Implementation intentions are a psychological strategy designed to bridge the gap between goals and actions. By creating clear “if-then” plans, you can link specific situations or cues (“if”) to predetermined actions (“then”), making it easier to take consistent steps toward your objectives.
Why “If-Then” Plans Work
The human brain can easily get overwhelmed when translating vague goals into concrete actions, especially when faced with distractions or decision fatigue. “If-then” plans work by:
Pre-Deciding Actions:
Eliminate the need to decide in the moment by linking a situation (the “if”) to an automatic response (the “then”). This reduces the mental effort required to act because the decision has already been made.
Triggering Immediate Action:
The “if” serves as a cue to trigger the “then” action. This makes it easier to recognise the right moment to act and increases the likelihood of follow-through.
Creating Specificity:
Clear plans reduce ambiguity. Instead of thinking, “Maybe I should be working on my report,” you now have a specific plan: “If I open my laptop, then I will write the first paragraph of the report.”
Identify the Cue (“If”)
A specific time, activity, or event that naturally fits into your routine works best e.g. “If I sit at my desk, then I will open my notebook to plan my day.”
Define the Action (“Then”)
Choose a simple, concrete action that directly relates to your goal. Avoid vague intentions like “be productive” or “get fit”. Instead, specify something measurable or clear:
“If I open my laptop, then I will write one sentence of my report.”
“If I walk into the kitchen, then I will fill my water bottle.”
“If I check my phone, then I will spend five minutes replying to important messages.”
Keep It Realistic
Start small and manageable.
The simpler the action, the more likely you are to follow through.
Examples of “If-Then” Plans
Productivity: “If I sit down at my desk after breakfast, then I will spend 10 minutes organising my priorities for the day.”
Exercise: “If I put on my trainers, then I will stretch for five minutes.”
Healthy Eating: “If I feel the urge to snack, then I will drink a glass of water first.”
Self-Care: “If I finish my work at 5 p.m., then I will spend 20 minutes reading a book.”
These examples show how simple yet specific actions can form the building blocks of positive yet impactful habits.
Why “If-Then” Plans Are Effective
Reduces Decision Paralysis:
By pre-planning your response, you avoid overthinking or debating what to do in the moment. For example, instead of deciding “Should I work on my report now?” your plan already specifies that opening your laptop means starting the report.
Build Habits Through Repetition:
Pairing specific situations with actions repeatedly helps reinforce the behaviour, eventually turning it into a habit
Increases Accountability:
Clear plans make it easier to monitor whether you’ve followed through. If the “if” occurs but you don’t perform the “then,” it’s noticeable, prompting you to adjust or try again.
If It Feels Overwhelming:
Start today with one simple ‘if-then’ plan. Small steps can lead to big changes, helping you build habits and achieve your goals.
If You Miss the Cue:
Build awareness by linking your “if” to frequent activities or set reminders to reinforce the habit.
If You Don’t Feel Motivated:
Motivation isn’t necessary if the plan is automatic. Focus on execution, not how you feel in the moment.
Finally, by using ‘if-then’ plans, you can simplify decision-making, turn goals into actionable steps and build momentum for meaningful progress. Start today with one small ‘if-then’ plan and watch how it transforms your habits and goals.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Memories can be powerful. They shape who we are, provide lessons, and anchor us to moments of joy. But what happens when unpleasant memories hold us back from happiness? While it’s natural to dwell on challenging experiences, letting go is an art – something to be practised through practical techniques. Hereunder are 35 tips to release unpleasant memories and help you embrace happiness.
1. Reframe the Memory with a Narrative
Turn the unpleasant memory into a story of growth. Reflect on how it shaped your strengths or taught you resilience.
Gratitude isn’t just for good experiences. Thank the situation for the lessons it has taught you, shifting your focus from pain to growth.
Humour disarms pain. Laugh at the absurdity of the memory or create an exaggerated, comical version of the event.
When you walk through a door, mentally say, “I leave the past behind me.” This physical and mental cue helps compartmentalise and let go.
Imagine depositing your unpleasant memory in a mental “bank.” Withdraw it only when needed for reflection or learning.
Certain scents can ground you in the present and create positive associations, overwriting negative feelings.
Label the emotion the memory evokes—like anger or sadness—rather than focusing on the event. This creates emotional distance.
Write a list of negative experiences you’ve overcome. This tangible reminder of your resilience can shift your perspective.
Imagine your future self looking back at this moment with kindness, knowing it will feel less significant over time.
Holding a cold object, like an ice cube, can interrupt negative thought loops and anchor you in the present.
This question reframes your perspective, diminishing the event’s emotional intensity in the long term.
Reimagine the memory with an absurd or humorous twist to deflate its power over you.
Sing about the memory to a silly tune. This playful approach creates emotional distance and makes the memory less intimidating.
Choose an object to represent the memory. Bury, destroy, or throw it away as a symbolic act of release.
Think about how the unpleasant event indirectly contributed to positive changes or growth in your life.
Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it gently when you catch yourself dwelling on the memory, breaking the thought loop.
Imagine the memory is a scene in a film. Seeing it as an outsider helps reduce emotional attachment.
Write a letter to the memory as if it were a toxic relationship. Explain why you’re letting it go, then destroy the letter.
For every unpleasant memory, write a positive one and place it in a jar. Over time, the positive memories will outweigh the negative.
Picture the memory dissolving, like sand washing away in the ocean, as you focus on the present moment.
Visit a new place. Novel surroundings stimulate your brain to focus on the now rather than the past.
Before bed, visualise the memory but imagine a positive or absurd ending. This reshapes how your subconscious processes it.
Shift your energy by helping someone else. Kindness activates neural pathways for positive feelings and reduces personal distress.
Repeat the mantra: “It happened. I can’t change it, but I can choose how I carry it.” Acceptance helps you let go of resistance.
Paint, draw, or sculpt the memory. Externalizing it as art diminishes its emotional grip and lets you reframe it creatively.
Physically shake your body for 1–2 minutes, mimicking how animals release stress. This resets your nervous system.
Focus on small, positive experiences—like a warm breeze or a kind word. Research shows savoring micro-moments counteracts negativity.
Put together songs that inspire resilience. Sing, dance or maybe even cry to help process emotions.
Imagine the memory as a scared child. Offer it compassion and gently release it, acknowledging it no longer serves you.
Write down every unpleasant thought that resurfaces throughout the day. Externalising everything on paper reduces its emotional weight.
Learn a new skill, like knitting, cooking, or solving puzzles. Novel challenges shift focus and build new neural pathways
Picture yourself placing the memory on a leaf and watching it float downstream in a peaceful river.
Ask, “Does this thought serve me?” If not, visualise placing it in a mental “rubbish bin.”
Look in a mirror and say, “I deserve peace. The past cannot hurt me anymore.” Reinforcing this visually and audibly empowers release.
When a memory resurfaces, take ten slow, deep breaths. This creates a pause and allows emotions to settle.
Happiness often lies not in avoiding unpleasant memories but in learning how to process and release them. These tips offer a toolkit to help you whenver npleasant memories or worried thought sprint up. Whether through humour, visualisation, or symbolic acts, the key is to experiment with techniques that resonate with you.
Letting go is not about erasing the past, it’s about reclaiming your present and building a future rooted in peace and joy.
www.carolinecrotty.ie
Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as deep belly breathing or abdominal breathing, is a powerful technique that encourages the use of the diaphragm – a large, dome-shaped muscle at the base of our lungs. This type of breathing is natural and effective, allowing the lungs to fill more completely, promoting relaxation, and offering a variety of benefits for both mental and physical well-being.
How Diaphragmatic Breathing Works
Anatomy of the Diaphragm: Located just below the lungs, the diaphragm plays a central role in breathing. When it contracts and moves downward, it creates more space in the chest cavity, allowing the lungs to expand and fill with air. When it relaxes, moving back upward, it pushes air out of the lungs, completing the breath.
Mechanics of Diaphragmatic Breathing:
Inhalation: When we breathe in deeply using our diaphragm, it moves downward, expanding the chest cavity and enabling the lungs to expand fully and increase oxygen intake.
Exhalation: As we breathe out, the diaphragm relaxes and moves back up, helping to push air out of the lungs.
Why Diaphragmatic Breathing is Effective
Fuller, Deeper Breaths: Diaphragmatic breathing allows us to take deeper breaths, enhancing oxygen intake.
Promotes Relaxation: By activating the parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” response), this breathing technique naturally helps reduce stress and anxiety.
– Reduces Muscle Tension: This technique reduces the use of accessory muscles in the neck and chest, which are often overused in shallow breathing, thereby minimising neck and shoulder tension.
How to Practice Diaphragmatic Breathing
Find a Comfortable Position: Lie on your back with knees bent and feet flat on the floor, or sit comfortably with a straight back. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, just below the ribcage. This will help you feel the diaphragm move as you breathe.
Begin with a Slow Inhale: Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing the air to fill your belly. Focus on expanding your belly outward rather than lifting your chest. The hand on your stomach should rise, while the hand on your chest remains still. Hold Briefly (Optional): At the top of the inhale, hold your breath for a second or two if it feels comfortable. This step is optional and can be skipped if it creates tension.
Exhale Slowly and Fully: Breathe out slowly through your mouth, engaging your abdominal muscles to push the air out. Imagine gently pulling your belly button toward your spine as you exhale. The hand on your belly should fall while the hand on your chest stays still.
Repeat: Continue this breathing pattern, aiming for a smooth, rhythmic flow. Try to inhale for a count of four, hold briefly, and exhale for a count of four or six, adjusting the pace to suit your comfort level.
Practice Regularly:Start with 5–10 minutes daily of diaphragmatic breathing, gradually increasing as it becomes more comfortable. Regular practice will make this technique feel more natural, and soon, you may find it easier to use diaphragmatic breathing in daily life to manage stress or promote relaxation.
Stay Relaxed: Relax your neck, shoulders, and chest to allow the diaphragm to do the work.
Slow and Steady: Focus on slow, deep breaths rather than forcing a big breath. The goal is to take comfortable, deep breaths without straining.
Practice in Different Positions: Once comfortable lying down, try diaphragmatic breathing while sitting or standing. This will make it easier to use the technique in various situations.
Benefits of Diaphragmatic Breathing
Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Diaphragmatic breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and helps in reducing stress.
Improves Lung Efficiency: By allowing the lungs to expand fully, deep belly breathing increases oxygen intake, enhancing oxygen delivery throughout the body.
Reduces Muscle Tension: Minimises the use of accessory muscles, reducing neck and shoulder tension often associated with shallow breathing.
Supports Better Posture: Engaging core muscles during diaphragmatic breathing can support better posture, especially when practiced regularly in different positions.
Diaphragmatic breathing can be used in many situations to promote relaxation and manage anxiety. With regular practice, it can become a natural and effective way to calm the mind and body, support better breathing habits and even improve posture.
For more information on relaxation techniques visit https://www.carolinecrotty.ie
Making Healthier Choices Using The Three Ds
Covid-19, referred to as a “novel coronavirus (nCoV)” is a new strain, and not something we lived through before. We have no previous experience or benchmark so our reactions to Covid-19 are also novel. We can expect to be somewhat ruffled by this pandemic.
Humans, by our very nature, are creatures of habit and we like to think that we know what our future holds. We may feel a little cautious about our future because we do not have an end date for Covid-19. However, if we stay focused on the present, make healthy choices and form beneficial habits, we will be better able to face whatever lies ahead. Making healthier choices helps us feel good in the moment and is an investment in our future health.
The decisions we make today have the potential to affect and impact us long-term. We rarely keep that in mind when we overindulge in highly processed foods, use drugs, drink alcohol, smoke, drive irresponsibly etc. While watching tv we might consume snacks simply because they are close by but not because we are hungry. The process of eating is often automatic rather than consciously slowing down, savouring aromas, sensing textures and tasting our food. Making a conscientious effort to enjoy every morsel that we ingest is a mindful, healthy choice.
We are never too old or too out of shape to make healthier choices – it is never too late!
Making healthier choices can include drinking more water, increasing cardio fitness and resistance training, reducing stressors, eating nutritious foods, quitting (or cutting down) smoking, improving our sleep routine, limiting screen time, stopping self-injurious thoughts or behaviours, connecting more with others, saying ‘no’ to things we don’t want to do – the list is endless! The benefits of making healthier choices can include feeling more confident, weight loss, improved mood, body strengthening, reducing the risk of health-related issues such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer, obesity etc.
Make a plan by setting some goals that are reasonable, achievable, and specific. It can be difficult to make healthy choices even when we know that making the right choice is rewarding – we are human and fallible and succumb to temptation and give in to old habits!
The more often we make healthy choices, the easier they become. Acknowledge your decisions and choices. Whenever tempted to do or choose something unhelpful or harmful, use the three D’s.
DELAY, DISTRACT, DECIDE
When craving something unhelpful (or harmful) delay by a pre-determined x number of minutes and the craving will pass. If we can learn to postpone immediate gratification we are winning!
Whenever a craving starts, distract yourself. Ideally (if possible) do something sporty or at least something physical to help focus your attention and distract your thoughts (away from the craving).
After you delay and distract yourself from the craving, decide that you are not going to do whatever it is you initially craved.
Remind yourself of your reasons to change and the advantages of leading a healthier life and making positive choices.
Rather like life, our plans are not always spot-on. Whenever there is a setback or upset (or a not-so-healthy choice), resume quickly and get back on track as fast as possible. Life is not linear or straightforward. Keep yourself forward-facing, looking towards the future.
Remind yourself that you’re doing your best, keep moving, stay active, hydrate with water and find joy (it’s everywhere – it’s hiding in open view)!
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You may be thinking about attending therapy. Or you might have started counselling or psychotherapy. Deciding on your objective(s) for the therapy process is helpful by writing your goals. What would you like to achieve – what is the end result, when you look back, how will you know that your time in counselling, psychotherapy or with a psychologist has been beneficial?
Writing the answers to the following questions can help set clear therapy goals.
These goals can be reviewed as the process of therapy progresses.
What led you to therapy?
What are three broad therapy goals?
1.
2.
3.
What is the best possible outcome if you achieve goal 1 above?
What is the best possible outcome if you achieve goal 2 above?
What is the best possible outcome if you achieve goal 3 above?
If you achieve your therapy goals today (as if by magic), what would be different tomorrow?
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The Wheel of Life is a visual depiction of your satisfaction levels across important areas of your life and can help to visually demonstrate specific areas of life that require attention.
How? With a pen and paper, draw a large circle. This denotes your life! Divide the circle into 8 sections (like 8 pieces of pie). Firstly, divide the circle in half with a line through the centre, then, divide into quarters with another line and into eighths with two further lines. Each section denotes areas of your life.
Score every line evenly, from the centre to the outer edge from 1 – 10 with 1 being closest to the centre of the circle and 10 being the outer edge of the circle.
Label each section of the wheel with key areas of your life. Choose from the following list or use your own categories. My suggestions can be subdivided in your circle for example family and friends might be two separate sections:
Wheel of Life Categories
Health / Wellbeing; Family / Friends;
Significant Other / Partner / Dating / Relationship / Romance;
Work / Career / Parenting / Business;
Finance / Money;
Home / House / Physical Environment;
Social Life / Sports & Recreation / Fun / Play / Hobbies / Relaxation;
Self-development / Education / Learning / Personal Growth;
Contribution to Society / Volunteering / Community;
Wheel of Life Scores
Ask yourself how satisfied you are with each area of your life. Reflect on each category and score each out of 10. Then chart each of your scores on your wheel, drawing a line on each section for every score. The value 1 is closest to the centre of the circle and 10 is the edge of the circle.
Colour in each section from 0 to the score you allocated. A score of 10 means the entire piece of pie is coloured. A score of 5 means that the half, closest to the centre of the circle, is coloured.
Scores of 8,9,10 demonstrate satisfaction with that area of life. Scores of 1-4 show there is a distinct need for improvement and an opportunity for change.
Examine your Wheel Of Life. Is your wheel balanced? Is it wobbly? Which areas of your life need addressing? How can you increase scores in low-scoring sections? Set goals to make improvements. What would make a 10 score? What do you need to get started? What is the one thing that needs to happen to make your life more balanced? How can you set about making that happen? The purpose of this exercise is to see where our lives are balanced and the aspects/areas that need attention. Armed with this knowledge, what steps can you take to make your life more balanced for 2020?
www.carolinecrotty.ie
I talk to myself. My neighbours can confirm this as they often see me peering into the boot of my car, trying to find something while I’m talking to myself! We all talk to ourselves – it’s not just me – but maybe we don’t all speak out loud when we are alone!
We all have an inner dialogue. What we say to ourselves in our minds, our “inside voice”, is very influential.
Think about what you say to yourself about you using your inner voice. Is it nice?
If our inner voice is negative and critical then it is most likely not particularly encouraging, kind or complementary about you or others.
To improve our inner dialogue, pay attention to what we say about us and about others. Do not judge (well, try not to!). What we say to ourselves in our heads carries weight and power. Keep in mind that there is never any need to be harsh or unkind.
Focus on the things you can change and accept the things that you cannot change.
We tend to focus on the negative, on what has gone wrong in the past or what could go wrong in the future. We are adept at spotting the negative because through evolution that is what has kept us safe and alive. If we stop to admire a rainbow or pretty bluebells, we may not notice the tiger lurking in the undergrowth and, ultimately we die. Our brains are designed to spot threats rather than that which brings us joy or awe. So we must force our minds to shift focus. We must learn to focus on what’s going right, on what we have, on the beauty around us and how fortunate we are. Bring your focus to the present.
Get into the habit of asking yourself, “is this healthy or harmful for me right now”?
Whatever your thought-pattern and regardless of the tone of your inner voice – simply ask yourself whether it is helpful for you to continue with those thoughts or is it harmful to you? If it is harmful, go do something (anything) else like put on the kettle or hand-cream but change your focus. Stop your mind from wandering into negative territory.
Now more than ever it is important that you put yourself first. Be kind to you and to others. Focus your attention on what is good for you. When we are grieving we may not feel that we deserve to be grateful or to be happy. Remember, feelings are not facts! We all deserve to feel good, happy and content.
Try to develop the habit of asking yourself, is this healthy or harmful? Put yourself first. Be kind to yourself. Is a walk healthy or harmful? Is this fizzy drink healthy or harmful? Is that phone-call healthy or harmful? Choose healthy over harmful.
Life is short. Enjoy the good. Spot the beauty. Speak kindly about yourself and about others. Sew positive thoughts. Bring your focus to healthy thoughts.
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Tense each muscle group for about 5 seconds, then quickly release that tension and focus on the tension-free muscle area. Begin at your feet and work your way up to the top of your head. Squeeze tightly then release. Do this a few times with each area before moving on to the next muscle group. Keep breathing, slowly. Feel your muscles relax and visulise that they are melting as tension is being released. Notice the wave of relaxation that flows over your muscles and how relaxed your muscles feel.
If you have pain or discomfort feel free to omit that particular muscle group.
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Perhaps in a dark and quiet room if possible. Focus on your body and on the sensations in your body.
Breathe. Take a deep breath and fill your tummy and abdomen. Hold that breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly. As you breathe in through your nose, notice your tummy rising as you fill your lungs with air. As you exhale through your mouth, visualise the tension in your body leaving and being released.
Starting at your feet, curl your toes tightly for five seconds, then release that tension. Rest for a few seconds and feel the relaxation in your feet.
Flex your feet and pull your toes and foot up towards your face. Feel the tension in your calves. Hold that tension and quickly release. Feel how relaxed your calves and feet are.
Then moving to your thighs, squeeze your thights together really tightly for five seconds, then let them relax.
Squeeze your buttocks together, creating tension. Holding your bottom muscles tightly for five seconds then release. Pause for about 10 seconds.
You’re now moving onto your torso/body. Hold in your tummy as tightly as you can – suck in your abdomen. Then release all that tension and let it fall.
For your back, pull back your shoulder blades to try to get them to touch together, hold, then release. Lift your shoulders up towards your ears and hold. Then let them drop as you release the tension.
For your arms, make really tight fists and hold them up towards your shoulders. Then let go and let your hands drop. For your upper arms, hold the tension in your biceps, then release. Scrunch your fingers into claws so that your hands are tense, hold for five seconds before releasing. Enjoy the sense of relaxation.
Moving onto your face Screw up your face as tightly as possible, making an ugly face, hold and release. Smile your widest smile and feel the muscles in your cheeks and in your neck tense. Then release the tension. Raise your eyebrows as high as you can and hold for 5 seconds then quickly release and feel all the tension leave your forehead. Scrunch up your eyes as hard as you can by keeping your eyes tightly shut for 5 seconds, then release.
Squeeze every muscle together, throughout your whole body, then release all tension.
Finally, tense your entire body. Tense your feet, legs, stomach, chest, arms, head, and neck. Tense harder, without straining. Hold the tension, then release.
Allow your whole body to go limp and loose.
Stretch your muscles and open your eyes when you feel that you are ready. Breathe slowly and feel relaxed.
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When learning how to remain in the present moment it can help to give our minds a job.
Despite thinking that we are good at multi-tasking, we are at our best when we concentrate on one thing at a time – either we worry or think about something else! This task is to help us “think about something else” rather than worrying.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique is a useful task. It can prevent us from getting caught-up in racing or panicky thoughts which can create anxious feelings in our bodies.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 task can help us remain calm, focused and grounded in the present.
Instead of getting caught up in fearful thoughts or horrible anxious feelings, this task requires us to take notice of what is around us and concentrate on our senses.
Sight, Touch, Hearing, Smell and Taste – these are the five senses that we concentrate on that will help us stay focused.
Look around you. What are 5 things that you can see. Describe them to yourself in the most graphic and amazing detail that you can manage. What colours do you see on those objects? What patterns, inscriptions, engraving, size or weight do they have? If you were to describe these five things to someone without using the objects’ names, how would you do it?
Now look for 4 things you can feel and describe them to yourself. This might involve feeling your clothes as they touch your skin or the feeling of your bottom and back as you sit on your chair. Perhaps you can feel your skin on the palm of your hand with the finger from your other hand. Can you pick up something and hold it? Describe those four things to yourself in detail.
Listen very closely. What 3 things can you hear? Is there something in the distance making noise, say a clock ticking or traffic or the wind or music or the rattle of a door?
Are there 2 things that you can smell? There may be perfume or aftershave on your clothes. Can you smell food in the air or any other scents?
Is there something you can taste? Is there already a taste in your mouth? It might be coffee or toothpaste or maybe you can see something you could taste. You might have a sweet in your bag or chewing-gum. If you taste something, pay close attention to the flavour.
The above 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is a handy task for times when you may feel nervous such as at the airport, church, family gathering, doctor’s or dentist’s waiting room etc. The task will help to ground you and prevent you from getting caught up in fearful thoughts.
Ground yourself by concentrating on your senses. It doesn’t matter whether you think of 5 things to smell or 4 things you can hear i.e. the order in which you think about your senses is unimportant.
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And with anxiety, comes self-doubt. “What if I get a panic attack when I’m in the supermarket?”. We might try to visualise what could happen if we start to feel anxious in a public place? What will I do if I feel anxious at the hair salon or in a queue for a gig? Racing thoughts come with racing questions “What if I feel unwell?” “What if I faint?” “What will I do if I’m dizzy?” and, before you know it, you’ve worked yourself up into a frenzy of horrible thoughts accompanied by horrible anxious feelings and there is no sense of calm about anything. Sometimes the whole world can seem unsafe and scary.
Hot summers often render people feeling anxious. If I associate being hot and sweaty with feeling anxious then a hot summer is bound to be tough because your brain (and body) are trying to figure out what the heat means!
Our thoughts are crucial to how we feel. When we start thinking of worst case scenarios like not being able to cope when we are down the hair salon, the world can become frightening. We might become a little nervous about going too far away from home – just in case we need to come home in a hurry if we are not feeling great. Home is where we feel calm. Home is a “safe place” and sometimes when we are very anxious feeling that we are too far away from home, can mean that anxious feelings and anxious thoughts take over.
We might be nervous that anxious feelings might strike because we are away from home. This often leads to people not enjoying or living life to its full because they are nervous about feeling anxious in a public place.
Being fearful of fearful feelings. But, think about this – our bodies do not know where we are. If we were unconscious or under general anaesthetic, our bodies could be in Barcelona or Bantry and we wouldn’t know! Often, therefore, our thoughts contribute to our symptoms and feelings of anxiety.
When we have several thoughts or worries at once, that can signal our bodies to react. If our mind is focused on stressful thoughts, or on too many things at once, or panicking about potentially feeling panicky, anxiety levels in our body can increase and remain high.
Learning how to focus our thoughts on something calm/ or peaceful can help us feel calm and able to manage our anxieties more effectively. Rather than letting our minds wander off with worst case scenarios, we can focus on our breath.
Our breath is a great point of focus.
Focusing attention on breath and breathing can reduce the anxiety response in our body and help us remain calm and in control.
Everyone can learn how to focus on breath and breathing whenever we feel that we are getting a little anxious. That is very powerful – to be able to control how we feel simply with our breath. I find this fascinating and encourage everyone I know (everyone who will listen to me that is) to practice calm / deep breathing because, in my experience, it is life-changing.
Focusing on breathing can help us stop focusing on anxious thoughts. We can learn how to slow down our breath, helping us stay calm.
Most often, our anxious thoughts and busy lifestyles mean that we breathe as if we are only using the upper parts of our respiratory system. This is an overly simplistic way of explaining this but the reality is that as adults, we rarely breathe so deeply that our tummies move. We might even hold our breath without realising it. Newborn babies breathe with their tummies rising and falling, however, as adults we rarely do.
Calm/Deep breathing increasees the volume of breath that enters our lungs. Calm / Deep breathing helps alleviate anxiety by slowing down our heart rate, relaxing our muscles and allowing us the opportunty to think more rationally and clearly.
So how do we breathe deeply?
Sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes. Place one hand on your tummy which will help you feel your tummy rise. Place your other hand on your chest or heart. Imagine a round balloon in your tummy with the opening at the top, close to your lungs. Inhale. Imagine your breath filling that balloon. As you inhale, your tummy will rise. Think about your breath filling your lungs from the bottom up (in the same way that an empty bottle fills with water from the bottom up). When you are ready to exhale, allow the air out of your body from the bottom up, emptying the balloon first, then your lungs and upper chest. Repeat this until it feels comfortable.
Initially, deep/calm breathing can feel a little weird and you might even begin to feel anxious. This is perfectly normal and it happens because you are not accustomed to breathing in this way and your body/mind are trying to figure out what’s going on.
The more often you practice this new skill, the more familiar it becomes. Take your time, practice calm/deep breathing when you are at your most relaxed so that you will be able to use it when you are not relaxed. Inhale through your nose. Exhale through either nose or mouth particularly as you are learning how to do this.
Anxiety tips: Tell someone you trust about how you feel. Sharing a problem and worry can give you perspective. Don’t face your worries alone. Counselling, psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be effective for treating anxiety symptoms / anxiety disorders. Eat well and regularly. Reduce caffeine and alcohol and cigarettes. Exercise: anything that increases your heart-rate and gets you sweaty helps alleviate anxiety!
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If we are attempting to change our thinking pattern it can be helpful to analyse what we are saying to ourselves (in our minds). When we know what our thoughts are, then we can work towards replacing negative or illogical thoughts with more positive, rational ones.
Is your thinking realistic? Is it catastrophic? Are you logical? Are you mind-reading? Is your thinking magical (if x then y)?
To challenge negative thoughts or irrational thinking, try completing each of the following questions outlined in bold on a writing pad every day. I have inserted a sample answer.
If you find answering all the questions difficult at first, perhaps start on week one with just the first two questions and the following week answer the first three questions and so on. Before you know it, you’ll be automatically challenging your negative thoughts.
In my car driving home from work.
Someone pulled into the road in front of me and caused me to brake hard. I got a fright because I nearly crashed.
How can people be so thoughtless. That driver is so reckless. He didn’t think about me or the dangers. I could have rear-ended that car. My insurance premium would sky-rocket. I can’t afford another bill. He is such an idiot.
I was fuming. I was so angry I was shaking. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. I could feel my face turn red and my heart-beat quicken.
I shouted and shook my fist at the driver. I banged my fist on the steering wheel. I drove more quickly.
I didn’t crash. The driver was probably distracted by something else and didn’t see me. This is nothing personal. I can ignore the incident because it is not going to be important in a year’s time. I can focus on the radio, music or calm breathing instead of getting angry. I am in control of my emotions and my thoughts. I am okay. Pull back and allow a greater distance in between me and the car in front because that helps keep me calm.
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Time management is easier than you might think. Be disciplined. Decide and act.
Time analysis. Examine and log how you currently use your time – effective time / time-wasting.
Write. Keep a diary of appointments and to-do list updated daily. Highlight key tasks. Cross-off completed tasks.
Do it. Break big tasks into manageable steps otherwise they seem overwhelming. Tackle vital tasks first. Completion beats procrastination.
Say ‘no‘. When you are caught for time or simply do not want to do something say no.
Ask for help. Share your difficulties and frustrations with others. Ask for help.
Set Limits. Set achievable goals. Stick to specific time-frames. Ensure you break every hour for a snack and change of scenery before returning to a task with a fresh perspective.
Disconnect. Do not allow social media or your phone to distract you. Keep mobiles, tablets, laptops in another area. If working on a screen, do not open unnecessary apps or windows (thus avoiding temptation!).
Unsubscribe from unimportant emails and from social media notifications. It takes time but it is worth it.
Allow time. Give yourself plenty of time to complete any task. Allow extra time to reach destinations before scheduled appointments which ensures you remain relaxed. When organising children allow oodles of time because there may be several unexpected events.
Mind your body. Diet, sleep, exercise, relaxation, sunlight are all central to being able to make good decisions and keep thinking clear. Each facet of your physical health requires an allocated amount of time.
Leave work at work. Devise a strategy that works best for you. Leave work outside your home front door. If you work in your home remember that work is only one part of your life – learn to be fully present while at home.
Mind your mind. Learn how to unwind and a new relaxation technique. Stare at the clouds. Practice calm breathing which helps control racing thoughts.
Be kind to you. Have a contingency plan. Learn from mistakes. Progress is your aim not perfection. Perfection is not attainable. Reward yourself when you achieve your goals.
See Also: time management
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Sometimes our thoughts can be negative and we have trouble trying to stop or think of something positive. If we are on a cycle of negative thinking, it is not beneficial and we must somehow stop. It is difficult to be happy while thinking negatively.
When stuck on a negative thinking treadmill, ask yourself the following questions:
Is this a thought or a feeling or is it a fact?
Is this thought beneficial? Is it making me feel good?
What proof or evidence do I have that my thought is true?
What proof or evidence do I have that my thought is not true?
Am I jumping to conclusions?
Am I thinking of the worst case scenario?
What would my friend advise me to do right now?
What would I advise my friend / family member to do in the same situation?
What is the worst thing that could happen? If it does happen, what could I do to help me cope?
Will this be important in six months’ time? Will it matter in two years’ time?
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