September Change

September marks the beginning of autumn. It brings with it new beginnings. Perhaps your child is starting nursery or primary school. Maybe your adolescent is moving away to attend university or starting a new job having finished school. There may be a heavy financial burden with childminding, uniforms, books or education fees.  September is a time of significant change. With change, comes stress.

Here are some reminders of what you already know that you can put into place to help you (and to help your worried child).

Adults and children worry. Children pick up on how their parents are feeling, so try to remain calm and speak calmly with your children. Don’t put your worries on to your children.

If you have a worried child, please let them know that you understand something is going on for them. Encourage them to chat with you about whatever is on their mind. Be sensitive to their needs. Give them your undivided attention if they are speaking with you. Ask how they are feeling about whatever is going on. (Do not ask ‘are you stressed about returning to school?’ as it’s too leading). Listen to their response. It might not be what you expect. Resist the temptation to swoop in and make everything okay and fix the issue. Instead, allow your child to voice their concerns without interruption. Talking through fears is beneficial (depending on age). Be reassuring. Validate worries and feelings. Explain that you understand. Thank them for telling you. Ask them what you can do to help. Ask them what they can do to help themselves which gives children a sense of control and fosters solutions-focused thinking.

Well-intentioned parents might allow their child to avoid school if they don’t want to go. However, avoiding school will not help your child. School refusal will not be improved by avoiding the source of stress (i.e. school). Get your child into school, even if it just for the classes until first break. Be firm but encouraging despite your own feelings. Consistently attending school will eventually settle your child’s upset.

Give praise for confiding in you and doing their best. Ask if they want to hear your suggestions. Return to school nerves are usually temporary. Be consistent in your message that there is a solution for every problem or that we can work towards acceptance following trauma.

How you help your child is how you can help yourself. Model positive coping skills and a positive outlook. There are several facets to minding our health and staying healthy such as eating well, exercising, getting sufficient sleep, and taking time out. There are five steps to improving emotional health and wellbeing that are true for adults and children: Connecting, Learning, Giving, Activity, and Focusing!

You are your child’s role model.  Model the behaviour you want to see in your child.

Connecting can help us feel more satisfied with life as it provides a sense of belonging – visiting a neighbour, walking with someone, joining a volunteering group etc.  Being with others affords us an opportunity to express ourselves and we connect by listening, so it’s win/win. When our social circle is tiny (or non-existent) September might be the best time to become involved in something locally!

Giving to others helps us feel more positive and provides a sense of purpose. Giving promotes connecting. Bake a cake, offer to teach someone how to do something or give thanks by sending a text/card/email.

Learning new things can boost our self-esteem and optimism. Learning does not have to be academic – learn how to draw, paint, sing or play ukulele.

Activity benefits physical and emotional wellbeing. Physical activity changes the chemicals in our brains and can improve our self-esteem.

Focusing attention on thoughts, feelings and physical sensations can improve our mood. Having something to look forward to and focusing on deep breathing are beneficial!

Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.

www.carolinecrotty.ie