Complex People

Dealing with complex people can be challenging. Remember: you cannot change anyone except yourself and you can only control your reactions. Here are some tips that might be helpful when having to interact with difficult people:

Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and communicate your boundaries firmly yet respectfully. Explain what behaviour you find unacceptable and stick to your boundaries consistently.

Try not to waiver just because the difficult person asked you to do something – you can always say ‘I will have to check that before I can confirm – I’ll get back to you on that’.

Other phrases that might be useful depending on the context: “I’d appreciate your insights on the best approach for handling this”  or “I appreciate there are differences of opinion but how might we find common ground on this?” “I believe in addressing issues directly and respectfully. How could we chat about this in a way that promotes understanding?”  “Each of us has unique talents and challenges. Perhaps we could focus on celebrating these differences and foster a positive atmosphere here in our workplace” “Let’s work together to nurture positive interactions” If however matters are heated perhaps you might say “I don’t speak to people in that tone, and I won’t be spoken to in that tone” or in a calm way you might suggest: ‘let’s speak again when we are both feeling calm’ 

Stay Calm and Composed: When faced with confrontation or negativity, try to remain composed. Take deep breaths, feel your feet on the ground. Avoid getting pulled into arguments or reacting to emotional outbursts.

Pick Your Battles: Not every disagreement needs to be escalated. Learn to let go of minor issues and save your energy for more significant concerns.

Find Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement or common interests with the complex individual. Focusing on shared values can help build rapport and create a more positive atmosphere. You can reflect back to them that you agree with a, b, or c.

Practice Active Listening: Pay attention to what the person is saying and try to understand their perspective. Reflecting back on their thoughts and feelings can demonstrate that you are genuinely listening and that you care/are interested.

Don’t Take Things Personally: Complex people might say hurtful things or behave rudely, but try not to take it personally. Their actions are a reflection of their issues and not a reflection of your worth.

Seek Support: Talking to friends, family, or a therapist about your experiences can be cathartic and provide valuable insights or potential coping strategies. It also helps to get things off your chest in a confidential setting.

Prioritise Self-Care: Engage in activities that help you to relax and reduce stress. That could include hobbies, exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.

Practice Empathy: Hurt people hurt others. Empathising with the complex person’s struggles can help you approach them with understanding and compassion.  As well as empathy curiosity can be useful e.g. you find out more about them which can help understand them.

Know When to Step Away: If interactions with the person become toxic or harmful to your well-being, it’s okay to distance yourself and limit contact. Safeguarding your mental and emotional health is your priority.

Dealing with complex individuals can be emotionally and physically draining and taking care of yourself is paramount. A mental health professional such as a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist can provide confidential one-to-one support to help navigate challenging relationships in a healthy way.

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