I talk to myself. My neighbours can confirm this as they often see me peering into the boot of my car, trying to find something while I’m talking to myself! We all talk to ourselves – it’s not just me – but maybe we don’t all speak out loud when we are alone!
We all have an inner dialogue. What we say to ourselves in our minds, our “inside voice”, is very influential.
Think about what you say to yourself about you using your inner voice. Is it nice?
If our inner voice is negative and critical then it is most likely not particularly encouraging, kind or complementary about you or others.
To improve our inner dialogue, pay attention to what we say about us and about others. Do not judge (well, try not to!). What we say to ourselves in our heads carries weight and power. Keep in mind that there is never any need to be harsh or unkind.
Focus on the things you can change and accept the things that you cannot change.
We tend to focus on the negative, on what has gone wrong in the past or what could go wrong in the future. We are adept at spotting the negative because through evolution that is what has kept us safe and alive. If we stop to admire a rainbow or pretty bluebells, we may not notice the tiger lurking in the undergrowth and, ultimately we die. Our brains are designed to spot threats rather than that which brings us joy or awe. So we must force our minds to shift focus. We must learn to focus on what’s going right, on what we have, on the beauty around us and how fortunate we are. Bring your focus to the present.
Get into the habit of asking yourself, “is this healthy or harmful for me right now”?
Whatever your thought-pattern and regardless of the tone of your inner voice – simply ask yourself whether it is helpful for you to continue with those thoughts or is it harmful to you? If it is harmful, go do something (anything) else like put on the kettle or hand-cream but change your focus. Stop your mind from wandering into negative territory.
Now more than ever it is important that you put yourself first. Be kind to you and to others. Focus your attention on what is good for you. When we are grieving we may not feel that we deserve to be grateful or to be happy. Remember, feelings are not facts! We all deserve to feel good, happy and content.
Try to develop the habit of asking yourself, is this healthy or harmful? Put yourself first. Be kind to yourself. Is a walk healthy or harmful? Is this fizzy drink healthy or harmful? Is that phone-call healthy or harmful? Choose healthy over harmful.
Life is short. Enjoy the good. Spot the beauty. Speak kindly about yourself and about others. Sew positive thoughts. Bring your focus to healthy thoughts.
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