Being a parent is never easy but when your child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, the job becomes even more complex.
As a psychotherapist working with parents and adolescents, and lead author of a recent study published in the Irish Medical Journal, I’ve spent time listening closely to parents who are raising teenagers with this lifelong condition. What they told me was clear: they are exhausted, worried and often coping in silence.
When a child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, the focus quite rightly turns to medical care: blood sugar monitoring, insulin management, carb counting and emergency plans. But behind all of that, there’s another story – that of the parent.
Many of the parents with whom I spoke described feeling overwhelmed, constantly on edge and even guilty. They often questioned whether they were doing enough or doing the right thing. As their children move into adolescence and begin taking on more responsibility, thir fear doesn’t disappear – it changes shape. Parents are still quietly carrying the burden, sometimes without even realising how much it’s affecting them.
It’s vital we acknowledge the emotional needs of parents, and not just children. When parents are supported – whether through psychotherapy, peer support, or simply being given space to talk – the whole family benefits.
In my work with parents of teens (with and without chronic illness), I’ve seen the difference it makes when parents have the opportunity to reflect, breathe and feel heard.
Therapy can help parents:
Manage anxiety and fear
Cope with their child’s growing independence
Navigate sibling dynamics
Improve emotional regulation during stressful times
Feel less alone
If you’re parenting a child with type 1 diabetes, please know that your feelings are valid, your work is seen and you deserve support.
I offer one-to-one counselling and psychotherapy for parents, including short-term focused sessions. Feel free to get in touch, even just for a chat about what support might look like.
Email me today
or
call/text 087 710 7032.
Because when we care for the carers, we care for the whole family.
Stress, anxiety and overwhelm are words we hear every day, whether it’s in the workplace or at the kitchen table.
As a qualified psychotherapist based in Cork, I provide engaging, evidence-based talks that support mental wellbeing at work and at home. Whether you’re looking to promote positive mental health in your workplace or guide parents through the rollercoaster of adolescence, I offer practical tools with lasting impact.
In today’s fast-paced work environments, stress and burnout are common. My workplace talks are designed to support staff, increase self-awareness and provide practical ways to feel content and focused. Popular topics include:
How to manage stress and avoid burnout
Understanding anxiety and building resilience
What wellbeing really means and how to feel better, not just busy
Mental health at work: prevention, not crisis response
I also deliver parenting talks focused on raising children and adolescents with compassion and clear boundaries. If you’re navigating the challenges of too much screen time, emotional meltdowns, or gentle parenting dilemmas, you’re not alone! I offer support that’s rooted in psychology and real life.
Evidence-informed and experience-led
Warm, accessible and interactive talks
Available in-person (Cork/Munster) or online
Customised to suit your team or audience
Ready to book a talk or find out more?
Work Well. Parent Calmly. Book a Talk Today
Email me today or call/text 087 710 7032.
Let’s create a space where mental health is supported at workand at home.
In today’s fast-paced world, many people find themselves sacrificing sleep in favour of late-night scrolling, binge-watching or mindless online activity. This behaviour has a name: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination. As a psychotherapist, I often hear people describe staying up late or late than they’d intended despite knowing they will feel exhausted the next day. Why do we do this, and what’s really behind it?
‘Revenge bedtime procrastination’ refers to delaying going to bed to reclaim personal time, especially after a day filled with work, responsibilities or emotional demands. It’s a subconscious form of protest – a way of taking control of one’s time when the day hasn’t allowed enough rest, relaxation, autonomy or just time!
The term is believed to have originated in China, where it was coined as “bàofùxìng de áoyè”, meaning “retaliatory staying up late”. It reflects the experience of people who feel they have no free time during the day and seek compensation late at night, even at the cost of their wellbeing.
You might be experiencing revenge bedtime procrastination if you:
Unlike insomnia or sleep disorders, this pattern is not caused by difficulty sleeping but by the conscious decision to postpone sleep in favour of leisure, often out of frustration, resentment or habit.
As a psychotherapist, I see this often in people who are:
In many cases, individuals know that sleep is essential, but the emotional pull of having “just a little time for me” wins out. This is particularly true for those with high-pressure jobs or parenting responsibilities – people who give all day and receive very little personal space in return.
Chronic sleep deprivation is strongly linked with mental health issues including:
Over time, the habit of sacrificing sleep can create a cycle of emotional exhaustion, reduced resilience and worsening sleep hygiene. This, in turn, affects mood, performance and relationships.
Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t about laziness – it’s a signal signals that your emotional needs may not be met during the day. Here are some gentle ways to regain balance:
1. Reclaim time earlier in the day
Try to carve out 15 to 30 minutes of guilt-free personal time during the day. It could be a walk, reading a book or simply sitting with a cup of tea. Small intentional pauses can reduce the urge to reclaim time late at night.
2. Set a gentle wind-down routine
Establish a bedtime that allows for at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep and create a calming ritual before bed. Avoid screens where possible and replace them with activities that signal rest (like reading or journalling).
3. Acknowledge the emotional need
Rather than criticising yourself for staying up late, explore what emotional need you are trying to meet. Is it freedom? Quiet? Autonomy? Begin to meet those needs earlier in the day where you can.
4. Seek support
If the cycle feels hard to break, working with a psychotherapist can help you understand the emotional drivers behind your habits and support you in making sustainable changes.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is more than poor time management – it’s often a quiet protest against a life that feels too demanding or unbalanced. By listening to what your late-night habits are telling you and making room for your needs earlier in the day, you can restore your energy, sleep and emotional wellbeing.
If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone and support is available.
As a psychotherapist working with men and adolescents, I have witnessed first-hand the impact of how we talk about masculinity. The phrase “toxic masculinity” is often used to describe behaviours that arise from rigid, harmful gender expectations, such as emotional suppression, dominance or violence. While the intention is to challenge these patterns, I believe the phrase itself can do more harm than good.
When we attach the word “toxic” to “masculinity”, we risk suggesting that masculinity itself is the problem. This can alienate boys and men who are already grappling with identity, self-worth and belonging. Many of the men I meet in therapy are thoughtful, emotionally intelligent and trying to be good partners, fathers, friends and colleagues. Yet they can feel shamed by the broader narrative around masculinity.
Language shapes perception. If we label men as inherently flawed or dangerous, we shut down opportunities for meaningful dialogue and healing. Instead of creating space for growth, we risk reinforcing shame – the very thing that underlies emotional withdrawal, defensiveness or aggression.
The issue is not masculinity, but the restrictive norms that have historically defined it. Boys are still often taught to equate strength with silence, vulnerability with weakness and self-worth with dominance or control. “Big boys don’t cry” remains a common message. These behaviours are learned and they can be unlearned.
Rather than framing the problem in terms that condemn, we need to speak about:
This shift in language fosters compassion, reflection and responsibility which are all key elements in psychological growth.
Let’s also be clear that “lads being lads” is not a free pass.
We still hear men dismiss unkindness or cruelty as “just banter,” or avoid difficult conversations by leaning into dark humour or bravado. While social bonding is important, normalising this kind of surface-level connection can reinforce emotional avoidance and prevent men from asking one another “How are you really doing?” We don’t need to shame men but we do need to challenge a culture that excuses harmful behaviour and silences emotional honesty.
Moreno Zugaro, in his article “Toxic Masculinity Is Not A Men’s Issue” emphasises that the absence of traditional rites of passage in modern society leaves many males in a state of prolonged adolescence. In tribal communities, rituals guided boys to harness their masculine energy in healthy ways. Without such guidance, many men struggle to transition into mature adulthood, leading to behaviours often labelled as “toxic.” Zugaro notes that our society lacks these rituals, which is why it’s full of adult-sized boys rather than grown, mature men.
Men who come to therapy are often trying to break cycles, build healthier relationships and understand themselves better. They do not need to be told they are toxic. They need support to undo the conditioning that taught them to hide, suppress or react with defensiveness or aggression. “I come from a long line of angry men Caroline it’s in my DNA” is something I often hear from men who are shouting at their children or partners.
Masculinity is not inherently toxic. At its best, it can be grounded, kind, strong, protective, curious and emotionally intelligent. The task is not to dismantle masculinity, but to widen it and to make space for more ways of being male.
We cannot afford to diminish or shame boys and men doing their best to grow. The phrase “toxic masculinity” may have begun as a call to awareness, but in practice, it is often misunderstood or misused.
In his article “Masculinity Is Not Our Enemy,” Michael Gurian argues that masculinity is often mischaracterised in our culture. He stresses the importance of challenging popular and academic ideas that distort our understanding of healthy male identity. Gurian reminds us that boys and men need our support and compassion, not condemnation and that their wellbeing is inseparable from the wellbeing of society as a whole.
As we reflect on masculinity, we must also be mindful of how all gender roles are modelled. In today’s world, we increasingly see women adopting behaviours traditionally associated with male identity such as drinking heavily, reacting with physical aggression, or expressing admiration in overt ways. While equality is vital, mimicking the less healthy aspects of traditional masculinity is not progress.
We need to consider what messages we are sending our children and not just to boys about toughness and anger, or to girls about gentleness and silence, but to all young people about emotional health, self-expression and respect.
The goal is not to suppress difference but to ensure that our behaviours are informed by awareness, not stereotype. We must equip young people with the freedom and tools to explore who they are beyond outdated notions of what it means to be either male or female.
Let’s replace the language of shame with words that encourage reflection and openness. If we want the next generation to thrive – boys, girls and all identities – we need to speak with care, model emotional health and leave space for everyone to be fully human.
If you’re interested in exploring these themes in therapy, feel free to get in touch. You can contact me here hello@carolinecrotty.ie
www.carolinecrotty.ie
In recent weeks, the four-part documentary series Adolescence has received widespread attention for its raw, unfiltered portrayal of teenage life. While the series has sparked important public conversations, it raises serious concerns among mental health professionals and educators about its suitability for viewing in school settings.
As a psychotherapist working with young people and someone involved in designing and delivering school-based wellbeing programmes, I have worked closely with teachers, principals and the Department of Education to ensure that sensitive topics are introduced in a safe, age-appropriate and developmentally informed way.
Adolescence includes deeply personal and distressing accounts of trauma, including murder and the non-consensual sharing of explicit images of a young girl. These are harrowing events, and while they are sadly a reality for some, presenting them to a young audience without a clinical or therapeutic framework can be deeply destabilising.
Research in developmental psychology shows that the adolescent brain is highly sensitive to emotional stimuli but lacks the full cognitive capacity to regulate and contextualise complex emotional content. Viewing emotionally intense material without proper scaffolding or follow-up can heighten anxiety, trigger unresolved trauma or contribute to vicarious distress.
One of the well-documented effects of media exposure on young people is the risk of descriptive norming, the tendency to view behaviours shown in media as typical or socially acceptable simply because they are portrayed. In Adolescence, risky behaviours are depicted with minimal commentary. Without structured discussion and guidance, there is a real concern that these behaviours may be normalised rather than critically examined.
There is also a risk of normalising violence and aggression as a rite of passage for young people, particularly boys, although Adolescence also depicts a young teenage girl engaging in physical fighting. When violence is portrayed without context or consequence, it may reinforce harmful norms around gender and aggression.
Labelling these behaviours under the umbrella of toxic masculinity risks oversimplifying the issue and may inadvertently reinforce stereotypes. Rather than accepting aggression or emotional suppression as part of male identity, we must work to promote emotional literacy, empathy and healthy communication skills across all genders.
For adolescents already living with trauma, grief, abuse or mental health difficulties, scenes portraying violent death, sexual abuse or image-based exploitation may trigger acute emotional responses or retraumatise viewers.
The HSE’s National Guidelines on Mental Health Promotion and Suicide Prevention (2019) stress the importance of protecting young people from media content that could negatively influence their mental wellbeing, especially when it comes to themes of suicide and self-harm. Schools have a duty of care to their students and should err on the side of caution when selecting resources.
For material to be suitable for school use, it must have a clearly defined educational purpose aligned with developmental outcomes. While Adolescence may raise awareness, it lacks the structure, educational framing and learning outcomes needed to help young people engage with the content critically and safely.
Effective wellbeing education is grounded in evidence-based programmes that support emotional literacy, resilience and help-seeking behaviour. As it stands, Adolescence is a documentary for public awareness and reflection, not a pedagogical tool designed for adolescent development.
There are numerous age-appropriate, evidence-based programmes designed specifically for school settings that explore mental health, identity, relationships and risk-taking behaviour in a structured, supportive way. These include:
Jigsaw’s One Good School programme or NEART initiative
SPHE resources vetted by the Department of Education
The HSE’s MindOut and Mental Health and Wellbeing resources
These tools offer professional guidance, structured delivery and teacher training to ensure that young people are not only informed but also supported.
Young people deserve honest and empathetic conversations about mental health and adolescence. But timing, context and delivery matter.
While Adolescence may offer valuable insights for parents, educators and policymakers, it is not suitable for classroom viewing. Parents may benefit from watching the series to gain a deeper understanding of the pressures young people face, but what is to be gained by exposing adolescents to such traumatic content without professional support? Why should teachers pick up the burden of parenting our young people?
I am a trained professional and I cried at Stephen Graham’s performance, the father who believed he was a wonderful parent because he had not hit his children, as he himself had been beaten. The heartbreak in that moment was real, but its intensity shows why this material must be handled with care.
Educators and schools must prioritise psychological safety, emotional readiness and duty of care when selecting any material. In place of raw exposure, let us choose structured, age-appropriate conversations that educate, empower and protect.
“Workplace wellbeing” has become one of those phrases that often gets tossed around with good intentions but little clarity. It’s printed on posters, added to agendas and slotted into wellness weeks – it’s up on posters in various offices but what does it really mean? And more importantly: why should any organisation take ‘wellbeing’ seriously?
We’re way way past the days when wellbeing was seen as a soft or fluffy add-on. Research from the World Health Organisation and Harvard Business Review consistently shows that employee wellbeing is directly linked to:
When people feel better, they work better. It’s not indulgence – it’s good business.
At its core, wellbeing at work is about creating the conditions where people can function at their best, mentally and emotionally, not just physically.
That includes:
In my corporate talks, I help teams understand how to access these states, using plain English, real-life examples and psychological tools that don’t require a psychology degree.
There’s nothing wrong with wellness perks, but true workplace wellbeing is cultural, not cosmetic.
Offering meditation apps or step challenges is fine, but if your team feels constantly overwhelmed, under-appreciated or mentally drained, no number of smoothies will solve it.
Through my workshops and talks, I explore:
These aren’t theoretical ideas – they’re simple, grounded strategies based on psychological evidence and real-world experience.
I work with:
Talks can be delivered in person in Cork or across Ireland or online via Zoom or Teams, and are typically 50 minutes long.
You can’t have high performance without emotional resilience. You can’t expect creativity or focus from people who are running on empty. And you can’t build a healthy culture without understanding how your people really feel.
That’s why wellbeing at work isn’t just a buzzword — it’s an investment in the most valuable asset your organisation has: your people.
If you’re looking for a speaker who brings depth, warmth and clarity to topics like anxiety, mindset, comparison and emotional wellbeing – let’s talk.
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Based in Cork and available nationwide or online
Informed. Uplifting. Practical. Psychology that people can use.
Looking for a speaker who can inspire and connect without clichés or corporate fluff? Caroline Crotty is a psychotherapist and public speaker based in Cork, offering talks that blend professional expertise with warmth, humour and realism. Whether speaking in a boardroom, at a staff wellbeing day or on stage at a festival, Caroline delivers practical mental health and wellbeing strategies that people actually use.
Caroline speaks on a range of topics related to mental health, emotional wellbeing and everyday resilience. All talks are rooted in psychological insight, delivered in clear, plain language and tailored for real-life relevance.
Popular topics include:
Custom talks can be created for your team or event based on your themes or priorities.
Caroline regularly speaks at:
Caroline brings something different:
To book Caroline for a talk, workshop or panel, please get in touch below. You can also request a call to discuss your needs.
Based in Cork. Available for bookings across Ireland and online.
In the fast pace of modern life, many of us have become experts at coping, managing and pushing through. Everything may appear “fine” on the outside, but inside, it’s a different story: sleepless nights, a sense of overwhelm, decision fatigue and feeling like you’re constantly “on.”
Whether you’re a busy professional, a business owner or someone navigating a particularly difficult chapter, there’s no need to carry it all alone.
Therapy offers a calm, confidential space where you can offload the mental load and finally exhale.
Why People Choose Therapy
The people who reach out to me are often capable, high-functioning adults who are used to managing on their own. They are not “broken” or “in crisis.” They are simply tired — mentally, emotionally and physically — from holding too much for too long.
Common reasons people contact me include:
Ongoing anxiety or overthinking that affects sleep and relationships
Emotional burnout and chronic mental exhaustion
Managing a high-pressure role with little time to reflect
A desire for a neutral, professional space to talk without judgement or unsolicited advice
Working through past experiences that continue to shape present-day life
What I Offer
I provide private psychotherapy for adults in Cork city and online. My approach is warm, grounded and practical. I work particularly well with those who need:
A trusted sounding board, not just advice, but someone who will genuinely listen
Support with stress, anxiety or emotional overwhelm
A consistent, confidential space to think clearly and make sense of things
A way to explore what’s next, personally, professionally or both
I also offer professional supervision for solicitors, barristers and legal professionals managing the emotional toll of heavy caseloads and vicarious trauma.
In-Person and Online Appointments
My therapy practice is based in Cork city centre. I also offer online sessions via Zoom for those who prefer the convenience of attending from home or work. Therapy should fit into your life, not add stress to it.
You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Come to Therapy
Therapy is not only for when things fall apart. It can be a powerful tool for maintaining wellbeing, building resilience and staying mentally sharp in demanding environments.
Investing in your emotional health is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Ready to Talk?
If you’re ready for a space to talk, think and breathe, and begin to feel more like yourself again, I’d be happy to speak with you.
Sessions are private, professional and tailored to your needs.
In-person in Cork city
Online via Zoom
Daytime and evening appointments available
Send a text to +353877107032
or hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Are you looking for a counsellor or psychotherapist in Cork city centre?
Whether you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, navigating a difficult period or need a space to talk things through, talk therapy can provide valuable support.
My name is Caroline Crotty and I am a psychology graduate and qualified psychotherapist offering confidential counselling and psychotherapy for adults and adolescents in the heart of Cork city. I also provide a supportive space for professionals and business owners seeking a sounding board for workplace stress, burnout or important life decisions.
The word therapy covers talking therapies such as psychotherapy and counselling. Whether you are coming to therapy with a particular issue, a general sense of unease or a deeper search for purpose and meaning, therapy offers a safe, confidential place to talk to a trained professional about your feelings and concerns. Therapy can help you to see things from a different perspective, break free from old unhelpful patterns, heal past traumas and increase self-confidence.
Talk therapy allows you to explore your thoughts, feelings and behaviours in a private, non-judgemental environment. It can help you to:
Sessions are tailored to your specific needs and can be short-term or longer-term.
My practice is located centrally, close to Patrick Street and the South Mall, making it easily accessible by foot or public transport.
I aim to respond to each person’s needs by offering flexible scheduling, including early morning appointments from 08:00 and evening sessions. I accommodate new appointments as soon as my diary allows, though not on the same day.
I work with:
Whether you’re a parent concerned for your teen, or a person seeking support for yourself, talk therapy can provide the ideal place to process, heal and to grow.
Managing a business or holding a leadership role can be emotionally demanding. I offer a confidential, focused space to reflect on challenges, strengthen resilience and support you to make informed decisions.
This service may be particularly helpful if you are:
Each session is 50 minutes and takes place in a calm, private setting. As a psychology graduate my approach is grounded in evidence-based practice, and I work collaboratively (with you) to find what best supports your goals.
I have a deep understanding of the challenges in life that we can sometimes face and have worked both in the voluntary and the private sector. Working together I can help you find an in-depth understanding of yourself, of who you are and help you to resolve internal conflicts.
You’re welcome to attend an initial session to see if we’re a good fit. My fee for all appointments – whether online or in person – is €80.00.
If you’re looking for a counsellor, psychotherapist or talk therapist in Cork city centre – feel free to contact me to check appointment availability or to arrange an initial consultation.
Email works best, as I can respond between appointments:
📧 hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Last week, someone told me they were afraid of flying and mentioned their last foreign holiday was in 1994. I responded, “Imagine, it’s been twenty years since your last flight.”
I stood corrected. 1994 is not twenty years ago!
My niece turned 18 on 25th May 2024 — happy birthday, Niamh!
But honestly, it feels like she was born about nine years ago. My maths is fine… it’s just my concept of time that’s shocking!
As we age, we often become less aware of the passage of time. One reason may be that our perception of time is related to the proportion of our life a given period represents. For example, one year in a 10-year-old’s life is 10%, but only 2% of a 50-year-old’s life. So each year feels shorter because it’s a smaller proportion of our total life experience.
There are other reasons why life seems to speed up with age. When we’re younger, we encounter more novel experiences, and these are more deeply encoded in memory. As we get older, days often become more routine – we wake, eat, go about our day, sleep – and when days blend together without variation, they create fewer distinct memories. That can leave us with the sensation that time has flown.
Even brain chemistry plays a role. For example, our dopamine system, which is involved in how we perceive time, changes as we age.
1. Focus Your Attention
Avoiding multitasking. Being mindful of the present moment helps us feel more engaged with each activity. The more engaged we are, the richer and more memorable the moment becomes.
2. Try Meditation
Practising meditation can increase awareness of the present and reduce the feeling that life is rushing by. Being fully immersed in now – rather than the next thing – helps us feel like time is moving at a more natural pace.
3. Seek Out New Experiences
Novelty is powerful. When we learn new skills, try new activities, travel, or change our routine, we create new memory “markers”. These help time feel fuller and more expansive in hindsight.
4. Break the Routine
Changing your usual route to work, trying a new recipe, or walking a different path can prevent your days from blurring together. These small tweaks bring freshness to everyday life.
5. Keep a Journal or Reflection Log
Writing about your day, even briefly, helps solidify the events and make the passage of time feel more grounded. Positive reflection can also enhance mood and meaning.
6. Move Your Body in New Ways
Physical activity — especially learning new movements or exercising in new environments — boosts both mood and memory. Dance, swimming, yoga, or simply walking a different route can make a big difference.
We can’t stop time, but we can make the most of it. By being intentional, curious and present, we can help time feel richer, more spacious and more memorable.
Caroline Crotty
www.carolinecrotty.ie
When learning how to remain in the present moment it can help to give our minds a job.
Despite thinking that we are good at multi-tasking, we are at our best when we concentrate on one thing at a time – either we worry or think about something else! This task is to help us “think about something else” rather than worrying.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique is a useful task. It can prevent us from getting caught-up in racing or panicky thoughts which can create anxious feelings in our bodies.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 task can help us remain calm, focused and grounded in the present.
Instead of getting caught up in fearful thoughts or horrible anxious feelings, this task requires us to take notice of what is around us and concentrate on our senses.
Sight, Touch, Hearing, Smell and Taste – these are the five senses that we concentrate on that will help us stay focused.
Look around you. What are 5 things that you can see. Describe them to yourself in the most graphic and amazing detail that you can manage. What colours do you see on those objects? What patterns, inscriptions, engraving, size or weight do they have? If you were to describe these five things to someone without using the objects’ names, how would you do it?
Now look for 4 things you can feel and describe them to yourself. This might involve feeling your clothes as they touch your skin or the feeling of your bottom and back as you sit on your chair. Perhaps you can feel your skin on the palm of your hand with the finger from your other hand. Can you pick up something and hold it? Describe those four things to yourself in detail.
Listen very closely. What 3 things can you hear? Is there something in the distance making noise, say a clock ticking or traffic or the wind or music or the rattle of a door?
Are there 2 things that you can smell? There may be perfume or aftershave on your clothes. Can you smell food in the air or any other scents?
Is there something you can taste? Is there already a taste in your mouth? It might be coffee or toothpaste or maybe you can see something you could taste. You might have a sweet in your bag or chewing-gum. If you taste something, pay close attention to the flavour.
The above 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is a handy task for times when you may feel nervous such as at the airport, church, family gathering, doctor’s or dentist’s waiting room etc. The task will help to ground you and prevent you from getting caught up in fearful thoughts.
Ground yourself by concentrating on your senses. It doesn’t matter whether you think of 5 things to smell or 4 things you can hear i.e. the order in which you think about your senses is unimportant.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
And with anxiety, comes self-doubt. “What if I get a panic attack when I’m in the supermarket?”. We might try to visualise what could happen if we start to feel anxious in a public place? What will I do if I feel anxious at the hair salon or in a queue for a gig? Racing thoughts come with racing questions “What if I feel unwell?” “What if I faint?” “What will I do if I’m dizzy?” and, before you know it, you’ve worked yourself up into a frenzy of horrible thoughts accompanied by horrible anxious feelings and there is no sense of calm about anything. Sometimes the whole world can seem unsafe and scary.
Hot summers often render people feeling anxious. If I associate being hot and sweaty with feeling anxious then a hot summer is bound to be tough because your brain (and body) are trying to figure out what the heat means!
Our thoughts are crucial to how we feel. When we start thinking of worst case scenarios like not being able to cope when we are down the hair salon, the world can become frightening. We might become a little nervous about going too far away from home – just in case we need to come home in a hurry if we are not feeling great. Home is where we feel calm. Home is a “safe place” and sometimes when we are very anxious feeling that we are too far away from home, can mean that anxious feelings and anxious thoughts take over.
We might be nervous that anxious feelings might strike because we are away from home. This often leads to people not enjoying or living life to its full because they are nervous about feeling anxious in a public place.
Being fearful of fearful feelings. But, think about this – our bodies do not know where we are. If we were unconscious or under general anaesthetic, our bodies could be in Barcelona or Bantry and we wouldn’t know! Often, therefore, our thoughts contribute to our symptoms and feelings of anxiety.
When we have several thoughts or worries at once, that can signal our bodies to react. If our mind is focused on stressful thoughts, or on too many things at once, or panicking about potentially feeling panicky, anxiety levels in our body can increase and remain high.
Learning how to focus our thoughts on something calm/ or peaceful can help us feel calm and able to manage our anxieties more effectively. Rather than letting our minds wander off with worst case scenarios, we can focus on our breath.
Our breath is a great point of focus.
Focusing attention on breath and breathing can reduce the anxiety response in our body and help us remain calm and in control.
Everyone can learn how to focus on breath and breathing whenever we feel that we are getting a little anxious. That is very powerful – to be able to control how we feel simply with our breath. I find this fascinating and encourage everyone I know (everyone who will listen to me that is) to practice calm / deep breathing because, in my experience, it is life-changing.
Focusing on breathing can help us stop focusing on anxious thoughts. We can learn how to slow down our breath, helping us stay calm.
Most often, our anxious thoughts and busy lifestyles mean that we breathe as if we are only using the upper parts of our respiratory system. This is an overly simplistic way of explaining this but the reality is that as adults, we rarely breathe so deeply that our tummies move. We might even hold our breath without realising it. Newborn babies breathe with their tummies rising and falling, however, as adults we rarely do.
Calm/Deep breathing increasees the volume of breath that enters our lungs. Calm / Deep breathing helps alleviate anxiety by slowing down our heart rate, relaxing our muscles and allowing us the opportunty to think more rationally and clearly.
So how do we breathe deeply?
Sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes. Place one hand on your tummy which will help you feel your tummy rise. Place your other hand on your chest or heart. Imagine a round balloon in your tummy with the opening at the top, close to your lungs. Inhale. Imagine your breath filling that balloon. As you inhale, your tummy will rise. Think about your breath filling your lungs from the bottom up (in the same way that an empty bottle fills with water from the bottom up). When you are ready to exhale, allow the air out of your body from the bottom up, emptying the balloon first, then your lungs and upper chest. Repeat this until it feels comfortable.
Initially, deep/calm breathing can feel a little weird and you might even begin to feel anxious. This is perfectly normal and it happens because you are not accustomed to breathing in this way and your body/mind are trying to figure out what’s going on.
The more often you practice this new skill, the more familiar it becomes. Take your time, practice calm/deep breathing when you are at your most relaxed so that you will be able to use it when you are not relaxed. Inhale through your nose. Exhale through either nose or mouth particularly as you are learning how to do this.
Anxiety tips: Tell someone you trust about how you feel. Sharing a problem and worry can give you perspective. Don’t face your worries alone. Counselling, psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be effective for treating anxiety symptoms / anxiety disorders. Eat well and regularly. Reduce caffeine and alcohol and cigarettes. Exercise: anything that increases your heart-rate and gets you sweaty helps alleviate anxiety!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
You might make your New Year’s resolution to listen to music you enjoyed when you were young or if you are young, listen to music that makes you feel good! Music has a profound impact on our brains and can transport us back in time, help us feel relaxed or work-out more productively. Music is so powerful it can help reduce pain and alter our mood. So crank up the choons!
To make healthy changes in the New Year we must rethink busy schedules. Finding time might be difficult, but ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable. Every minute you move is invaluable. Exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. To improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours weekly, of moderate-intensity physical activity. Moderate-intensity activity increases heart-rate, gets us sweaty and causes us to breathe more quickly – which is also perfect for helping to alleviate the physical symptoms of anxiety – exercise is win/win and here’s a link to 10 minute workouts.
There are a multitude of benefits to exercise – it improves mood and self-confidence and feelings of anxiety and depression; exercise builds muscle and strengthens bones. Exercise can increase energy levels and improve brain function. It helps improve sleep and pain management. Exercise is the best demonstrated way to maintain health, fitness and youth. Here’s a link to a similar article I wrote on LinkedIn Get Moving in 2019
Developing gratitude for the little things in life impacts our long-term happiness. The act of forcing yourself to think of events or you in a positive light or thinking of reasons to be grateful (no matter how small) or counting your blessings is beneficial for your brain and for your mood. The more you do it, the easier it becomes until eventually gratitude becomes an integral part of your life. Perhaps, set a new year’s resolution to write three things every day for which you are grateful regardless of how insignificant these things may seem. Today I am grateful for x, y or z. Over time you will see that every day is a good day – we have somewhere to sleep, human connection, food, work, liberty, sight, hearing, health, ability to exercise etc.
What else can we do in 2019 to improve our lives? Spending time in nature is therapeutic and has several health benefits. Being outdoors can put a spring in your step because nature is known to be restorative. Get outside as often as possible. Climb that mountain! Don’t forget that daylight also helps improve our sleep – a healthy new year’s resolution might be to spend time getting your sleep routine in order.
Keep your brain active and learn something new – take up yoga or meditation or learn how to calm breathe. Read more. Make a to-do list and get productive so you can cross things off that list. Disconnect from technology. Spend more time alone particularly if you have a stressful job. Keep a journal. Don’t complain, take action.
Join a group or club where you get to hang out with like-minded people. We need to be with others. When you least feel like meeting people may be when you most need to be in teh company of others. Reach out. Make contact. Meet a friend for a coffee or a walk. Have someone in your life that will listen and hear you and if you already have that person in your family or friend group – that’s fantastic. If you need support or advice – ask for it. Contact a professional Counsellor or Psychotherapist who will be happy to help or to point you in the direction of supports.
Maybe this year make your new year’s resolution to tell the people who are important to you just how much they mean to you and spend more time with them. When talking to yourself be an optimist not a pesimist. Be nice, kind and gentle to you and to others and that’s appropriate for every time of the year!
Whatever New Year’s Resolution you embark upon, I would like to wish you the very best for 2019.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.
Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.
Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.
Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.
Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.
Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.
Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.
Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!
Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.
Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.
Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?
Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.
Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.
Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.
Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.
Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.
Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.
Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.
Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.
Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.
Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.
Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.
Do speak positively about and to others.
Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!
Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx
www.carolinecrotty.ie
When parents are separating, the ideal situation is for them both to sit down, together with their child, and explain the plan for the separation, giving your child as much information as is appropriate based on the maturity of the child. At that time, parents can reassure their child that they, the parents, will always be available and will answer any questions the child might have.
Parents can explain the intended outcome of the separation and affirm that it is a positive change. Parents can chat about and also demonstrate to the child that they are loved, safe and secure and that regardless of what is going on between the parents, the child’s wellbeing always comes first. Reassurance can be given that although the family is changing, it is not ending.
HOWEVER, life doesn’t always allow for the “ideal situation” and thus, each separation is different. Some separations occur following the slow deterioration of a relationship however, for others, something may happen to result in one parent suddenly leaving the family home with the children and without a definitive plan.
Change following separation can be difficult and frought. There may be several questions following separation including “who will live where”, “who’s going to drive/drop/collect”; “how will we manage holidays” and “why?” Be as honest as you can without sounding aggressive and always try to sound grounded and impartial.
It is important that your child has time to process what is happening and to adjust to the new and perhaps unexpected changes. Ensure your teen receives adequate reassurances from you both, as parents, so your child feels in control and as relaxed as possible despite the change in circumstances.
Remind yourself that two happy homes are more beneficial to your child than one unhappy/stress-filled home.
Support your child’s relationship with the other parent during and following separation. Reassure your child that the separation is not your child’s fault. Don’t discuss your former partner’s wrong-doings or complain about them to your child or in your child’s presence.
It may be a good idea for your child to have someone outside of you, with whom they can chat about how they’re feeling and discuss thoughts, worries or feelings such as a counsellor or psychotherapist.
Talk to your child about his/her needs and listen to all opinions. Teenagers are quite reliant on their peers and although you may want your child to see your perspective, they may see life through their lens and focus on their own particular needs and issues. Be patient, talk and listen attentively when your teen speaks and comes to you to chat.
Whenever you have a family occasion, put your child first and make plans well in advance. Try to be as inclusive as possible with all family members. Do not ban your child from forming relationships with your ex’s new partner for example. Always stick to arranged plans and be there when you say you will. It is tempting to buy nice things to cheer up your child but providing love and care is better than providing more stuff – presence rather than presents!
Your child is not there to support you – you’re there to support your child. If you find you are struggling emotionally, please ask for help.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
You might feel lonely that your youngest is starting school or it may seem like only yesterday when it was your child’s first day at school and now he/she’s leaving home to start a third level course.
For some parents, a child starting school is super exciting, while it can be heart-breaking for other parents. Feeling anxious about the start of school term is to be expected because it is a big change. Whatever is happening in your household right now, stay focused and remain relaxed!
It is normal for your child (regardless of age) to have worries and concerns about school. Fears can vary from “which teacher?”; “where will I sit?”; “what if the bus doesn’t stop?”; “what if my friends aren’t my friends anymore?”; “maybe I won’t fit in”; “what if I don’t know what to say”……the list goes on.
Helpful tips
Ensure you have some one-to-one time with each of your children every day and at least every week go for a walk or play some music together or take a spin in the car or chat while doing a chore together etc.
Chat with your child(ren). Your message is always “I’m here to listen” and “I am your ally” so your child(ren) can approach you with worries and will be assured that together you will devise a plan of action to tackle their fears head-on.
Listen to the small things so your child knows you will be there for the big things as they age and worries change.
Encourage your child to share their feelings with you or their other parent / responsible adult. Explain that changes associated with returning/starting school can be difficult, that worries are okay and that it is beneficial to talk about them.
When your child is anxious, it may be easy to become stressed. The more grounded you are the better. It is comforting for your child to see that you are relaxed about a situation particularly when your child is anxious about it. Your child is looking to you for comfort and reassurance, if you react it may send the wrong message to your child and they may panic even more.
When your child comes to you and says they are worried about something, please be careful not to dismiss their worries or undermine their fears. Do not say “don’t worry” or “everyone feels like that”. Instead, chat about what course of action your child can take to help alleviate the worry. Encourage your child to work through the anxiety and to problem-solve. Try to empathise by saying “I see that you’re worried about this”.
Don’t dismiss fears as silly or say “that’s nothing“. When your child comes to you stop whatever you’re doing and listen carefully – show that you are interested in finding a solution. Listening to your child means that you allow them time to speak and time to think about what they want to tell you – don’t jump in too fast or finish sentences! Take time, listen and reflect back what you hear so your child knows you are paying close attention and that what they tell you is important to you.
Don’t break your child’s confidence by discussing their worries behind their back and making fun of them – they won’t confide in you again if they discover that you’re not trustworthy!
Encourage your child to be solutions-focused “what helps you feel relaxed?” or “what can you do that might help you feel better?”
Encourage your child to think about the nice things that happened during the day to gear their attention away from anxious thoughts particularly at night time. A nice way to finish the day is to ask your child, when saying good night, “what’s the best thing that happened today?” or “what was your favourite part of today?”
Praise. Praise. Praise. Every time your child handles a tricky situation and manages their anxiety give plenty praise. Be encouraging. As a parent you can’t always fix everything or be around to offer constant reassurance, but you can give your child the confidence to believe in their own abilities to overcome worries and concerns.
Think about how you behave when you are tired and hungry – we as adults are easily irritated. Your child may be irritable because of hunger or tiredness. It is important to have a good back-to-school routine for sleep and for meals. Watch portion sizes. Don’t reward your child(ren) with food items, instead reward with a trip to the playground or a comic or art materials. Stick to your screen time schedule (i.e. set limits to the amount of time, no screens in the bedroom or at the meal table). So very many children head to bed but not to sleep and school work and concentration suffer as a result of being on line into the small hours.
To recap, chat with your child, stay grounded, be and encourage your child to be solutions-focused, encourage and praise and stick to the back-to-school routine for sleep, food and screen-time!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Anxiety is as natural as breathing! Although we often view it as negative, anxiety is not all bad – it helps keep us motivated and focused, it changes our behaviour in a productive way i.e. look how anxiety gets us going when we are nearing an assignment or work deadline!
However, if you are wasting time thinking about worst case scenarios or catastrophising – here are 20 top-tips to help alleviate those anxious feelings:
www.carolinecrotty.ie
A new year, a new me! Really? I don’t know how many times we read and hear this phrase at the start of every new year. I even say it myself as I’m eating chocolates at breakfast time during the end of year holidays! The news is that we are all the same people whether it is January or July. We do not enter a new year suddenly transformed into a different more abstemious person. We might, however, set a goal for ourselves for the year ahead.
Try to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You don’t need to change and become someone else although you might want to start exercising or shed a kilo or two or perhaps cut down on processed foods etc but do not make your happiness dependent on achieving something in the future. People often say that they will be happy when they reach a target weight or achieve a certain something like a promotion or a new house for example but I am doubtful that it’s an accurate prediction of contentment.
Now is the time to feel great about yourself. If you feel good right now, just imagine how amazing you will feel when you achieve your goals or attain your 2018 resolutions.
If you do not feel too great right now, try not to be too hard on yourself. January is a very tough month for many. Couples often stay together over Christmas knowing that the new year will bring a change to their relationship; being in debt can be stressful or knowing your credit card bill will be severe because of overspending on presents or on the sales; when family has returned to their homes and the house is quiet or not having family members to rely on can leave one person with several responsibilities and that too can feel exhausting.
Returning to work and facing back into our usual routine can also be difficult. Knowing that there is no routine of work can also be upsetting. However, January is not all doom and gloom. I would like to reassure you that if you are having a hard time in January that you are not alone. Several people are feeling like you do right now i.e. not super enthusiastic that it is the start of a new year! This is a common feeling and you are entitled to feel however you feel!
Try to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break. Telling someone how you feel, chatting about your worries and fears can help you gain perspective. Talk to a trusted friend or family member or to a healthcare professional.
What can lift our mood in January?
Start with small steps towards achieving your New Year’s goal. When you do something that you know to be good or beneficial, acknoweldge and celebrate your achievements, this will help you continue towards achieving your goal.
Cut down or avoid alcohol to help your system detox after the overindulgences of the holiday period.
Increase your intake of brightly coloured fresh fruit and veg.
Eat at regular intervals. We often go without food for hours and then gorge ourselves on whatever rubbish is to hand. Plan your meals in advance but pay attention that you are eating regularly.
Turn up the music. It transports us in time, makes us feel good and lifts our spirits.
Get out of the house and spend more time in nature. Resist the urge to stay wrapped up indoors and force yourself to get out . You will be thankful that you made the effort to leave the house.
Once it is okay to do so, why don’t you pick up the phone and ask someone to meet you for a coffee and a chat. If they say no then that’s perfectly okay but someone might say yes! Or suggest going for a walk and you have both exercise and a chat all rolled into one!
Movement is key to keeping our bodies healthy and dancing in the kitchen, taking the stars, jumping on the spot, all count as exercise – keep your body active.
Have your bloods checked (including vitamin levels) with your doctor to ensure that your body is in tip top condition. Visit the dentist and optician for check ups. Save up for these health screens if you must but having a clean bill of health is priceless and if there is something that requires attention, finding out in time is crucial to receiving the best care.
Good quality, uninterrupted sleep is vital for our mental and physical health. Working shifts, having small children or a baby will mean your sleep is interrupted so catch up with naps if necessary. Sleep can be rectified over time so seek help to ensure you are getting sufficient good quality uninterrupted shut-eye! See some further info here https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Having self-confidence to make mistakes or noticing our self-talk and challenging any negative dialogue are worthwhile new year goals. Not eating chocolate at breakfast time is a great goal because minding our bodies is our investment in our future selves.
For this new year perhaps set the goal to be kind to you.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Years ago, when I woke in the middle of the night, sleep would simply elude me and I would start to anticipate how exhausted I was going to be the following day! I’d even calculate the remaining hours I had in bed. That’s not very relaxing!
Now, instead of getting anxious about being awake in the middle of the night, I reassure myself that I will not stay awake forever, that eventually I will sleep and my body and mind know exactly what they are doing!
Over the years I have learned a few techniques which help with falling asleep and returning to sleep once woken. What works for me nowadays is busying my brain with maths problems whilst paying attention to my breathing. My mind gets tired, and I sleep. Sounds too simple? It works for me but it took a while before I reached the sweet spot where my brain associated sleep with adding numbers together!
If you are not keen on counting or adding numbers like 2, 4, 8, 16, 32,64, 128, 256 etc perhaps try listing every car or colour or boy’s name that you know starting with the letter A and work your way through the alphabet. For example, Audi, Bentley, Cadillac / Apple, Banana, Cherry / Adam, Brian, Charlie, etc. Make a mistake and start from the beginning – the idea is that your mind is engaged because you’ve given it a task to do instead of worrying and your brain slows down and you fall sleep. It won’t happen the first night but be persistent and eventually it should work because your mind will associate listing with sleeping. That’s the goal here – that you create an association with sleep and your bed.
One of the first things to put into practice when trying to improve sleep is set and stick to a bedtime routine. Go to bed and get up at a set time and stick to those times – even on weekends or days off only allow yourself a one hour lie-in. This might not be possible if you’re working shifts or have small children or health problems. Try to keep to a routine and do the same things every night so you are sending signals to your body and mind that you are preparing for going to bed to sleep.
Have a wind-down time, put on your pyjamas, brush your teeth, read a book but avoid your mobile, computer and all forms of hand-held screens before sleep time (I’ll explain why hereunder). Having a shower before bedtime can also help with sleep as our core body temperature drops when we sleep and also after having a shower so it can be a good sleep aid.
Avoid caffeine – Not only is it found in coffee and tea, but also in cola, chocolate and energy drinks. I love my morning coffee and if you do too, simply have a coffee but avoid caffeine from lunchtime onwards. Even if you are able to fall asleep easily at night, caffeine affects the quality of your sleep. In fact, going without caffeine for just one day can improve your sleep quality.
Alcohol – It may seem like we get a great night’s sleep if we have been drinking alcohol but in reality the quality of our sleep is impaired. We fall straight into a deeper sleep if we have had alcohol but we miss out on a sleep phase. Never drink alcohol to unwind, relax or to help you sleep because alcohol disrupts dreams, diminishes sleep quality and is linked to anxiety and depression.
Bedroom – Is your bedroom conducive to a good night’s sleep? Is it a nice, relaxed area? Try to keep bedroom temperatures cool – neither too warm nor too cold. I promote de-cluttering because a tidy bedroom feels good to spend time in.
Lighting – At night, bedrooms should be free from technology and bright lights. This is important for sleep because light affects the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps you get a great night’s sleep. In fact, melatonin will not be produced (by the pineal gland) unless there is only dim or no light. If you watch television in bed, your brain will associate bed with the stimulus of tv and with being awake and not with sleep therefore watching television in bed is a habit worth breaking.
Be Kind to You – Your bed is for adult fun and for sleeping, it is not a place for worry or stress. If you are unable to fall asleep do not panic and stop worrying about not sleeping – there is no need to increase anxiety levels. Talk to yourself calmly, reassure yourself that your body will take care of sleep when it needs to. You will not stay awake for ever. Do not start counting the hours until you have to get up (e.g. “If I sleep now I’ll only get four hours sleep and I’ll be wrecked tomorrow!). Soothe yourself with the idea (which is true by the way) that you will sleep when your body needs it and you will catch up on missed sleep tomorrow night.
Learn relaxation skills- Calm breathing is a useful sleeping aid. Journaling can also be a great way to relax especially keeping a daily gratitude journal wherein you write three positive things for which you are grateful – these do not have to be earth-shattering and can be as simple as ‘I took time to enjoy the drive home from work today’ or ‘I had a lovely dinner this evening’. Learn to be grateful for the little things in your day.
Naps – The jury is out on naps! Some experts say avoid naps at all costs and others say absolutely yes, naps are awesome. If you have small children and they keep you awake at night then you need to sleep when you get the opportunity because your night time sleep is constantly being disrupted. If you really want to nap then do not do so for too long (say no longer than half an hour) and not after 3.00pm because napping during the day can interfere with night time sleep but sleep is a very individual thing. Some need more, some need less and it is very much about the quality of the sleep that we get that’s important.
Alarm If your alarm is sounding every morning but you feel like you have only just got into bed, then you may need more sleep. Instead of setting the alarm to go off even earlier to allow you time to adjust to getting up, simply go to bed earlier every night until you wake with a rediscovered zest for life. The perfect scenario is when you wake without an alarm and if that happens jump out of bed and face the day with excitement.
Plan Exercise is great for sleep but not too late in the day. The same can be said for eating late – give your body time to digest your food before heading to bed, however, do not go to bed hungry as that can also disturb sleep. Eat a snack if you are peckish before bedtime. In my experience it is best to avoid phone calls at night time especially if they cause stress. Get out of the house/office/car and get some daylight, every day, because sun, even through the clouds, helps both our mood and sleep – show yourself to the sky every day!
Write Keep a pen and writing pad beside your bed – if you wake in the middle of the night because of a worry or because you need to remember something write it down and deal with it the following morning. Keep a note of the worries that are preventing you from falling asleep and over the following days make a plan to tackle each worry individually if they are within your control. You are then changing the problem or worry list into a ‘to-do list’. Ask yourself what you can do to change your situation. Seek the advice of others.
Keeping notes in your mobile is not the same as writing in a notebook/writing pad because accessing your mobile in bed may encourage you to stay awake reading on line or looking at social media. Don’t forget – we are attempting to keep bedrooms free of screens! We all know that sleep is vital and some need more than others. Sleep helps our immune system, regulates our mood and restores our bodies and brains.
The results of poor sleep include increased blood pressure, higher stress, weight increase as it effects our BMI, impaired memory and slower cognitive functioning; general forgetfulness; reduced ability to get on with our day to day lives – in other words “Sleep Is Key”. We know what children can be like when they do not have enough sleep and we as adults are not much different. We might be irritable,, drowsy, and generally off-form.
The above are some tips to get your sleep in order however it may be an idea if you have difficulty sleeping for a prolonged period of time to speak with your doctor or medical adviser. You deserve to enjoy restful sleep.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
How to Prevent Arguments at Home: Practical Tips for Calmer Conversations
Arguments at home can be draining and unproductive. Learn practical ways to prevent conflict, improve communication, and build understanding with loved ones.
Tips on what to do (particularly in our homes) to avoid arguments
While we are in contact with others, we will have differences of opinion. We might simply want to explain our point of view but sometimes those conversations, where we voice our opinions, turn into disagreements which can then progress into arguments. Arguments are often laden with personal insults, raised voices and verbal attacks and, instead of sorting out a difficulty, arguments add to it.
People ask how to move past or get over arguments and, in my experience, it would be best if we never argued because neither party feels good after an argument.
It is a fact of life that we will disagree with others at certain points in our lives but how we air that disagreement is key. There is no need for a verbal assault when we do not agree with someone especially about simple things like what to have for dinner or what programme to watch on tv. In fact there is never any need for a verbal assault.
When disagreements lead to conflict, it is time to examine how to improve our communication skills. Do not get caught up in the heat of the moment, remain calm and relaxed because your thinking will remain clear. If a discussion is beginning to turn into an argument, do not let it become personal.
Keep blame out of the conversation by learning to use “I Statements” which have a profoundly positive impact on all our communication because they instantly remove blame (or verbal finger pointing).
The I Statement format is “I feel X when Y because Z”.
Instead of saying “You drive me crazy because you never listen to me or what I am trying to tell you”, try “I feel frustrated when I am not heard because what I have to say is important to me.”
“You never clean up after yourself and I’ve spent the day tidying. You never lift a finger, you are so inconsiderate.” or “I feel disappointed there’s dirty ware in the sink because I spent a long time tidying and I am delighted when I have help in the kitchen” – see the difference? You are changing from accusatory to making a statement about how you feel about the situation.
If you think your conversation is getting emotional or heated, simply take time out. It is vital to explain, ahead of time, that the new course of action in your household is that you are removing yourself until you are relaxed. Explain that you are not ignoring the topic or the person because silence can be abusive. Later that day or when the time is right, sort out the difficulty and resolve differences of opinion through conversation. You can explain rather than express (rather than bang doors or go silent, simply chat).
Another point worthy of note is when we are desperately trying to get our point or opinion across, we actually forget to listen and hear what is being said. Before you respond to someone, you could try restating what has been said using your own words. This is called ‘reflective listening’ and is regularly used in therapy to demonstrate what a person is saying is being heard. Reflect back what you are hearing and then calmly share your opinion. When you use this technique, you and your family member will each reflect ideas, back and forth and you will feel understood and heard, even if you disagree.
Finding common ground and a resolution is important. We know disagreements take place and if you cannot agree, try to work towards finding the best resolution for you both – it is not enough to say – “…because I said so” instead ask “how can we compromise on this?”
Ask yourself whether any type of argument is really worth the hassle? It takes two to argue but only one to stop. Remember to always ask yourself “Will this matter in five years’ time?”
Ask yourself if you are trying to prove or demonstrate that you are right about something. If you are right, then invariably, someone else is wrong. Why is it important to you to prove that someone else wrong? Find a way to let it go.
Need support with relationship communication?
I offer one-to-one therapy sessions in Cork and online. If you’d like help navigating conflict, managing anxiety, or improving communication at home, feel free to contact me:
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Call or text 087 710 7032
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited - 636306 - Suite 7, Block A, South Terrace Medical Centre, Infirmary Road, Cork T12 WF40
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