Conflict Resolution

How to Prevent Arguments at Home: Practical Tips for Calmer Conversations

Arguments at home can be draining and unproductive. Learn practical ways to prevent conflict, improve communication, and build understanding with loved ones.

Tips on what to do (particularly in our homes) to avoid arguments

While we are in contact with others, we will have differences of opinion.  We might simply want to explain our point of view but sometimes those conversations, where we voice our opinions, turn into disagreements which can then progress into arguments.  Arguments are often laden with personal insults, raised voices and verbal attacks and, instead of sorting out a difficulty, arguments add to it.

People ask how to move past or get over arguments and, in my experience, it would be best if we never argued because neither party feels good after an argument.

It is a fact of life that we will disagree with others at certain points in our lives but how we air that disagreement is key.  There is no need for a verbal assault when we do not agree with someone especially about simple things like what to have for dinner or what programme to watch on tv.  In fact there is never any need for a verbal assault.

When disagreements lead to conflict, it is time to examine how to improve our communication skills.  Do not get caught up in the heat of the moment, remain calm and relaxed because your thinking will remain clear.  If a discussion is beginning to turn into an argument, do not let it become personal.

Keep blame out of the conversation by learning to use “I Statements” which have a profoundly positive impact on all our communication because they instantly remove blame (or verbal finger pointing).

The I Statement format is “I feel X when Y because Z”.

Instead of saying “You drive me crazy because you never listen to me or what I am trying to tell you”, try “I feel frustrated when I am not heard because what I have to say is important to me.”

“You never clean up after yourself and I’ve spent the day tidying. You never lift a finger, you are so inconsiderate.” or “I feel disappointed there’s dirty ware in the sink because I spent a long time tidying and I am delighted when I have help in the kitchen”  – see the difference?  You are changing from accusatory to making a statement about how you feel about the situation.

If you think your conversation is getting emotional or heated, simply take time out.  It is vital to explain, ahead of time, that the new course of action in your household is that you are removing yourself until you are relaxed.  Explain that you are not ignoring the topic or the person because silence can be abusive.  Later that day or when the time is right, sort out the difficulty and resolve differences of opinion through conversation.  You can explain rather than express (rather than bang doors or go silent, simply chat).

Another point worthy of note is when we are desperately trying to get our point or opinion across, we actually forget to listen and hear what is being said.  Before you respond to someone, you could try restating what has been said using your own words. This is called ‘reflective listening’ and is regularly used in therapy to demonstrate what a person is saying is being heard.  Reflect back what you are hearing and then calmly share your opinion.  When you use this technique, you and your family member will each reflect ideas, back and forth and you will feel understood and heard, even if you disagree.

Finding common ground and a resolution is important.  We know disagreements take place and if you cannot agree, try to work towards finding the best resolution for you both – it is not enough to say – “…because I said so” instead ask “how can we compromise on this?”

Ask yourself whether any type of argument is really worth the hassle? It takes two to argue but only one to stop.  Remember to always ask yourself “Will this matter in five years’ time?”

Ask yourself if you are trying to prove or demonstrate that you are right about something.  If you are right, then invariably, someone else is wrong.  Why is it important to you to prove that someone else wrong?  Find a way to let it go.

Need support with relationship communication?
I offer one-to-one therapy sessions in Cork and online. If you’d like help navigating conflict, managing anxiety, or improving communication at home, feel free to contact me:

hello@carolinecrotty.ie
Call or text 087 710 7032