busy area. These do not have to be earth-shattering big deals. You could write that you appreciate being a kind person, that you waved at a neighbour when you spotted him in the street or that you groomed your dog. Learn to appreciate the little things in every day. If you’re feeling stuck, appreciate having the freedom to leave your house if you so desire – at least we are not in prison!
Filtering is important to feeling good about you. If you have negative people in your life who are always complaining, try to filter out their negativity and tune them out – don’t get sucked in!
A wonderful approach to life is to learn to minimise complaints and criticisms. When you adopt that stance, you will no longer feel the need to judge or gossip. Sometimes at various points in our lives, listening to news-reports can be quite upsetting. If you don’t want to listen to or watch the news then don’t! Turn it off. Filter it out.
Reframe simply means to think differently, to spot unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more positive or helpful ones. Challenge your thoughts and the wording you use if its negative. Try to keep in mind how you would speak to someone else. You would probably be softer in your tone and approach than you are towards yourself when you get something wrong. Be gentle and kind to you. Ask yourself, “what advice would I give someone else about this situation?” then take your own advice.
You make mistakes just the same as the next person – because you are human! Remind yourself that you are not perfect but you are good enough.
More on being good enough here https://carolinecrotty.ie/being-good-enough/
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Just because you think something, it doesn’t mean it’s true, even if it feels like it must be true!
If you jump to conclusions and often feel anxious or worried, the great news is that you can learn how to take charge of your thinking, learn to feel calmer and more in control of your thoughts.
If you told me that you would like to change someone else’s thoughts, I’d say you’re out of luck because there’s no hope of changing anyone else. However, if you want to change the way YOU think and change YOUR unhelpful thoughts or thinking patterns, then you can.
Each of us has automatic thoughts and we make assumptions all day long. Self-talk is very important because we tend to believe what we tell ourselves whether it is true or not! I often refer to what we have in our heads as a “mind bully”.
To others, we may look or appear calm but on the inside, we have a running commentary which accompanies us everywhere that can be horrible and nasty. I often ask “would you want to spend time with someone who talks to you the way you speak to yourself in your head?” I am fairly sure that for most people the answer is a resounding “no“.
Our self-talk can be cruel and make it easy for us to jump to inaccurate and often absurd conclusions. We might wake at night thinking terrible things are going to happen. Or we might be scared to quit our job because we are sure that we would fail elsewhere or we might think we would never even get another job. We might end a relationship because we are convinced our partner is too good for us and will run off with someone who’s more attractive, intelligent or interesting than us. We might eat a sweet and think we always fail at diets. The mind bully’s list of topics is endless!
Taking control of our thinking and ultimately learning how to manage our worries starts with our self-talk.
When we know what our thoughts are, then we can work towards replacing negative, illogical or unhelpful thoughts with more logical and rational thoughts.
Firstly, pay focused attention to your self-talk and to what you are thinking. What are you saying to yourself? Is your thinking realistic? Is it catastrophic? Are you logical? Are you mind-reading? Do you jump to conclusions? Do you think you can predict the future with your invisible/imaginary crystal ball?
To challenge negative or irrational thoughts, try completing each of the following questions outlined in bold on a writing pad every day. For other suggestions take a look at this worksheet clear thinking
Where was I?
What happened?
What were my thoughts?
Are my assumptions based on facts?
How was I feeling?
What did I do?
Is there an alternative viewpoint?
What is a more logical and rational thought?
Time back again, what could I do differently?
It’s worth a try! It will help you to start paying attention to your thoughts and shortly, you’ll begin to catch yourself being unfair to you and then, you’ll be able to start challenging unhelpful and unwanted thoughts. Just beccause it feels right, doesn’t mean your thinking is accurate – jumping to conclusions is usually inaccurate and unhelpful.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Do you know someone who is happy? Perhaps you are that happy person. What ‘happy’ means to me may differ to how you would define it. There are possibly as many definitions of ‘happiness’ as there are people.
Various factors impact and contribute to our overall sense of happiness from involvement in our communities to celebrations, weather, finances, family etc. I don’t have enough space here to examine influences on or definitions of happiness but in my experience, everyone wants to be happy.
Ask yourself ‘Do I want to be happy? If the answer is ‘yes’ put a plan of action into place. We all know that life is not fair but being happy requires an investment of your time and effort because happy people work at being happy.
If you want to be happy follow these tips:
Accept yourself completely – just as you are AND accept your reality. This means you accept your family, house, appearance, birthplace, strengths/limitations, history etc. Acceptance is the key to happiness. (This is not easy but it is vital).
Learn something new – how to put up a shelf, knit, sew, bake a sponge cake – keep your brain active with new knowledge and skills.
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made. Forgive others for theirs. Let go of resentments – it is difficult to be happy with a heavy heart.
Engage in activities. Start a new hobby such as yoga or Bridge. Join a club or start one e.g. a book club or dinner club with your neighbours/friends.
Spend time with people that make you feel good, ideally positive people. Avoid people who stress you out or drain your energies.
Have a sense of purpose. Happy people have something to do or somewhere to go (even if it is just to the shop for milk).
Do things you are good at, that you enjoy, that are fun or make you feel good. Do them often.
Say NO. If you don’t want to do something don’t do it. If you do, then do so without complaint.
Acknowledge that you are not responsible for other people’s reactions, you are only responsible for yours.
Find your voice and say when you are unhappy about something. (Say I feel x when y because z)
Nurture a loving relationship with YOU. Happy people give themselves breaks and let themselves off the hook. They learn how to relax and how to manage anxieties/stresses.
Set short-term achievable goals. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting unattainable goals! Set a goal, achieve it, acknowledge the achievement then set new goals!
Invest time in others. Make time for your partner, children, friends, neighbours or strangers.
Watch your language. I don’t mean swear words I mean self-talk. Say only positive things and use only positive words particularly when talking about you.
Help others because it makes us feel happy. Help willingly. Volunteer in your community or to do something nice for a neighbour.
Your brain believes you must be happy if you are smiling, it immediately raises your mood. Smiles are contagious.
Treat your body as well as you can. Eat well, hydrate, keep moving and breathe slowly.
Be kind and gentle, forgiving and compassionate with YOU and others.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
If we are attempting to change our thinking pattern it can be helpful to analyse what we are saying to ourselves (in our minds). When we know what our thoughts are, then we can work towards replacing negative or illogical thoughts with more positive, rational ones.
Is your thinking realistic? Is it catastrophic? Are you logical? Are you mind-reading? Is your thinking magical (if x then y)?
To challenge negative thoughts or irrational thinking, try completing each of the following questions outlined in bold on a writing pad every day. I have inserted a sample answer.
If you find answering all the questions difficult at first, perhaps start on week one with just the first two questions and the following week answer the first three questions and so on. Before you know it, you’ll be automatically challenging your negative thoughts.
In my car driving home from work.
Someone pulled into the road in front of me and caused me to brake hard. I got a fright because I nearly crashed.
How can people be so thoughtless. That driver is so reckless. He didn’t think about me or the dangers. I could have rear-ended that car. My insurance premium would sky-rocket. I can’t afford another bill. He is such an idiot.
I was fuming. I was so angry I was shaking. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. I could feel my face turn red and my heart-beat quicken.
I shouted and shook my fist at the driver. I banged my fist on the steering wheel. I drove more quickly.
I didn’t crash. The driver was probably distracted by something else and didn’t see me. This is nothing personal. I can ignore the incident because it is not going to be important in a year’s time. I can focus on the radio, music or calm breathing instead of getting angry. I am in control of my emotions and my thoughts. I am okay. Pull back and allow a greater distance in between me and the car in front because that helps keep me calm.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Ireland is one of the few countries where we both celebrate and commiserate with alcohol. On a hot day, we might head to a beer garden. When the weather is miserable where better to pass the time than in a cosy pub toasting ourselves by the fire? We overindulge throughout December with parties, nights out and Christmas celebrations. January which is usually a dry month (often because we are financially broke). Lent is an opportunity for us to prove to ourselves that we can remain sober for forty days and forty nights (with a permissible blow-out on St Patrick’s Day!) But what about February? It’s a bit of an enigma.
Alcohol is intertwined in our everyday living, so much so, that when a person doesn’t drink there must be a reason – pregnancy, antibiotics, recovering alcoholic? It may be because he/she simply chooses not to drink.
I have noticed a fairly recent shift in our drinking habits. We now drink more at home before we go out and in general having wine with a meal isn’t really drinking. However, wine is no different to other types of alcohol. To our bodies, alcohol is alcohol.
An unpopular piece of health news is that alcohol is linked with several cancers including mouth, bowel and throat. I often think I do not gain fans sharing this information because we would rather ignore the news that alcohol is a carcinogen.
After a recent talk to a community group someone mentioned that I had introduced the topic of alcohol in an unusual way. I explained that my aim is simply to encourage people to think before they have that extra alcoholic drink (and by making minor changes in our lives we can impact our children’s views of alcohol). We know that cigarettes are bad for us but the notion that alcohol is bad…well, that’s not something we really want to think about. Ignorance is bliss but it is also potentially lethal.
Cutting down the amount we drink, could potentially reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers. Alcohol is not just connected to cancer – it causes accidents and injuries; leads us to say and do things that we cannot unsay or undo. It causes us to fight, stress, engage in risky sexual behaviours and put ourselves in danger which we would never do when not under the influence. As well as dulling our memory and helping us make dodgy decisions, alcohol is linked with heart and liver-disease, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, depression (there is a long list).
I am not writing about this because I want to scare, annoy or upset anyone. I am encouraging you to make informed decisions about your alcohol intake. You do not need alcohol to function, to engage with others, to make you interesting or to help you sleep. If you do, perhaps you might re-think your drinking.
Cutting down means you can avoid hangovers, save money, get a great night’s sleep, improve mental and physical health.
How you can cut down your alcohol intake:
Encourage friends/family to support you. Explain that you don’t want to be encouraged to drink (and that there is nothing wrong with not drinking).
Don’t bring alcohol home. If it is not in the house you will be less tempted. This doesn’t mean you have to drink all the alcohol in the house to get rid of it!
Examine your drinking routine so that you can decide on what needs to be changed. When do you drink and where?
Distract yourself. Do something different at the time you usually drink e.g. shower, walk, dance, vacuum, phone someone, read.
Change your scenery. Suggest going to the cinema or for a meal instead of going to the pub.
Set a limit to the number of drinks and stop once your limit is reached. You might consider bringing only enough money for a certain number of drinks if you’re going to the pub.
Finish each drink before ordering/pouring another to help you keep track of how much you are consuming.
Slow down. Drinking is never a race! Alternating with a glass of water helps us slow the pace.
Drink from a smaller glass.
Have a bottle instead of a can, a single instead of a double. Pour one glass of wine then put the bottle away.
Increase your alcohol-free days in the week.