Parenting Tips

Parenting Tips

When we buy a drinking beaker or an alarm clock we get an instruction manual in about twenty languages.  There’s no such luck with children and we muddle along as best we can, learning as we go – usually from our mistakes.  We don’t have the option to turn to page 87 of our parenting manual when our toddler is lying on the supermarket floor screaming as though she were being beaten because she wants a packet of chocolate buttons! Or turn to page 112 if our teenager won’t stop arguing/remains silent at the dinner table. Here are some helpful parenting tips that you may find useful – in fact they’re simply little reminders to help you be the best parent that you can be.

NOTE: There is no such thing as a perfect parent 

Accept Your Child 

Accept your child for who she is – completely.   Accept her strengths and her limitations.  Do not poke fun or tell stories about your child because it is belittling. Find an opportunity every day to genuinely praise your child.  Praise accomplishments and efforts.  Praise the soft skills of listening, sharing, caring rather than academic achievements.  We all thrive on praise. Never compare your child with another either inside or outside your family.  Your child is unique and that is to be acknowledged and celebrated. If your child is academic that is wonderful. If your child is not academic that is wonderful. 

Talk and Listen

Talk with your child not at your child.  Listen and hear what your child has to say.  Enjoy the time you have with your child and bite your tongue when they tell you something!  Remember that how you react will determine what happens next. Resist the urge to interrupt.  Keep lines of communication open regardless of your child’s age.   Chatting at every stage is the key to good communication – not interrogation, just chatting!

Be Active Together

Try to be active together whenever possible.  Play and activity are key fundamentals for healthy living.  Exercise and activity are investing in your child’s future health. Spending time with your children will help them feel secure and playing demonstrates that you can be fun and also that you enjoy spending time with them.  Walking outdoors is an opportunity to chat about what is going on for your child while you admire nature particulaly with older children.

Respect

Treat your child as you would like to be treated.  Respect her opinion and treat her with kindness. Listen to what your child wants to tell you – your child has opinions that will differ from yours which are worthy of your respect. When correcting your child, speak in lowered tones (never shout) – you will be heard and you will also be listened to. There is never any need to smack or slap a child.  Would you be happy if someone else slapped or shouted at your child?  When you have made a mistake apologise to your child and take full responsibility.

Eat together

Use mealtimes as an opportunity to connect as a family (even a family of two), sit together and ideally cook together. Turn off the tv, ban mobile phones, tablets etc from the meal table and start chatting about the day’s events.  Ask open questions such as “what was the best (or worst) thing about the day” or “who would you like to sit beside in school and why?”

Your Child Is Watching

Children are constantly watching and learning from what they see.  What you do and say will be repeated by them. Do you want your child to smoke or drink alcohol?  To swear? To be respectful of others?  To be kind to animals? To be judgemental?  You are your child’s role model.

Be Involved 

Depending on age, know where your child is, doing what and with whom.  At home, ensure access to social media is age appropriate.  Know what she is looking at on line and who she is in contact with. Readjust priorities so that you are present for your child as much as possible both physically and mentally.  Get to know your children’s friends because they become their peers, the people with whom they spend their free time and turn to for advice as they get older.  Spend time with your children individually every day.

Establish Rules in Advance

Always explain rules in advance. Be clear with your expectations for your child’s behaviour.  If age-appropriate involve your child in the rule-making and proposed consequences – this demonstrates your child’s viewpoint is appreciated and expectations around behaviour are fully understood.  Setting boundaries and consequences teach a child about their actions but should never make a child feel bad or worthless.  Consequences explain what your child should and should not do and why – thus creating a basis for what is expected of them as they grow into self-reliant, competent and kind adults.

Parenting

Praise your partner for what he/she is doing well with your child.  Discuss areas that need attention and work together as a team.  If you are parenting alone, seek support from others because it is important to offload and get advice from people who have done this and learned the hard way like me – from doing everything wrong!

Be Loving

Love your child.  Tell your child that you love her.  Your message to your child is always “I love you“.  You are your child’s greatest ally. Children’s behaviour from time to time may not be what we expect and your message then is “I love you no matter what but your behaviour is unacceptable“.   Hug your children (in public choose your timing as you do not want to embarrass them).  Hug them when they wake, when they’re leaving the house, when they return, go to bed etc. Hug them whenever you can because hugs are healing and convey the message that your child is loved by you even if they have misbehaved. 

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