“Workplace wellbeing” has become one of those phrases that often gets tossed around with good intentions but little clarity. It’s printed on posters, added to agendas and slotted into wellness weeks – it’s up on posters in various offices but what does it really mean? And more importantly: why should any organisation take ‘wellbeing’ seriously?
We’re way way past the days when wellbeing was seen as a soft or fluffy add-on. Research from the World Health Organisation and Harvard Business Review consistently shows that employee wellbeing is directly linked to:
When people feel better, they work better. It’s not indulgence – it’s good business.
At its core, wellbeing at work is about creating the conditions where people can function at their best, mentally and emotionally, not just physically.
That includes:
In my corporate talks, I help teams understand how to access these states, using plain English, real-life examples and psychological tools that don’t require a psychology degree.
There’s nothing wrong with wellness perks but authentic workplace wellbeing is cultural, not cosmetic and not just a few buzzwords on posters in the canteen.
Offering meditation apps or step challenges is fine, but if your team feels constantly overwhelmed, under-appreciated or mentally drained, no number of smoothies will solve it.
Through my workshops and talks, I explore:
These aren’t theoretical ideas – they’re simple, grounded strategies based on psychological evidence and real-world experience.
I work with:
Talks can be delivered in person in Cork or across Ireland or online via Zoom or Teams, and are typically 50 minutes long.
You can’t have high performance without emotional resilience. You can’t expect creativity or focus from people who are running on empty. And you can’t build a healthy culture without understanding how your people really feel.
That’s why wellbeing at work isn’t just a buzzword — it’s an investment in the most valuable asset your organisation has: your people.
If you’re looking for a speaker who brings depth, warmth and clarity to topics like anxiety, mindset, comparison and emotional wellbeing – let’s talk.
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Based in Cork and available nationwide or online
Informed. Uplifting. Practical. Psychology that people can use.
Looking for a speaker who can inspire and connect without clichés or corporate fluff? Caroline Crotty is a psychotherapist and public speaker based in Cork, offering talks that blend professional expertise with warmth, humour and realism. Whether speaking in a boardroom, at a staff wellbeing day or on stage at a festival, Caroline delivers practical mental health and wellbeing strategies that people actually use.
Caroline speaks on a range of topics related to mental health, emotional wellbeing and everyday resilience. All talks are rooted in psychological insight, delivered in clear, plain language and tailored for real-life relevance.
Popular topics include:
Custom talks can be created for your team or event based on your themes or priorities.
Caroline regularly speaks at:
Caroline brings something different:
To book Caroline for a talk, workshop or panel, please get in touch below. You can also request a call to discuss your needs.
Based in Cork. Available for bookings across Ireland and online.
The Comparison Trap: Why Comparisons Never Work and How to Break Free
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Whether scrolling through social media or watching people around us, comparisons can easily and quickly pop into our minds and leave us feeling inadequate and unhappy.
Comparing ourselves to anyone doesn’t work. It’s unfair and inaccurate because others don’t live our lives and have our experiences, thoughts, gifts or challenges. Others aren’t us – I am not you.
STOP comparing yourself to anyone. The ‘Comparison Trap’ undermines self-esteem, fuels anxiety, and distracts us from our lives and goals. When we compare ourselves to others, we highlight our perceived shortcomings and focus only on what we think we lack, diminishing our self-worth and preventing us from appreciating our unique strengths and talents.
The pressure to measure up to others’ achievements or lifestyles creates dissatisfaction and stress. That anxiety can become overwhelming, especially when comparing yourself to unrealistic standards like people in airbrushed photos on social media with perfectly shiny lives!
Comparisons can push us to pursue goals that don’t align with our true desires or values. Instead of following our life path, we might strive to meet external expectations, leading to deep dissatisfaction. Fortunately, there are ways to break free from the habit of comparison.
What Helps?
Recognise Your Triggers: Pay attention to when and why you compare yourself to others. Is it certain situations, environments, or people that trigger comparisons? Understanding what drives you can help you manage these triggers.
Curate Social Media: Social media often presents an idealised version of life. Consider curating your feed to follow accounts that inspire positivity and set boundaries to protect your mental health.
Focus on Achievements: Regularly remind yourself of your accomplishments and unique qualities. Keeping a gratitude journal or celebrating small wins can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.
Set Personal Goals: Set goals that align with your values and track your progress, focusing on your ambitions rather than others’ milestones.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone’s life is different, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Life is messy. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend, and challenge negative thoughts whenever they arise.
Find Inspiration in Others: Instead of comparing yourself to others, view them as sources of inspiration. Celebrate your life and the lessons you’ve learned.
Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. Limit exposure to negative influences that trigger comparisons, and engage with people who appreciate you for who you are.
Engage in Enjoyable Activities: Spend time doing things you love. This can boost your self-esteem and reduce the urge to compare.
Seek Professional Help: Consider speaking with a therapist to develop healthier thought patterns and learn how to be more gentle, compassionate and kinder to yourself.
Comparing yourself to others is a natural tendency, but by practising self-awareness, setting personal goals, and embracing your uniqueness, you can break free from the Comparison Trap and focus on what really matters – you.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Anxiety manifests through various symptoms, which can be categorised as psychological (such as restlessness and excessive worry) and physical (including increased heart rate, insomnia, and tension headaches).
Sometimes, anxiety feels like a persistent worry or fear that doesn’t subside, even in the absence of immediate danger. It’s akin to an internal alarm that sounds too frequently without any clear or obvious trigger. This false alarm can lead to feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or tension and physical reactions such as a racing heart, sweating, shaking, or dizziness. It’s like a fleet of fire engines responding to an apartment block for burnt toast!
Incorporating natural strategies into daily routines can significantly mitigate the impact of anxiety. These methods include:
Physical Activity: Regular exercise is a powerful anxiety reliever. It releases neurotransmitters such as endorphins and endocannabinoids, enhancing our well-being. Activities like jogging, swimming, or cycling improve sleep and also utilise the stress hormones released during anxious states, promoting both mental and physical health.
Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices encourage living in the present moment and observing thoughts and feelings without judgment, which can aid in emotional regulation and stress reduction.
Dietary Adjustments: Managing caffeine and sugar intake/consumption can improve anxiety levels and have an overall positive impact on our health.
Sleep: Anxiety can disrupt sleep, and poor sleep can exacerbate anxiety. Establishing a relaxing bedtime routine and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment are essential for improving sleep quality and managing anxiety.
Breathing Techniques: Diaphragmatic breathing, which focuses on deep, even breaths, can help calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety. Practising these techniques when calm to prepare for stressful situations is beneficial.
Nature: Spending time outdoors can lower stress levels, reduce rumination, and enhance mood due to nature’s calming effects.
Journaling: Writing about our thoughts and feelings can help organise them and reduce anxiety by providing a way to identify and address worries.
Aromatherapy: Certain scents, such as lavender, are known for their calming effects. Engaging other senses with calming music, soft fabrics, or a comforting shower can also help soothe anxiety.
Social Support: Building a network of friends and family can provide a sense of belonging and security, reducing feelings of isolation and anxiety.
I say this all the time but please start with baby steps in the right direction. Be patient with yourself. Praising yourself and others can boost morale every day.
For a comprehensive approach to managing anxiety, consult with mental health professionals such as psychologists or your healthcare practice nurse in addition to your General Practitioner. Talking about your worries is a crucial step in managing anxiety effectively.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Anxiety is like having a persistent worry or fear that doesn’t go away easily, even if there’s no immediate danger. It’s a bit like having an alarm inside you that goes off too often, and sometimes, there might be no clear reason. That alarm can make you feel nervous, restless, or tense. It can affect your body, causing things like a racing heart, sweating, physically shaking or feeling wobbly. It’s kind of like a fleet of fire engines coming to your home when there’s no fire – sometimes anxiety is a physiological reaction that does not match the situation.
Everyone feels anxious from time to time, like before an interview or a test or when facing something unknown. That’s when anxiety is positive – it keeps us focused. Feeling anxious is our body’s natural response to stress. Anxiety often manifests through symptoms like restlessness, excessive worry, and physical signs such as increased heart rate or insomnia.
Incorporating natural strategies into daily routines can significantly mitigate anxiety’s impact. Natural methods to manage anxiety and its symptoms include the following but it’s important to explore a variety of strategies to find what works best for you as an individual.
Physical activity is a powerful anxiety reliever. Regular exercise helps release endorphins, natural brain chemicals that can enhance our sense of well-being. Exercise improves our sleep and reduces stress. Aerobic exercises like jogging, swimming, or walking can be effective.
Mindfulness practices encourage living in the present moment and observing thoughts and feelings without judgment. Meditation can help with emotional regulation and reducing stress levels.
Diet has an impact on mental health. Reducing caffeine and sugar intake can help manage anxiety levels and have an overall positive impact on our bodies and minds.
Anxiety can disrupt sleep and poor sleep can exacerbate anxiety. Establishing a regular, relaxing bedtime routine and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment can improve sleep quality, helping manage anxiety.
Techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing, where you focus on deep, even breaths, can help calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety. Practice when calm for use when anxious.
Spending time in nature can lower stress levels. Nature’s calming effect on the mind is associated with reduced rumination and enhanced mood.
Writing can provide an outlet for expressing what’s on your mind and may help to reduce anxiety by organising thoughts and finding solutions.
Certain scents, like lavender, have been found to have a calming effect. Feed your senses to feel more calm. Feed your main senses (sound, touch, smell, taste, touch) by using calming music, aromas you enjoy, having soft fabrics on your skin etc.
Building a support network of friends and family can provide a sense of belonging and security, reducing feelings of isolation and anxiety.
These suggestions offer a holistic approach to reducing stress and anxiety. Start small by taking baby steps in the right direction!
Incorporating these natural strategies can provide relief from anxiety and its symptoms. Be patient with yourself. Praise yourself for everything you do. They may not be a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment so please consult with a healthcare provider for a comprehensive approach to managing anxiety.
www.carolinecrotty.ie Caroline Crotty BSocSc MA MSc Psych MPsychSci
We all have a limit. In my experience, we can be pushed to that limit emotionally when life’s challenges start to pile up (rather like bricks in Jenga) when issues or challenges pile up, one on top of the other.
Life is messy, cruel and unfair. Terrible things happen to lovely people, but when we don’t tackle our problems as they arrive and if we keep them secret, it can lead to feeling worse in the long run. Try talking about whatever is on your mind with someone you trust in confidence. When we prioritise our mental health all the time, then we potentially avert challenges in the long run.
Ensuring that we safeguard our mental health is as important as looking after our physical health. Whether we are dealing with stress, anxiety, depression or feeling tired and flat emotionally, there are strategies we can use to improve how we feel.
Some evidence-based approaches to help cope with difficult times are:
In conclusion, there are many evidence-based strategies that can help improve mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness, exercise regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, connecting with others, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-care are effective ways to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression and to improve your mood generally. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it is important to seek professional help from a qualified mental health professional.
Help is at hand – here are some mental health supports (27.02.2024)
www.carolinecrotty.ie
What is mental health?
Mental health refers to a person’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act, and it also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Good mental health is not just the absence of mental health problems, it is also the ability to maintain balanced mental and emotional well-being.
Mental Health Challenges
It is important to acknowledge that mental health is a continuum, and everyone’s experience is unique. A mental health challenge refers to any condition or situation that affects an individual’s mental well-being and hinders their ability to function effectively in daily life. These challenges can range from common issues like stress, anxiety, and mood fluctuations to conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Common Mental Health Challenges
Mental health challenges can impact a person’s thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and overall quality of life, and they may require various forms of treatment and support for management and recovery.
For adolescents, mental health challenges often stem from academic pressure, social dynamics, and significant life changes. Conversely, adults may face stress from work, relationships, financial responsibilities, and parenting.
Both age groups can experience a range of issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, and mood fluctuations. Recognising the signs and symptoms is the first step towards managing them.
Coping Strategies and Self-Help Techniques
Mindfulness and Meditation
Adolescents: Simple mindfulness exercises, such as mindful breathing during study breaks, can be integrated into daily routines.
Adults: Longer meditation sessions can help manage work-related stress and improve focus.
Exercise
Adolescents: Engaging in sports or outdoor activities is an excellent outlet for stress and helps improve mood.
Adults: Regular exercise, whether a gym session or a brisk walk, is crucial for mental and physical well-being.
Healthy Social Connections
Adolescents: Building strong friendships and having a trusted peer group is essential for emotional support.
Adults: Maintaining relationships, whether with friends, family, or colleagues, provides a support network that is invaluable during challenging times (allow them to help you!).
Both groups: spending time with people who make us feel good is beneficial for our mental health. Connection is a pillar of our wellbeing. As adolescents, our peers are paramount and we want to feel accepted. Allow friends to help you – spending time in their company is great. The temptation might be to cut ourselves off when not feeling great but instead, force yourself to do the right thing which is hang out with others. Not having to answer questions or even to speak, and simply being in the company of others is healthy and helpful.
Journaling and Creative Outlets
Adolescents: Journaling or engaging in creative activities such as art or music (playing, listening, singing, creating playlists etc) can help adolescents express emotions.
Adults: Creative hobbies or writing can be therapeutic, providing a break from daily routines and a way to process thoughts and feelings.
Balanced Lifestyle
Adolescents: Establishing a routine that includes time for study, relaxation, and prioritising sleep is crucial.
Adults: Work-life balance is crucial. Ensure to carve out time for relaxation and hobbies and again prioritise sleep.
Professional Help
Both Groups: Seeking help from a mental health professional is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy (with a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist) can provide tailored strategies for individual challenges.
Adults: Support Groups include:
And Seniorline phone service
Adolescents:
Educational Resources
Both Groups: Educating oneself about mental health challenges can demystify many aspects and help reduce stigma. Asking for help, knowing what is going on in one’s body/mind and managing symptoms can help give a greater sense of control. Everything changes and it is vital to keep hope for that change and improvement in mood. Keeping our brains active is also healthy for our long-term brain health. Stress Control Court from the HSE using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is available here here
Coping strategies for mental health challenges are not a one-size-fits-all, and what works for me might not work for you. Keep at it and you will find what best suits your individual needs. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking proactive steps to manage it is crucial for a fulfilling life.
“I alone can do it but I cannot do it alone”.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not substitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.*
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Anxiety can cause feelings of worry, fear, and unease and interfere with daily life. If you’re struggling with symptoms of anxiety, you’re not alone. It’s part of being human but the challenges can be more profound for some rather than others.
There are some steps you can take to manage your stress and improve your overall mental health.
Caroline Crotty works as a counsellor and psychotherapist, and daily, someone says they are feeling poorly because of ‘anxiety’.
Here are some coping strategies and techniques that work:
Practice deep breathing: When feeling anxious our breathing can become shallow and rapid. Practising deep breathing can help us slow down our breathing and calm our minds. Try inhaling deeply, holding your breath for a couple of seconds, and exhale slowly and for longer than you inhaled. This will slow down your heart rate.
Get moving: For you to improve symptoms and feelings of anxiety, stress or panic get your heart rate up through cardio – you don’t even have to join a gym – dance in the kitchen or sitting room. Go up and down your stairs. Shake it off as advised by Taylor Swift – get your body moving. It will help you to utilise the stress hormones in your system and you’ll never regret an outdoor walk or a work out!
Challenge negative thoughts: Feeling anxious can often fuelled by negative thoughts and beliefs. Challenge these thoughts by asking whether the thoughts and doubts are realistic or if there’s evidence to support them. Try to reframe negative thoughts into more positive ones. Recount your successes.
Engage in self-care: Taking care of yourself is important for managing the symptoms of anxiety. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, hydrating with water and doing things that bring you joy with people who are easy to be with.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings and learn to accept them without getting caught up in them.
Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, psychotherapist or counsellor can be helpful for managing anxiety. They can offer support, guidance, and perspective.
Remember that managing the symptoms of stress, panic or anxiety takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
If you’re struggling and need support, please reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional. You don’t have to go through this alone.
If you have any questions about counselling and psychotherapy or want to schedule an appointment, please contact Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy at hello@carolinecrotty.ie
However, it is important to acknowledge alcohol has a potentially harmful impact on our health. Consumption rates in Europe are notably high, with alcohol being the third leading risk factor for disease and mortality after tobacco and high blood pressure. Given its cultural significance, there may be a lack of awareness or disregard for the negative consequences of alcohol use due to its deep-rooted presence in Irish heritage.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with alcohol is vital for our overall health and well-being, considering the extensive detrimental effects that can arise from alcohol misuse.
Identifiable risk factors associated with developing problematic drinking include starting alcohol consumption at a young age, having a family history of alcohol abuse, experiencing childhood trauma, being surrounded by heavy drinkers or having ADHD. Alcohol dependence is characterised by an inability to control or stop drinking despite being aware of its negative consequences. It can manifest in various forms, ranging from occasional binge drinking to heavy daily consumption. Common signs of alcohol dependency include a loss of control over drinking, neglecting responsibilities, experiencing withdrawal symptoms,
and developing increased tolerance to alcohol.
When we consume alcohol, our bodies produce acetaldehyde, potentially damaging our DNA. Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to various physical health problems including liver disease, cardiovascular issues, and an elevated risk of developing cancer. Moreover, alcohol abuse significantly impacts mental health, contributing to depression, anxiety, and impaired cognitive function. Beyond the individual, alcohol misuse strains relationships with friends and family, hinders career prospects, poses physical risks, and increases the likelihood of legal difficulties.
If you wish to reduce your alcohol intake, it is beneficial to establish limits and practice moderation. Setting clear boundaries such as determining the number of drinks per day, can be helpful. Keeping a record of your alcohol consumption might provide helpful insights. Avoiding drinking alone, separate alcohol from grocery shopping, and being aware of triggers—identifying situations, people, or emotions that lead to excessive drinking—are important steps. Gradually reducing the number of drink-free days per week and working towards having one week free of alcohol can be helpful.
If you wish to give up alcohol, it can be useful to set a date! Remove alcohol from your home. Avoiding drinking buddies and situations involving alcohol can be helpful. Developing alternative coping strategies such as engaging in exercise or hobbies, is crucial. Seek support from friends and loved ones and participate in social activities with no alcohol.
Focus on self-care, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, stress management, and nurturing positive relationships that promote healthy lifestyle choices can help reduce reliance on alcohol.
Recognising the signs of alcohol dependency and nurturing a balanced relationship with alcohol are essential for maintaining a healthy life.
Understanding the risks of excessive drinking, setting personal limits, seeking support when needed and prioritising self-care can foster a responsible approach to alcohol consumption.
For anyone who is alcohol dependent, it is crucial to consult a GP or healthcare professional for guidance on stopping drinking. Don’t quit cold turkey. Seek professional guidance.
Alcohol and Drugs freephone 1800 459 459 or email helpline@hse.ie
For support https://www.drinkaware.ie/support-services/
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Dealing with the aftermath of a poor business decision can be incredibly challenging and emotional. When someone close to you is experiencing business decision regret and coping with disappointment in business, offering empathy and understanding is crucial. Your support can make a big difference in their ability to move forward after a setback.
Empathy and Support During Business Challenges
An unfortunate choice in business can lead to deep feelings of regret, self-blame, disappointment, and profound anxiety about the future. Let your loved one know you’re there for them. Being a non-judgmental sounding board provides them with someone to talk to about their challenges, which can ease the emotional impact of a business setback. After all, two heads are better than one when it comes to coping with regret and self-blame.
Listening without judgment is vital. Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings about the business failure openly. Assure them that their reactions—whether it’s worry, fear, or upset—are completely normal. During such times, their decision-making abilities might feel clouded, and they may find themselves fixating on what went wrong rather than exploring solutions.
Why Regret Happens in Business and How to Cope
Regret often comes from disliking the outcome of a business decision that didn’t go as planned. It’s common to ruminate on “what ifs” and “should haves” but this can be counterproductive. Remind them that setbacks are temporary and that they cannot change the past. Moving forward after a bad business decision involves accepting current circumstances while working on a recovery plan.
Making mistakes is part of life, especially in business. Reassure them that business decision regret doesn’t define them as a person. Encourage them to see regret as a sign of thoughtfulness rather than a failure, and remind them that learning from business mistakes is a stepping stone toward future success.
Encouraging Self-Care and Stress Relief After Business Failure
During this stressful period, encourage self-care to help them cope with financial stress and business-related anxiety. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and relaxation are excellent ways to reduce anxiety and improve sleep. They should also consider reconnecting with loved ones to maintain a support system.
Once they’ve shared their feelings, gently steer them towards finding solutions rather than fixating on the past. Together, you might brainstorm ways to mitigate the impact of the decision or explore new business opportunities. Sometimes, setbacks pave the way for growth in unexpected directions, like pursuing further education, a career shift, or new ventures.
Seeking Expert Guidance and Setting Concrete Goals
If needed, encourage them to seek input from professionals such as financial advisors, business mentors, or legal consultants. These experts can provide unbiased advice, help with recovery from financial mistakes, and suggest practical strategies for moving forward.
Having a clear plan for the short and long term can also help restore a sense of control. Encourage them to set goals and take notes, even if they’re simple, as a way of staying focused. Goal-setting, even in small steps, can reduce feelings of helplessness and build momentum toward progress.
Learning from Business Mistakes for Personal Growth
When the time feels right, encourage them to reflect on the experience and examine the lessons learned from the setback . This should be done with care, as dwelling too much on the past can intensify feelings of dread or self-blame. Instead, try to frame it as an opportunity for personal and professional growth- a reminder that one business decision does not define an entire future.
Each setback is unique, and so is each recovery journey. What works for one person may not work for another. Encourage them to keep a long-term perspective and remember that setbacks in business are typically temporary.
Providing Support and Encouragement
In times of distress, simply being there to listen can be the greatest gift you can offer. Encourage planning and open dialogue—if not with you, then perhaps with a professional therapist who can provide a supportive space for reflection. Remember, your role is to help them focus on the future and the long-term perspective while providing the support they need during this difficult time.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Stress and anxiety are natural elements of life, but learning how to reduce stress and anxiety can significantly improve our wellbeing. Fortunately, there are evidence-backed techniques that empower you to take control of your emotional and mental health.
Mindfulness is a powerful technique that involves focusing our attention on the present moment, maintaining an awareness of thoughts, feelings, and environment through a compassionate and accepting lens. Originating in Buddhist meditation, secular mindfulness practice is now mainstream. Numerous studies demonstrate its effectiveness in reducing stress and anxiety. By cultivating mindfulness, we can develop an increased awareness of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond to stressors more clearly and calmly. We might begin by paying attention to whatever is around us by looking at the sky, the colours of leaves, feeling our feet on the ground while noticing our breath – that is being present and mindful, and we can do it wherever and whenever.
Physical exercise is a game-changer. Keep moving – as long as your body allows – regardless of age. Engaging in regular physical exercise is beneficial for our physical and mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, natural mood-boosting chemicals. It also reduces stress hormones and improves sleep, all contributing to a decrease in stress and anxiety levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise on most weekdays.
A healthy lifestyle plays a crucial role in managing stress and anxiety. Ensure you get enough sleep and prioritise a balanced diet with nutrient-rich foods. Limit the intake of caffeine and alcohol, which can contribute to anxiety symptoms. Stay hydrated with water. Additionally, practising good time management and setting realistic goals can reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress. You might find the guide to better sleep helpful.
Social support is essential for coping with stress and anxiety. Loneliness can impact health and wellbeing. Cultivate strong relationships with friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy and encouragement. Research suggests that having a reliable support network can buffer the adverse effects of stress and enhance our overall wellbeing. Join a group if you feel isolated. Phone the Samaritans any time, day or night, on 116123 (no charge from mobile or landline).
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a well-established, evidence-based approach to managing stress and anxiety. CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Reframing our perceptions and beliefs can reduce anxiety and improve our ability to cope with stressors. Courses can be found at: CCI Health Self-Help Resources.
Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for stress management. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Setting aside regular periods for self-care helps replenish our energy, promotes emotional wellbeing, and reduces the impact of stressors. There are some self-care tips here.
Finally, reducing stress and anxiety is possible through evidence-based strategies. We can take proactive steps towards improving our mental wellbeing by incorporating mindfulness, exercise, healthy lifestyle choices, social support, cognitive-behavioural techniques, and self-care activities into our daily routines. It is vital to tailor these to your individual needs (cut your cloth according to your measure) and consult a mental health professional if you require additional support.
Caroline Crotty, Cork city-based Counsellor & Psychotherapist
www.carolinecrotty.ie
hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Alcohol consumption is entrenched in Irish culture. We drink to celebrate and to grieve. It’s not just one or two drinks on occasion – we are binge drinkers. Children follow in the footsteps of their elders because parents are their children’s role models. When parents are tolerant of drunkenness, it’s normalised for children. When parents provide alcohol to their adolescents, those youngsters are at increased risk of alcohol-related harm and alcohol dependency later in life.
Alcohol is intertwined with Irish life. Although we know cigarettes are unhealthy, alcohol is not advertised as detrimental to our well-being – possibly because alcohol forms part of our societal and cultural norms. Alcohol is a psychoactive substance with dependence-producing properties, but it’s socially acceptable and legal. The drinks industry is central to the Irish economy – but at what human cost? I find it ironic that Diageo runs Irish alcohol awareness campaigns.
Alcohol causes harm, from Accident and Emergency hospital visits to alcohol-related deaths. Alcohol leads us to say and do things we would never say or do sober. It causes us to engage in risky sexual behaviours, to put ourselves in danger and make dodgy decisions. Alcohol dulls our memory and is linked with heart and liver disease, osteoporosis, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, and depression. Alcohol is linked with several cancers, including mouth, breast, bowel and throat.
Reducing the amount of alcohol we drink could reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers. It doesn’t matter what we drink, alcohol causes the damage.
Consider giving your body a break. We do not need alcohol to function or to relax. We do not need alcohol to be sociable, to make us more interesting or to help us sleep. If you do, it’s time to rethink your habits. Cutting down means avoiding hangovers, saving money, getting a great night’s sleep, lowering the risk of stroke or heart disease, and improving overall mental and physical health.
Rethink your relationship with the demon drink.
If you need support to change, help is available – reach out.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
When learning how to remain in the present moment it can help to give our minds a job.
Despite thinking that we are good at multi-tasking, we are at our best when we concentrate on one thing at a time – either we worry or think about something else! This task is to help us “think about something else” rather than worrying.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique is a useful task. It can prevent us from getting caught-up in racing or panicky thoughts which can create anxious feelings in our bodies.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 task can help us remain calm, focused and grounded in the present.
Instead of getting caught up in fearful thoughts or horrible anxious feelings, this task requires us to take notice of what is around us and concentrate on our senses.
Sight, Touch, Hearing, Smell and Taste – these are the five senses that we concentrate on that will help us stay focused.
Look around you. What are 5 things that you can see. Describe them to yourself in the most graphic and amazing detail that you can manage. What colours do you see on those objects? What patterns, inscriptions, engraving, size or weight do they have? If you were to describe these five things to someone without using the objects’ names, how would you do it?
Now look for 4 things you can feel and describe them to yourself. This might involve feeling your clothes as they touch your skin or the feeling of your bottom and back as you sit on your chair. Perhaps you can feel your skin on the palm of your hand with the finger from your other hand. Can you pick up something and hold it? Describe those four things to yourself in detail.
Listen very closely. What 3 things can you hear? Is there something in the distance making noise, say a clock ticking or traffic or the wind or music or the rattle of a door?
Are there 2 things that you can smell? There may be perfume or aftershave on your clothes. Can you smell food in the air or any other scents?
Is there something you can taste? Is there already a taste in your mouth? It might be coffee or toothpaste or maybe you can see something you could taste. You might have a sweet in your bag or chewing-gum. If you taste something, pay close attention to the flavour.
The above 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is a handy task for times when you may feel nervous such as at the airport, church, family gathering, doctor’s or dentist’s waiting room etc. The task will help to ground you and prevent you from getting caught up in fearful thoughts.
Ground yourself by concentrating on your senses. It doesn’t matter whether you think of 5 things to smell or 4 things you can hear i.e. the order in which you think about your senses is unimportant.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
And with anxiety, comes self-doubt. “What if I get a panic attack when I’m in the supermarket?”. We might try to visualise what could happen if we start to feel anxious in a public place? What will I do if I feel anxious at the hair salon or in a queue for a gig? Racing thoughts come with racing questions “What if I feel unwell?” “What if I faint?” “What will I do if I’m dizzy?” and, before you know it, you’ve worked yourself up into a frenzy of horrible thoughts accompanied by horrible anxious feelings and there is no sense of calm about anything. Sometimes the whole world can seem unsafe and scary.
Hot summers often render people feeling anxious. If I associate being hot and sweaty with feeling anxious then a hot summer is bound to be tough because your brain (and body) are trying to figure out what the heat means!
Our thoughts are crucial to how we feel. When we start thinking of worst case scenarios like not being able to cope when we are down the hair salon, the world can become frightening. We might become a little nervous about going too far away from home – just in case we need to come home in a hurry if we are not feeling great. Home is where we feel calm. Home is a “safe place” and sometimes when we are very anxious feeling that we are too far away from home, can mean that anxious feelings and anxious thoughts take over.
We might be nervous that anxious feelings might strike because we are away from home. This often leads to people not enjoying or living life to its full because they are nervous about feeling anxious in a public place.
Being fearful of fearful feelings. But, think about this – our bodies do not know where we are. If we were unconscious or under general anaesthetic, our bodies could be in Barcelona or Bantry and we wouldn’t know! Often, therefore, our thoughts contribute to our symptoms and feelings of anxiety.
When we have several thoughts or worries at once, that can signal our bodies to react. If our mind is focused on stressful thoughts, or on too many things at once, or panicking about potentially feeling panicky, anxiety levels in our body can increase and remain high.
Learning how to focus our thoughts on something calm/ or peaceful can help us feel calm and able to manage our anxieties more effectively. Rather than letting our minds wander off with worst case scenarios, we can focus on our breath.
Our breath is a great point of focus.
Focusing attention on breath and breathing can reduce the anxiety response in our body and help us remain calm and in control.
Everyone can learn how to focus on breath and breathing whenever we feel that we are getting a little anxious. That is very powerful – to be able to control how we feel simply with our breath. I find this fascinating and encourage everyone I know (everyone who will listen to me that is) to practice calm / deep breathing because, in my experience, it is life-changing.
Focusing on breathing can help us stop focusing on anxious thoughts. We can learn how to slow down our breath, helping us stay calm.
Most often, our anxious thoughts and busy lifestyles mean that we breathe as if we are only using the upper parts of our respiratory system. This is an overly simplistic way of explaining this but the reality is that as adults, we rarely breathe so deeply that our tummies move. We might even hold our breath without realising it. Newborn babies breathe with their tummies rising and falling, however, as adults we rarely do.
Calm/Deep breathing increasees the volume of breath that enters our lungs. Calm / Deep breathing helps alleviate anxiety by slowing down our heart rate, relaxing our muscles and allowing us the opportunty to think more rationally and clearly.
So how do we breathe deeply?
Sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes. Place one hand on your tummy which will help you feel your tummy rise. Place your other hand on your chest or heart. Imagine a round balloon in your tummy with the opening at the top, close to your lungs. Inhale. Imagine your breath filling that balloon. As you inhale, your tummy will rise. Think about your breath filling your lungs from the bottom up (in the same way that an empty bottle fills with water from the bottom up). When you are ready to exhale, allow the air out of your body from the bottom up, emptying the balloon first, then your lungs and upper chest. Repeat this until it feels comfortable.
Initially, deep/calm breathing can feel a little weird and you might even begin to feel anxious. This is perfectly normal and it happens because you are not accustomed to breathing in this way and your body/mind are trying to figure out what’s going on.
The more often you practice this new skill, the more familiar it becomes. Take your time, practice calm/deep breathing when you are at your most relaxed so that you will be able to use it when you are not relaxed. Inhale through your nose. Exhale through either nose or mouth particularly as you are learning how to do this.
Anxiety tips: Tell someone you trust about how you feel. Sharing a problem and worry can give you perspective. Don’t face your worries alone. Counselling, psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be effective for treating anxiety symptoms / anxiety disorders. Eat well and regularly. Reduce caffeine and alcohol and cigarettes. Exercise: anything that increases your heart-rate and gets you sweaty helps alleviate anxiety!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
There is no need to shout at your children. We all know that shouting doesn’t work! But even when parents know it doesn’t work, the bizarre thing is that they continue to shout at their children and often claim “it’s the only way I can get my children to listen to me”.
Ask yourself whether you would tolerate someone shouting at your children? Is it acceptable?
What would you say if I shouted at your children? Why is it okay for you to shout at them?
I am not referring to shouting if there is a fire or to prevent a child from running onto the road for example. I am talking about shouting at your child to correct them. The “don’t talk to your brother like that” “stop fighting over the game” “don’t test my patience” type of shouting! I am also talking about shouting at your children because of stuff going on in your life. You’re frustrated, stressed out or anxious and something happens that tips you over the edge and you shout. Please don’t take your difficulties or issues out on your children.
It might interest you to note that parents who shout cause reactions in their children that are similar to them being physically punished.
Shouting is an expression of anger and has the potential to make a child feel scared. Shouting can increase behavioural problems in children and negatively impact their self-esteem.
If your shouting comes with a tirade of verbal putdowns, name-calling or insults because you have lost control, this constitutes emotional abuse which brings with it potential for anxiety and also for aggression in your children.
Stop shouting. Please. For your own sake as a parent but more importantly for your children and their emotional wellbeing.
I have heard arguments that “our parents shouted and it didn’t do us any harm” but we now know, from studies, that shouting has a negative impact on children’s development.
Remind yourself that you are your child’s role model. Model the behaviour that you expect from your child. Set clear boundaries for behaviour. You don’t shout because you don’t want your children to shout. Praise your child’s efforts. Give lots of hugs (at the right times).
Children who are most often in trouble for unaccepable behaviour are children who may be most in need of positive attention and affirmation and certainly in need of plenty hugs.
Start today. Explain that shouting is no longer tolerated in your family. That you were wrong to shout. That you will all stick to this new family rule. Show your children that you are in control of your emotions and that you (no longer) lose your cool. Explain that you are now going to step away from the area if you feel that you are getting frustrated / angry and think you might shout. Return to chat when you are more chilled.
You do not need to raise your voice to be heard. Go to where your children are, rather than shouting to them from another room. Meet them at their level rather than speaking down to them.
Teach children about emotions and feelings and discuss how you feel. For example, explain that you feel angry (at behaviour rather than at your child) and instead of shouting and screaming, demonstrate that you are in control of your emotions and can speak about the situation.
Always be respectful of your children. While you are practicing your new rule of no shouting, if you happen to raise your voice be very quick to apologise and explain why you were wrong and then start again.
You can do this!
If you need some help to manage your anger, please reach out.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
There is something which positively influences obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, some cancers, bone and joint diseases and is within our reach. REGULAR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
I am not a medic, but I know that exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. The benefits are far-reaching as physical activity has consistently been shown to be associated with improved physical health, life satisfaction, cognitive function and psychological wellbeing.
People who regularly exercise, when compared to those who don’t, show slower rates of age-related memory and cognitive decline. In my experience, we all want to stay mentally sharp and focused for as long as possible. Exercise helps strengthen our heart and improves its functioning. Not only do our lungs benefit from exercise, our bones do too. Physical activity can help reduce stress levels whilst improving self-esteem.
From what I know, to improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours every week, of moderate-intensity physical activity. If we can invest more time than 150 mins in a week, that’s fantastic! Moderate-intensity activity increases our heart-rate, gets our bodies sweaty and makes us breathe more quickly – which is also a great anxiety-buster.
To make healthy changes, we must rethink our busy schedules. It is not enough to say “I don’t have time”! Finding time might be difficult, however, ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable.
Every minute you move is valuable. Small active changes include taking the stairs, walking around the house inside or outside, jumping on the spot, dancing, parking the car in a space farthest from the shop front-door or leaving the office to walk during coffee breaks.
If you never enjoyed walking, perhaps you might start by quickly walking away from your house for three minutes, turn around and quickly walk the three minutes home – any minute spent walking is better than no minute. Try to select an activity that is suitable for your fitness level right now, until it improves and who knows you might be running marathons this time next year!
Nature is therapeutic so whenever you can, spend time outdoors and take notice of your surroundings.
Regular weight-bearing exercise can:
Help prevent several chronic diseases and reduce the risk of premature death.
Improve mood and confidence.
Reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
Build muscle and strengthen bones and help prevent osteoporosis.
Increase energy levels and keep us feeling energised throughout the day.
Improve brain function, protect memory and thinking skills.
Help with study.
Improve sleep.
Help with pain management.
Although it may feel counterintuitive, people with chronic fatigue syndrome benefit hugely from exercise.
There are many varied benefits of moving our bodies, and exercise is only one part of safeguarding our long-term health – diet, alcohol, stress, sleep, cigarettes can each take their toll on our bodies. This new year, GET MOVING!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
You might make your New Year’s resolution to listen to music you enjoyed when you were young or if you are young, listen to music that makes you feel good! Music has a profound impact on our brains and can transport us back in time, help us feel relaxed or work-out more productively. Music is so powerful it can help reduce pain and alter our mood. So crank up the choons!
To make healthy changes in the New Year we must rethink busy schedules. Finding time might be difficult, but ten minutes of non-stop walking three times a day is achievable. Every minute you move is invaluable. Exercise improves our overall wellbeing and quality of life. To improve our heart health, we need about 2.5 hours weekly, of moderate-intensity physical activity. Moderate-intensity activity increases heart-rate, gets us sweaty and causes us to breathe more quickly – which is also perfect for helping to alleviate the physical symptoms of anxiety – exercise is win/win and here’s a link to 10 minute workouts.
There are a multitude of benefits to exercise – it improves mood and self-confidence and feelings of anxiety and depression; exercise builds muscle and strengthens bones. Exercise can increase energy levels and improve brain function. It helps improve sleep and pain management. Exercise is the best demonstrated way to maintain health, fitness and youth. Here’s a link to a similar article I wrote on LinkedIn Get Moving in 2019
Developing gratitude for the little things in life impacts our long-term happiness. The act of forcing yourself to think of events or you in a positive light or thinking of reasons to be grateful (no matter how small) or counting your blessings is beneficial for your brain and for your mood. The more you do it, the easier it becomes until eventually gratitude becomes an integral part of your life. Perhaps, set a new year’s resolution to write three things every day for which you are grateful regardless of how insignificant these things may seem. Today I am grateful for x, y or z. Over time you will see that every day is a good day – we have somewhere to sleep, human connection, food, work, liberty, sight, hearing, health, ability to exercise etc.
What else can we do in 2019 to improve our lives? Spending time in nature is therapeutic and has several health benefits. Being outdoors can put a spring in your step because nature is known to be restorative. Get outside as often as possible. Climb that mountain! Don’t forget that daylight also helps improve our sleep – a healthy new year’s resolution might be to spend time getting your sleep routine in order.
Keep your brain active and learn something new – take up yoga or meditation or learn how to calm breathe. Read more. Make a to-do list and get productive so you can cross things off that list. Disconnect from technology. Spend more time alone particularly if you have a stressful job. Keep a journal. Don’t complain, take action.
Join a group or club where you get to hang out with like-minded people. We need to be with others. When you least feel like meeting people may be when you most need to be in teh company of others. Reach out. Make contact. Meet a friend for a coffee or a walk. Have someone in your life that will listen and hear you and if you already have that person in your family or friend group – that’s fantastic. If you need support or advice – ask for it. Contact a professional Counsellor or Psychotherapist who will be happy to help or to point you in the direction of supports.
Maybe this year make your new year’s resolution to tell the people who are important to you just how much they mean to you and spend more time with them. When talking to yourself be an optimist not a pesimist. Be nice, kind and gentle to you and to others and that’s appropriate for every time of the year!
Whatever New Year’s Resolution you embark upon, I would like to wish you the very best for 2019.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Caroline Crotty Counselling & Psychotherapy Limited
Christmas is almost here! Some of us will be thrilled with this and some of us, less so. Christmas can be a time of great joy or huge stress (or both)! Christmas can be a difficult time, particularly when it is the first Christmas without a loved one or when there has been a change to the family composition. Every first is tough following a life change so aim to do things at your own pace and remember to be kind to you.
Here are some “dos and don’ts” for Christmas 2018.
Don’t overdo it and exhaust yourself – remember to make time for breaks, rest and relaxation.
Don’t try to do everything yourself – delegate and ask for help.
Don’t rush. Slow down; taste, smell, enjoy and savour every moment.
Don’t assume everyone shares your expectations for Christmas. Respect that others may not have the same plans or traditions (‘each to their own’).
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Enjoy moderation. Same goes for food – a little of what you fancy does you good.
Don’t react. When something is upsetting you, bite your tongue and come back to chat about it when you are in control.
Don’t get into debt because of Christmas. Spend within your budget. Santa loves bringing one present to each child, perhaps with a surprise!
Don’t get too distracted during the holidays by fussing, tidying, cooking etc. Be present for your loved ones.
Don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes. Forgive easily so you can enjoy Christmas in each other’s company.
Don’t stress about Christmas. It will come and go but what memories will you have?
Don’t argue with family, friends or with anyone – it’s not necessary. Discussion and debate are fine.
Don’t take things too seriously – have fun, laugh, play, smile.
Don’t expect perfection. It is not attainable. Good enough is good enough.
Do take responsibility. Whatever you do or say and how you behave – these are all within your control and are your responsibility. You are an adult, be accountable for your actions.
Do engage in activities that you enjoy with people who are easy to be with.
Do say you are sorry when you get something wrong. Own up. Apologise readily, especially to your children.
Do pay attention to your feelings. If you are not in great form, ask yourself what you can do to improve your mood and act.
Do try to disconnect as much as possible from technology and reconnect with friends and family.
Do write three things every day for which you are grateful. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Do ensure you get enough physical exercise to help you remain calm particularly at what you know will be potentially stressful times.
Do remember that although it takes two people to argue it only takes one to stop. If you are right about something, there is no need to prove someone else wrong.
Do face each day with a positive outlook. Look for the things that are right and good.
Do speak positively about and to others.
Do something today and every day this December for which your future self will thank you!
Every best wish for Christmas and beyond xxx
www.carolinecrotty.ie
“The evenings are getting longer” – we often hear this phrase but we still don’t have any extra time in the day! Although we have fewer hours of daylight, we needn’t feel sad or anxious about winter approaching. October brings Halloween and a bank holiday weekend for jazzing in Cork! Seasons change and with autumn we have the most amazing colours on our trees and we have leaves to kick. To date, here in Ireland, we have had wonderfully warm temperatures so there is no excuse for us not spending time outdoors! It is true that we have fewer daylight hours and the evenings can seem longer particularly if we spend more time indoors.
Here are a few tips to help you make the most of this month and beat the autumn blues.
Every morning remind yourself that each new day is a new beginning, something to be happy and grateful for (regardless of what is going on in our lives we are alive).
Get as much sunlight as possible. Spend time outdoors as often as possible.
Plan a break: a day trip, spa break, holiday, a night out, a hurling/football match, concert etc – it is good to have something to look forward to.
Develop gratitude for what you have.
Exercise outdoors in daylight hours. Exercise that gets your heart rate up and gets you sweating is good for your mental and physical health.
Hug more. Hugs are healing and release pain-reducing hormones. If there is no human to hug, then invest in a pet.
Make a conscious effort not to spend time in front of any screen (tv, phone, laptop, ipad etc). Reduce your overall screen time and instead, do something productive: knit, crochet, read a book (the old-fashioned paper kind!), write a letter to someone you love, post some cards, pick up the phone to a friend, visit an elderly neighbour, add a friend to your walk!
Declutter. Tidy your house and make your bedroom cosy so that you enjoy spending time there.
Be kind to yourself. Soak your feet in Epsom salts, have a massage, get a manicure, buy a magazine or scented candle –treat yourself to something nice.
Get to the beach. Although it may be cold, wet and grey, the sea is fabulous to admire, whether you sit in your car and watch the waves or perhaps you might brave it and go for a walk on the beach – it will blow the cobwebs away!
Be mindful of your alcohol intake this October.
Get sufficient sleep. If you’re in need of a few sleeping tips see sleep
Improve your diet and eat foods that are in season. Make a big pot of veggie soup. Keep yourself hydrated with water. Make a conscious effort to eat well. Take supplements that your pharmacist recommends and check your vitamin D levels with your GP by having regular bloods done.
Do a hobby course in your local secondary school or college.
Start a book club or a dinner club and make it about meeting people not about having the best food or the tidiest house!
Get creative. Paint, dance, listen to music or learn how to play an instrument.
Don’t drink coffee to give you a pick-me-up, get to bed early instead. Energy makes energy – the more you do the better you’ll feel!
Remind yourself of good times that you have had. Reminisce. There is no one else in the world like you. You are unique. You are as good as (but not better than!) the next person.
Develop an ability to glance at your mistakes but stare at your achievements!
Breathe deeply at various times throughout the day and simply pay attention to your breath – spending time alone is beneficial for your emotional and physical health.
Talk to someone you trust and offload your problems and worries. A therapist (counsellor or psychotherapist) can help you get through difficult times and reassure you that you’re not alone. Consider chatting with a therapist who provides CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) particularly if you find that your thinking is negative or unhelpful so that you can learn to become more self-kind or self-compassionate this October.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
You might feel lonely that your youngest is starting school or it may seem like only yesterday when it was your child’s first day at school and now he/she’s leaving home to start a third level course.
For some parents, a child starting school is super exciting, while it can be heart-breaking for other parents. Feeling anxious about the start of school term is to be expected because it is a big change. Whatever is happening in your household right now, stay focused and remain relaxed!
It is normal for your child (regardless of age) to have worries and concerns about school. Fears can vary from “which teacher?”; “where will I sit?”; “what if the bus doesn’t stop?”; “what if my friends aren’t my friends anymore?”; “maybe I won’t fit in”; “what if I don’t know what to say”……the list goes on.
Helpful tips
Ensure you have some one-to-one time with each of your children every day and at least every week go for a walk or play some music together or take a spin in the car or chat while doing a chore together etc.
Chat with your child(ren). Your message is always “I’m here to listen” and “I am your ally” so your child(ren) can approach you with worries and will be assured that together you will devise a plan of action to tackle their fears head-on.
Listen to the small things so your child knows you will be there for the big things as they age and worries change.
Encourage your child to share their feelings with you or their other parent / responsible adult. Explain that changes associated with returning/starting school can be difficult, that worries are okay and that it is beneficial to talk about them.
When your child is anxious, it may be easy to become stressed. The more grounded you are the better. It is comforting for your child to see that you are relaxed about a situation particularly when your child is anxious about it. Your child is looking to you for comfort and reassurance, if you react it may send the wrong message to your child and they may panic even more.
When your child comes to you and says they are worried about something, please be careful not to dismiss their worries or undermine their fears. Do not say “don’t worry” or “everyone feels like that”. Instead, chat about what course of action your child can take to help alleviate the worry. Encourage your child to work through the anxiety and to problem-solve. Try to empathise by saying “I see that you’re worried about this”.
Don’t dismiss fears as silly or say “that’s nothing“. When your child comes to you stop whatever you’re doing and listen carefully – show that you are interested in finding a solution. Listening to your child means that you allow them time to speak and time to think about what they want to tell you – don’t jump in too fast or finish sentences! Take time, listen and reflect back what you hear so your child knows you are paying close attention and that what they tell you is important to you.
Don’t break your child’s confidence by discussing their worries behind their back and making fun of them – they won’t confide in you again if they discover that you’re not trustworthy!
Encourage your child to be solutions-focused “what helps you feel relaxed?” or “what can you do that might help you feel better?”
Encourage your child to think about the nice things that happened during the day to gear their attention away from anxious thoughts particularly at night time. A nice way to finish the day is to ask your child, when saying good night, “what’s the best thing that happened today?” or “what was your favourite part of today?”
Praise. Praise. Praise. Every time your child handles a tricky situation and manages their anxiety give plenty praise. Be encouraging. As a parent you can’t always fix everything or be around to offer constant reassurance, but you can give your child the confidence to believe in their own abilities to overcome worries and concerns.
Think about how you behave when you are tired and hungry – we as adults are easily irritated. Your child may be irritable because of hunger or tiredness. It is important to have a good back-to-school routine for sleep and for meals. Watch portion sizes. Don’t reward your child(ren) with food items, instead reward with a trip to the playground or a comic or art materials. Stick to your screen time schedule (i.e. set limits to the amount of time, no screens in the bedroom or at the meal table). So very many children head to bed but not to sleep and school work and concentration suffer as a result of being on line into the small hours.
To recap, chat with your child, stay grounded, be and encourage your child to be solutions-focused, encourage and praise and stick to the back-to-school routine for sleep, food and screen-time!
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Just as we know how important good quality natural food is for our bodies, it is important that we acknowledge how important sleep is for our overall health and wellbeing.
It is likely that each of us will have difficulty sleeping at some point in our lives. Not getting enough sleep or having disrupted sleep is very common. At any given time, about one third of adults are experiencing sleep difficulties i.e. trouble falling asleep, waking during the night or waking too early.
Good sleep is characterised by appropriate timing, sufficient duration, high quality, regularity and alertness during waking hours. There are several repercussions of insufficient or interrupted sleep which include memory impairment, increased risk of accidents, cognitive deficits and increased BMI. Yes, sleep quality can cause weight gain! When we are sleep deprived, we even find it hard to make simple decisions and we are certainly not in the best mood!
As well as being implicated in complex cardiovascular and mood disorders, the quality and quantity of sleep that an individual gets determines the risk of developing metabolic or immune system disorders. Sleep helps our brains and bodies recover and promotes both physical and psychological wellbeing.
Sleep is not optional – it is vital for optimum health and wellness.
The amount of sleep we need is very individual – teenagers can need 8-10 hours while adults over 25 years need 7-9 hours per night. At times we will need more e.g. pregnancy, post-operative or recuperating from illness. When our sleep is interrupted by newborns for example we must catch up on sleep when we can. We can also have sleepless nights due to illnesses and discomfort. Sleep is very individual but as an adult over 25 years aim to for a minimum of 7 hours every night.
Sleep is an essential component of physical and mental health as well as general wellbeing.
If you have difficulties with sleep, reassure yourself your sleeping pattern will soon be regularised.
Follow a nightly routine.
As part of that routine, consider burning a lavender candle; listening to relaxing music; practicing calm breathing or writing a gratitude list.
Have specific times for going to bed and for waking up.
Avoid staying up late and sleeping in late (even on weekends or days off).
Get sufficient sunlight every day.
Keep bedrooms tidy and dimly lit.
Avoid naps in the late afternoon or for longer than 20 mins.
Avoid screens and bright lights at night including TV, laptop or handheld electronic devices because they wake us up and can stop the hormone melatonin which helps us sleep.
Alcohol and cigarettes negatively affect sleep.
If you wake at night, resist the urge to check the time, instead, reassure yourself that you will catch up on sleep another night.
Wear bed-socks to keep you warm while you sleep.
Keep bedroom temperatures neither too hot nor too cold.
Exercise during the day but not too late into the night.
Beds are for adult fun and sleep and not for worrying, watching tv, eating, etc.
Don’t eat too late but don’t go to bed hungry.
Avoid caffeine after lunch or completely if possible.
If you are having difficulty with your sleep routine, or if you find yourself lying in bed at night with your brain trying to find different issues for you to worry about, then please talk to someone. Help is at hand – reach out and ask.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
(in no particular order!)
Most of us could use a few reminders to help make our lives easier and happier. Here are 50 tips for life that might help you feel more content – if you put them into practice!
Yes that is 51! I couldn’t resist.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Anxiety is as natural as breathing! Although we often view it as negative, anxiety is not all bad – it helps keep us motivated and focused, it changes our behaviour in a productive way i.e. look how anxiety gets us going when we are nearing an assignment or work deadline!
However, if you are wasting time thinking about worst case scenarios or catastrophising – here are 20 top-tips to help alleviate those anxious feelings:
www.carolinecrotty.ie
We overindulge on drink throughout December with parties and Christmas celebrations. January is usually a dry month, often because we are broke, but what about February? Perhaps it’s a month to rethink our drinking.
Alcohol is intertwined in our lives, so much so, that when a person doesn’t drink there must be a reason – pregnancy, antibiotics, illness, recovering alcoholic?! And we often hear “well, you’ll just have something small so or maybe a hot toddy” like that’s not really drinking!
We know cigarettes are bad for our health, but we don’t think about alcohol being bad. Alcohol is linked with several cancers including mouth, bowel and throat and cutting down the amount we drink could potentially reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers.
Alcohol is not just connected to cancer, it leads us to say and do things that we cannot unsay or undo. It causes us to engage in risky sexual behaviours, to put ourselves in danger and make dodgy decisions. Alcohol dulls our memory and is linked with heart and liver-disease, osteopetrosis, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, and depression, (there is a long list).
Make informed decisions about your alcohol intake.
You do not need alcohol to function, or to relax. You don’t need alcohol to engage with others, to make you more interesting, to help you sleep or dance better! If you do, perhaps it’s time to re-think your drinking.
Cutting down means you can avoid hangovers, save money, get a great night’s sleep and improve mental and physical health.
How to cut down your alcohol intake:
Be drink aware. Pay attention to what you drink, when, how much and why.
Encourage friends/family to support you. Explain that you are cutting down/cutting out.
Don’t bring alcohol home. If it is not in the house you will be less tempted.
Distract yourself at the time you usually drink e.g. shower, walk, dance, vacuum, phone someone, garden, read etc.
Never drink alone.
Change your scenery. Suggest going to the cinema or for a meal instead of going to the pub.
Slow down. Alternating with a glass of water helps us slow the pace.
Set a limit to the number of drinks and stop once your limit is reached.
Consider bringing only enough money for a certain number of drinks when going to the pub.
Finish each drink before ordering/pouring another to help keep track of how much you consume.
Drink from a smaller glass.
Have a bottle instead of a can, a single instead of a double. Pour one glass of wine then put the bottle away.
Increase your alcohol-free days in the week.
Rethink your drink and if you need help to change, help is available – reach out. Please.
A new year, a new me! Really? I don’t know how many times we read and hear this phrase at the start of every new year. I even say it myself as I’m eating chocolates at breakfast time during the end of year holidays! The news is that we are all the same people whether it is January or July. We do not enter a new year suddenly transformed into a different more abstemious person. We might, however, set a goal for ourselves for the year ahead.
Try to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You don’t need to change and become someone else although you might want to start exercising or shed a kilo or two or perhaps cut down on processed foods etc but do not make your happiness dependent on achieving something in the future. People often say that they will be happy when they reach a target weight or achieve a certain something like a promotion or a new house for example but I am doubtful that it’s an accurate prediction of contentment.
Now is the time to feel great about yourself. If you feel good right now, just imagine how amazing you will feel when you achieve your goals or attain your 2018 resolutions.
If you do not feel too great right now, try not to be too hard on yourself. January is a very tough month for many. Couples often stay together over Christmas knowing that the new year will bring a change to their relationship; being in debt can be stressful or knowing your credit card bill will be severe because of overspending on presents or on the sales; when family has returned to their homes and the house is quiet or not having family members to rely on can leave one person with several responsibilities and that too can feel exhausting.
Returning to work and facing back into our usual routine can also be difficult. Knowing that there is no routine of work can also be upsetting. However, January is not all doom and gloom. I would like to reassure you that if you are having a hard time in January that you are not alone. Several people are feeling like you do right now i.e. not super enthusiastic that it is the start of a new year! This is a common feeling and you are entitled to feel however you feel!
Try to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break. Telling someone how you feel, chatting about your worries and fears can help you gain perspective. Talk to a trusted friend or family member or to a healthcare professional.
What can lift our mood in January?
Start with small steps towards achieving your New Year’s goal. When you do something that you know to be good or beneficial, acknoweldge and celebrate your achievements, this will help you continue towards achieving your goal.
Cut down or avoid alcohol to help your system detox after the overindulgences of the holiday period.
Increase your intake of brightly coloured fresh fruit and veg.
Eat at regular intervals. We often go without food for hours and then gorge ourselves on whatever rubbish is to hand. Plan your meals in advance but pay attention that you are eating regularly.
Turn up the music. It transports us in time, makes us feel good and lifts our spirits.
Get out of the house and spend more time in nature. Resist the urge to stay wrapped up indoors and force yourself to get out . You will be thankful that you made the effort to leave the house.
Once it is okay to do so, why don’t you pick up the phone and ask someone to meet you for a coffee and a chat. If they say no then that’s perfectly okay but someone might say yes! Or suggest going for a walk and you have both exercise and a chat all rolled into one!
Movement is key to keeping our bodies healthy and dancing in the kitchen, taking the stars, jumping on the spot, all count as exercise – keep your body active.
Have your bloods checked (including vitamin levels) with your doctor to ensure that your body is in tip top condition. Visit the dentist and optician for check ups. Save up for these health screens if you must but having a clean bill of health is priceless and if there is something that requires attention, finding out in time is crucial to receiving the best care.
Good quality, uninterrupted sleep is vital for our mental and physical health. Working shifts, having small children or a baby will mean your sleep is interrupted so catch up with naps if necessary. Sleep can be rectified over time so seek help to ensure you are getting sufficient good quality uninterrupted shut-eye! See some further info here https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Having self-confidence to make mistakes or noticing our self-talk and challenging any negative dialogue are worthwhile new year goals. Not eating chocolate at breakfast time is a great goal because minding our bodies is our investment in our future selves.
For this new year perhaps set the goal to be kind to you.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
This is the time of year when people mention having an “empty nest”, often because a child has recently left home to attend college or pursue a career. We hear of “empty nest syndrome” and although a topic of psychological research, it is not a medical condition per se. However, the menopause often ties-in with the same timeframe as children leaving home which, as we know, brings with it both physical and emotional side-effects and a time of self-reflection.
When examining the idea of an “empty nest”, there are several factors involved. Worrying about our children when they are away from home can cause us stress and anxiety. The role of work outside the home is a factor that may be connected to the intensity of the “empty nest” feeling. If we are distracted by work outside the home it can help keep us occupied. Increased life-expectancy coupled with children leaving home younger means the period of life spent on our own as aging adults has increased. While caring for our elderly parents and also providing care for our children we might feel like all we do is run and race with little ‘me time’ and then, with this newfound time on our hands, it may seem strange and alien.
When one-by-one children start leaving home, parents react differently. I often hear the words “useless”, “deflated”, “on the scrapheap” “no sense of purpose” mentioned. Parents go through many struggles at different stages throughout childrearing years, and the last child starting primary school can also be an emotional time for many.
Bear in mind parents who are waiting (or hoping) for adult children to ‘fly the nest’ but due to financial or housing demands (and a host of other reasons), do not leave home as expected or perhaps return home having been away. This can leave parents with the sense that “this wasn’t how my life was supposed to be”. There are various reasons why we may feel, at a certain stage, that our lives are not what we planned and the hopes and dreams we once had for our futures have not been realised.
Do not despair and certainly do not let go of your aspirations. You have a new life and the focus is now on you.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of dwelling on the negative and feel guilty about the things that you did not do with your children before they left home. Turn that thinking around and remind yourself that you have done your best as a parent and your children have left home to pursue their ambitions. This is the natural circle of life and a job well done.
What helps? Talking to someone you trust about how you feel is always beneficial because it helps you acknowledge your emotions and gives you focus on positive change.
Try to reframe what is going on and see the advantages of having the house to yourself e.g. it is a time of privacy in which you can rekindle your relationship with your partner and pursue your dreams and goals.
Although it is initially challenging, be as social as possible. Meeting people is a good way to stay occupied and feel happier. Exercise is physically and emotionally beneficial. Take up a class whether it’s water aerobics or a walking group, keep moving, ideally with others. Start a dinner or book club with the sole purpose that you are there to chat (this is not a competition to see who can cook the best dinner or have the most to say about a book!
When something happens in your body your brain tries to make sense of it. If your face is smiling, a big wide smile that gives you wrinkles around the corners of your eyes, your brain reads this as “I’m smiling therefore I must be happy” and you will feel happier. The reverse is true if you are frowning so don’t forget to smile!
We all need sufficient, good quality sleep to feel good about ourselves and to think clearly. To improve our sleep ensure you get daily sunlight, avoid caffeine and alcohol, keep bedrooms tidy and cool, avoid screens at night-time including phone, tv, p.c., increase exercise and time in nature. Set and stick to the same bedtime routine. See https://carolinecrotty.ie/sleep/
Music affects your brain in a range of ways – it can give us chills, cause a variety of emotions, make us want to dance, transport us back in time and help us relax. Play your favourite music and play it often. Now is your chance to fill your house with whatever music you fancy.
Set achievable goals and stick to them. You will feel happier because it gives you focus and achieving them gives you momentum to carry you forward.
Keep in regular contact with your child(ren). Try not to pester them and do not make your concerns their worries. Instead, suggest that Sundays are a good day to chat and remind them that sending the odd sms even if it is just a smiley face emoji will let you know they are okay.
Congratulate yourself on a job well done. The rest of your life is ahead of you – may it be filled with joy, love, peace, health and happiness.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
A friend of mine recently said she felt like her head was so full, it felt empty. That can be a warning sign of burnout i.e. feeling overwhelmed with an inability to take in any new information. Burnout is real. It is not simply feeling tired or having a bad day and it is not enough just to take a few days of annual leave to recover and recharge the batteries.
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight – there can be a slow build-up with several warning signs.
Things to watch out for are feeling exhausted and drained (mentally and physically); having a more or less constant feeling of dread; not falling asleep easily or having interrupted sleep; forgetfulness; nausea; fuzzy head; not being able to focus or concentrate; everything that you would associate with stress you can associate with burnout like headaches, heart palpitations, quickened breath, feeling dizzy or disjointed or maybe even fainting; regularly fighting infections (illnesses) because your system is depleted, being on edge and snappy, feeling guilty when there is no need, feeling trapped and begrudging your employers because you feel overextended or taken for granted.
Burnout is a state of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion. It is caused by prolonged, chronic and excessive stress.
Burnout can result in a loss of energy, motivation or enthusiasm, feeling overwhelmed, useless, cynical, detached or resentful, emotionally or physically drained and unable to undertake usual tasks or having zero sense of accomplishment from the usual things that you do.
It is hard to feel good about yourself if you’re heading towards burnout or if you are in it and thus our emotional health suffers. When someone says to you that you need to take it easy or you’ll burn out – please pay attention!
Common Work Stressors include being micromanaged with little control or little supervision with no supports; changes including new staff or systems; working crazy hours without downtime; difficult colleagues or customers; impossible deadlines; working outdoors in bad weather or heavy lifting can all take their toll on our stress levels.
Now that you know that burnout is, take steps to avoid it.
Firstly, pay attention to your body and to what it is trying to tell you e.g. taug muscles, cloudy head, headaches etc. Try not to leave it until it is too late to take preventative action! Start by setting boundaries for your wellbeing.
Make time for friends, family and for yourself. Do things you enjoy with people who are easy to be with such as going to the cinema, volunteering, meeting for coffee, get a manicure or buy a magazine.
Try to minimise screen time by not using your phone, tablet, laptop as much as possible and try not to have a screen in your bedroom because it interferes with your sleep. Having screen free days helps to rest your brain and allows you time to think (rather than being distracted by online events).
Watch what you eat – by paying attention to what you ingest it will impact on your mood. Do not rely on drugs or alcohol to make you feel better – the relief is only temporary and is akin to avoidance rather than solving your problems. Exercise is vital. Even if you are in an office all day remember to stand and stretch or walk to the kitchen or bathroom to keep your blood flowing and your body moving. Take regular breaks at work or at home – go and get a glass of water so you can leave your desk.
Remind yourself just how far you have come and remember your achievements. Consider your options – remember that you always have choices. Learn how to control your breath Spend time in nature every day. Being outside in daylight also helps regulate our sleep. Take up a hobby or do something you enjoy like gardening, baking, hoovering etc.
Tell a trusted friend or a healthcare professional how you are feeling and that you are struggling and/or feeling under pressure. Having someone to listen in a confidential setting will give perspective and help you to devise the plan to tackle and resolve issues. Good quality, sufficient sleep helps us to think more clearly and is beneficial for our physical health and emotional wellbeing.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
The ‘mind bully’ is a regular part of life for most people. The mean-spirited, internal voice that criticises our physical appearance, flaws, conversation etc. The inner critic’s list is endless and is also fond of comparisons, comparing you to family members, friends or to people you don’t know who seem happy, successful, confident etc., particularly when you don’t feel particularly good about yourself. However, the people we compare ourselves to have issues and worries and their own internal critic just like us. Sometimes it can be really hard to feel that we are good enough.
We often have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Successful relationships, owning property, career advancement, having children etc can be the focus of our inner critic. We may feel there is something wrong with us if we don’t hit our self-imposed targets. We lose sight of what we are getting right and of our daily successes. We forget that we are doing okay, that we are alright just the way we are, that we are good enough.
We are not perfect but there is no need to give ourselves a hard time. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We will achieve more if we accept that we are each unique with flaws and limitations and talents and gifts.
Feelings are not facts. Thoughts are not facts. Just because you feel or think something it does not make it true. Don’t be fooled by what you think or feel especially if you are prone to giving yourself a hard time.
Pay attention to how you talk to others when they are in trouble. What tone and words do you use? Do you ‘speak’ to yourself in the same way? If not, why not? You are worthy of gentle words and gestures particularly when you make a mistake or get something wrong.
When we least want to meet people, that’s when we most need them. Stay connected to help you get your thinking back on track.
Give yourself a pat on the back for each little success. Spot the good things that you do every day – like being up out of bed and dressed. Remind yourself you are doing okay. You have come this far despite all the obstacles.
When we accept ourselves as we are right now, it helps us feel content. Appreciate the life you have, it may not be perfect or as you had planned but it is your life. You have talents that the next person doesn’t have.
Acknowledge where you are and what you have achieved. Don’t give yourself a hard time about what you don’t have. Acknowledge the progress and sacrifices that you’ve made to come this far.
Focus on progress rather than perfection. You have come a long way.
Being mean won’t make you feel good. Praise, kindness and gentleness work far better. You are good enough. You’re not perfect and it is okay not to be.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
I remember reading the question “with whom will you have the longest relationship?” I thought “well, if I’m fortunate, it will be with my parents or my siblings”. I was wrong. The answer is very different.
The longest and most important relationship you will ever have is with YOU. The better the relationship you develop with you, the better it is, not only for you, but also for everyone around you. When we are happy and content within our own skin, we are easier to get along with because the positivity radiates outwards from us.
How can you improve your relationship with you? It’s not as difficult as it might at first seem. Start small and build over time. Remember the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. In fact, every accomplishment the world over began with someone deciding to give whatever it is a try.
Gratitude is a topic I often mention. Every night before you sleep write down three things that you appreciate about you with a pen and paper! It might be that you have good health or have children, or live in a quiet/busy area. These do not have to be earth-shattering big deals. You could write that you appreciate being a kind person, that you waved at a neighbour when you spotted him in the street or that you groomed your dog. Learn to appreciate the little things in every day. If you’re feeling stuck, appreciate having the freedom to leave your house if you so desire – at least we are not in prison!
Filtering is important to feeling good about you. If you have negative people in your life who are always complaining, try to filter out their negativity and tune them out – don’t get sucked in!
A wonderful approach to life is to learn to minimise complaints and criticisms. When you adopt that stance, you will no longer feel the need to judge or gossip. Sometimes at various points in our lives, listening to news-reports can be quite upsetting. If you don’t want to listen to or watch the news then don’t! Turn it off. Filter it out.
Reframe simply means to think differently, to spot unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more positive or helpful ones. Challenge your thoughts and the wording you use if its negative. Try to keep in mind how you would speak to someone else. You would probably be softer in your tone and approach than you are towards yourself when you get something wrong. Be gentle and kind to you. Ask yourself, “what advice would I give someone else about this situation?” then take your own advice.
You make mistakes just the same as the next person – because you are human! Remind yourself that you are not perfect but you are good enough.
More on being good enough here https://carolinecrotty.ie/being-good-enough/
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Just because you think something, it doesn’t mean it’s true, even if it feels like it must be true!
If you jump to conclusions and often feel anxious or worried, the great news is that you can learn how to take charge of your thinking, learn to feel calmer and more in control of your thoughts.
If you told me that you would like to change someone else’s thoughts, I’d say you’re out of luck because there’s no hope of changing anyone else. However, if you want to change the way YOU think and change YOUR unhelpful thoughts or thinking patterns, then you can.
Each of us has automatic thoughts and we make assumptions all day long. Self-talk is very important because we tend to believe what we tell ourselves whether it is true or not! I often refer to what we have in our heads as a “mind bully”.
To others, we may look or appear calm but on the inside, we have a running commentary which accompanies us everywhere that can be horrible and nasty. I often ask “would you want to spend time with someone who talks to you the way you speak to yourself in your head?” I am fairly sure that for most people the answer is a resounding “no“.
Our self-talk can be cruel and make it easy for us to jump to inaccurate and often absurd conclusions. We might wake at night thinking terrible things are going to happen. Or we might be scared to quit our job because we are sure that we would fail elsewhere or we might think we would never even get another job. We might end a relationship because we are convinced our partner is too good for us and will run off with someone who’s more attractive, intelligent or interesting than us. We might eat a sweet and think we always fail at diets. The mind bully’s list of topics is endless!
Taking control of our thinking and ultimately learning how to manage our worries starts with our self-talk.
When we know what our thoughts are, then we can work towards replacing negative, illogical or unhelpful thoughts with more logical and rational thoughts.
Firstly, pay focused attention to your self-talk and to what you are thinking. What are you saying to yourself? Is your thinking realistic? Is it catastrophic? Are you logical? Are you mind-reading? Do you jump to conclusions? Do you think you can predict the future with your invisible/imaginary crystal ball?
To challenge negative or irrational thoughts, try completing each of the following questions outlined in bold on a writing pad every day. For other suggestions take a look at this worksheet clear thinking
Where was I?
What happened?
What were my thoughts?
Are my assumptions based on facts?
How was I feeling?
What did I do?
Is there an alternative viewpoint?
What is a more logical and rational thought?
Time back again, what could I do differently?
It’s worth a try! It will help you to start paying attention to your thoughts and shortly, you’ll begin to catch yourself being unfair to you and then, you’ll be able to start challenging unhelpful and unwanted thoughts. Just beccause it feels right, doesn’t mean your thinking is accurate – jumping to conclusions is usually inaccurate and unhelpful.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Do you know someone who is happy? Perhaps you are that happy person. What ‘happy’ means to me may differ to how you would define it. There are possibly as many definitions of ‘happiness’ as there are people.
Various factors impact and contribute to our overall sense of happiness from involvement in our communities to celebrations, weather, finances, family etc. I don’t have enough space here to examine influences on or definitions of happiness but in my experience, everyone wants to be happy.
Ask yourself ‘Do I want to be happy? If the answer is ‘yes’ put a plan of action into place. We all know that life is not fair but being happy requires an investment of your time and effort because happy people work at being happy.
If you want to be happy follow these tips:
Accept yourself completely – just as you are AND accept your reality. This means you accept your family, house, appearance, birthplace, strengths/limitations, history etc. Acceptance is the key to happiness. (This is not easy but it is vital).
Learn something new – how to put up a shelf, knit, sew, bake a sponge cake – keep your brain active with new knowledge and skills.
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made. Forgive others for theirs. Let go of resentments – it is difficult to be happy with a heavy heart.
Engage in activities. Start a new hobby such as yoga or Bridge. Join a club or start one e.g. a book club or dinner club with your neighbours/friends.
Spend time with people that make you feel good, ideally positive people. Avoid people who stress you out or drain your energies.
Have a sense of purpose. Happy people have something to do or somewhere to go (even if it is just to the shop for milk).
Do things you are good at, that you enjoy, that are fun or make you feel good. Do them often.
Say NO. If you don’t want to do something don’t do it. If you do, then do so without complaint.
Acknowledge that you are not responsible for other people’s reactions, you are only responsible for yours.
Find your voice and say when you are unhappy about something. (Say I feel x when y because z)
Nurture a loving relationship with YOU. Happy people give themselves breaks and let themselves off the hook. They learn how to relax and how to manage anxieties/stresses.
Set short-term achievable goals. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting unattainable goals! Set a goal, achieve it, acknowledge the achievement then set new goals!
Invest time in others. Make time for your partner, children, friends, neighbours or strangers.
Watch your language. I don’t mean swear words I mean self-talk. Say only positive things and use only positive words particularly when talking about you.
Help others because it makes us feel happy. Help willingly. Volunteer in your community or to do something nice for a neighbour.
Your brain believes you must be happy if you are smiling, it immediately raises your mood. Smiles are contagious.
Treat your body as well as you can. Eat well, hydrate, keep moving and breathe slowly.
Be kind and gentle, forgiving and compassionate with YOU and others.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Ireland is one of the few countries where we both celebrate and commiserate with alcohol. On a hot day, we might head to a beer garden. When the weather is miserable where better to pass the time than in a cosy pub toasting ourselves by the fire? We overindulge throughout December with parties, nights out and Christmas celebrations. January which is usually a dry month (often because we are financially broke). Lent is an opportunity for us to prove to ourselves that we can remain sober for forty days and forty nights (with a permissible blow-out on St Patrick’s Day!) But what about February? It’s a bit of an enigma.
Alcohol is intertwined in our everyday living, so much so, that when a person doesn’t drink there must be a reason – pregnancy, antibiotics, recovering alcoholic? It may be because he/she simply chooses not to drink.
I have noticed a fairly recent shift in our drinking habits. We now drink more at home before we go out and in general having wine with a meal isn’t really drinking. However, wine is no different to other types of alcohol. To our bodies, alcohol is alcohol.
An unpopular piece of health news is that alcohol is linked with several cancers including mouth, bowel and throat. I often think I do not gain fans sharing this information because we would rather ignore the news that alcohol is a carcinogen.
After a recent talk to a community group someone mentioned that I had introduced the topic of alcohol in an unusual way. I explained that my aim is simply to encourage people to think before they have that extra alcoholic drink (and by making minor changes in our lives we can impact our children’s views of alcohol). We know that cigarettes are bad for us but the notion that alcohol is bad…well, that’s not something we really want to think about. Ignorance is bliss but it is also potentially lethal.
Cutting down the amount we drink, could potentially reduce the risk of alcohol-related cancers. Alcohol is not just connected to cancer – it causes accidents and injuries; leads us to say and do things that we cannot unsay or undo. It causes us to fight, stress, engage in risky sexual behaviours and put ourselves in danger which we would never do when not under the influence. As well as dulling our memory and helping us make dodgy decisions, alcohol is linked with heart and liver-disease, high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, depression (there is a long list).
I am not writing about this because I want to scare, annoy or upset anyone. I am encouraging you to make informed decisions about your alcohol intake. You do not need alcohol to function, to engage with others, to make you interesting or to help you sleep. If you do, perhaps you might re-think your drinking.
Cutting down means you can avoid hangovers, save money, get a great night’s sleep, improve mental and physical health.
How you can cut down your alcohol intake:
Encourage friends/family to support you. Explain that you don’t want to be encouraged to drink (and that there is nothing wrong with not drinking).
Don’t bring alcohol home. If it is not in the house you will be less tempted. This doesn’t mean you have to drink all the alcohol in the house to get rid of it!
Examine your drinking routine so that you can decide on what needs to be changed. When do you drink and where?
Distract yourself. Do something different at the time you usually drink e.g. shower, walk, dance, vacuum, phone someone, read.
Change your scenery. Suggest going to the cinema or for a meal instead of going to the pub.
Set a limit to the number of drinks and stop once your limit is reached. You might consider bringing only enough money for a certain number of drinks if you’re going to the pub.
Finish each drink before ordering/pouring another to help you keep track of how much you are consuming.
Slow down. Drinking is never a race! Alternating with a glass of water helps us slow the pace.
Drink from a smaller glass.
Have a bottle instead of a can, a single instead of a double. Pour one glass of wine then put the bottle away.
Increase your alcohol-free days in the week.
We tend to have a rather negative view of ‘anxiety’ however, anxiety is normal. If we were about to sit an exam or take a driver’s test it would be natural to feel anxious. Anxiety can be beneficial as it helps to keep us motivated, alert and focused.
Anxiety is in fact our bodies’ way of preparing us to cope with a perceived threat – our bodies’ inbuilt alarm system. When we experience anxiety our bodies’ natural freeze, flight or flight response is activated.
Imagine waking in the middle of the night because you thought you heard an intruder in your home – my guess is that you would be pretty anxious. Take a few seconds to try to imagine the sensations you would experience in your body. Our bodies and minds react together so there are physical sensations to anxiety.
When we perceive a danger (intruder), our bodies release stress hormones causing physical reactions such as our hearts beating faster; we start sweating, feel dizzy or fuzzy-headed, our muscles tense and our breathing quickens. Our body is preparing to run away (flight); defend itself (fight) or we might be glued to the spot, staying perfectly still, hiding under the duvet until the intruder is gone rather like a deer caught in the headlights (freeze). While all this is going on for our bodies, our brains continually process the situation and evaluate the threat.
Say “the intruder” turns out to be a family member rummaging in the kitchen for a midnight snack, then the freeze/fight/flight response is called-off by our brains, however, we may still feel very shaky, with sweaty palms and a racing heart even though we know we are not in mortal danger.
We may feel anxious when there is no intruder in our home and there is no actual physical threat. Feelings of anxiety can be mild (uneasiness) or severe (panic). As well as affecting our bodies, anxiety affects how we think, feel and act.
Anxiety can interfere with everyday living because anxious thoughts increase the feelings of anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety and a cycle of anxiety can be created. People may begin to avoid certain social situations in an attempt to avoid feeling anxious. However, these situations are most likely not life-threatening and are probably regular events like going to the shops, using buses, talking to people, attending parties etc. Anxiety can prevent people from doing things or attending events which they previously enjoyed. Feeling like you are under constant attack or that you need to run away is exhausting and draining. Anxiety can cause us to have a sick feeling, and need to run to the bathroom or perhaps we are put off our food because we feel nauseous.
Learning about anxiety is beneficial to gaining control over our anxiety. Anxiety is particular for each person and the ways in which it can be alleviated vary from person to person. What works for me (music and singing) may not work for you but you will learn how to regain control in time. Self-soothing is something that we can all develop to help combat anxiety.
Exercise works wonders for anxiety because exercise helps remove stress hormones while releasing feel-good hormones. Exercise also helps improve our sleep.
Relaxation is not just watching television. Learning a new relaxation skill such as progressive muscle relaxation is a beneficial strategy which helps people become aware of feeling relaxed by tensing then relaxing muscle groups throughout the body.
Breathing exercises take a while to perfect but are remarkably worthwhile. When we are anxious, our breathing becomes shallow and fast. We may even hyperventilate. Practicing calm breathing (where you inhale slowly through the nose, pause and exhale slowly through the mouth) is an excellent tool for anxiety reduction and can be used anytime anywhere – more information available on www.carolinecrotty.ie/calm-breathing/
Practicing visualisation helps with relaxation such as “you are on a warm, sunny beach, lying on the sand, feeling the sun on your skin…” Try to think of a place either real or imaginary where you like to be. Spend time thinking about how lovely it is to be there in that nice place.
Consciously taking time, every day, to look at the sky and clouds and daydream can be of benefit.
If you have feelings of anxiety that are affecting your daily living please talk to a trusted friend, family member or a healthcare professional. Remember the old adage ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. Anxiety is normal but sharing your thoughts and worries can reduce their scariness and help you gain perspective.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Health anxiety is when your mind wanders from one health crisis to the next. Constantly checking or scanning your body for something wrong can be quite stressful. Searching on line for symptoms makes you feel worse and the more anxious you are the more anxious you become. Some signs and symptoms of health anxiety include:
You think you are going to die or have a disease the doctor missed.
You had your bloods checked but believe you have an undiagnosed illness.
You go to the doctor hoping to be given an explanation for your symptoms. Your GP can’t find anything wrong and suggests that what you are experiencing may be as a result of stress. You leave the surgery feeling happy that the GP knows best but after a day or two niggling doubts return and the cycle of uncertainty begins again and you are convinced you are very unwell.
You have a dull headache which you try to ignore. You tell your doctor who reassures you that you are well. You begin to think the headache is a brain tumour. You check on line and find evidence that you have the symptoms of a tumour and think your GP must have missed something. You return to your GP who says your headache is because you have been working/training hard and are dehydrated. You are reassured and leave the GP’s surgery feeling happy. Later that night you question why your GP didn’t refer you for a scan – you cannot be certain you don’t have a brain tumour without a scan and decide you need a second opinion.
I can help you to identify whether you have health anxiety. If you do, together we can devise a plan to help you relax and regain control over your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I can help you to learn how to reassure yourself that you are well, safe and healthy so that you no longer experience fear of death/illness. Through therapy you gain perspective and learn how to successfully overcome unwanted thoughts and you also gain insight – why do you think the way you think.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
A panic attack can happen at any time, anywhere. Sometimes even thinking about having a panic attack, for some people, can cause feelings of panic. If you are afraid that a panic attack might happen while you are out shopping or waiting in a queue at the checkout, that fear can lead to a panic attack and so becomes a cycle of panic – panic about panic.
Panic attacks come and go within about twenty minutes or so and usually do not last more than an hour.
It may be that you might feel or think you are having a heart-attack or a stroke because the symptoms of a panic attack can be so severe. Many people attend A&E departments positive they are dying only to be sent home again with a clean bill of health.
When you are sure that your symptoms are not for a reason other than panic/anxiety/fear then education is central. When you fully understand what is happening to your body and mind you can learn to control your panic and anxiety.
Learning about controlled or calm breathing can help relieve symptoms of panic and also help you remain calm whenever you feel anxious. Relaxation techniques alleviate stress, anxiety and panic while helping you learn about your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
I can explain what is going on in your mind and your body and tell you what has worked to help other people gain control over their panic and anxieties. I can give you relaxation exercises and help you to manage your anxiety so that it no longer controls you.
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Years ago, when I woke in the middle of the night, sleep would simply elude me and I would start to anticipate how exhausted I was going to be the following day! I’d even calculate the remaining hours I had in bed. That’s not very relaxing!
Now, instead of getting anxious about being awake in the middle of the night, I reassure myself that I will not stay awake forever, that eventually I will sleep and my body and mind know exactly what they are doing!
Over the years I have learned a few techniques which help with falling asleep and returning to sleep once woken. What works for me nowadays is busying my brain with maths problems whilst paying attention to my breathing. My mind gets tired and I sleep. Sounds too simple? It works for me but it took a while before I reached the sweet spot where my brain associated sleep with adding numbers together!
If you are not keen on counting or adding numbers like 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256 etc., perhaps try listing every car or colour or boy’s name that you know starting with the letter A and work your way through the alphabet. For example, Audi, Bentley, Cadillac / Apple, Banana, Cherry / Adam, Brian, Charlie, etc. Make a mistake and start from the beginning – the idea is that your mind is engaged because you’ve given it a task to do instead of worrying and your brain slows down and you fall asleep. It won’t happen the first night but be persistent and eventually it should work because your mind will associate listing with sleeping. That’s the goal here – creating an association with sleep and your bed.
Go to bed and get up at a set time and stick to those times – even on weekends or days off only allow yourself a one-hour lie-in. This might not be possible if you’re working shifts or have small children or health problems. Try to keep to a routine and do the same things every night so you are sending signals to your body and mind that you are preparing for going to bed to sleep.
Have a wind-down time: put on your pyjamas, brush your teeth, read a book but avoid your mobile, computer and all forms of hand-held screens before sleep time. Having a shower before bedtime can also help with sleep as our core body temperature drops when we sleep and after having a shower, so it can be a good sleep aid.
Not only is caffeine found in coffee and tea, but also in cola, chocolate, and energy drinks. Enjoy your morning coffee if you wish but avoid caffeine from lunchtime onwards. Even if you are able to fall asleep easily, caffeine affects the quality of your sleep. Going without caffeine for just one day can improve sleep quality.
Alcohol may seem to aid sleep but actually impairs sleep quality. It disrupts the natural sleep cycle and diminishes REM sleep, which is important for mental restoration. Avoid drinking alcohol to unwind or to fall asleep.
Ensure your bedroom is conducive to sleep: relaxed, tidy, and cool. De-cluttering can create a calming environment that feels good to spend time in.
Keep bedrooms free from technology and bright lights at night. Light inhibits melatonin production, a hormone essential for sleep. Avoid watching television in bed to ensure the brain associates the bed with sleeping and not stimulation.
Your bed is for adult fun and for sleeping – not for worrying or stressing. Calmly reassure yourself that your body knows when to sleep. Avoid counting down the hours or catastrophising about lack of sleep.
Calm breathing is an excellent sleep aid. Journaling, particularly gratitude journaling, can also support relaxation. Write three positive things daily, even small joys, to help shift your focus towards calmness and contentment.
Views on naps vary: if you must nap, keep it short (no longer than 30 minutes) and avoid napping after 3.00pm. Those with disrupted nighttime sleep due to small children or health issues should rest when needed.
If your alarm feels jarring every morning, aim to gradually go to bed earlier. Ideally, waking without an alarm means you are naturally rested.
Exercise supports sleep but avoid late evening workouts. Similarly, avoid heavy meals before bedtime but do not go to bed hungry. Exposure to daylight every day also benefits your mood and sleep-wake cycle.
Keep a notebook beside your bed. If worries wake you, jot them down to deal with in the morning. Converting worries into a ‘to-do list’ can be empowering. Avoid using your phone to take notes to prevent screen stimulation.
Dr Wendy Troxel notes that “great sleep is the new great sex.” Sleep is critical for emotional regulation, resilience, and physical health. Sleep requirements vary, but the quality of sleep is crucial for all.
Poor sleep can lead to increased blood pressure, higher stress, weight gain, impaired memory, and cognitive decline. As adults, we too suffer irritability and reduced functioning from sleep deprivation. Sleep is vital for every aspect of our wellbeing.
If you have difficulty sleeping for a prolonged period, it is advisable to consult your doctor or medical adviser. You deserve restful, restorative sleep.
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