Congratulations if you’re recently engaged and planning your wedding day! This is a joyful and exciting time for many couples, filled with choices and creativity – from photo booths to personalised touches. But for others, wedding planning can become quite overwhelming and stressful. This article shares calm, compassionate suggestions to help reduce anxiety and support decision-making during the lead-up to your big day.
People often attend ‘talking therapies’ such as counselling or psychotherapy to gain perspective and manage wedding-related anxieties. I don’t tell anyone, “Yes, you should marry him” or “No – run a mile!” That’s not my role. But in my experience, talking and being heard helps people work through whatever’s weighing on their minds, so they can make clear decisions and positive changes.
You don’t necessarily need to speak with a professional therapist, though you’re very welcome to! I’d suggest that you might start by sharing any worries with a trusted friend or family member (who will keep things in confience). Most importantly, chat openly with your partner. Strong, long-term relationships are built on open and honest communication.
If you’re feeling uncertain about your relationship or your future, it’s vital to pause and examine those feelings. The sooner you address concerns, the more likely you are to make informed decisions aligned with your values and shared life goals.
Your wedding day is exactly that: yours. It’s not about pleasing everyone else, it’s actually about celebrating your relationship. Someone will likely be disappointed or have an opinion – you can’t control that. But if you plan your day with the mindset that it’s not a popularity contest, you’ll free yourself to make decisions based solely on what matters to you and your partner.
Whether it’s guests, seating, flowers, the band, or the food – someone will likely complain. And that’s okay. You cannot and will not please everyone. Focus on what works best for the two of you.
Finance plays a major role in planning a wedding and a honeymoon. As a couple, decide on your budget together:
These are joint decisions – compromise is key.
Write a list of tasks to be done, then divide them based on interest and strengths. One of you might love planning the music while the other prefers sorting logistics. Sharing the workload not only reduces stress but reflects the equal partnership you’re celebrating.
There are countless websites, books and magazines offering advice but none of them know you. If you don’t want a cake, don’t have one. If you’d prefer an adults-only wedding, say so. Be firm and clear about your wishes. Honest communication and clear boundaries will help others respect your decisions.
Weddings are unpredictable but not everything needs to cause stress.
Focus your energy where it matters most.
This day has legal, emotional and symbolic significance. Allow yourself to pause during the ceremony. Take a mental picture. Look at the faces around you. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Don’t spend your time worrying about whether your guests are having fun – that’s their job. Your responsibility is to enjoy the day you’ve spent so long planning. Many couples say the day flies by in a blur. Take time out with your new spouse to breathe, talk and take it all in.
You deserve to feel joy, calm and presence on your wedding day – your way.
Caroline Crotty – Counselling and Psychotherapy in Cork city
www.carolinecrotty.ie
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