College

The 2023 college term is well underway by now. Here are some reminders on navigating this life transition for parents and students facing the challenges of starting college life.

Parents may experience mixed emotions. On the one hand, feeling proud that their child has started college, but it’s very human to feel sad or anxious about how they’ll settle in. Not having your child at home, especially if they’ve moved away, is often referred to as the ’empty nest’ feeling  which refers to the grief of parents experience when their child has gone. It’s typical and what might help is to keep yourself busy doing other things now that you have time on your hands – perhaps take up a hobby or involve yourself locally in charitable or community work.

When your child has gone off to college, let them know you’re still there to help and listen, despite geographic distance. Your parenting role isn’t finished, it’s evolving. You’ll continue to provide support even while living apart.

College is a time for personal growth and self-discovery. Find ways to stay connected through sms text, social media, phone calls, video chats, or planned visits. Assure your child that staying connected provides comfort and reassurance to you, not just to them.  Involvement levels in families vary, so do whatever works best for you while supporting your child in this new emerging-adult stage of development.

Colleges have various supports for new students and student welfare. Encourage your child to explore peer support, counselling, or student support services particularly if they are struggling with the change.

Validate your child’s feelings of excitement, stress or uncertainty about college. It’s a significant life event so having mixed feelings about moving away, meeting new people, or tackling new challenges is to be expected. It can be exhilarating and exhausting – all rolled into one.

Encourage open dialogue and be honest about your concerns when you don’t hear from them or whenever you receive short text responses (like a thumbs up after you’ve sent an essay-length text!). Establish clear communication expectations.

College is challenging for parents and (adult) children.

Starting third-level education is daunting because teenagers may be uncertain about their chosen course, changing friendships, leaving home, meeting new people and chat about what they might expect in general. Be patient, expect stress and angst, and avoid imposing excessive expectations on them. They will make mistakes so remember to be their support system, and not a judge and jury. Pause before reacting, file away anything you hear that causes you to react so you can effectively and importantly keep the lines of communication open.

Discuss academic expectations and responsibilities. Help them set realistic goals. Explain that college grading systems differ from secondary school. They must strive to do their best and be pleased when they put in a good effort regardless of grades.  Encourage full attendance at lectures because knowledge is absorbed through engagement.

Homesickness is common. Having a plan in place can help. Encourage your child to arrange meet-ups with friends or family, join societies, or participate in local activities. Being busy is better than being bored!

Empower your child to care for themselves by teaching basic life skills like cooking and laundry. Help them develop independence by showing them how to use the washing machine, budget effectively, and plan their schedules. They can’t expect to be everywhere at once – and lots of fun isn’t always conducive to retaining information for exams.

Encourage your child to create a schedule of assignment deadlines, lecture times, and labs/tutorials so they are less likely to miss any deadline and they also know where they are expected to be and when. Encourage them to diary time for self-care routines which will be beneficial when it comes to managing stress at exam times.

Lastly, foster open communication about feelings and worries. Share your thoughts and encourage your child to do the same. You are their ally. You want them to turn to you when they have something on their mind. Be open to them.

Do not burden them with your worries but keep lines of communication open. Explain that regardless of how bad they might feel particularly at night, feelings change just like the Irish weather.  Feelings are not concrete. Feelings are not facts!

Affirm and praise them and yourself!

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