September Change

A friend of mine told me she cried for a whole day when her son was offered his college course of choice. She didn’t cry happy tears but cried because her baby is moving to Dublin and life, as she knows it, will be forever changed.

At this time of year, young adults move away from home to take up third level courses or full-time jobs; children start primary and secondary schools. We may notice that it is dark earlier in the evenings or that foliage is changing to more autumnal tones. September is indeed a time of change.

This month, I am encouraging you to undergo great change – that is to challenge the unhelpful habit of trying to figure out what others think of you.

Worrying and thinking about what others think of you can be a huge drain emotionally and a waste of our precious time. We never get back any of the time that we waste worrying.

I often hear sweeping statements like “everyone thinks that I’m …” or “I know what they’re thinking about me”. These statements are simply not true. Not everyone is thinking about us and we never know what is going on in someone else’s mind.

Stop paying attention to what other people think of you and, instead, pay attention to what you think of you.

I understand the concern. We want people to like us. we want to fit in. We don’t want to appear stupid or weird or different. Who wants to be the outlier?

Sad but true – other people don’t think about you all that often. People are just like you in that they are thinking about themselves and about what is going on in their own lives. Even when someone looks at you funny (according to you!) perhaps they are trying to remember whether they locked the back door or paid a utility bill or they might be trying to figure out whether the car insurance is due for renewal!

We go about our daily lives with oodles of thoughts racing through our minds. Life is busy. Not everyone is thinking about you even when you think they are.

Shift your focus. We cannot stop worries from popping into our minds, but we can decide to focus our attention elsewhere and not give those worries so much airtime. Change your attention to something more helpful and positive.

Remind yourself that we all make mistakes. It is part of being human. Some mistakes are way bigger than others with life-altering repercussions. It does not matter what you have done, you are never the first to do it! You won’t be the last person to make a mistake or to say the wrong thing.

Try to pay attention to what you think about you rather than trying to figure out what others think of you. Get worries off your chest by telling someone trustworthy. A problem shared is a problem over which you gain perspective.

Pay attention to the things that you get right and to how you treat others. Being kind and compassionate are more relevant than the human mistakes that you make.

www.carolinecrotty.ie

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