Comparisons

Comparisons Never Work

Stop comparing yourself with others! Do not look longingly and compare yourself to people with a new shiny car; big house; well-manicured lawns; lovely handbag; glowing skin; perfectly groomed hair; beautiful smile; wonderful clothes; well-behaved children; athletic body; successful business etc.

The list of comparisons that we make is literally endless but does comparing ourselves to others make us feel good about ourselves? NO!

When you compare yourself to someone, you tell yourself:

 I am not _[something]_ enough.

What do you say to yourself?  It might be that you are not wealthy; intelligent; fast; successful; clever; popular; witty; tall; fashionable; confident; small; academic; musical; pretty; sporty; loud; artistic; fun; friendly; popular etc.  Is this beneficial or good for your self-confidence?  Does this make you feel good about yourself? Another resounding NO!

From when we were small we were compared to others “I’d bet you’re a great singer, your mother has a beautiful voice”; “you’ll be a dinger at the football, all your father’s family were great footballers”.  “farming is in our blood, you were born to be a farmer”.

In school, things were no different “you must be good at maths your brother got an A1 in the Honours Leaving Cert paper”; “I can’t understand why you are misbehaving, your sister was a pleasure to teach”.

We are practically conditioned to compare ourselves to others because comparisons are present from day one.  Think about it – when a child is born what’s the first question that’s asked?

“What weight is the baby?  

“Seven pounds”

“That’s small enough, all mine were over nine pounds”.

Babies’ weights are a source of commentary and comparison and those comparisons continue as your child ages – “Is your child sitting up?” “How many teeth?” “How many words?” “Will he eat all foods?” “Wake at night?” “Hold a pen? Paint? Write? Spell? Play a musical instrument? Enjoy sports? Get on the team? Score goals?”  In every facet of our lives comparisons are a feature.

I hear from people who spend hours on social media looking at other peoples’ lives and thinking that those other people have it all – more friends, a wonderful social life, loads of fun, great style, look fantastic etc – again, another endless list of comparisons.

No one posts on line that they are lying in bed, alone and feeling sad or at yet another social event and would rather be at home beside the fire with the feet up and not have to fake smile for yet another photo!  Social media virtual lives are not real life lives – they are a portrayal of an idealised life and lifestyle.  How many selfies does it take to get the perfect selfie?

So, what is the solution?  If you find yourself comparing yourself to virtual people and virtual lives then log off!  Removing social media apps from your phone helps.  Stop notifications for starters – it helps de-clutter your head and your inbox.

Stop comparing yourself to others because you are you and you are perfect the way you are.

Accept yourself for your weird ways, your strange habits, your funny looks or whatever it may be.  Learn to accept yourself just as you are right now.  That doesn’t mean you can’t get fitter or eat more healthily or learn a new sport or skill – that’s not what I am saying.  Accepting yourself for who you are, warts and all, is liberating because it simply means that you learn to like you for you. You are wonderful.  You are perfectly imperfect.